Walkies

by Fernin

Chapter 02

Vigilance trudged slowly into Doctor Stable’s office. The atmosphere of the place reminded him of their meeting earlier in the week when he’d come off his shift only to find that his life was going to be made a living nightmare. The clock on the wall still ticked off the seconds. Piles of papers and dusty books still covered the doctor’s desk. It was all much the same. What was different was Vigilance himself.

“You wanted to see me, Doctor Stable?” A quiet plop punctuated Vigilance’s question. A clump of mud, formerly as one with his dirt-smeared body, had finally dropped free and splattered the floor. A few more joined it as he looked down to regard the little brown globs which now marred the fancy carpet. The earth pony stared at the brown splotches for a moment, hoping they would leave a stain.

The unicorn didn’t do Vigilance the disservice of asking an inane question like, ‘so how are you,’ or ‘by Luna’s moon-crossed flank, what happened?’ Instead, Doctor Stable got right down to brass tacks. “I take it that today’s outing didn’t go well.”

“If, sir, you’re referring to the easy walk around the Ponyville General Hospital grounds, no. No it did not.” Vigilance and Doctor Stable paused to watch another glob of mud slide down to the floor. When it reached the carpet, the security guard felt able to continue his report. “Ms. Pony spotted a squirrel and decided to chase it.”

The clock’s pendulum swung, its mechanisms whirring as it marked the slow passage of time. Doctor Stable’s ever-present smile faded slightly. “And?”

“Well the good news is, she treed the squirrel before it got to the Everfree Forest and I was able to catch up with her. Eventually,” Vigilance concluded sourly.

After biting his lip pensively for a moment, the unicorn brightened. “Ah! Ms. Pony does have a certain kind of biscuit she likes. Nurse Tenderheart uses them when she needs to get Ms. Pony to sit still for a checkup. Maybe for Wednesday’s excursion to the dam you could bring some along?”

“Biscuits? As in, dog biscuits? Seriously?” asked the security guard.

Doctor Stable grinned encouragingly. “It’s never been known to fail.”

* * *

Water drizzled down from Vigilance’s drooping mane and waterlogged uniform. The carpet in Doctor Stable’s office had been scrubbed clean of the mud of the security guard’s previous visit, but the janitor might as well not have bothered. A dark wet spot was replacing the earlier mud stain, spreading rapidly across the floor.

Doctor Stable glanced up and looked like he was about to ask the obvious question. Vigilance saved him the trouble. “The biscuits didn’t work.”

“Aha.” The unicorn adjusted his glasses, peering in concern at the bedraggled security guard. “And… is everything else all right?”

“Ms. Pony really enjoyed her trip to the Ponyville Hydrothaumic Dam.” With his flat, noncommittal tones, Vigilance might have been discussing Ponyville’s next scheduled rainstorm. It was that or risk the explosion sure to follow if he allowed even a modicum of emotion into his voice.

“Oh, that’s good! And I see you, ah, got into the spirit of things?” Doctor Stable inquired hopefully.

“She dived into the water after some ducks, sir. She could have ended up in the turbines.” Vigilance shook his head for a moment. A silvery minnow dropped out of one ear and flopped about on the floor, gasping for breath much like Vigilance had done after rescuing the madmare from her impulsive plunge into the dam’s reservoir.

The doctor gaped. “Sweet Celestia! Is she all right? Are you all right?”

“I…” Vigilance’s gaze flicked for a moment to the clutter on Doctor Stable’s desk. There among the yellowed envelopes and creamy white piles of paper he could see a single spot of color—a pink slip with his name on it. Literally. He had to be strong. A few more days of this wouldn’t kill him. He hoped. “I’m fine. We’re both fine. I just need to keep her on a tighter leash, is all.”

“A leash?!” Eyes bulging, Doctor Stable rose indignantly from behind his desk. A wave of the exhausted guard’s hoof brought the unicorn up short.

“Figuratively speaking, sir.” If only it wasn’t. When Vigilance put his hoof back down, the sodden carpet squelched.

