Celestia woke up and stretched, getting far better sleep than she had in months. Her body pillow felt perfect compared to last night. She looked down and saw Scootaloo.
"That's not a body pillow." Celestia frowned, pulling Scootaloo in closer.
"No, I'm not," Scootaloo snarked, "you brought me here, remember?"
"Not in the slightest."
"You sucessfully animate the bones of the slave you just killed." Apple Bloom passed a character sheet over to Scootaloo. "The bony hoof of the small undead child raises to salute you."
"Sweet, I make it put on the red dress I bought." Scootaloo started writing down numbers for the skeleton's stats.
"Why are you making your skeleton wear a dress?" Sweetie Belle asked.
"Just because it's a skeleton doesn't mean it's not allowed to dress nice."
"Are you living out your desires to look pretty through a necromancer?" Apple Bloom raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, it's my skeleton, not me. If I want my little girl to look pretty, I'm allowed to do that." Scootaloo huffed.
"Oh, okay." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes. "You're fufilling your desire to be a mom through a necromancer, that's not concerning at all."
The wall of Scootaloo's living room busted open as a sleepwalking Celestia shambled through. All three girls screamed as Celestia blew up the table they were gathered around using a blast of magic. With no obstacles left in her way, she grabbed Scootaloo.
"Ah! What in tarnation?!" Apple Bloom recoiled back.
"It's abducting Scootaloo!" Sweetie Belle screamed.
"Help me!" Scootaloo called out.
"Th- that's the Princess Sweetie, she's not an it!" Apple Bloom stammered.
"Who cares, she's crazy and abducting our friend!" Sweetie Belle retorted.
"Why aren't you two helping me?!" Scootaloo grabbed onto the couch, only to have her and the couch get dragged along effortlessly by Celestia.
"You can't call the Princess crazy Sweetie Belle," Applebloom scowled, "besides, it's Celestia, she's anything but crazy!"
"Where have you been for the past year?!" Sweetie Belle yelled.
"Tell my family I love them!" Scootaloo yelled as Celestia dragged her through the hole in the wall.
"You don't have a family!" Sweetie Belle yelled back.
"I meant my skeleton you jacka-"
"So I abducted you from your home during game night and used you as a pillow." Celestia yawned.
"You say it so shamelessly." Scootaloo sneered.
"Well then..."
Scootaloo watched as Celestia got out of bed, trotted out to her balcony, and raised the sun. Smiling, she trotted back to the bed, climbed in, and wrapped her hooves around Scootaloo."
"What the- hey!" Scootaloo complained. "Are you just going back to sleep?!"
Celestia lit her horn and opened a door, leading to a room full of scrolls. She lifted one up in her magic and set fire to it.
"Don't you have a country to run?"
"Shhhhhut up..." Celestia gently whispered.
Scootaloo quietly laid there until she heard snoring from Celestia.
"Oh come on!"
...
"I really have to pee..." Scootaloo whimpered.
Celestia's assistant Raven went about her morning routine in the castle, up until a flame dropped a scroll at her hooves. She picked it up and unrolled it.
Raven,
Catching up on sleep, you're in charge for the day. Abuse your power only how I would.
Celestia.
"Yes!" Raven did a hoof-pump.
"Ms. Raven?" One of the servants nervously spoke up.
"Miss Whipped Cream, Princess Celestia seems to have found a cure for her insomnia, I will be in charge for the day. Tell the Day Court that things have been suspended for two hours due to vital matters concerning the safety of Equestria. Have some of the servants prepare a family sized platter of mashed potatoes with gravy, using at least two pounds of butter, and bring it to the hot springs. Also, have that cute stallion in the royal guard deliver it to me, the one named Stainless Steel."
"Y- yes ma'am!" The servant bowed before turning to leave.
Raven cackled gleefully as she trotted off to the hot springs.
"And that's how we lost Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle said to Applejack and Rarity.
Both of them stared at the hole in the side of Scootaloo's house, then at their younger siblings.
"What," they said in unison.
I'll take ten.
I use way too many sequence breakers.
7299907
goodness, that was fast!
7299910
[youtube=kD_xWrhZ8yI]
Is your combining of "Apple Bloom" and "Sweetie Belle" into one word intentional?
I'll take a hundred!
Also, very funny chapter.
