• Published 11th Jun 2015
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Celestia's Rocket Adventures - Snake Staff



Celestia winds up in the Pokemon universe. And captured by Team Rocket. Oh dear.

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Moonlight and Fire

For the second night in a row, Houndour crept through the brush as softly as he could. His dark coat blended in well with his surroundings, and many years spent hunting for his pack had taught him much about the fine art of stealth. As a naturally nocturnal Pokémon, his night vision was keen enough to pick out fine details in the dimmest of light. His sharp ears, used to ferreting out cowering prey from countless hiding holes, now turned themselves to picking out what his eyes could not. Though he was crouched amidst a lowly scrub bush, he was keenly aware of everything around him.

The same could not be said for those he was there to watch. Houndour had never had a trainer, but he had seen humans many times before, and it was obvious that these particular humans had little idea of what they were doing. Their clothes weren’t the rugged sorts that travelers usually wore, getting dirty or torn with remarkable regularity, which seemed to annoy them greatly. The red-orange suits left them sweating heavily on muggy nights like this one, making them even easier to pick out by smell. They made excessive use of light, whether lanterns and flashlights carried in their hands or the bright glare coming from their main camp. Too much bright light prevented the eyes from adjusting, left anything outside its rays all but invisible.

This “Team Flare”, whatever else it was, evidently contained very few if any outdoorsmen. The men and women Houndour saw passing by grumbled and muttered about being made to patrol at night in a forest, wished for the comforts of “cafes” and “air conditioning”, whatever those were. Everything from the temperature and humidity to the dirt and roots they stumbled over irritated them, and they weren’t shy in voicing where their leader couldn’t hear.

There were moments, such as when a woman tripped over a root and fell to her hands and knees, that Houndour’s hunting instincts told him to pounce. He suppressed the urge, easily done after a lifetime of strict pack hierarchy. While the humans themselves might not be particularly good at roughing it, the same didn’t necessarily apply to their Pokémon partners. Every human had at least one accompanying them, and while some of them were obviously just as uncomfortable, others were better prepared. Houndour saw more than one of his own species amongst their ranks, and to his anger not all of them sported the dead eyes of an enslaved Pokémon. He would do many things for the sake of his pack, but to willingly participate in the enslavement of one own species… he had to suppress the urge to challenge the traitors then and there.

He wasn’t here to fight, he reminded himself for the hundredth time as a Team Flare Houndour passed by, sniffing. Lady Luna’s orders had been exactingly specific. Observe their numbers and disposition of forces, but retreat at once if there was even a possibility that they had been spotted. Take a convoluted route to confuse pursuit but return to their rally point and let her know what had happened. Many Pokémon were too prideful to just turn and run at the first sign of danger like that, but not his kind. Hunting packs of Houndour were a well-oiled machine as the humans would say, well prepared to do whatever it took to bring home food and able to perform many complex tactics. If the pack’s alpha male wanted him to listen to this strange winged creature, then he would, and follow her orders to the letter. Their discipline was something to be proud of – another thing that made them superior to the other forest dwellers.

Hours passed by, waning moon shining dimly overhead, as Houndour simply sat and observed the humans coming and going. He wasn’t the only one. Woven throughout the forest were fourteen other Pokémon of varying species, hiding amidst bushes or peering down from trees or crouching in hastily-dug burrows. For a second night in a row they simply sat in silence, keeping a careful watch on what these people were up to. It was a tiresome, lonely, and boring task, but those present had the patience or discipline to see it through. The night passed with little incident, and about an hour before sunrise, the Pokémon slowly melted away back into the woods.


“You are certain, then?” Luna asked the dangerous-looking devil dog. “None of your subordinates were detected by the enemy?”

“I already told you that once,” Houndoom growled slightly in reply. “If I say my pack has carried out its task successfully, then it has.”

“Peace,” Luna stood up straight, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on Houndoom’s. “I meant you no disrespect, I mean only to verify details of vital importance. If our enemy has the faintest notion that they are being actively observed, the dangers of our campaign increase exponentially.”

“I don’t even know what that word means, but we did what you asked. And the result is the same as last night.” Houndoom snorted. “We watched some soft-bellied city dwellers and their pampered lickspittles trudge about with as much skill as a Snorlax attempting acrobatics. They had no idea that we were ever there. Even their Houndour have clearly been spoiled by an easy life or had their sense ripped out with the rest of their minds.”

“I trust that you had the wisdom to remain downwind?”

“Do you take me for some newly-hatched pup? Of course we did. But we didn’t learn anything new or interesting. There are perhaps a dozen humans and Pokémon on patrol at any given time. They use too much light and make too much noise themselves to be truly aware of the forest around them. A few of us could skirt around them or in between with minimal difficulty. But we cannot approach too close to the camp itself, because all the light would leave us little place to hide.”

“On the contrary,” Luna grinned at him. “We have been learning something quite interesting. It seems that this Team Flare is composed almost entirely of urbanites with little regular contact with the natural world. Further, there are Houndour and Houndoom represented amongst their Pokémon. This is important information, and I sincerely thank you for delivering it to me.”