Vigilance glanced at the pink slip, still visible under a pile of paper that was slightly taller than before. It was beginning to look almost tempting. But no. His future as a night security guard and therefore his eventual career as a royal guard was on the line. At least things couldn’t get any worse than they already were.

* * *

“…So as it turns out, some ponies were having some kind of ‘pony pet play date’ there. A cat was involved.” Vigilance paused for a moment, watching Doctor Stable massage the bridge of his muzzle and readjust his glasses. The usual sunny smile on the unicorn’s face didn’t seem so cheerful now.

“And?” prompted the doctor, though he obviously didn’t want to hear the rest.

“Well, after Screw Loose treed the cat, she grabbed the… alligator, I think… and she and the, uhm, the dog—” Vigilance narrowly avoided saying ‘the other dog’—“went running all around the park for a while. I think she enjoyed herself. Except for the part where she came back to see the cat again and it tried to claw her face off.”

Doctor Sable winced, not even noticing the guard’s use of the derogatory nickname for Ms. Pony. At the moment, it seemed almost appropriate. “Is she…?”

“Resting comfortably. I don’t think she even needed any stitches.” Vigilance didn’t smile. Dislike for Screw Loose hardly translated into wanting to see the madmare get hurt. But that didn’t stop him from adding, “Sir, this is getting ridiculous. Ponies are talking.”

“I know. I know,” sighed the doctor. He slid a few papers out of a folder and stared at them. Screw Loose had certainly had a busy and exciting week. Monday: A walk around the grounds of Ponyville General. Result, near disaster. Tuesday: kept in room for observation. Result, no incidents. Wednesday: a trip by the Ponyville Hydrothaumic Dam. Result, near disaster again. Thursday… Doctor Stable knew that Thursday’s excursion would forever be known as the ‘Apple Cart Incident.’ He’d have to remember to send the Apple family a formal apology. Friday: Kept in room for observation… and recovery from Thursday. Result, no incidents. And now… Now there was Saturday. Sure to go down in Ponyville General history as the ‘Playdate Incident,’ or possibly the ‘Great Pet Fiasco.’ The unicorn had no doubt that the inventive—and merciless—nurses would think of something appropriately pithy.

Vigilance watched Doctor Stable expectantly. The unicorn stared down at the tersely worded reports spread out on the desk. As the silence dragged on, the earth pony noticed the corner of a pink slip of paper had moved out from under the paperwork pile and back to the folder and was resting threateningly in an open spot once again. The note had been hanging over his head, a cheerfully colorful storm cloud ready to unleash its fury onto the shambles of his career. He’d made a mockery of himself to avoid it, but it kept following him all the same. “Doctor Stable, I hope you don’t think I’m doing this on purpose. You can come along and see it for yourself if you don’t believe me. She does this on her own. But if she keeps this up she’s going to get hurt. She’s crazy. I can’t keep her from doing crazy things.”

“I… I know.” Sighing again, Doctor Stable nodded. “Let’s just hope that the last session this week goes without incident.”

Vigilance stared. The doctor didn’t look like he was joking, but… “You really want me to take her to Whitetail Wood?”

“Of course,” Doctor Stable said with a nervous grin. “After all, what’s the worst thing that—ahem. I mean, of course. We should at least finish up the current exercise therapy regimen before I make any changes. Screw Loose has been doing much better. She’s unquestionably been much calmer lately and I think we can both agree that is in everypony’s best interests. Please report back after tomorrow’s session and we’ll discuss the future.”

“Thank you, sir.” Barely holding back a snort of derision, Vigilance left the office. ‘Calmer.’ Hah. Screw Loose had been calmer all right. Calmer because she spent most of her time in the hospital room resting to recover her energy after running around having the time of her life and nearly depriving Vigilance of his.

A smiling Nurse Sweetheart met the fuming guard before he could take more than a few steps out of the office. “Hey, Vig. Got that cutie mark in pet handling, yet?”