7299913
Depends on the story, but in this case, no, I'm just tired. I write and update this story at 3 AM consistantly. It's never intentional, it just happens.
7299917 Your face is consistently awful. Unsubscribed, unliked, unfavorited, blocked, reported. My uncle works at Fimfiction and he's gonna hear about this and your ass is gonna get banned.
7299923
Welp.
Logs out of account and never returns.
7299924 We did it, Reddit!
Oh hey, check out your vote count. You're about to hit a magnificent milestone. You must be so very excited.
img03.imgland.net/letgnJM.png
Look at that. Just one vote away from a perfect 50:1 ratio and not 20:1 shhhhhhhh
Here, let me help you out.
img03.imgland.net/TKv_Uw.png
Toodles!
I instinctively tried to give you an upvote on finishing the chapter. I couldn't because I've already done that.
'What' indeed.
7299927 Now kiss.
7299923
7299938
That's 50:1. You're just as bad as math as Pickleless is at writing. *haughty horse noises*
seems to have?
7299938
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooookay~
7299977
ohp-
What indeed
7299949 What are you talking about? Liar. Scoundrel. Filthy cretin. You would slander my good name. I'll have you hanged.
7300026
Wouldn't that be "I'll have you hung"?
7299924 Nooooooooooooooooo—wait, does this mean I get to update the story in your stead?
7299923 Today’s opposite day.
7299986 (Nah, but seriously, here's your big moment. Congrats, you nerd. Also, incidentally, 777 comments.)
img.imgland.net/6JshlnD.png
maybe now you can finally get laid7300029
Not unless you're secretly a picture frame or something. Objects are hung, people are hanged. It's one of those odd little quirks of English.
God that's cute.
Raven, best abuser of power ever.
Oh Luna help the poor colt who falls for this filly. She's already practicing on being a mom.
Spooning your chicken. . . not weird at all, Celestia!
Raven in charge, huh? So THAT'S why she was out and about Canterlot on Saturday! It all makes sense now.
Grats on 1k milestone.
This chapter is total pure awesome.
That's all I have to say.
Seriously, I've got, like 12 unread chapters on this story right now. I didn't even notice them because it's stuck in my "complete" folder. Don't you think it's time to set the story back to incomplete, with how often you update it?
"What" indeed, Rarity and Applejack. "What" indeed.
7300309
Easy solution: set all of your folders to notify you about new chapters.
So the CMC found out during Nopony's stay it seems. The real question is who among the mane 6 also found out she was in town, besides Pinkie.
7299909
You just made my day with this chapter!! Seriously, few people can manage a near nonsensical plot that both amuses and still tells a story. You, however, have not only done so, but done so very well! I approve!!
Once more sir you have created pure gold with this. It is adorable, creepy and absolutely hilarious in every way o can imagine.
I wish o could like and favorite it all over again as this has to be one of the funniest stories I have ever read as so far ive laughed at every chapter.
Wait. Are
peopleponies going to start connecting the dots? Is this going to end up with everyonepony but Twilight figuring out that Nopony is Celestia?Oh holy hell I nearly died right there.
And go Raven, abuse the hell out of it.
And then Luna or the brother of Nopony, called "somepony" appear and take Nopony bitting his ear and forcing him to move.
Not sure if only a Game or Reality...
Both options would be realistic.
7300055
People can be hung, too.
7301192
You know, I'm honestly a little surprised it took this long for someone to say that.
7301222
So was I. That's why it had to be said. Civic duty and all.
I have no words. Like, in a good way, mind you, but just, no words.
7301282
Truly you are the best kind of citizen.
7300556 Probably, Twilight doesn't catch on to those kind of thing very fast ( except for the whole Chrysalis attempt at taking over Equestria thing). That and her high opinion of her mentor, will make her deny the truth when she does realise it.
7301562 Twilight Crakle's return? Probably Twilight Crakle's return.
Again. I must be quiet where I'm at... but this!
7301578 Seriously, she act like the sun shine out of Celestia ass... Oh wait, it most likely does, she is after all Sunbutt.
Another one of those times I wish I could 'like' chapters.
Holds out hand
TAKE MY MONEY, I WANT TEN OF THEM
Way to cheer me up ten minutes after my day was ruined. This is priceless!
I said it before, I'll say it again, fuckin' genius XD
I want a pony body pillow