“You can thank me by telling me what we’re going to be doing about this. They’re squatting in our territory, bringing intruder and rival packs to our hunting grounds. This can’t be allowed to go on.”

“And it will not be,” Luna promised him. “Have faith in me, I am even now preparing a stratagem to evict them from this forest, using the invaluable information that you have brought me.”

“And what’s that? How does what you heard help us? We still don’t know their full fighting strength.”

“Ah, but what we do know is that there many of them. And what is it that makes armies – or packs – above a certain size unfeasible?”

“Food,” Houndoom answered automatically. “Hunting grounds will only support so many new pups at a time.”

“Exactly,” Luna nodded, a bit impressed he’d gotten it right away. “While our forces are capable of living off the land, the information you’ve brought me these past nights informs me that our enemies are almost certainly not. As we have not seen a supply train running back to their primary fortress, it stands to reason that they are dependent on the food and goods that they have brought with them. Further, we know that Houndour are not an unexpected sight amongst their ranks.”

“What does that all mean?” Houndoom asked.

“What it means is that, given a sufficient level of attention drawn elsewhere, they would not think to question the presence in their midst of Houndour not immediately accompanied by an obvious master. If their focus is elsewhere, we should be able to infiltrate members of your pack into their base of operations undetected.”

“And what would we do in there?”

“Why, you would simply do what I am told that you are the best at,” Luna replied. “You would burn.”


Many hours later as it was nearing midnight in Team Flare’s encampment, things were peaceful as could be expected. With a new moon and mild overcast the night was dark, but there was plenty of artificial light to be had. The holographic Flare emblem floating proudly in the camp’s center provided a comforting orange glow, amplified by brilliant white lanterns strung about the clearing’s perimeter. Campfires blazed cheerfully, some few men and women who knew how still cooking over them. With most already asleep things were quiet. No wild Pokémon were about – they had already fled or else been captured. The only sounds were the grumbling of those out on patrol, the snoring of those in bed, or the crackling of the fire. It seemed right then that it would be another peaceful, sweaty, dirty, boring night.

Two out of four ain’t bad.

The first clue anyone had that anything at all was wrong was when a pinkish-white orb crashed down like a meteor from the heavens. It struck the projector beneath the holographic Flare symbol, which exploded with a gratifyingly large bang. Men and women were torn from slumber by a thunderclap just in time to catch glimpses of tiny smoking pieces of metal raining down throughout the camp. Few had had time to do more than gape when a second sphere crashed into one of their off-road vehicles, flinging shards of glass and metal in every direction. Flare grunts hurriedly scrambled from their tents as the bonfire formerly known as an engine roared ever higher.

“It’s coming from the sky!” one of the already-awake men shouted, pointing up.

Pokémon, ordinary and brainwashed alike, were already being called out. Swalot, Golbat, Houndour, Electrike, Skorupi and others appeared in flashes of silver and dark energy. The more perceptive were already looking up when a third attack rained down from the darkness. This one was a beam of purple-black rings, sweeping wildly through the camp in a single great slash. It cut through several tents, a campfire, sliced a tire from a four-wheeler in two, and hurdled a particularly unlucky woman a dozen yards. Fire, electricity, poisonous globs, and venom-tipped stingers were launched skywards in response, but the effort was haphazard and no cries of pain rewarded it. Another white-pink sphere struck the ground between two rows of tents, tearing several to shreds and leaving a deep hole in the ground.

“Out of my way, you idiot!” Celosia snarled, roughly shoving an unfortunate man aside.

The scientist was already affixing her visor to her face, lenses flaring to life with a soft purple glow. She stood in the open and looked up, hand on hip, attracting a handful of stares herself. Few had ever seen the rather attractive woman in her bedwear before, but no one was stupid enough to say anything now. She tossed a Poke Ball into the air.

“Manectric!” she called out. “Light Screen, now!”

Her blue-yellow canine appeared on the scene, and at once its eyes lit up with a shimmering multicolored rainbow. Those of Team Flare that were near it, human and Pokémon alike, found themselves enveloped by a soft multicolor aura. They redoubled their efforts in response, sporadic returning fire now becoming a steady stream flung vaguely upwards. Celosia ignored, switching her visor to body temperature mode with a slight touch. It only took a few seconds for technology to do what the naked eye evidently couldn’t.

“There she is!” the scientist pointed, flicking a second Poke Ball to bring forth a bulky purple scorpion. “Manectric, light up the skies with your Thunderbolt!”

Her Pokémon bared its teeth and nodded, fur crackling with electricity. A massive lightning bolt, longer and stronger than any other, tore its way skywards. It struck exactly where its mistress was pointing and was rewarded with a flashing silhouette between the stars.

“That’s the way! Drapion, follow up with Sludge Bomb!” Celosia commanded.

While her other Pokémon sent globs of poisonous goop skywards, another dark beam rained down from on high. Aimed in the general vicinity of Manectric, it went well wide of its target and near vaporized an unoccupied tent instead. Debris rained down, but Light Screen offered considerable protection and even those closest to the blast got little more than scratched.