The guard growled something uncomplimentary under his breath and continued down the hall, but to Vigilance’s irritation the pinkish mare fell into step beside him and tried again. “So, how are things going with Ms. Pony?”

“Poorly.” Vigilance kept going.

“You know, she’s really quite a sweetheart—and I would know,” the nurse joked.

Rolling his eyes, Vigilance let out the snort he’d held in while in Doctor Stable’s office. “You haven’t had to put up with her like I have. What’s the point? She’s nuttier than a fruitcake!”

Nurse Sweetheart halted, slight smile suddenly gone. “I haven’t had to put up with her? Do you have any idea what she was like when we found her? She was curled up and crying like a little puppy who’d lost her mother! It took us—and by ‘us’ I mean mostly me— the better part of six years to get her to where she is now, Vigilance!”

“Oh good.” Sarcasm dripped from every word as Vigilance rounded on the mare. “Maybe in a few more years we can take her to the annual dog show in Canterlot.”

The mare’s forehoof cracked across Vigilance’s face quick as lightning and twice as stinging. Shaking his head to clear it, the security guard glowered at Nurse Sweetheart—only to turn away to avoid her gaze. The nurse’s eyes blazed like twin tongues of blue flame. “Don’t you ever talk about her that way! She is a pony, just like you and me!”

“I didn’t mean… You know what? Fine. But here’s how I see it,” Vigilance snapped. His cheeks burned and long-banked fires behind his own eyes flared up to match the nurse’s searing glare. “You busted your flank to help that mare, Sweetheart. You have, and so have I. And what do we have to show for it? Not a moon-banished thing. A pony who still thinks she’s a dog and doesn’t have any reason to behave any differently because she gets more attention as she is. Hooray for us.”

Vigilance stalked away, leaving the angry Nurse Sweetheart behind as he continued up the hall. He’d never seen her like this. He should go back and apologize. He should… He should… No. If Sweetheart—more like Bleeding Heart—wanted to get teary-eyed over a pony who enjoyed living off the goodwill of others, that was her problem. But if she—

A happy bark interrupted Vigilance’s seething thoughts. It was a sound he’d heard far too many times in the past week. Without noticing it, the security guard had wandered into the psychiatric ward, right past Screw Loose’s room. The madmare was pressed against her observation window, her body swathed in a sheet that had gotten wrapped around her when she leaped off her bed. The sheet waved back and forth with the happy wagging of her tail.

“Buck off, you mangy mutt,” Vigilance snarled.

Screw Loose’s eyes widened, her ears flattening against her skull as she dropped from the window and backed away. The wagging tail slowed and she whined piteously.

Vigilance was in no mood for the crazy mare’s games. “What have you ever done for anypony besides accept their kindness? Why do you deserve my help?”

The mare sagged, looking nervously from the window to the door. She backed away further under Vigilance’s angry stare. After another moment more of weathering the stallion’s gaze, it became too much for Screw Loose. Tail between her legs, she retreated to the far side of her bed and out of sight.

“Crazy mare.” With a snort, Vigilance turned and started to leave. The only thing he wanted now was a bath and a quiet night in bed. And some salt. Definitely some salt.

Vigilance frowned, thinking of his dwindling supply of the stuff. He might have to pick up some more if this farce went any longer. Through his career as a security guard he’d never been more than a ‘two licks a week’ stallion, but in the past week he’d gone through nearly his entire salt supply—and he’d only had any at all thanks to a birthday present from his cousin in Appleoosa.

With his mind full of roiling, distracted thoughts Vigilance almost failed to notice the faint keening sounds. Almost. He stopped, his ears swiveling to pick up the strange noise. It seemed high, yet quiet. After a moment the sound cut off, punctuated by a soft yelping bark. When the noise started again, the security guard recognized it for what it was: Screw Loose was crying.

“Serves her right,” muttered Vigilance. He lifted a hoof to continue walking away. He stopped again. Grumbling, he turned back and retraced his steps.

