- Member Since 24th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Yesterday
The Grimm Reaper
The Grimm Reaper is the writer of the 'Darkness Duology', 'Immortal', 'They Come at Night... Mostly!' and 'Only Bone Deep'. Among others.
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You get a follow just for the picture. And an upvote saying continue.
Hey man great story.
can't wait for the next chapter 
Interesting concept. Hope to see more.
I saw the rating, I saw the cover picture, I read the first chapter.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/610/080/867.png
MOAAAAR!!!! If that's alright with you that is.....
You say the theme song is "Sexy Bitch", but in my head I'm hearing "You're The One That I Want" from Grease.
I could make a joke that picture looks like Fluttershy has gone super sayian...
But nah, there's over nine-thousand of those anyway.
Seriously though, fun little concept and nice seeing Fluttershy catch a break for once. Hope this continues.
Think she used it on her chickens once while babysitting the crusaders
It seems Fluttershy is a master of Shin no Ippou
I was going to link to Seras Victoria's "Oh fuck the Hell Yes", but you cut my to the quick.
6052943 She also used it on Angel Bunny at the end of Putting Your Hoof Down to get him to eat the salad.
I feel as though the end of this chapter where she realizes what had happened should have been extended a bit. Just having her eye "actually sparkle" for a second seems kind of a cheep way to have her realize the change. I think you could do a lot better. Maybe you could do it with her noticing how she feels more confident as she looks at herself in the mirror and notices subtle changes such as her not feeling as nervous, changes to the way she moves and noticing her own good looks. For example when she dunks her head in the water, when she comes back up perhaps you could have her notice a few things. It could go something like this:
She notices that dunking her head in like water like that to wake herself up is not something she has done before as it would normally seem to quick and drastic for her, then she could notice that she looks really good with a wet mane, before checking herself out in the mirror which leads to her realizing what has happened.
You said you want to make Fluttershy Sexy? This is the good place to start.
Having a few things like this would have made the "OH HAY YES!" Line have a much better pay off as well.
As it is, it just seems to go too fast.
You don't really need to change or add anything but I think that if you just added a bit more It would make it a lot better then it already is.
Overall I'm enjoying it so far and hope to see more soon.
Cover: SuperSayain Fluttershy?
1.) "Create".
2.) "Meager".
1.) Depending on how long of a pause you want here, you may want to change that period to a comma and lowercase the y in "you".
2.) However this period should be a comma.
Do you mean "odd' or "old"?
This does not need to be capitalized.
Are you sure you want to go with the British spelling?
Hooves, how do they work?
This was interesting. I am curious to see where this goes. Therefore, I shall like and favorite. Also this:
~KBO.
YOU BETTER UPDATE SOON!
I wanna see new SEXY Fluttershy STRUT
With all the ponie's jaws dropping.
6053762 I was thinking the same thing! This is awesome!
6053835 Thanks. But with Meagre, I'm using the UK spelling.
Whats with the link? Is it just to be humorous or does Fluttershy actually sound like that now? Cuz that would be kind of boss and funny at the same time
6054642 No, it's just for humour.
6054654 Awww
I'm kidding, but it still would have been funny though...
Though now I am kind of curious, Does Fluttershy sound different now? Or does she still have the hushed voice?
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/26702261.jpg
Now i wonder if Discord going to amused or freaked out.
I like the concept, I really do, but there isn't much else I can say about this story that's positive.
There are a lot of errors in everything from punctuation, capitalization, and spelling, to outright missing words and letters; most of the sentences are short, choppy, and come off feeling stilted and unnatural; and most of the narration is bland and uninteresting because you spend so much time telling us about things that happen instead of actually making them happen in the narrative. As it is, I can't upvote this story. I want to like it, but it needs a lot of editing before I can give it a thumbs up.
Can you give us the source of that picture?
6054659 no, just louder. Lol
Your concept is GREAT but this opening chapter just didn't bring it enough to the forefront. You REALLY gotta hook people in your opening chapter or they just move on to something else.
Y'know, something tells me that this thing isn't actually a permanent change, or maybe, its effects increases over time. I'd love to see Swaggershy, honestly.
Thanks for churning out the updates really soon!
