A Lizalfos adventure in horse land.

by Almighty Mudkip

"WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL!" - Lizalfos

"Ey, Crag, you hear the news?"

"Yeah, some smooth-skin asshole wearing a green tunic broke into the temple." Crag said, polishing his gauntlet.

"Think he'll come in here?"

"Dunno, but when he does I know I'm gonna kick his ass the minute I see that little prick." Crag picked up a rock and crushed it in his grip, after he let off his built-up anger he looked over to Grawl. "I mean come on, the last one was at least kind enough to play that harp for us."

"You mean the blonde one?"

"Yeah, the blonde one with the harp thing... well at least I think they called it a harp." Crag looked up with a pondering gaze, trying to recall the instrument. "I heard about it from Gork, he said the smooth-skins called it a harp or a trombone, but I didn't see any bones on it so it's gotta be a harp!" Crag's stomach growled, he got up and started gnawing on a bone from his last meal. "Damn, picked clean..." Crag's reflexes reacted and he swiped a muskrat from the dungeon floor, he licked his lips with his long tongue. "Mmm, nice and plump." He bit off the upper torso and threw the rest to his partner, who gulped it down with gusto.

'tap tap tap'

The two Lizalfos heard footsteps and looked back, seeing saw a bald monkey of some kind wearing a green tunic. Anger struck their faces. "Hey, Grawl, ain't that the asshat wearing the green tunic?"

"Yeah, let's kick his ass!" The Lizalfos walked up to the smooth-skin, flexing their gauntlet arms, and took fighting stances in front of the green monkey. "Alright smooth-skin, let's see what ya got!" Grawl threw the first punch, knocking the smooth-skin onto the floor with ease. Crag started cackling at him.

"Is this guy serious? He actually thinks he stands a chance?"

"Yeah, what a joke!"

"HYAAH!" The smooth-skin jumped at Grawl and at the same time pulled out a sword, he slashed him and he fell to the floor."Oh, shit, Grawl!" Crag ran up to the smooth-skin and spun around, smacking the assaulter with his mace-tail. He went to check Grawl, finding a large gash on his face.

"Gh, d-don't worry, just a scratch... Ow."

"Dammit, Grawl, this is what happens when you dick around like an idiot!"

"You were doing it to, asshole." Grawl commented.

"Alright, just stay down, I'll finish him off." Crag took a defensive stance, using his gauntlet as a shield. The monkey tried to slash him but the blows easily bounced off the gauntlet's iron hide. Crag noticed how the smooth-skin was getting frustrated and decided to taunt him, he peaked from behind his shield and shook his head back and forth while letting his mouth and tongue dangle freely, making a sound similar to a high-pitched gargle. Crag loved to be an asshole to his prey, the anger it inflicted made them reckless and easier to take out. The monkey took the bait and swung his blade with all his strength, it bounced off the gauntlet and while the monkey was stunned Crag countered by swiping him with his mace-tail and knocking him to the floor. The smooth-skin was gravely injured by now, but he still stood strong! He took one more attempt to turn the tables with a jump strike, but Crag side-stepped and clocked him in the stomach, knocking him out. "Hm! Next time why don't you come at me with a sword instead of a butter knife you royal jackass!" He was about to finish the thing off but the monkey's hand started to glow in the shape of a triangle, a bright flash engulfed Crag's vision and the next thing he knew he was engulfed by darkness...

.......................... "What do you think it is?...." Crag could hear a voice in the darkness that shrouded him, he realized that he actually wasn't shrouded in darkness, but simply had his eyes closed. But he kept them closed to feign unconsciousness, he was to worn out to stand and the last thing he wanted at the moment was a fight.

"I dunno, but that hand doesn't settle right with me... or that tail." Another voice spoke out, it sounded like it had a southern drawl to it.

"Whatever it is, I think we should kick it's tail, something like this can't be friendly." This voice was definitely female, but it had a boyish tone.

"Well it's definitely not a dragon, I know my own species and this thing isn't a dragon!" A younger voice spoke out. Crag had finally built up enough strength to stand and he opened his eyes.

(Ponies POV)

Twilight and her friends were standing over the creature, curious yet frightened. She flinched when the creature's eye shot open, looking directly at her with black slits and yellow sclera. For a split second she couldn't move, but then her survival instincts kicked into overdrive and she jumped back out of fear, her friends followed. "It's awake!"