The door to Psychiatric Ward Room Three swung open at Vigilance’s touch to reveal an apparently empty room. He could hear the soft, dog-like weeping coming from behind the bed. The security guard waited for a moment to see if Screw Loose would come to greet him, but she remained in hiding.

“Screw Loose?” Vigilance said. He could hear the mare shifting slightly at the sound of her name, but she stayed where she was. “Screw Loose, I’m sorry that…”

The security guard hesitated. Was he really going to try to apologize to a madmare? Would Screw Loose even understand him? She certainly hadn’t grasped such complex concepts as, ‘don’t dive into the water near the intakes for the dam turbines’ or, ‘don’t go running into the Everfree Forest’ earlier in the week, had she?

With a sigh, Vigilance gave up. “Buck it. Look, I’m going home. I’ll see you tomorrow, Screw Loose. Like I said, sorry. Just… stop doing stupid things, okay?”

For a moment the security guard thought he might have glimpsed the barest edge of an unkempt silvery mane as Screw Loose peeked out from her hiding place. Vigilance shut the door behind him and trotted briskly down the hall, shaking his head at his own stupidity.

* * *

“Here, Screw Loose. Stay close to me,” snapped Vigilance. The two ponies trotted slowly down the road towards the tree-dotted park on the edge of Whitetail Wood. Despite Vigilance’s explosion on the previous day, the madmare still clung to his side as though the earlier unpleasantness had been utterly forgotten. Perhaps it had. Other than her shape, the crazy pony was every bit the dog she thought she was.

Vigilance ignored the puzzled looks and pointing colts and fillies as he trotted around the outskirts of the town with his charge. He’d gotten enough of that over the past week to last him a lifetime, but it had quickly become just another part of the job. This was what happened when some poor stallion had to take a madmare out among normal ponies. There was talk.

The security guard glanced over to Screw Loose. All she needed was a straightjacket and she’d easily be able to pass as a Nightmare Night partier with an extremely poor sense of timing. Nurse Sweetheart had made an effort to clean up the crazy pony—shooting angry looks at the waiting Vigilance the entire time—but Screw Loose’s wispy silver mane and tail had regained their usual unkempt tangle within a few minutes of leaving Ponyville General. At least she wasn’t wearing the usual hospital gown, and—whoops!

“Screw Loose! Heel.” Vigilance’s order headed off what would likely have become another two-hour hunt across the countryside. Looking longingly at the squirrel she’d been about to chase, Screw Loose huffed irritably and moved closer to her escort once again.

Vigilance scrutinized the mare for a moment, watching for the telltale signs that she was putting on a show of obedience while preparing to bolt. That had been her trick on Wednesday before she’d gone for her little swim in the reservoir. His eyes met the crazed mare. She gazed dumbly back at him. He waited a moment more and nodded. “All right. No funny business, Screwy. Let’s go.”

Quick as lightning a smile flashed across Screw Loose’s face. Her eyes sparkled delightedly and the slight smile turned into a genuine grin. Vigilance blinked in surprise, and the mare’s visage was back to her usual vacant, unintelligent expression. He stared. “Did you just…?”

“Bark! Bark bark ruff!” the mare replied, her tail wagging furiously. Further examination by Vigilance did nothing to crack Screw Loose’s poker face—or rather, dog face.

“…Never mind.” Sighing, Vigilance turned and led Screw Loose forward. The mare trotted happily at his side as the pair moved deeper into the park.

Everything about the park seemed relaxing. Birds chirped and sang, wheeling lazy circles in the warm, rising air of the late afternoon. A gentle breeze rustled through the leaves on the trees and blew gently across the path, bringing with it the fresh scents of the forest. Two fillies ran by, laughing and bouncing a ball back and forth as they raced down the path. Vigilance watched them go, fighting to keep a grin off his face. Finally he gave in and smiled.

“Wurf?” Screw Loose’s ears pricked up. She kept pace with Vigilance, but her head turned as she moved, focusing on a single spot.