6054944 I'm thinking the effects wear off in time, but by the time they do, she's gotten used to being that way so it becomes second nature to herself.
But then the story wouldn't have any conflict and while slice of life stories like Azumanga Daioh can work, this story is probably going to follow a more standard plot/character story arc.
Nice chapter. I found it funny how nearly everybody thought that Fluttershy got laid rather than having a personality shift. Keep up the good job.
Meh, I think this kind of story would work way better and have a lot more comedic opportunities if Fluttershy hadn't outright come clean about her change in personality.
I had been pretty excited to read the rest of this story after the first chapter, but this one has diminished that excitement somewhat
Come on! Bring on the Sexy, I want to play the theme song as I read a scene where Fluttershy is now FlutterPower.
I can almost see it now...
Fluttershy slow trotting down the road with a new mane style and a confidence never before seen.
As the song hits the chorus, she flips her mane, gives a little seductive wink as stallions (and some mares) either are left jaws dropping or faint from a nose bleed...
Oh the glorious CHAOS a hot diva could make
ZOMG This Fluttershy is SOOOOOOO OC!!!! oh wait... never mind that's the point XD... I LOVE IT!!!!
Awaiting the rest.
6054877
https://derpiboo.ru/905272?scope=scpede87d24c986ab95e7fde0c0e7016906c95b29f42
Keep going i like this :)
"Ah'll do my best, Sugarcube!" she declared.
6054999 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EDJuTIyiBWk&list=PLpXcLm6DpHI2P8QV2y8H2l1xqRayzUpGG&index=118
Sounds like she took on the personality of Ruby Rose from RWBY.
Pinkie's already Nora. Yang, Rainbow. Twilight, Pyrra. Rarity, Weiss. Apple Jack, ... doesn't have a comparison yet
6055172 Then what would be the point of this?
6055265 sorry, I tend to mix 'Mary Sue' with OOC. Don't worry, she's going to have some complications, just like any other mare
6055283 Is Fluttershy in the cover pic some sort of Super Sayan?
6055410 It does look like it...
6055155 If anything, Fluttershy is now Pyyhra. I'd say Twilight is more of a Ruby Rose, amazingly talented, slightly childish, and a natural leader. Pyyhra is the amazingly talented, beautiful, and confident national idol.
This: — is an Em Dash. It is what all these hyphens are supposed to be. To create one, hold down the Alt key and, using the keypad to the right of your keyboard, type "0151". (Minus the quotation marks and the period, of course.) Or, conversely, Control+F the hyphens an copy and paste the em dash provided.
Actually there are two blue balloons and one yellow. Unless this is in some weird alternate— never mind. But, why? Why change that one fact?
Missing "mark".
Unneeded capitalization, or all the other ones need to be capitalized.
The one with all the "Pegger"'s left in.
This should probably be capitalized and a period should be after the q as well.
Maybe you could have Fluttershy state this instead of making Applejack psychic.
I can understand why they all jumped to the conclusion that Fluttershy got laid, it tends to change a person, giving them more confidence. Her friends all picked up on her "extra swagger" and translated that into "got some", not knowing how else to describe it.
I look forward to enjoying the next chapter.
~KBO.
Hello! Just a couple [I swear] minor [no, really, they are] grammar fixes to your fic! [Please don't hurt me...]
Fluttershy's sentence needs to terminate with a comma to link with the remainder of the narration.
Your sentences here are fragmented, 'recipes' needs capitalized, the comma needs to go inside the punctuation, and "birthday" isn't capitalized.
It might look better rendered like this:
"That" should be swapped for "than," and "obsessive-compulsive" shouldn't be capitalized here.
"Cockatrice" is misspelled, and you're missing an apostrophe in "wouldn't." You might also consider switching the comma for a semicolon and reordering the sentence slightly:
Note: I don't mean any of this in a negative way; I'm a copyeditor by hobby, so I notice these things. I also notice that people generally tend to overlook them, which...in some senses I can understand, but in other senses I really can't. Deuces!
I just realized... WHY THE F*** HASN'T THIS BEEN DONE BEFORE!!
6056199 Everyone else was either too busy or too lazy to get it done right?
6056199 The thing is, certain ideas just escape the minds of us mortals until specific conditions are met. Just like it was for me when I wrote "This is bad!"