• Published 11th Jun 2015
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Celestia's Rocket Adventures - Snake Staff



Celestia winds up in the Pokemon universe. And captured by Team Rocket. Oh dear.

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Dark Discovery

“I have no idea what any of this means,” Princess Luna finally admitted to herself.

The alicorn princess stood in the middle of a devastated field, where her subordinate had reported a clash of the titans. And the evidence bore it out: the trail bore clear marks of battle, the earth itself rent and torn open in many places. Her flock seemed happy enough with that, since the brutally tilled soil had turned up many tasty grubs and seeds for them to eat, but for Luna it was simply a source of consternation.

Try as she might – and had – the princess could find no discernable way to trace which way the flying machine carrying the two combatants had gone. And trying to backtrack via their trails in the dirt didn’t help much either. Between the ruined ground and hard earth the few footprints she could find did not offer much clue where the two had come from, though she’d sent out a few scouts in both directions just in case. But there just didn’t seem to be any solid leads for her to follow, not even a solid grasp on who had been fighting in the first place. She doubted very much that “lice-amber” was the red man’s actual name.

Luna ground her teeth in frustration, pacing about as she considered the situation. She had always preferred to think of herself as a mare of action first and foremost. Leave the long-winded speeches and backroom politicking to Celestia, she would rather be doing something, whether that be leading a charge or banishing nightmares or coordinating a public works project or just filling her fillyhood home with ludicrous numbers of arbitrary traps. What she hated, almost as much as not being given due regard, was having nothing to be doing. But without any clear leads to follow, there was nothing she could do to intervene in… whatever evil shenanigans the red man was planning.

This aggravation was only compounded by the general attitude of her would-be knights. Despite all her efforts and detailed explanations of chivalry and its ideals, despite their own clear sapience and self-awareness, their thoughts rarely if ever rose above the level of wild beasts. They followed her because she offered them food and power and because she could flatten anyone who said otherwise, but they showed no idealism or thought of the future whatsoever. Honestly, if they were representative of Pokémon as a whole, then it was no wonder it had been left to humans to create civilization in this word.

Take that moment, for instant. She had sent out a small group of Spearow led by a Fearow to scout out one of the several trails branching off from the direction the red man was purported to have come from. Yet, with the lackadaisical attitude they demonstrated whenever she wasn’t directly present, they had been gone for several hours and had yet to report back with anything. The alicorn considered sending more minions to round them up, then thought better of it. A personal demonstration of ire would be much more memorable and give her something to do besides.

After giving orders to the remaining Fearow to keep the flock corralled in the field, Luna swiftly took to her wing and flew south, tracing the path of her by the winding road through field and forest. She’d ordered her birds to scout it out for any clues as to where her mysterious quarry had come from or gone, but as she soared high above the earth she spotted and hoof-full of bird and bug Pokémon in the sky but no Spearow or Fearow at all. As the minutes and miles went by and she still saw no sign of them, Luna grew more suspicious. Was this a simple matter of laziness, or had they simply decided to desert? And if they had, was there anything she could do about it? Or even should? It wasn’t as though they were oathsworn vassals of hers, if they wanted to leave she should just let them?

Before the princess had a chance to resolve that particular dilemma, her keen blue eyes spotted something suspicious. Far below, amidst the sea of green and brown, Luna caught a glimpse of an unnaturally bright orange-red color. She circled a moment, trying to get a better view, but the trees below gave whatever it was good shelter from this height. The alicorn weighed her options, then quickly decided she’d rather go ahead and see what this was about than ignore what was potentially her only lead.

Luna descended carefully from the air, centuries of practice offering her fine control of her flight even in this unfamiliar world. Cautiously, she pierced the forest canopy, dark body blending easily with the shadows beneath the leaves. She gingerly glided from branch to lower branch, making as little sound as possible, until at last she was low enough to get a good view what it was she had seen.

It wasn’t the red man from the other night, at least not as had been described to her. It was two humans, male and female by the looks of them, dressed in almost identical orange-red suits and brightly-dyed hair. They wore sunglasses of a similar color, adding to their already uniform appearance. Despite the colors, they lacked the air of intensity (and beard) of the man described to Luna by her Spearow.

But as the princess’ eyes went further down, she spotted something about their waists as the two walked, At first just a slight flash of black, but when the male’s movements threw back his jacket and gave her a good look at his belt… A flash of psychic pain hit Luna’s mind the instant she got a good look at the black orbs affixed to his belt. A scream, distant and all but unrecognizable, echoed through her skull. The alicorn let out a startled, pained yelp and doubled over with a hoof to her forehead.

