• Member Since 1st Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

MISTER TORGUE REVIEWS


I can do impressions. BADASSITUDE!!!

Comments ( 56 )

Too goddamn rushed man. Take your time and build up. I suggest you completely rewrite this chapter. Make it longer, get an editor, and build it up until that point and please for the love of god! DO. NOT. SHORTEN. THEIR. NAMES! It is stupid but you can for example do something like this.
Ex. "It's me AB", said Apple Bloom.

6069022 I agree with this random pedestrian

You need to work on your pacing, as stated by another. Some better details of surroundings and characters wouldn't hurt, either.

But the biggest problem I have with this, above all else, is the description, man. I mean, what the hell. You told us very little and assumed everyone just knew what the displaced universe is. I bet people would be prone to dislike this story from the summary alone. You ought to go back and actually put some thought into it. Think of something that you believe will draw people in.

Also, your character seems to be a Gary Stu. At least, to me. Adapts too quickly, seems to automatically know what to do, somehow knew that Big Mac and Applejack were Applebloom's siblings without her telling him... Yada yada. You've got some cleaning up to do if you want this to be successful.

6069182 Random pedestrian? I am no random pedestrian! Im not even going to say my name because reasons!

You suck. Not much more to say than that.

6079827 I'm blunt. The guy below me is also right, you're taking this WAY too fast.

im just glad to have a predator story to read

you are planning on making a next chapter right

when are you going to remake it

6438531
After I finish the first or second chapter of Fallout Equestria: Bloody Skies

Ok, I'll pay attention to this for now, maybe I'll send Metal over to scope things out after he's done with his current crossover

6565491
6565451

Thanks to both.
Pyra for helpin with the startin the diplaced knowledge blah blah blah you know...
Ponygods for the compliment.

no problem glad to support the cause

i havent started reading this yet but i was just thinking someone should make a storie like this like 3 hours ago

Can you do more please

6945820
Yep I'm writing the next chapter already.

where the next chapter dude

7033703 it's comin i'm just working on my new fic "The Metal Queen... Fluttershy!?!" I'm working quite hard.
I'm also thinking of doing another rewrite to make it better.

well ok:) as long as you haven't forgotten about this story k I love the predator movies so it brought me cheer when I saw a predator story so plz make a second chapter when you can ok other then that its great:) ps I fav

7034151 thanks! And yep i'm about 567 words in already.

I look forward to seeing more in the future anyway stay awesome bye !!!!!!!!(slow fade out)

7123231 Now that I think about it does sound familiar

Displaced cliches number 1 and 3, a con of sorts and a cmc member in danger. The second one angers me more. Do they not have common sense or is this just a plot device so you can get our anime protagonist close to ponyville

8240948
Idk why it still says Cancelled. Peice of crap. It's not cancelled.

8240951
well it says that in the short description of the fic too

WHY ARE THESE MOTHER BUCKING PONIES ON THIS MOTHER BUCKING PLANET ARE SO XENOPHOBIC :flutterrage:

8241015
It WAS cancelled. But then I resurrected it and it won't let me change it now. Lol.

Hello Fic My old friend, Its good to see you again

I feel like the displaced part was kind of wasted, it was short and nothing happened.

8242413
That was just to set the ball rolling and get the into to him being displaced done with. Marcus is made by me technically since theres no actual Marcus Displace here.

hmm donuts…

Is this a predator or Homer Simpson displaced?

8946748
I don't think so maybe he got the case of the lazies?

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