"Hissss!" The creature scrambled in place, once it righted itself on it's back it kicked the air and vaulted it's body a foot off the ground, landing on it's two feet. Twilight was perplexed by the creature in front of her, but what really boggled Twilight was it's bipedal nature, rather than being quadrupedal like other non-dragon reptilian species it stood on it's hind legs and used it's tail for balance.

"Spike, are you certain this isn't a dragon?"

"Dragons don't hiss like snakes, Twilight, and he doesn't have any claws, either." Spike explained

"... Your right, those are more like a gecko's hands than dragon claws... Now that I get a better look at him he doesn't have any scales, either!"

"So what, it's just an overgrown salamander or something?" Applejack pushed Rainbow Dash out of the way, she was about to tell her off until she saw the stream of flames that the 'overgrown salamander' was shooting just out of her reach. "Holy smokes, it breathes fire!" The creature crouched down and assumed a quadrupedal stance, running at them with impressive speed. Before it could land an attack it was blasted by Twilight's magic, the bolt of concentrated energy made it tumble to it's side, giving Rainbow enough time to take to the sky. Applejack ran away while she had the opportunity, but the creature had a new target and ignored Applejack completely.

"GRAAH!" The creature leaped at Twilight and got a solid headbutt on her, it started to cackle in what one would assume to be a laugh while Twilight was in pain.

"Get away from my friend!" The creature's quick reaction time allowed him to block her flying kick with his gauntlet and knock her back, he swung at Rainbow but her evasive flying allowed her to avoid the strike. The creature started taunting her like he did with the smooth-skin, shaking his head and making that high-pitched gargling noise with his tongue flailing about.

"WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL!" The creature taunted Rainbow, and she knew perfectly what it meant.

"Oh, your gonna get it you over-sized newt!" Rainbow went in for a tackle and, of course, her skull was greeted by thick iron and she felt every bit of the recoil from the throbbing in her head. The creature started taunting her again, feeding her anger.

"WARGLWARGLWARGLWAR-GAH!" Rainbow kicked the creature in the face while it was taunting her and it fell to the ground, holding it's snout in pain. It then felt something wrap around it's legs and constrict it by the ankles.

"Hah! Ah got the little varmit!" The creature looked back and saw Applejack with a lasso, she tossed the other end over a tree branch and caught the end in her mouth. The creature immediately realized what she was doing and was trying to crawl away. "Oh no you don't!" She yanked the rope and the creature was tugged back toward her. Every time he tugged, Applejack tugged him back twice the distance he covered. After a decent fight, she had him hung by his feet like an animal caught in a rope trap.

"Nice work, AJ, now keep him steady!" Rainbow flew up and secured the rope while Twilight used her magic to tie it in a firm knot. "Alright, AJ, you can let go now!"

"Bout time!" She spit out the rope and wiped the sweat from her brow. "He's a fighter, but ah've wrangled cattle much worse than him." Twilight got closer to the creature, observing it safely now that it was subdued.

"Such a strange creature... Strong, yet intelligent..."

"Intelligent? How's that thing intelligent!?"

"Well, it knows that taunting an enemy will enrage it, driving it to attack with reckless abandon. This reckless behavior gives it plenty of opportunities to counter-attack the target. It's definitely smarter than it let's on, but isn't intelligent enough to speak with words." Twilight explained.

"So it can do a few tricks, that just means it's about as smart as a dog, right?"

"Smarter, actually, not many dogs can utilize strategy, so I'd say he's about as smart a wolf."

"Eh, wolf, dog, they're both canines."

"Hisss!" The creature started squirming in it's trap, but then it stopped for a brief moment. It curled it's stomach and grabbed it's feet, then breathed flames onto the rope snaring it's ankles.

"Uh-oh." The rope burned off and the creature fell onto it's back, after it righted itself onto it's hind legs it took off toward Ponyville. "Okay, I may have underestimated it's level of intelligence."

"He's not getting away from me!" Rainbow took off with a burst of speed, barreling toward the creature like an arrow. The creature jumped, twisted it's body around and blocked her attack with it's gauntlet, then, still in mid-spin, used the force of the spin to smacked her with it's tail. She went down, hard, and the creature easily got away.

"Rainbow, are you okay!?"

"...Ow... N-no! I think he damaged my wing!"

"Oh, this is bad. If someone startles that thing, there's no telling what will happen!"

