The Trixiening

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Vote for "Meh"

"There!" Twilight pointed, gasping in mid-gallop. "Mayor Mare! You see her?"

"Mmmm... and how," Fluttershy said, wincing. "Just look at the angry crowd she's gathered!"

"My my..." Rarity stammered, looking left and right at the huge cluster of angry, teeth-gnashing villagers. "...this is a most frightening situation, indeed!"

"Shhhhh!" Applejack raised a hoof as the group collectively skidded to a stop. "Listen up, y'all! She's about to say somethin'!"

The girls craned their ears, listening in on the mob that encircled the Town Hall building. As a familiar gray-mane'd figure trotted up to the edge of a roughly-assembled stage, the braying words of the crowd grew louder:

"This is the last straw!"

"Just look at this place! Look at the state these streets are in!"

"I can barely even get from town to town!"

"How do you expect us to live like this?!"

"Help us, Mayor! It's your job, isn't it?!"

At last, Mayor Mare raised her forelimbs. She adjusted her bifocals, then spoke into a whining, crackling microphone: "A-a-ahem. Come one, come all, to see the amazing Town Meeting!"

"Uhhhh... we're already here!"

"Yeah! Get on with it!"

Twilight and Rainbow Dash exchanged weird glances.

"Err... right. Just testing the speakers, fillies and gentlecolts." With that said, the Mayor tilted her head back, eyes piercing... hard. "My little ponies of Ponyville, our village has been stricken by a most grievous catastrophe!""

The crowd erupted in mixed growls and affirmations.

"A disaster that threatens our very way of life!"

More raspy commotion.

Mayor Mare swung a hoof through the air, gesturing at the streets filled with deep gouges and wagon trenches. "A heinous scenario... in which we can't even traverse from street to street without agony or mishap!"

Rumbling. The stomping of hooves.

Twilight and her friends leaned over, eyes wide and muzzles agape.

The Mayor seethed. "I speak... of course..." She slammed her hoof down over the podium in front of her. "...of the inexcusable shortage of Peanut Butter and Crackers!"

"Yeah!"

"Celestia dang it!"

"Who's responsible?!"

"Do something about it, Mayor!"

Twilight plopped back on her rear hooves. Blinking. She shared a dumb stupor with her friends. Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie shuffled up, digging her hoof fetlock-deep into a bag of buttery popcorn. Munching.

"My heart goes out to every single pony in this humble village." The Mayor held a hoof over her chest, sniffling. Liquid pride collected around the edges of her sockets, fogging her bifocals. "Starved of the one piece of ambrosia that makes this chaotic life worth living!"

"Yeah, well... when are we going to get some more?!"

"YEAH!!!"

"P.B.C! P.B.C! P.B.C!"

"Suffer no more! For I have already spoken with the good ponies of our neighboring Trottingham!" the Mayor's voice rang out, producing thunderous applause. "And they've already agreed to ship their entire quantities of both peanut butter and crackers to our empty warehouses forthwith! For a small price..."

"Small... pr-price...?" Applejack murmured aloud.

"It's quite alright." The Mayor waved a hoof, slicking back her swirly mane. "The Mayor did not need her expensive luxury yacht anyways."

"Hmmmmm..." Rarity tapped her chin, squinting at the podium. "Something's... different about her."

"Mrmmfff... I know, right?" Pinkie gobbled her way through morsels of popcorn. "Ever since she picked up a copy of Neighanetics."

"Well, I mean besides that..."

"Shhhh..." Twilight insisted, squinting at the scene. "I think she's about to finish."

"So there you have it, my enthusiastic little admirers!" The Mayor waved her hoof again. "Crisis averted! You can relax your little pony minds! Now... be gone with you until morning!"

Grumbling, the ponies split apart, trotting in separate directions—even hobbling over the deep trenches that stretched beneath them.

"Say uhm..." Fluttershy floated over, tapping Twilight's shoulder. "Twilight? Lecture?"

Twilight's eyes glinted. "With a capital 'L'!" And with a flash of magic, she disappeared...

...only to materialize by the Mayor's side. "Mayor Mare!"

"Shhhh... wait just one second." The Mayor held a hoof-mirror up in one fetlock while she brushed her swooping mane in another. "Mmmm... yes. That just about does it." She placed both instruments down and pivoted about. "What is it, Sparkle?"

"Mayor, have you seen Ponyville lately?!" Twilight grimaced hard. "It's a chaotic mess!"

