Letters of a Disgruntled Princess for Disgruntled Ponies

by wizard32363

Mooning is Magic: Part 1

Dear Princess Celestia,

Could you seriously have sent me a worse foe against myself? I mean yeah, I knew I was coming back, and so did you. But Twilight Sparkle? God, just her talking was almost enough to make me want to give up. What is she, your fucking slave? You could’ve sent Cadence or some other pony, but you had to send the annoying purple thing that never shuts her traphole of a mouth.

To make matters worse, you put up absolutely no fight against me. It was obviously some plan you and the Twilight Snarkle set up for me. Let Celestia get kidnapped and then this smart lady will use math and logic against Nightmare Moon, right?

Well, to say the least, it almost worked.

Unfortunately for you, I was able to phase out of that horribly-decorated room before the birds got a chance to sing. I don’t know who you got to set up those decorations, but it was probably the worst Summer Sun Celebration I had ever seen.

So get this. I teleport myself to the castle to see what’s changed, and I find my throne missing. Why in the world would you take it away? After all those nights of listening to your terrific lullaby for me, I would assume all of your lamenting would at least allow my sick sister to leave something behind to remember me by.

But I bet you threw all of my things in the dump and laughed watching them burn. Just the kind of thing you would do to let everypony know that you were the superior one. Though I highly doubt you’re more superior, given you just let me blindfold and gag you up. Even if it was part of your plan, at least put up a struggle. You would look less like you’re used to it and more pleasing to me. I can only wonder what goes on behind those doors with you and Shining Armor. Why else would you send his pathetic sister out against the most powerful mare in Equestria?

So I set your throne on fire and ran out after placing a dummy plush of you in that gigantic throne.

And there’s that! How big is your ass, sister? Lay off the cake!

Well, let’s just see how Shining Armor handles watching his “Princess” burn.

So I make my way back to our old filly-fooling castle and, of course, it’s all in shambles. After finding your silly helements of armory (ha), I just sat there and waited for hours on end for your crazy mare slave to come and find me. God knows that she can’t keep her hands off of stallions, so I’ll probably be waiting here for at least another thousand years.

Whoopee.

Your arsonistic adoptive sister,
Best Princess Nightmare Moon

P.S. Fuck the Royal voice, it’s not like you listen to that either