• Member Since 2nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 21st, 2013

TheBronywithnoname


I had a name....but I forgot it so oh well :3

E
Source

Everything was normal in Ponyville with only one exception, the Wonderbolts are coming to perform! Hearing the amazing news, Rainbow Dash shows off her new moves for her friends to see if she could finally earn her spot on the team but things take an unexpected turn as a letter comes for her that will finally let her live her dream. How things will play out are all on her as she must prove herself and see if this dream is truely what she wants.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 10 )

I'll give this a shot.:twilightsmile:

Well, it's pretty good, but you have some grammar and spelling to go over.:derpyderp2: That doesn't matter much though, right?:pinkiesmile:

It's pretty good, but I would recommend that you break up your blocks of text into easier to read paragraphs. :yay:

Platinum6857 & GingerNutGin

Appreciate the feedback as it will definitely help me to improve my writing skills and create better stories for all to enjoy. :twilightsmile:

626151
You're welcome. I can point out a recurring one, and that is you don't typically put periods after somepony says something. You can either put a period there and ignore Word saying you're doing something wrong, or use a comma. Ex: "ABCDEF," she said. Hope this helps!:twilightsmile:

Platinum6857

You bet it does. Writing is all about learning and becoming better at your craft and thats what I plan to do. /)

you should use more spaces. the paragraphs are jumbled messes. just offering constructive criticism :twilightblush:

630157 And I welcome it. :twilightsmile: Thanks to the feedback I think my first big update shall be to spread things apart and perhaps split the story down into chapters to spread it out a bit. I figured I'd leave this version up as this was my contest entry for Bronystates writing competion, this way I could see what I could to do fix it up and see how things work on here. Now thanks to everyponies help I can get to work fixing it up. :raritywink:

Very good the storyline is believable and i think they should make it into an episode again Very good :rainbowdetermined2:

Nice story... but the sulotion came a bit to early and it all ended VEEERY fast.

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