As if on some infernal cue, the duo below stopped and turned around almost as one. Head darted this way and that for a moment, but it didn’t take long before one of them spotted the dark alicorn on the tree branch.

“Look, up there!” the woman pointed at where Luna lay, eyes scrunched up against the pain. “What’s that?”

“No idea,” her partner said, grabbing one orb from his waist. “But I’m betting it’s got life energy!” The orb in his hand suddenly doubled in size. “Dark Ball go!”

The man pitched the black orb directly at Luna.


“Alright,” Meowth said, after a good few hours of staring at a mobile phone. “I think dat it’s probably safe ta say dat she ain’t leaving dat place any time soon, so it’s probably where she takes her cat naps.”

“It does seem to correspond to the living areas indicated on the map,” Celestia noted from where she was squeezed beside him in the janitor’s closet. “So it seems likely. Still, best to be sure with these things.”

“What did ya have in mind?”

“Simple enough.” Celestia looked up. “Inkay?”

“Wha- huh?” the little Pokémon suddenly stuck his head out of a bucket and yawned. “Is it time for dinner already?”

“I’m afraid not,” the princess smiled faintly. “However, there is something we need you to do now, if you please.”

“What’s up?”

“We tink we got a good fix on where da boss lady makes her bed,” Meowth told him. “But we wanna be sure, so you’re gonna take a trip through the vents an’ scope it out. Got me?”

“Additionally, we’d like you to memorize the route there as best you can,” Celestia explained. “We will be needing you to travel there and back in a hurry very soon, so it is imperative you know the best way. Take as many trips as it takes.”

“And don’t get caught, ya here me?” Meowth finished for her. “Just go make sure dat’s her room and get ready ta do your job. For Team Rocket!”

“For Team Rocket!” Inkay saluted with one tentacle.

“And for revenge for da boot ta my face!”

“And for the boot – wait, what?” Inkay blinked. “When did you get a boot to your face? Did anyone get any pictures?”

“Never you mind,” Meowth growled, then pointed. “Just go.”


The man pitched the black orb directly at Luna. It flew through the air straight for her face, its aim true – until a beam of purple-black rings shot out of her glowing horn, intercepting it mid-flight. The small ball exploded, raining sensitive electronics and pieces of grey-black shell onto the forest floor. The man in the bright suit grimaced.

“Looks like this one’s a fighter,” he said. “The boss won’t be pleased we’re one short.”

“You mean you’re one short,” his partner answered. “Better hope this thing has enough power for two.”

“Power for what?” Luna demanded. “What do you poorly-dressed bandits want with me? What did you mean by your life energy comment? Tell me or this will go ill for you.”

“What in blazes is a ‘Luna’?” the woman asked. “I’ve never heard of a Pokémon like that.”

“How should I know? Let’s catch it and find out.”

“How dare you ignore my questions?!” Luna snapped down at the pair. “Do you not recognize royalty when you set eyes upon it? I am Princess Luna of Equestria, Mistress of the Night, Guardian of Dreams, Slayer of Monsters, Bane of Evil, Keeper of the Sixth Vigil! I am not some helpless, cowering victim that you may abduct at your leisure! I am that which nightmares fear! Throw down your wicked instruments and get on your knees or I shall be forced to teach you exactly why!”

“What on earth is that thing yapping about?”

“Why are you asking me, do I look like I speak Pokémon? Let’s just rough it up and bring it back to base.”

“Works for me. Go Spearow!”

“Go Fearow!”

Both humans had grabbed another black orb from the waists, but instead of hurling them at Luna tossed them straight up into the air. They burst open from the middle, and black energies came flooding out. The energy quickly took shape and solidified, becoming very familiar birdlike Pokémon hovering above the earth.

“Hah!” Luna said. “Do you really think that simply because you have abducted some my servants that you can threaten me? Nay, you have simply made your own punishment all the harsher, now that you have so foolishly… released… them…”

Luna’s voice trailed off as she stared at the two Pokémon now before her. Looking into their eyes, instead of the familiar and annoying personality she’d come to associate with the species, the alicorn saw… nothing. Their eyes were empty. Soulless. Dead. It was as though some force had reached into her scouts, hollowed them out, and filled them with something far worse. Even from here, she could feel the wrongness radiating from their every pore.

What have they done?!

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