• Member Since 21st Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen July 31st

Zetriax


I enjoy writing a lot.

T

This story is a sequel to Pegasus Device


“I am the failure that you wanted to kill, and your sister that you could never harm.”
“But..!”
“And I am here to take both of those away from you.”
- Excerpt from Pegasus Device, by Aurora Dawn.

And so begins the next chapter. Scootaloo has finally ripped herself away from the Rainbow Factory. But the world she finds herself in is filled with a darkness deeper than she ever could have dreamed of. Now a new destiny awaits her far from the horrors of the Factory, far from the life she knew, and lies in wait in the darkness below.

Heavily recommended having read Rainbow Factory and Pegasus Device by Aurora Dawn before this as there are a few major spoilers.
Cover art not mine! PM me for proper credit!

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 4 )

Another Rainbow factory rip off/continuation. Yawn. No one likes these! :flutterrage:

6057674 Okay, thanks for the input. :twilightsmile:

And she's forced to experience every inch of it.

What a poor choice of words.

She could see tree black trees towering over her,

Sounds like somepony's about to get culturally enriched.

As soon as her hind-hoof touched the barren patch, the ground yawned open beneath her.

Was it sleepy?

Scootaloo tumbled down a dark hole,

Don't leave her in too long. She might shrink.

Water was everywhere. It was the only thing her mind could process. Water was weird.

It's wet too.

There was intense pressing on chest. Then somepony breathed into her mouth. CPR. It was weird.

Is everything weird to you?


Anyways...

This wasn't that great and it wasn't that bad either, so good job on not writing a terrible story. I'm not too familiar with Rainbow Factory so I won't criticize you because of the source.

My advice is to look for an editor and a proofreader because I glanced a lot of errors and this which were mostly grammar related.

Oh, and, here's a like for your troubles.

6058357 Thank you. I wrote the entirety of what I had in the course of an hour or two after not having written a thing in months. But any constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! Yeah... it was not well proofed. As in it had none whatsoever. :derpytongue2:

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