Following the madmare’s curious gaze, Vigilance frowned. Off to the side of the path was the single note of disharmony in the otherwise peaceful scene. It should have been a picnic—a large basket no doubt full of treats rested beside a smooth red-and-white checkered blanket. On the blanket a mare and a stallion, both earth ponies, had their heads bent in quiet yet heated conversation. First the yellow mare hissed something, her voice high with restrained emotion. The gray stallion’s responded, his voice an angry rumble. He stopped halfway through his retort and glanced around as if distracted, then turned back and said something sharp—and slightly louder at the mare. The female’s strikingly green eyes flashed and she snarled something in response, standing and taking a few steps off the blanket.

“No, Screw Loose. Heel.” If Vigilance had had a leash on his charge—and oh how he wished for one, especially now—he would have jerked it meaningfully. The crazy pony was starting to drift off the path, gravitating towards the arguing couple. “No! Bad girl. Come here!”

Her ears drooping, Screw Loose whined and returned to Vigilance’s side. The security guard picked up the pace, eager to get his charge out of the area before the madmare became the center of yet another disaster. The couple looked upset enough; they didn’t need some crazy pony romping into the middle of their argument to make things worse.

A minute or two of hurried cantering took Vigilance out of the park’s clearing and into a small stand of trees. He breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed the pace a bit. He’d managed to get Screw Loose through an unexpected situation without her doing anything... screwy.

The volume of the picnickers’ argument had been rising even as they faded into the distance, but now it was no longer audible. Vigilance sighed. That was better. It was so peaceful here. It wasn’t the quiet, blue-tinted darkness of Ponyville General Hospital during the usual night shift, but it was calming and pleasant all the same. And Screw Loose was actually behaving. If she would act like this more often, this job might actually be—wait. It was too quiet. Why couldn’t the security guard hear panting, or snuffling, or other canine sounds to his right?

Vigilance froze. He looked at Screw Loose. More accurately, he looked at the empty space where the mare would have been if she hadn’t just given him the slip. Again.

---

A/N: This is what I was thinking of when writing the bit about Vigilance being covered in mud. Just so you know. Tee hee hee.

I mulled over how to do the ‘montage of failure’ with the different ways things would go wrong for our heroes during the scheduled exercise. This version came out the best—when I tried depicting all the scenes of chaos and carnage wrought by Screw Loose, it got repetitive really quickly.

And if you’re wondering when I’ll show Vigilance apologizing to Nurse Sweetheart, the answer is… NEVER! HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA ahem. Actually, Vig didn't even apologize to Screwy in my initial draft. I just had him storm off after yelling at her. My pre-readers convinced me that that made him unlikeable, though. Shame on you, Fernin; stick to your guns.

Comments

[PaladinOfChaos]

Intresting idea . . . POTENTIAL!

[totallynotabrony]

I missing clicking favorite the first time around, and was lucky to catch it in the recently updated list.

[Gabriel LaVedier]

Comedy and drama. Wonderful. And touching.

[bahatumay]

I agree. The montage you've done--it's funnier this way.

[Twifight Sparkill]

This is a great thing.

Of all the background ponies, in all the strangest situations, this is definitely one of the coolest stories I've been fortunate to find. I don't know how you figured this scenario, but it's is great fun!

Tracked, and loving every line. Thank you! Thanks for an excellent ride!

[FanOfMostEverything]

Oh dear. What havoc is that crazy mare wreaking? Well, guess I'll have to wait for the next update to find out.

In any case, great stuff. The montage worked fantastically. I'm definitely looking forward to more.

[Dead_Account_0]

I'm going to hazard a guess and say that the arguing couple might not be quite as it seems, and that Screw Loose is going to put a stop to whatever unsavoury activities the couple are committing. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Bonbon_grin.png

[Bad_Seed_72]

Poor Vigilance. He just can't catch a break, can he?

[Draco Dei]

Link in author's note seems be broken.

[Cerulean Blue]

It was a pretty good montage - displayed Vigilance/Screw Loose's progression over the week pretty well.