(Crag's POV)

"Ugh, I thought they'd never leave me alone." Crag started to look around, it appears that he stumbled onto some sort of civilization. "Wow, I've never seen burrows built like this... Did those horse things build this?" Crag scratched his head a bit. "Hmm, maybe those horned ones built this town, there's no way the regular or winged ones could pick up a building rock." Crag was curious, he scaled one of the buildings using his iron arm to grab the foundation for support and the rest of his limbs to actually scale it, making him very awkwardly climb up to the roof. "Good thing Gork taught me how to scale walls, makes it much easier to get around in the Eldin region." Crag scanned the horizon, now noticing the pony citizens cowering in fear of him. "Huh... They kinda remind me of the Kikwi..." Crag considered eating the horse things, but then a flashback of the last time he ate something that acted like them ran through his subconscious. "Eugh, last damn Kikwi I'll ever eat, coward tasted like blood and dirt..." Crag forced the memory out of his head and turned around. "Yeah, stick to rodents and small mammals Crag, we know what happened last time."

'Thump!'

The Rainbow maned horse jumped up onto the roof, well, it looked like she was tossed onto the roof because her landing wasn't the most elegent thing in the world. "Ow... Alright, Newt, you and me!"

"Are you really this dense? Just stay down already, your to injured to fight me by yourself you moron!" She charged at Crag but he swung his gauntlet and knocked her away, she fell with a grunt, landing on her bad wing. "I told you to give up, your not gonna win this!"

"I don't know what your saying, but I don't care! Now get over here so I can kick your butt!" She charged at Crag, but he side stepped and she ran right off the roof. Crag chuckled at her foolishness and turned back around.

"Doesn't understand me, eh? Guess her species doesn't speak Farore's tongue like I do... Sigh, a language border is just the thing I need to make my life easier..." Crag jumped down from the roof and saw the the one they called Twilight trying to restrain her friend, Crag mocked the rainbow maned horse with his routine taunt which infuriated her.

"When I get my hooves on you, I'm gonna make sure you regret ever being born, do you hear me!?"

Crag cackled at her, sure he was being an asshole but he didn't give a shit to begin with, she deserves it for being an idiot who doesn't know the meaning of 'give up'. Now, what to do next? "Ooh, I've never seen YOU before!" Crag turned his head and saw a pink horse looking up at him, Crag honestly didn't know how to react, not many would just walk up to one of his kind with a smile and talk to them. So like most of his species would normally do he just drew his arm back and smacked her to oblivion. "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee..."

"That was odd..." Crag continued his exploration but was hit by an unknown force that slammed into his back.

"Whew! That was fun!" Crag looked behind him and the same pink pony he launched five seconds ago looked down at him, sitting on his back. "Are you a dragon?"

"Screw off, you can't understand me anyways so just get off me!"

"Ooh! Ooh! Are you a Dodongo!? No, wait, a Dinolfos! No, a Geru, final answer!"

"I... What?"

"Hmm... Wait, I know what you are!" The pink pony poked his snout with her hoof and had a confident look on her face. "Your a Deku Baba! Final answer!" Crag had no words; he simply got up, threw the pink horse off, and ignored her presence entirely. "So how close was I? Huh? Huh? C'mon, tell me!"

"Just ignore her, Crag, maybe she'll lose interest." Crag told himself.

"I'll take that snarl as a 'close enough'!" The pink pony followed behind Crag, he wasn't sure why it continued to pester him but he didn't like it. "So, what's your name?" Crag ignored her. "Hmm... I'll just call you Ike!" Ike Crag growled at her, she simply blushed and rubbed the back of her head. "Aww, thanks! I'm glad you like that name! So, where ya goin'?" She suddenly grabbed Crag's arm and started pulling him. "Oh, wait! I know a place you might like, this way!" It's not like Crag had a say in the matter, so he was dragged into a weird building. It had strange foods that he had never seen before, and everything was brightly colored, much different than the blood-painted walls of his cave back home. The bright colors actually hurt his eyes, and the scent of some strange, sweet smelling aroma made him hold his nose. "Alright, Ike, wait right here." She disappeared behind the counter, of course Crag wasn't going to stay put but instead he would wander. The first thing that caught his eye was a strange bottle with a flame on the cover.

