• Published 4th Jun 2015
  • 7,823 Views, 355 Comments

Snails 1/2: Vol 1 Becoming Popular - kitsy-chan



He went into the Everfree to prove himself a brave stallion. He would be a stallion amongst colts. He would be respected. He would be cursed and miserable. Welcome to Snails 1/2, a Ranma 1/2 spoof.

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Part 6: Every Pony Should Know.

Part 6

“Guards! Guards!” Raven called, “Has anyone seen Escargot?”

“No ma’am!” One of the Royal Guards replied, coming to attention.

“Well, find her; we can only hold the train for so long. There are other dignitaries waiting.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh, what poor form.” Diamond Tiara sneered in her best dress. Looking towards her father, she giggled. “Daddy, would a proper princess ever be late?”

Snails ½ - Everypony Should Know

“Noot Noot! Noot Noot!”

Rolling over, Snails hit his alarm clock until it stopped ringing. Glancing up, he saw the time: 7 AM. Why would he ever get up at 7 AM? Closing his eyes, he curled up under the covers. It’s not like it was a school day, and even then it was usually 8 AM.

It’s not like he was going on a trip or something. 8 AM.

Sitting upright, he blinked in alarm. 8 AM train! Canterlot! Grounded!!!

“Calm down Snails, you have plenty of time. First, you need the dress.” Looking down at his forelegs, he sighed. “First, you need to be Escargot to get the dress.”

"Celestia, I don't want to do this. If I go, and get caught I'm banished to the moon. If I go and don't get caught I'm grounded for life. If I don't go, the town guards and royal guards will be searching for me. One accident and I'm caught, questioned, and banished to the moon."

“When did my life turn into one of Pinkie Pie’s stories?”

Getting up, he slowly worked open the window. He propped it open with a large book so there would be no accidents, but with his luck, the window would slip and he’d be stuck. He shuddered at the thought.

He climbed out and looked around to make sure it was clear. It was quiet outside, as usual. (Well, except for Daisy running for her life from some rabbits, Rose screaming about her flowers being trampled, and Lilly lying on the ground twitching, but that was expected.)

It was a perfectly normal morning, even if things were getting off to an early start.

Pulling out the garden hose, he smiled and turned it on, holding it over his head. He blinked up at the nozzle. Nothing came out. Wrenching the knob, he turned it on and off. Nothing; there was no water.

“Oh come on, that’s just not right.”

The river ran through town, but it would take him time to get there. Whimpering, he turned and ran as fast as he could. Tymberwolves on his tail were one thing. An angry mom… Was something else.

Arriving at the river, he saw ponies relaxing, reading papers, and even having their morning tea. There were just too many eyes here, too high a chance of being spotted. Looking down the river, he saw his chance: he could use the bridge!

Entering the water on one side, Escargot stopped midway through, hearing voices and hoof beats above.

“It’s ok, sugar plum. We’re going to Canterlot anyway.”

“But daddy, she’s just a blank flank commoner. She has to learn her place.”

“I’ve told you about talking like that, it’s not proper.”

“Really daddy? How would you feel if every pony walked around calling you Filthy?”

Clearing his throat a few times, he went on, “That’s different. Ponies should know better than that.”

“And everypony should know not to cross our family.” She said firmly.

As they walked off towards the train station, Escargot could only shiver (and not from the water.) Climbing out of the river, he shook himself dry. It wasn’t his fault he got picked. He didn’t even want to be princess.

He ran home as quickly as possible, stopping at the front door. Quickly, he pulled the crown out of the bushes and put it on her head, stopped to catch her breath, then knocked. It took a few minutes, but Snails’s mom finally answered the door. She looked down at Escargot and smiled.

“Oh hello there, you’re the winner of the Harvest Princess Pageant, right? I was hoping to see you to apologize.”

“Apologize for what mo…. Umm… Miss?”

“My son seems to have taken to acquiring things that don’t belong to him.” She said, scowling back into the house.

“Oh, umm, I’m kinda here for my dress. Snails left it in his room yesterday to keep it safe. The second part of the contest, and the tour didn’t need the dress and I didn’t want it to get dirty.”

“I’ll get it for you.” She said, smiling, and went inside. A few moments later, she returned with the dress. “Why didn’t you leave it at your place?”

“Well I… I’m not really from Ponyville so I don’t have my own place to store things…” Yeah, that sounds right, and, well, Escargot isn’t from Ponyville, so it’s not really lying to her.

“Oh, now that’s just not right. Some pony as young as you. We have a spare room; you can stay with us.” She said smiling brightly.

Oh Celestia, no… there was no way that would work… heck, she’d expect both of us at dinner at the same time.

“No, um, no thank you, I…”

“Nonsense, I insist.”

“But I need to be in Canterlot, and the train leaves at 8 am.”

“Oh dear! It’s quarter to now, you better hurry!”

Picking up the dress, Escargot turned, heading to the station. Then it hit him: how do I actually put this dress on? He had no idea how this was supposed to work. He should have paid more attention when he took it off. Thumping his head against a tree in frustration, he glanced at the clock-tower: 10 minutes to 8:00.

Glancing around, he groaned and turned to accept his fate. Slowly, he walked up to the door and knocked. It was still early, but ponies were mostly up already. The door opened, and Rarity looked down at Escargot.

“Oh hello darling.” She smiled brightly, “You’re off to Canterlot this morning, yes?”

Holding the dress up, Escargot looked depressed. Once more into the Ursa Minor’s Den. “My train leaves in 10 minutes and I don’t know how to put this on.”

“Oh dear, come in, come in.” Shaking her head, Rarity quickly got Escargot dressed, then took a step back to admire her work. “Perfect, but is that all you are taking to Canterlot?”

“It’s just a one day trip.” Escargot said.

“Wait here now.” Rarity quickly packed a few spare dresses from last season, along with a sunhat in a little carry-on bag, then a larger bag for herself. Grabbing her make-up bag, and emergency bag she nodded once. Without Spike to help she'd have to settle for just 3 bags. The little filly couldn't be late after-all.

“What’s that for?”

“Why, I’m coming with you!” She said, trotting beside Escargot.

“Why?”

“I’m the Element of Generosity. You were so generous sharing you prize with my little sister. She was so excited, she couldn’t stop talking about it all night. So, I shall help you in Canterlot, show you how to be a proper lady, and win the hearts of the nobility!”

“Celestia, I’m doomed.” Was all Snails could mumble as they arrived at the train station.

“Oh, you’re just in time!” Raven called out.

“Lucky little blank flank.” Diamond Tiara snarled.