• Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Craine


An old writer polishing his ways, giving feedback, and helping fellow authors. Nothing more.

T
Source

When Starlight Glimmer escaped capture, everything that could've gone wrong did, in fact, go horribly wrong. Now, with a fatal wound and an indefinite time to live, an unlikely—and hideously unwanted—savior finds her.

The good news? She needs only to solve a riddle she's never heard before she bleeds out.

The bad news... well...


Rated 'Teen' for intensity and slight gore.

Enjoy!

And a special thanks to the ever-prodigious Pearple Prose, Dubs Rewatcher, cleverpun (bless your heart), and Idsterian for aiding and proofing for me in this quest for undisputed power story. You guys are just wonderful!

Featured 6/21/2015... Somehow... Huh.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 45 )

Well then.

That gave me the chills.

Oh wow, I really like the changes you made to this. Much improved from the early version I saw.

"Starlight...?" whispered a pink mare with a raspberry mane. The gray, clothed mare blinked. Nopony, not even those she had wronged, knew who she was when their times came. How could...?

Death shook her head, a ghost of a smile gracing her face.

Yes, Pinkie."
____________________________________________________
This was...a very, very emotional story.

And I loved every single second of it. :twilightsmile:

Lovely, as always.

No offense, but I swear I got it in five seconds.

I wonder who the Death Starlight talked to used to be.

I liked it and Death was not wrong as death doesn't play favorites to anything that dies.

I walked along the darkened glade, pausing beneath a tree. "Hello?" I called out.

A mare, her coat fray and dark like the background, a blue lantern in her aura, stepped up to me. She looked at be from beneath her hood and disappeared in a swirl of black mist. She almost immediately appear on the other side of the tree.

Wait, I know that mare...

"Starlight Glimmer?" I asked. She froze and glanced at me, before chuckling and tossed off the hood. She smirked at me, her own old wrinkles mirroring mine.

"Answer me this riddle..." She said, placing the lantern between us. "... Twilight Sparkle."

Heh, I got it about 600 words before she did. I expect good things from this very nice story. Upvoted.

"Because I could not stop for death..."

This story is incredible! :pinkiesmile:

The way you build up Death to be sinister, but then soften him as you show how he is not only merciful but good is honestly brilliant. And drawing parallels between him and Starlight Glimmer is a brilliant move in terms of illustrating how even a well intentioned, and perhaps rightfully intentioned character can seem evil, when while what they offer is different, it does solve so much misery, granted by perhaps introducing a new kind of dysphoria, or perhaps a dystopia, or in the final case of Death, oblivion.

Man, I figured out who he was pretty fast. Like, the first riddle.
The last one just made me go 'yup I was right'.

"Wait, where are you going?" She said, having looked up from examining the lantern to see Death slowly floating away from her.
"My job is done." Death said, "It is up to you to continue my work now, Starlight Glimmer."
A small part of her felt like crying, but another part wanted to know.
"Who were you? Before all of this, who were you?"
Death was silent, and Starlight began to think that the spirit wouldn't answer.
"I was like you," they said, "But now I am nothing."
And then, they were gone.

Death glanced at the lantern clasped in her hoof once more, noticing that the shadows that once melted her flesh now danced across it in thin wisps. The lives of a hundred million were made equal by this dark lamp, and now she would help make equal a million more.

Death looked across the world before her.
She had a lot of work to do.

An interesting take on the destiny of Starlight Glimmer. The story was gritty and grotesque but not to the point where simply became a gore fest. There's emotion and turmoil to be found here as well. Overall a tale as dark as they come.

Excellent job :ajsmug:

Wow i feel sorry for starlight fir previous actions in her town

Well...this is a great piece. I'm loving every word of it.

oh my god, you actually did It.

Well fucking done, my friend.

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and her name that stood before was Death, and The End followed with her.

More like, crane on a crane?

Will Twilght save Starlight? :applecry:

6097830 'S what I was aimin' for.