"Red potion?... Maybe that would explain the odd smell, so maybe she runs a brewery of some kind... Not sure what the fire symbol means but I hear red potions are a bit spicy." He took the bottle and stored it in a small space in the interior of his gauntlet, he normally kept food in there but a potion might come in handy. "She won't notice one potion gone missing, right?" The pink pony rushed out the door, leaving a pink post-it note stamped to his snout. 'Dear Ike. My Pinkie senses told me that a friend needed my help, so I'll see you later! Love, Pinkie.' "So her names Pinkie... Why did I not see that coming..." Crag removed the little note and exited the facility, the citizens still cowered in his presences. "Freaking cowards... I swear, if they're ever raided by bokoblins they won't stand a chance..." Crag heard the sound of large, beating wings. When he turned his head he beheld another horse creature but much larger than the ones he's seen, and it had both wings and a horn. It's mane blew in a nonexistent wind and it's mane was pure white, the gold accessories and tiara probably implied it to be of a regal status as well. Following behind the large horse was Twilight.

"That's the creature I was talking about, do you know what it could be?"

"I've never seen anything like it... and you say that it's intelligent?"

"To an extent, yes. from what I've seen it's smart enough to pick up on body language, has some understanding of the equish language and has shown that it can use strategy when it fights. However, it isn't smart enough to speak our language or it may not have the proper parts to do so." Twilight explained, the white horse nodded to herself.

"Interesting... How does it fight?"

"It plays a defensive game, blocking attacks with it's iron arm and instead of attacking immediately, it taunts the opponent. When the victim is enraged, the creature waits for the victim to attack with all it's strength. The attack itself will almost always fail, and when it does the creature counter-attacks either with a strike from it's tail, it's gauntlet, or on a rare occasion it may try and sear the victim with a flame breath. If the victim survives the ordeal, it will laugh and mock them from a distance further enraging the target, it will repeat this cycle until the attacker falls either from fatigue or from fatal injury." the white horse nodded to her.

"I must say, that is quite impressive for a creature of lesser mind... I will attempt to capture it and study it at the castle, an unknown creature is quite rare and must be recorded." Crag knew what they were going to do to him and he was not going to be treated like some pet. He noticed the horn on her head which meant she could fire lasers, so he waited until she got close enough to him... "That's it... Nice and easy... Just a little closer my fire-breathing friend." The big, dumb animal bit was actually quite useful with these things, save for Twilight who's already seen what he can do. When she got close enough, Crag quickly brought his arm up and threw dirt into her eyes. "Ah!" She reared back and Crag swung his tail while her guard was down. The metal tip hit her on the side of her barrel, while she was stunned Crag jumped onto her back and held her neck to the floor with his gauntlet. Crag inhaled deeply and breathed a stream of flame onto the horse, she was strangely unaffected. Crag was engulfed by a strange aura, and was lifted off of the large horse. "Silly lizard, one does not simply burn the goddess of the sun." The sun goddess struggled to get up, but she endured the pain. "You put up quite a fight, but you can't fight magic." Crag reached into his gauntlet and pulled out his ace in the hole, his 'red potion'. He didn't know it's effects but he didn't care, he didn't bother opening it either, he just crushed the bottle with his toothless maw and let the liquid pour into his mouth. The large horse looked on in amazement. "If you think that's going to work, you will be sadly disappointed." Crag's mouth was hot, really hot, then he felt his stomach start to burn like lava. It felt like he was going to throw up, and it felt like the flu kind of throw up, the kind that comes out painfully.

"He's gonna blow!" A random voice called out, and blow he did. A torrent of scarlet flame blasted out of Crag's mouth and the white horse was engulfed in it. The inferno petered out after a solid five seconds and the horse was covered in ash and soot.

"cough, cough W-well, that was cough unexpected." The goddess shook herself clean of the soot, a light clopping sound caught everyone's attention as Pinkie came by with a yellow horse with wings.

"See? This is Ike, I can't understand a word he says so can you- Oh, hey Princess Celestia!"

"O-oh my, good afternoon princess." The yellow horse said, the princess nodded to her. "So this creature is... Ike?"

"Yep! He's a Deku Baba!"

"I am NOT a Deku Baba! I'm a freaking Lizalfos!"

"Um, he says that he isn't a Deku Baba, he's a... Lizalfos?"

"Wait... You speak in Farore's tongue? Please tell these psychopaths to leave me alone already!"

"Um, could you put him down? He says he won't harm anyone." The yellow horse asked, Celestia dropped him and he nodded to his savior.

