• Member Since 31st May, 2015
  • offline last seen May 23rd, 2016

MoonyShenanigans


I'm an amateur writer. So what? That doesn't mean you'll be safe from my shenanigans. So I'm not a crazy stalker that knows where you live. That doesn't mean you'll be safe, either.


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The "Great and Powerful" Trixie Lulamoon was humiliated in front of all of Ponyville. By word of mouth, news of the Ursa Minor and her lies spread quickly across Equestria.

A year later, Trixie has a plan for revenge. She plans to use her newly acquired Talisman of Lethe-an amulet that initially was only capable of erasing someone's memories-to replace Twilight Sparkle as the new Element of Magic. The more she uses it, however, the more she comes closer to unlocking its true power...


This is in a universe where Trixie didn't buy the Alicorn Amulet, and bought the Talisman instead. It takes place in season 3.

Constructive criticism is welcomed and encouraged!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 22 )

Good start! NEED MORE THOUGH! Very excited, nice work!

THANK YOU! And yes, I know it's a bit short. Blame it on the lack of experience.

6079694
You'll get better, I know you will! It's pretty decent for a first effort, AND trust me, when I started writing. It was not very good. Now though I think im a lot better, still not at the level I'd like to be but I like to think I've improved, and I'm going to do the same here as well. YOURE GONNA BE AMAZING! NEVER GIVE UP! :twilightsmile:

Tis A good chapter, A bit short for my tastes but that comes with experience. Looking forward to more, also, a good way to keep things interesting, is to try not to repeat stuff that's already happened. Trixie made the shop keeper forget, so instead of repeating or following through with the scene, instead have the shop keeper wake up, mention what's already happened as a second hand for the readers, then add what is done afterwords.

6079794
Thanks for the tip! Er... What do you mean by "mention what's already happened as a second hand to the readers"?

6079800 INstead of going through the Entire realization that Trixie had Made him forget about her,


Instead just say : After awakening the shop keeper found the amulet missing as well as the memory of who took it, Finding a bag on the ground he began to piece together what had happened. He must've sold the amulet and the buyer made him forget them so make sure they had no one to trace them.

6079829
Oh, I see what you mean. I just like to be dramatic, which is why I dragged it out so much. :derpytongue2:

That is understandable. however beware lest you become redundant in your prose.

Ahh, I recognize this premise. Very happy to see you going through with writing it! I'm excited to see where this goes, and your writing is good so far. The fact that the Amulet gains in strength over time is intriguing; it will be fun to see where this goes!
:pinkiehappy:

6079915
I don't know what you're talking about, I believe that the current writing is fine.

6080514 For now, 6079940 is doing really well, however if he continues as he does, he might end up with redundancy, I'm just asking that he be weary of it.

Looking forward to the way this plays out.
But I must agree with 6079829
No need for the last line.

I'd complain about how dumb the shopkeeper was, but honestly it was the same thing as the cartoons version.

6080520
I've reread the chapter, and I see that you're right. It was dragged out more than needed, and I'm looking into revising it. Also, I'm a girl. :unsuresweetie:

6082508 THat's Okay, the chapter is not overly dragged out, you did fine this time. However be weary of Overdoing it.

remember the chat from last night :D i hope i see those next few parts and maybe even get to help more with it =D

Hope it's coming along well, let me know if you need help!

6122141
I'm good, thank you, but real life is fun. Too much fun. I will have little time to write over the next two weeks.

6132769 42 weeks later: you haven't done a thing. I have a feeling that the "hiatus" is a cancellation.

Somebody check this guy's pulse. I think he's dead.

Well you didn't get very far with this story, unfortunatelly...

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