Chapter 1: The Rainstorm
Rainbow Dash strolled down Main Street in her hometown of Cloudsdale. She briefly glanced back at the schoolyard with young fillies and colts prancing about. She smiled at their jovial attitudes.
Walking around a corner onto another street, she slumped down in the shade casted by a building.
"Yeesh. It's been pretty hot lately." she muttered under her breath. "Is it supposed to be like this?"
Rainbow sighed as she wiped a bit of sweat off her forehead. I guess I can go down to Twilight's. There's nothing to do here anyway.
Her mane, drenched with sweat, started sliding to the side. With a quick adjustment with her hooves, it returned to its usual style. The only difference was that it looked a bit matted.
While trotting to Cloudsdale's main exit, she passed by the illustrious Cloudsdale Castle. She stared at it blankly for a moment before feeling a surge of anger. She held on to her anger for a moment, thinking of the memories that place brought each time she saw it. With and effort she shrugged it off with a sigh before continuing on.
Rainbow leaped off the edge into a gentle glide after she passed the gates. She spiraled down, lost in her thoughts. Eventually, she tilted downward into a sharp dive.
As she began to see the outline of buildings, she fanned her wings out beside her and pulled up. She hovered in place, scanning the scenery.
It was quite easy to spot the bright, crystalline castle on the outskirts of town. She glided down to the ornate front doors. With a second thought she couldn't resist, she backed up and slammed both doors open with as much force as she could muster. After the doors smacked against the wall, she heard a yelp of surprise and a dull thud.
Rainbow merrily strode up the stairs to the barely furnished throne room. She plopped down on to her own respective throne. She ignored how Spike fell off the ladder and that Twilight flung her book across the room.
"Dash, how many times have I told you to knock on the door before entering?"
"Heh, sorry about that," Rainbow replied with a smirk that said otherwise, "Anyway whatcha read--"
She was interrupted by a loud, resounding crack of thunder. It echoed throughout the castle, giving it an eerie air that sent shivers down their spines. The bright sunny day from before was replaced with ash colored clouds slowly spreading throughout the sky. She vaguely spotted a small group of pegasi clearing off a few at the center of town.
Another crack of thunder rang about near the castle's spires, startling Twilight once more.
"What was that?!" Twilight eyes widened slightly in surprise. "There wasn't any weather warning about this!"
The rainbow-maned pegasus didn't answer her question and quickly flew back down the stairwell. "...So, it was because it's the annual sudden rainstorm season? Yeesh, I totally forgot about that. Well, better get to work." Why exactly is this a thing anyway? She thought. Stupid Everfree Forest.
Rainbow Dash steadily flew up to the rainclouds as a few shrieks rang out. The majority were the town's drama queens; she even heard Rarity over the screams of, "the horror." Something about her new dress getting wet.
Rainbow started to kick and pierce the clouds. It would be long and tiring work, but it would be worth it in the end. Many of the clouds were already pouring rain, soaking her head to hoof. Her mane and tail were flattening faster by the minute, but she didn't care. She wanted to get it done, now.
A good fifteen minutes later, she seeked out the last raincloud. The other weather ponies flew off a while back when she cleared a third of the clouds in five minutes. She neared the cloud, ready to give it a strong buck, but she was struck by lightning as she got within ten feet of it. It burned, and one of her wings looked seared at the end of her primaries. With the exhaustion from the cloud clearing, she blacked out and fell to the ground.
Rainbow slowly regained consciousness, but didn't open her eyes in case of getting her retinas scorched by any bright lights. She didn't think she was at the hospital since pegasi have a strong resistance to lightning and that this bed was much more comfortable than the hospital ones.
Before she could crack her eyes open, a high voice spoke near her left ear.
"Dashie, please wake up! You gotta! If you don't I'm going to scream!" Whatever she was going to say afterward was muffled by what Dash guessed as a cupcake.
She snapped her eyes open. She saw her five friends staring at down her, they perked up when they saw her awake.
Seeing that the walls were crystal and the plethora of books on the nightstand, Rainbow guessed that Twilight put her in her bed. Obviously. I was near her house.
Before she could speak, she was wrapped in a tight hug.
"Rainbow, I'm glad you're okay." Fluttershy stepped back and smiled.
"Ha! Of course I am!" Rainbow said triumphantly. "I saved Ponyville after all!" Rainbow subconsciously adjusted her mane once again.
Pinkie hopped up and down as fast as her legs could go. "Dashie! Dashie!" the pink pony came closer with every word. "Eat.. a.. cupcake."
