Friend Or Foe?

by Fryguy

Shackles and Chains

News that the empire was defeated just like Canterlot, the citizens of Equestria were simply sad and afraid, they knew that they were at the mercy of the conquerors.

Many believed the princesses were dead, but only Ponyville knew the truth, for the princesses, all four of them, were locked in the Ponyville dungeons and under heavy guard. But because of this, they were treated more unfairly than any other city in Equestria, mainly to keep their mouths shut.

Rainbow Dash was working just like every other pony now in Equestria, building things, mining for crystals and diamonds, gold, and more, and was whipped if slacking. She figured that Pawn was the leader now, and he'll make things harsh for them all.

News came that Jackdaw, who took Canterlot, was now the leader of the capital of Equestria, and Feather was the leader in the Crystal empire, mercilessly overworking the ponies there. Each one of Pawn's friends were the leader of a city now and their government and army forces were well organized, a revolt was rather impossible.

One day Pawn himself came to see how his new "slaves" were doing. His guards who were watching them said that they were doing well, and that they were working hour after hour for him. Pawn chuckled. "That smell of revenge...it's so sweet." He mumbled to himself.

"Revenge?" Rainbow Dash thought to herself, what sort of revenge was he talking about? He was new in Equestria and there was no record of him or his friends. The revenge scheme seemed impossible to exist.

"Sir, Jackdaw has come to see you." Said a guard nearby. Pawn then went with the guard to listen to Jackdaw.

"Butter I tell you, this was just simply perfect! The perfect plan and the country is ours! Ponies coming at our call to do our hard labor for us, and they can't refuse! Life is so good these days." Jackdaw said, and Butter nodded in agreement, they planned this for months to years. They couldn't have been more pleased with their accomplishments.

"Jackdaw just one question, ponies aren't dying from this, are they?" Jackdaw looked puzzled at the question, why did Butter want to know if ponies were being killed during their reign.

"No, why are you asking?" Butter then explained the rumors he's been hearing about Jackdaw killing guards and beating Celestia to make her surrender the kingdom, and how ponies were afraid of him for it.

Jackdaw simply said. "That's true, but I'm not killing any more ponies, after all, they're good use!" Butter didn't seem convinced, for he knew his friend very well, of course he had to have killed citizens than more guards, after all, he has an unusual thirst for blood.

"Jackdaw, pardon me for saying this, but...what you've said can't be right! I know you Jackdaw, killing is something you do! Your a wanted felon for murders in other countries and now this! Feather too! I helped you all become great! Now look what's happened, you kill innocent guards and maybe, just maybe, attempt to kill citizens!" Jackdaw's anger began boiling, and simply said to his friend.

"This is a warning, don't say something like that again, and you won't be killed." Butter was shocked, kill your friend and helper to your success?!

"Jackdaw what's gotten into you?! You'll kill me to cool down your anger?! Your out of your mind!" Jackdaw didn't say anything, he just told his guards that their meeting was over, and started back to Canterlot. Butter was staring at Jackdaw going away, with fuming anger lurking within him.

"That son of a snake! Was he using me this whole time?!" Butter was angered even more for thinking about it, trying to calm down, Butter thought about other reasons for Jackdaw's reactions to Butter's statements.

"Maybe he's just...really tired and anything can make his temper explode for the time being? Yes that's it!" Butter thought that the reason was plausible but still very likely. So he ignored Jackdaw's anger for the rest of the day and went to make his lunch.

Fluttershy heard about the brewing trouble between Pawn and Jackdaw looming over Equestria, Fluttershy or anypony else didn't know that it may lead to bloodshed, after all, they've been working together for a long time, and her shackles were reminding her that she had other things she needed to do.

The sound sound of chains hitting each other were a common sound to the new pony slaves. The only facts they knew now were to work and work without upsetting their new masters.

Fluttershy was trying to break rocks with her pic-axe she was given in her now life search for crystals and diamonds when she heard Rainbow Dash coming, she could tell it was her friend from the noise of the shackles it produced as well as the constant moaning from the whippings she keeps receiving. "Hi Rainbow Dash, how's your day going." Fluttershy said in a joyless tone.

Rainbow Dash kept moaning. "The whippings aren't helping me feel any better, I mean, why do we have to suffer?! What did we do to deserve this?" Rainbow Dash's complaints were heard by a nearby guard and a leather strap whipped Rainbow Dash in the back, leaving another whip mark and making the cyan mare shout in pain.

"OOOOOWWW!" The rainbow maned pony began tearing up from the intense pain she felt. Fluttershy received the same punishment, crying tears as the whip teared at her back. To the guards whipping them, they seemed to enjoy the moment.

"P-please stop!" Rainbow Dash pleaded to the guards, who again whipped her.

Fluttershy, after her whipping, could only watch as her friend was being beaten up, wanting to help but could not. After Rainbow Dash was whipped three times, she was left bleeding on the ground. Fluttershy ran over to her and helped her up, terrified about what happened. Rainbow Dash, who was trying her best not to cry, told Fluttershy. "How much longer are we going to suffer like this?! Pawn used to be a nice guy! Now he's a pathetic jerk who's greedy for power." Rainbow Dash was very angry at Pawn for being a traitor to Equestria, and somehow, a pony will defeat him and free Equestria from the slavery they were forced in.

Little did they realize that pony was much closer than they thought.

Comments

[Aliucon]

Alright, look. I can't really say much about the story content itself: it's not my kind of story, though I'm sure it would have a certain appeal to many if they can get into it. But "getting into it" is sort of difficult.

I can understand what happens through what you write, but it doesn't flow. I can't get a good picture in my mind of what's happening, I just know it's happening, and at times it is just off. I wouldn't call it bad, because I actually do understand what's happening most of the time and you seem to be trying pretty hard to set the overall scene straight, but it still doesn't make the reader particularly want to continue reading, at least in my case.

I'd like you to continue, but I'd highly recommend finding an editor for your story. If you pay close attention to what and how they edit, as well as talk to them, you might learn the nuances that are missing in your writing. That's my opinion, at least.

[Fryguy]

6101355

Yeah I've been looking for an editor for a long time, still haven't found one but...still looking! In the meantime I'm having to self-edit, trying to see if I can fix mistakes myself.

I really hope I can find an editor soon...