“She’s circling to evade!” Celosia called out again, tracking their assailant with a finger. “Concentrate all your attacks where I point, bring her down before she can get away! Manectric, another Thunderbolt! Drapion, Sludge Bomb once more!”

Team Flare’s Pokémon unleashed dozens of attacks up into the blackened sky, this time in a rather wide but still aimed cone. Most missed, because their enemy was very high and moving fast, but there were enough that occasionally one or two struck home. Perhaps more important, the steady stream of fire and electricity in her vicinity finally rendered a vague silhouette of the alicorn visible to the naked eye.

But while all of that was happening and all eyes were on the sky, no one noticed a half-dozen small claws poking out from the earth throughout the camp. Those claws quickly became larger holes, as Nincada burrowed their way up to the surface with prodigious speed. Just as soon as the small bug Pokémon appeared, they scampered back into their tunnels, allowing their allies to be disgorged. Each passage contained a pair of dirty, irritable, but still fresh Houndour, and they raced out quickly.

Sticking together in their pairs, Houndour sniffed the air. Their keen noses were used to tracking prey through the confusing menagerie of smells that was a nighttime forest, finding stored provisions in boxes was little enough challenge. They crept closer with admirable efficiency, ignoring the urge to pounce on their enemies while they were distracted. They located their targets in mere seconds, and the backs of their throats began to glow.

“That’s it!” Celosia pumped a fist when a Sludge Bomb struck home, and her quarry plummeted dozens of yards before catching herself. “Keep up the pressure, don’t let her rest!”

The cone of attacks tracked the princess as she dived, pulling away towards the sanctuary of the forest. No attacks from her now, no. Celosia’s magnified vision could see her muscles spasm when lightning struck, witness her flinch away from bright red flames, spot the venomous barbs embedded in her legs and flanks. However powerful and alien she might be, she was a finite creature, and any mathematician worth his variables knew any finite number could be reduced to zero.

Her attention was torn from enjoying the sight of more Poison Sting raking Luna’s body by the sudden sound of Manectric’s barking. She knew her partner enough to turn to look at it, and then was all but blinded by sudden flares of massive heat throughout the camp. Blinking quickly to clear her watering eyes, Celosia shielded her face and adjusted the visor’s mode with a quick brush of her fingers.

“What?!” she snarled as the world came back into focus. “What in the – gah!”

Fires already blazed throughout her encampment. Boxes and bags full of consumable supplies mostly, but several of the still-standing tents and even one vehicle now danced merrily with red-orange flame. Smoke trails were beginning to rise into the sky, accompanied by the foul scent of burning plastics. Manectric continued to bark and growl, then unleashed a burst of electricity. Celosia tracked the direction, then bared her teeth at the sight of a Houndour staggering back under the Thunderbolt.

“Dark Ball, go!” she yelled, hurling the only one to hand at the intruder and snapping it up before it could recover.

But whatever cheer she might have gotten from that was soured in the next instant, when she spotted several more of the black Pokémon darting hurriedly through the burning campsite. She was about to order some grunts to head them off, but then her visor picked up one vanishing into a hole in the ground through the growing smoke.

“Drapion, hurry!” she thrust a finger out like a lance. “Take out that Houndour with Cross Poison before it can get away!”

Her larger purple Pokémon immediately bowled towards the nearest invader with claws glowing purple. But Houndour was already too close, diving into a tunnel seconds before the lethal pincers dug great gouges in the earth. Drapion clawed frantically after it but was far too large to fit in the Nincada’s burrow. All it succeeded in doing was partially collapsing the entrance.

Celosia stamped her foot and gritted her teeth, before quickly returning her attention to the sky. Even if much of their gear was destroyed, her mission would still be a success if she brought down-

She was just in time to see the alicorn pull low enough to the trees that the cone of attacks could no longer reach her, soaring away hard and fast for all her injuries.

Team Flare’s Scientist managed a strangled cry of frustration before a wave of heat washed over her. She looked around with no small sense of alarm to see the blaze spreading quickly. Her subordinates knew little about camping and the accompanying fire safety and had left flammable objects and garbage everywhere. It had to be smothered before it kicked off a full-fledged forest fire that consumed them all. She realized in an instant that there was no way to mount a timely pursuit.

Celosia’s wrathful scream was loud enough to wake the dead.


Panting, dark coat slick with sweat and coated in many places with a burning, toxic grime, Luna took a moment to catch her breath on a tree branch. Her blood vessels felt as though they were on fire, and she knew the many barbs and darts still embedded in her flesh were poisonous. Gingerly, she pried a few out with her teeth where she could reach, but between the venom and scorch marks and burns from electricity and fire, it did little if anything for the pain.

As fate transpired, she had little time for rest. Barely a minute had passed before her subordinates came racing and scurrying through the dark forest to the rendezvous point. The princess blinked to clear away the blurring at edges of her vision, then looked down at them. Eleven Houndour, six Nincada remaining. Seventeen of eighteen returned. Better than she had feared, worse than she had hoped.

“Mission accomplished, my lady,” breathed one of Houndour. “The enemy’s den is aflame.”

“Aye,” Luna nodded, then screwed up her eyes against a fresh wave of pain. “Let us… let us return home.”

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