"Alright... I'm not from here, and I'd like to go back to my dimension as I assume I'm in a different dimension to begin with. Can they help me get home?"

"He says he isn't from this world and he wants to go home, can you help him, princess?"

"Hmm... An inter-dimensional species? I can look over him to see if I find anything abnormal but... Oh?" Crag was lifted by a telekinetic force, Celestia examined him closely. "Here's the problem, you have a seal planted on your back!... Hmm, a mid-level seal, thankfully I can remove it. So, any parting words before I remove the seal?"

"Pinkie you are as dense as the eldin volcanoes of my homeland, and the yellow one seems like the only sane person in this nut house." Celestia removed the seal and he disappeared in a flash of light.

"So, Fluttershy, what did he say?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh... Um, he... He said that Pinkie was as warm-hearted as the Eldin volcanoes that make up his home, and he thanked me for helping him." Fluttershy lied.

"D'aww, he was always so kind, I'm gonna miss that sweetheart." Pinkie gushed out, the princess teleported back to the castle and everyone went about their day. Everything was back to normal.

(Eldin provenance, the Fire Temple)

A flash of light engulfed the room and Crag fell to the dirt with a thud, shaking his head, he got up and wiped the dirt from his snout. "Damn, glad that ordeal is over."

"Crag! Your back!" Grawl walked up to his partner. "Dude, where the hell were you?"

"You do NOT wanna know... Hm? What's this?" Crag reached into his gauntlet and pulled out one of the strange foods from Pinkie's place along with a spike-studded collar, he found a note attached and read it. 'Dear Ike Crag, if you are reading this than you probably got transported back home, I really wanted to spend more time with you and deepen our friendship but I knew this day would come. So I sneaked you a cupcake and a collar my friend gave me for my pet alligator, Gummy. It's a little to big for him, but I couldn't just let it go to waste, so I figured you could have it to remember me by. I'll always be supporting you back home, and I'll never forget you! With love, Pinkamena Diane Pie.' "Huh... Didn't think she cared for me that much..." Crag ate the cupcake in one bite, then paused. "My god... This stuff's WAY better than any muskrat..." Crag hesitated, but decided to put on the collar, it felt comfortable and the spikes fit well with his job. He didn't know why, but he felt a longing for Pinkie...

"Crag... What happened?"

"Grawl... Shut up." Crag swiped a muskrat from the ground and ate the upper torso, he tossed the other half to Grawl. "So, what ever happened to that smooth-skin jackass?"

"Dunno, I was off duty when he woke up. He took the bomb-bag, though." Grawl explained.

"Tch, lousy amateurs... Can't even defend the chest from a green monkey... Welp, I'm gonna go shit in the lava so I'll see you in five minutes." Crag walked out the door, leaving Grawl in deep confusion.

"Man, what the hell happened to him?"

Author's Note:

I honestly loved the Lizalfos from Skyward Sword, they were so entertaining and their taunting get's me every time I see it! Go ahead, sue me for liking the Lizalfos from Skyward Sword, I can take it!

Comments

[King Xeno]

I have only one thing to say and that is: WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL!

[Almighty Mudkip]

6105202 Victory screeech!! WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL!!!

[Xzsamzilla]

10\10 would WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL again.
In all seriousness, I have always had a soft spot for funny crossovers, and this did not disappoint!

[Almighty Mudkip]

6105624 I'm glad You liked it, that sandwich inspiration really paid off I guess.

[Scarlet_Firesong_Wolf]

Oh, look! Four people liked this story so much they turned their computers upside down to hit the like button a second time!
WARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGLWARGL

[Almighty Mudkip]

7026591 I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I like the way you think!

[Scarlet_Firesong_Wolf]

7027900 It means some people may have their priorities crooked.

[Almighty Mudkip]

7027902 Meh, if they don't like the story than they don't like it. No skin off my nose.

[Scarlet_Firesong_Wolf]

7027991 Then I shall be offended for you! This is one of the funniest crossovers I've seen!

[Almighty Mudkip]

7027993 Hmm... Fine then, your journey shall start at tumblr, where you will pose as a butt-hurt feminist. Good luck to you, friend... Oh, and thank you for the compliment!

[Scarlet_Firesong_Wolf]

7028973 Well, I do have a tumblr... I'm halfway done!

[Tethered-Angel]

Lizalfos are the best

[Almighty Mudkip]

8744875
That they are amigo