Rainbow raised an eyebrow and slowly reached over to grab one. Reluctantly bringing it to her mouth, she bit into it. She had to admit that it was pretty good. "Thanks, Pinkie."
"Yahoo!" Pinkie cheered. "I just knew you'd love it! It's a strawberry Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness flavored cupcake~!"
Rainbow nearly drooled. She loved that flavor ever since she took a "bite" out of the one for the contest a while back. Her mouth was slightly ajar, but was quickly smacked shut by Rarity. Rainbow snapped to attention. Looks like she was daydreaming. Rarity thought. She chuckled to herself.
"Wha? Sorry. I just can't resist that flavor. It's just so good!" Rainbow didn't hesitate to take another bite.
"Of course! I don't know of a pony that doesn't like it! It's just so fabulous, it deserves to be sold worldwide!" Rarity said with her Canterlot accent, and everyone agreed.
They decided to play some games to keep Rainbow in better spirits. They played her favorite game, Battlecloud, Clue, and some other games as well. They told jokes and attempted to do things they never thought of doing before. Fluttershy meekly tried doing a Sonic Rainboom, but couldn't get anywhere near the needed speed. "At least you tried." Rainbow said to her after she downed three bottles of water.
Afterwards, they prepared gifts. Twilight's gift was ultimately her favorite, "Daring Do and the Forbidden City of Clouds." Rainbow squealed happily and clutched it to her chest after receiving it. She caught Twilight in a hug and commented on how she couldn't find the book anywhere due to it being sold out.
About thirty minutes later, everyone left except her and the castle's occupant.
"Well, Rainbow," Twilight smiled, "I'm sure you want to get back to your cloudominium. I won't keep you here."
"I should. Tank should be hungry." Twilight accompanied her down the stairwell and to the door.
"See you later. You not hurt anymore, right?" Twilight asked out of concern.
"Other than the occasional twinge, I'm fine." she assured. "Bye."
Twilight reciprocated her goodbye. Rainbow leaned backward, flapping her wings like a humming bird before shooting off into the sky.
For a split second, Twilight saw something unusual. Very unusual. With a clear view underneath her mane due to the wind, she saw a slightly longer than average horn atop her head.
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
1,030 users online
2,238,574 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Interesting...
Well done, but you rushed. Don't worry. Just try to describe more. I was rusher too. I've gotten better. You will too.
And you need more support. You seemed to be building a house made of stome on air!
Also, you may want to add more description, like maybe...
That's only an example.
I hope this helped!
Nice setup, and great idea. Just slow down a little. A story develops wonderfully if you don't rush. There might even have to be a few boring parts as well. Please continue, I would love to see how this develops. Love the beginning.
Interesting. This is going on my Favorites list.
Interesting concept; Rainbow as an alicorn, and a princess. I shall be keeping track of this one.
Excellent start for your first story, btw. This is definitely going in my Favorites.
6107874 +1
Good idea. Decent execution.
Like Discord said, the flow could use a little work, but overall pretty good.
Keep up the good work!
6107363
Thanks! I don't really have any specialty in storylines and good paragraphs.
First welcome to the site
Next I think this will be a very good story, can't wait to see where it goes
OK first story...terrible but good concept. Just try to get a better.
6109551
Don't worry. It gets soooo much easier. Or at least, it feels easier as you learn your mistakes and such.
I love this story. I can tell that this is most likely going to be a good story. I am so going to put this in my favourites!
Is Twilight at her castle or the old library?
Not bad at all for a first try.
Seems a bit unlikely that RD's horn would be discovered thanks to a glance from the wrong angle instead of while she was unconscious, but that's rather tiny.
Since Twilight was the only one that noticed I guess it could be that the only spell Dash has ever learned is a illusion to cover her horn Twilight saw right through, but again, that's quite the tiny complaint.
The only big thing I'd recommend is avoiding Lavender Unicorn syndrome. AKA 'the color race mare did something, something.'
It's not bad by itself, but it's something of an overused cliche. Personally I only notice it due to my own writing, but I know that some have it as an outright rage button.
This can be bad or good.
Sin counter: 15
Biggest sin: the mentationing of the mmmystery of friendship express episode sugests Rainbow knew that and knowingly broke the 4th wall. It can vary from an error to and out-of-character situation.
6118970
It was an error
Yeah, I'm not really good at writing.
(In fact, I'm reading a SoarinDash fanfiction right now
for entertainmentto get some tips. ^^)6120700 Still better than most.
This is my second read through, and I have to ask.
If her horn is slightly longer then average... how on earth is she keeping it hidden under her mane?
Anywho, nice start, nice start... again 8'D