6097857 Glad you thought so, old friend. Took a lot longer than I wanted, but hey...


6098062 Thanks, in no small part, to you. :ajsmug:


6098135 replygif.net/i/90.gif


6098245 Normally, yeah. But I'd imagine Starlight to be an exception.


6098709 Hah. That's awesome.


6098776 Aww, thanks. I wasn't sure if that message clear enough, really, but I'm glad SOMEONE got it. Good mood achieved.


6101034

She had a lot of work to do.

Why, yes. Yes she did.


6107179 To be perfectly honest, I'm not all that certain I gave the 'emotional' tone enough attention to throw the 'torture-porn' scent off the story. Either way, I'll loved writing every word of it. Because I'm insane. From Earth.


6110592 Fret not for the rabble that will fall by the wayside. Heed their learning and passing, and rejoice as they are made equal forevermore...
...
Wow, I am so sorry for that.


6113997 Just as I loved writing it. :twilightsmile:


6118325 Hey... It was your idea to begin with, bro. :ajsmug:


6118726 You, I like.


6119252 :pinkiecrazy:


6119309 HAH! F**k no!

6119607 Because I have problems that no form of medical or psychological application can cur--my... god, I just made myself sad.

6098776 I wish more death, stories would make him out to be clever. The build up was great but I wonder still to this day what made him like that. In this story anyway.

Cleverly written story, good use of equality in death, and a good characterization of all the characters. All in all a good story. Good job.

At first I thought it was the darkness of her soul or something, but I finally got it when I looked at all four riddles again.

Your interpretation of spirits is jarring. Also, I knew from the first chapter what Death had plaaned for Starlight.

This...is genius. I always thought that Starlight's ideal of total equality was admirable, but also that her actions were so extreme to the point that it made her seem like a villain. But seeing someone interpret Starlight's motives as a display of her true destiny - leading the souls of the dead to equality for all of eternity - was actually mind-blowing and thought-provoking.

I have a feeling that Twilight isn't going to Heaven if Starlight is the reaper. But hey, Starlight might actually judge Twilight by the purity of her soul and actions instead of a personal grudge. We'll never truly know...

Oh hohoho! That epilogue! Nicely done, my friend. Very nicely done.

6142144 I hate to be that guy, but the Reaper doesn't judge souls. He merely collects them. The judging is done by whatever god(s) the soul believes in.

If you believe in that sort of thing.

All are equal in the face of death.
Except for Celestia and Luna.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This last scene was great. :D So I only just realized that you'd posted this a while back, and the title you originally gave me isn't the one you used. :B But you didn't have to worry about anything.

First time he shifted. That's when it clicked.

Woah, I thought it was death too.
This is great!

Wow
Just.... beautiful.
I hope you are darn proud of this fanfic, for it is THE GREATEST fic EVER.
The feels, the plot, the story, wow. I have NEVER read a better one ever.
This one takes the cake above all other stories I have ever read.

I know this is a vain reason, but the reason the story drew my interest is first because of Paul's review, then because I looked at your title and thought the "as" ending was accusative plural and that you mistranslated.


Wow, I really like your story. I've put off reading fanfiction for a while now, and I'm happy the first fic that I've read in so long features such a thoughtful take on a character that seemed so simple when I first saw her. I've not watched MLP past her first appearance, either, so it all fits nicely together. I suppose this is why I started reading fanfiction, to get that sense of depth that the show doesn't offer, and you really hit that sense of depth well.

Ok yeah, I pretty much agree with Paul here. Great story with some well-integrated themes, but the riddle was way too easy.

Man, it took me until near the end to figured it out. :facehoof:

Poor Glimmy :raritycry:

Starlight curled up into a ball, her mangled leg still lain flat, bleeding.

She could cut hair from her tail with spell and make a tourniquet, and amputate and cauterize that leg with same horn laser spell a bit later, but it would definitely be something worthy of feature in "Saw" movie :rainbowlaugh: Not sure if she would be able to find her way out of that cave on three legs, though.

“I HATE YOU!”

i.imgflip.com/ltexd.jpg

“I don’t want your job…” she whispered.

If she doesn't like ponies dying, she still has pretty good incentive to accept: she could try to break rules.

Why this chapter is named "Full Circle"? Is Starlight going to pass her job to Twilight?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!