• Published 22nd Oct 2015
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Home is for the Weak - Pickleless



The princess of the sun and a gimp orphan sit in a cardboard box.

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Why Scootaloo.

"Hey kid, if you had to take down Princess Celestia, what would you do?"

"What?" Scootaloo scrunched up her nose.

"Imagine you decided Princess Celestia had to go, and you committed to taking her out, what would you do?" Nopony grinned.

Scootaloo stared off into the distance with a serious expression on her face.

"Sooooo, do I get super powers or anything?" She asked.

"Nope!"

"Like I am now?"

"Yep!"

Nopony, or rather, Celestia, was always curious what ponies who wanted her gone cooked up in their heads. Asking a ten year old wouldn't give her an idea, but she felt it would be amusing to hear what an innocent child could think of.

"Do I have to be a good pony?" Scootaloo questioned.

"In this pretend scenario?.." Nopony scratched his chin. "Tell you what, you can be as evil as you want."

"Okay." Scootaloo nodded.

"This should be good." Nopony chuckled inwardly.

Really, how evil could a 12 year old get? Now he was curious Scootaloo's idea of being evil was like. So he waited.

...

And waited.

...

And waited...

Aaaaaand waited...

Scootaloo hadn't said anything all day. When Nopony prodded and questioned her, she stayed deathly silent. She hadn't eaten or drank anything, she quietly stared off into the distance with a focused look in her eyes. Even her friends Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle couldn't get her to go out and play. It was sunset, and Nopony was seriously considering taking her to the hospital.

"Got it." Scootaloo finally said.

"Got what?" Nopony flinched, surprised.

"How I'd take down Celestia."

"Oh," Nopony blinked. "You do?"

Scootaloo took a deep breath.

"First thing I would do is rent a buncha books from the library about a pony's mind and stuff. You know, all those books on how confidence and insecurities are formed or whatever. Then I'd hang out with Zecora a lot to get to know what she does all the time. Find where she goes, and at what time she'll be where and all that. Then, I would take Apple Bloom and Sweetiebelle with me into the Everfree with me and beat them to death with a bat or something."

Nopony frowned.

"I'm not sure who I would kill first. I mean, Applebloom would put a fight as I'm slugging on Sweetie, but Sweetie has magic that could be annoying to deal with, you know? After killing them I would bloody myself up a bit and wait for Zecora to pass by. I would have to time it so Zecora would show up in about five to ten minutes. When Rarity and Applejack question me in the hospital on what happened. I would say changelings tried to kill us so that way nopony could say they saw them.

"So then Twilight, with all that awesome magic and junk, would totally find the nearest changeling hive and invade it with the rest of the elements of harmony. I would sneak along and join them, trailing behind them as they took out all the changelings. Eventually, they'd would be fighting the whole hive at once. While all the changelings would be fighting them, I would sneak into the breeding chamber and either steal a changeling egg or a changeling baby, either one works.

"Then, I would raise that changeling to have no self confidence and to adore me. That way, it would do whatever I say with undying loyalty. I would also raise it to believe that alicorns were the source of all evil, and that Twilight killed its hive for fun. It'll grow up around ponies praising Twilight for destroying it's hive, and learn to hate ponies and alicorns!

"Then, I would have it hypnotize me to believe that Celestia was actually flying down to where I sleep at night and beating me for stress relief. Luna would see my nightmares, hear my woe, and be conflicted. The seeds of doubt would be planted! I would rob a bunch of banks using the changeling's shape-shifting powers, and hire a master thief to steal the alicorn amulet. I would slip the amulet on Twilight while she was sleeping. While I'm doing this, my changeling will sneak into Canterlot Castle, and transform into Princess Celestia. It would be in a room next to Luna on purpose, and monologue about its evil plan to put the Alicorn Amulet onto Twilight, so Luna and her will have a justification to 'accidentally' kill Twilight. Luna will try to confront Celestia about this, but the changeling will teleport away as Luna breaks down the door.

"I will wake Spike after putting the amulet on Twilight and say that she had gone mad and he should send a letter to Celestia. Celestia will head to Ponyville, and will be stopped by her sister. The three Alicorns will fight it out, and eventually Celestia and Luna will win when they realize they need to stop Twilight regardless of what happens. Celestia will be arrested and contained, and that's when my changeling and I will strike.

"While Celestia has a limiter on her made to suppress her Alicorn's magic, my changeling will hypnotize her, break her out, and have Celestia kill herself. The changeling will take her place and 'Celestia's' journal will be found, stating she planned to kill Luna all those years ago to absorb her powers, but Twilight ruined the plan by actually succeeding at stopping Nightmare Moon, when she was suppose to fail and die, justifying Celestia to kill her sister. That's why she raised Twilight to be friendless and alone in a tower.

"Celestia will be found guilty and sentenced to death, and then I will boast that I set everything up, admitting to killing Applebloom, Sweetiebelle, and stealing the amulet. I will not tell them that I killed Celestia and switched her out with my Changeling. Luna will feel hope in her heart once more. The false truth soothes the pain of betrayal and lies. And then, after they kill me and Celestia is free, my changeling will switch back and confess how Celestia was killed and she took her place, crushing Luna's heart to pieces. It will transform into a small, child version of me, and then it'll say to her..."

Nopony stared at Scootaloo in horror as she turned her cute, puppy like eyes towards him.

"Those are the tears of a fool, who couldn't save her innocent sister from death, when your sister spent a thousand years saving you from your sinful mistakes."

Author's Note:

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