• Published 22nd Oct 2015
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Home is for the Weak - Pickleless



The princess of the sun and a gimp orphan sit in a cardboard box.

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Double sided Scootaloo body pillows, now on sale for $49.99.

Author's Note:

This takes place after Scootaloo gets a home.
(Although I doubt you need much help to work that out.)

Celestia woke up and stretched, getting far better sleep than she had in months. Her body pillow felt perfect compared to last night. She looked down and saw Scootaloo.

"That's not a body pillow." Celestia frowned, pulling Scootaloo in closer.

"No, I'm not," Scootaloo snarked, "you brought me here, remember?"

"Not in the slightest."


"You sucessfully animate the bones of the slave you just killed." Apple Bloom passed a character sheet over to Scootaloo. "The bony hoof of the small undead child raises to salute you."

"Sweet, I make it put on the red dress I bought." Scootaloo started writing down numbers for the skeleton's stats.

"Why are you making your skeleton wear a dress?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Just because it's a skeleton doesn't mean it's not allowed to dress nice."

"Are you living out your desires to look pretty through a necromancer?" Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, it's my skeleton, not me. If I want my little girl to look pretty, I'm allowed to do that." Scootaloo huffed.

"Oh, okay." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "You're fufilling your desire to be a mom through a necromancer, that's not concerning at all."

The wall of Scootaloo's living room busted open as a sleepwalking Celestia shambled through. All three girls screamed as Celestia blew up the table they were gathered around using a blast of magic. With no obstacles left in her way, she grabbed Scootaloo.

"Ah! What in tarnation?!" Apple Bloom recoiled back.

"It's abducting Scootaloo!" Sweetie Belle screamed.

"Help me!" Scootaloo called out.

"Th- that's the Princess Sweetie, she's not an it!" Apple Bloom stammered.

"Who cares, she's crazy and abducting our friend!" Sweetie Belle retorted.

"Why aren't you two helping me?!" Scootaloo grabbed onto the couch, only to have her and the couch get dragged along effortlessly by Celestia.

"You can't call the Princess crazy Sweetie Belle," Applebloom scowled, "besides, it's Celestia, she's anything but crazy!"

"Where have you been for the past year?!" Sweetie Belle yelled.

"Tell my family I love them!" Scootaloo yelled as Celestia dragged her through the hole in the wall.

"You don't have a family!" Sweetie Belle yelled back.

"I meant my skeleton you jacka-"


"So I abducted you from your home during game night and used you as a pillow." Celestia yawned.

"You say it so shamelessly." Scootaloo sneered.

"Well then..."

Scootaloo watched as Celestia got out of bed, trotted out to her balcony, and raised the sun. Smiling, she trotted back to the bed, climbed in, and wrapped her hooves around Scootaloo."

"What the- hey!" Scootaloo complained. "Are you just going back to sleep?!"

Celestia lit her horn and opened a door, leading to a room full of scrolls. She lifted one up in her magic and set fire to it.

"Don't you have a country to run?"

"Shhhhhut up..." Celestia gently whispered.

Scootaloo quietly laid there until she heard snoring from Celestia.

"Oh come on!"

...

"I really have to pee..." Scootaloo whimpered.


Celestia's assistant Raven went about her morning routine in the castle, up until a flame dropped a scroll at her hooves. She picked it up and unrolled it.

Raven,

Catching up on sleep, you're in charge for the day. Abuse your power only how I would.

Celestia.

"Yes!" Raven did a hoof-pump.

"Ms. Raven?" One of the servants nervously spoke up.

"Miss Whipped Cream, Princess Celestia seems to have found a cure for her insomnia, I will be in charge for the day. Tell the Day Court that things have been suspended for two hours due to vital matters concerning the safety of Equestria. Have some of the servants prepare a family sized platter of mashed potatoes with gravy, using at least two pounds of butter, and bring it to the hot springs. Also, have that cute stallion in the royal guard deliver it to me, the one named Stainless Steel."

"Y- yes ma'am!" The servant bowed before turning to leave.

Raven cackled gleefully as she trotted off to the hot springs.


"And that's how we lost Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle said to Applejack and Rarity.

Both of them stared at the hole in the side of Scootaloo's house, then at their younger siblings.

"What," they said in unison.

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