• Member Since 22nd Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 15th, 2020


FLuttercord is my favorite shipping and I enjoy art and writing



Thorne finds out about how afraid Fluttershy is of Nightmare Night. He sees it as an opportunity to go on a date with her while Discord is away on business for the Princesses. As he takes her out to a Nightmare Night she won't forget, Discord returns early and becomes infuriated when he hears what Throne is doing, leading the Knights and Mane 6 on a chase.

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 10 )

whens the next chapter

6197680 It's coming. I've just had a lot of distractions

Good story i like it

I hope this is a fluttercord one

It is Nightmare Night (Equestrian version of Halloween) in Ponyville.

No need to clarify, I mean we are all bronies here, are we not?

Everypony, including the Mane 6 (except Fluttershy), are dressed up for it.

As a general rule of thumb, use the word instead of the symbol. Instead of saying "6," say "six." Also, the whole structure of this sentence is pretty poor. You could combine it with the previous sentence and the story would start to flow a bit better. Something more like, "It was Nightmare Night in the Equestrian town of Ponyville, and as such, many ponies were dressed up and around town, enjoying the festivities."

Twilight is dressed as Clover the Clever; Rainbow Dash is dressed as a Wonderbolt; Applejack is dressed as a Calamity Jane-type pony; Pinkie Pie is dressed as a jester; and Rarity is dressed as Celestia.

Improper usage of semicolons, they should be commas. You could also use more varied words to describe them than "is dressed as." It would also be nice to see a little bit of description of the costumes. For instance, you can say "Twilight Sparkle wore a brown hooded cloak as her Clover the Clever costume."

“Ready to show us your costume, Scorpan?” Twilight asks.

It would have been nice to know he was in this fanfiction a little sooner, maybe have had a little introduction, a refresher? Some people may not remember him, as he was only mentioned in one episode. Also, how did he get here? He's dead as far as we know.

Scorpan, Catrina, and Rep came out in their costumes.


“Where is Thorne?”

Again, who? We need some more introduction to these characters.

“Ain’t the little bat a tad old for candy?

Thorne is a bat?

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt me.

The expression is "What he doesn't know won't hurt him," unless you intentionally put the "me" there as a method to show his personality a bit, but if you did some sort of clarification would be nice. Just make Thorne smirk after it and you'd be good.

“Okay,” Apple Bloom says, “We’re gonna go to the Carousel Boutique to meet our sisters. C’ya.”

That feels odd coming from Apple Bloom. It would work a bit better if Sweetie Belle said it, and even then Carousel would probably be referred to as "the boutique" as we can assume he knows what they would be talking about.

Thorne goes inside with the bag of candy.
A few minutes later, they are having tea together.

These are two one sentence paragraphs back to back. You could easily turn this into one long paragraph, or even multiple with some dialogue. It is also worth noting that the "a few minutes later" thing is really just used for comedic effect. Something like "Twilight and Rainbow were having a lively discussion about the new Daring Do book that came out last week. A few minutes later, Fluttershy walked in to find the lavender princess pinned to the bookshelf by the athletic Pegasus mare."

There are quite a few problems with just this chapter, that I think I will stop here. Good luck on your wordsmithing.

6756017 Thanks. If you want to learn about Scorpan, Catrina, and Rep, Looks up the Knights of Tambelon. Catrina and Rep were the main villains of the G1 special, "Escape from Carina."

Seeing the developing romance between Scorpan and Twilight makes me want to see more romantic moments between them!

Why is the remade and edited version of chapter 8 suddenly in place of chapter 4?

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