"And nopony knows that better than me!" The Mayor tilted her chin up. "So many poor citizens... starved of the most priceless comoddity there's ever been!"

"Mayor?!" Twilight cackled, waving a hoof dramatically at the streets behind them. "That's not even the crux of it at all! Don't tell me you haven't even looked at the roads of your very own town!"

"Hmmm? What about them?" The Mayor turned around, frowning. "Are there crumbs spilled about?! Quick! Somepony grab a broom and dust pan!"

"No no no!" Twilight gestured. "The wagons! Ponies are just... dragging them uselessly through the dirt!"

"Huh?" The Mayor blinked. "Oh. Yes. Somepony's been stealing our wheels. Anywayssss." Stifling a yawn, she trotted back into Town Hall. "Your Great and Powerful Mayor has this under control, Princess."

Twilight's eyes went crooked. "What did you say?"

"I said I've got this under control." The Mayor held the door open, looking over her shoulder. "Although—next time, Sparkle—you may wish to arrive in town earlier. But that's quite alright." Then, with a toss of her mane, she entered Town Hall. "The spotlight's not for everypony."

Thud!

Twilight stood on the edge of the stage, flabbergasted.

Rarity and Applejack trotted over to her side.

"Is it just me..." Rarity cleared her throat. "...or did her mane seem... swoopier to you?"

"Rarity..." Twilight pivoted about, muzzle agape. "Don't you think there's more going on here than just the Mayor's mane?"

Rarity blinked. "... ... ...she's wearing false eyelashes too?"

"Somepony's been stealing all the wagons from town!" Twilight cackled, waving her forelimbs wide. "And, what's more, nopony seems to care!"

"Still, is anythang burnin' down?" Applejack said.

"What? No..."

"Tirek ain't returnin'?" Applejack squinted. "King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis ballroom dancin' down a series of demonic stairs or some-such?"

"Not... that I can tell as of yet..."

"Well, alright then!" Applejack tilted her hat back. "Reckon y'all dun need me around, then. Skedaddle time!" She trotted briskly across town. "I gotta make like an apple and peel! There's still an hour left to get my keister to Apple Bloom's school and attend her show'n'tell!"

"Uhm... AJ?"

"See ya!"

Twilight sighed. "Aren't there more pressing things all of the sudden?"

"Ech..." Rarity waved her dainty fetlock. "Oh how I do hate pressing on things." Clearing her throat, she trotted gaily across the town. "Well, I'm off to Aloe and Lotus Spa before they close."

"Huh? What for?!"

"Inspirationnnnnn!" she cooed.

Twilight blinked at her. "... ... ...is there something in the water?"

"Boooo!" Pinkie called from below stage. She munched on a few more kernels and blurted: "When's the half-time show?!"

Comments

[Emperor]

Brilliant.

I wonder how long it'll be before all the ponies start talking in third-pony.

[RoboRed]

...Goddamnit, Pinkie.

[SunsetyDays]

Now I can never unsee Rarity as JonTron.

[Lightning Bearer]

"Mrmmfff... I know, right?" Pinkie gobbled her way through morsels of popcorn. "Ever since she picked up a copy of Neighanetics."

Sounds more like she's been reading The Fountainhay, personally.

[Gammahoof]

"Huh?" The Mayor blinked. "Oh. Yes. Somepony's been stealing our wheels.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeels

[Shortsighted Fan]

I gotta make like an apple and peel!

Ugh, that apple pun was just rotten to the core.

[Golden-Buddle]

6704384 I know, Hey can you tell what this fanfictions Core audience is for?

[FanOfMostEverything]

A luxury yacht? Ponyville's almost in the exact center of the continent.
... Yeah, I'm actually not that surprised.

In any case, the slowly escalating insanity continues to be a treat. Definitely looking forward to seeing how the foals have reacted to the Trixification.

[HiddenMaster]

Well, it's clear that the madness is only growing.

Yep, they're boned.

[Deathsia]

I haven't even read this and somehow I'd bet dollars to bits this was inspired by a phrase the nostalgia critic used in his most recent review with M.Night, shamalan's "The Happening".

[Revan]

...Well we're doomed.

It's apocalypse time!!

[VitaminDude]

Rip this fic. I hope it will continue at one point.

[GleamingKyler111]

6705442
Possibly, people who're wondering whose cider they on. Either that, or people who find reading fanfiction apeeling. Personally, it's the second one for me.