Letters of a Disgruntled Princess for Disgruntled Ponies

by wizard32363

Mooning is Magic: Part 2

Dearest Twilight Porkle,

Oh. My. God. I don’t know how many stallions you went through through, but I waited for at least a day before you found me. When I gave you that first challenge, the last thought on my mind was that the apple pony would drop you from a cliff. I was hoping you would die, but to my despair, the shy one and the gay rainbow caught you just in time.

Oddly enough, you found the most ridiculous ways to get past your other issues. I mean, studying under Celestia, you must be a powerful mare, so why in the hell would you use your friends to solve your issues? Do you really hate them that much? Heck, you could have easily teleported over that bridge, instead of making that dastardly pegasus do it for you.

Don’t even get me started on her obsession with flying.

So finally, after the pointless hours of waiting, you arrived, and when you do, your friends don’t even follow you in! They must not have thought you all had bonded, because really, why would five other ponies let one go into some scary castle by their lonesome?

So, as I thought, you found you couldn’t beat me, and just at the moment I was ready to vanquish you, this magical coincidental scene happens and your acquaintances prance in? Blah blah, you make some long, boring monologue, and then you all use those crushed-up rocks to turn me back into your beloved Princess.

Maybe that’s good, but it still doesn’t change my attitude. I live in a world of idiots, for Celestia’s sake!

So then you find it funny that my sister comes back, and just to look sappy in front of her, I actually pretend to apologize. Like really, does she expect sympathy from me after locking me on that horrendous ball of dust for one thousand years?

Well, to find out, she actually brought back my throne, and I spent countless weeks trying to wipe the obvious scorch marks from it. The bitch didn’t even bother using her magic to clean it, and obviously she was in some troll mood, because even my magic wouldn’t work on the stupid thing. Now my plot probably smells like a thousand ashes.

And to top it all off, every day I’m going to be getting bombarded by letters from you, you purple freak. At the request of my “generous” sister, Skylight what’s-your-name will be sending “friendship” letters everyday. Judging by your actions at that old shack, I doubt they’ll be that happy. Couldn’t Borestia just get the letters sent to her? Of course she can’t.

So now I’m stuck with your crap every day. Thanks a lot, Pielime, for making my already-stressful job even worse.

Your hungry and ever-so-generous princess,
Luna

P.S. Next time you visit, I expect you to bring pie

P.P.S Next letter you send me will stay stuck in that little dragon’s fire. He will choke if you try

P.P.P.S I swear.

Comments

[JumpingShinyFrogs]

This is beautiful