Nopony slowly awoke with a yawn, got up, and looked around him. Scootaloo was staring at something outside the alleyway with a blush on her face.
It was a colt.
"Who's that?" Nopony asked.
"Ah!" Scootaloo flinched. "U- uh, who's who?"
"That colt you wanna make out with."
"I don't want to make out with him!"
"Oh real-"
"I need to make out with him..." Scootaloo sighed.
"Wow," Nopony sounded genuinely surprised, "you really got the vapors for that little air headed pretty boy huh?"
"I just... I just wish we would crash into each other, while I was doing tricks on my scooter."
"Uh huh." Nopony laid back down.
"And he would be covered in sweat from working out all day."
"Are you about to tell me your fantasy for making out with this colt?"
"He would look at me and say, are you alright?" Scootaloo went on, lost in her thoughts.
"Please stop."
"And I'd say back, Are you a wall?"
"What?"
"And he'd be like No, why?"
"What kind of opening line is-"
"Because I'm about to knock you down, climb over, and invade you."
...
"And then-"
"Okay no!" Nopony cut her off. "If you're going to have a weird rape fantasy with this colt, let's at least make it productive."
"Okay first off, in this awesome imaginary scenario, he's consenting." Scootaloo huffed. "Secondly, are you about to try and help me rape somepony?"
"As you just said, it's fine if he consents. Love is a lot like politics, you're in the clear if you don't get caught."
"Should I call the royal guard?"
"So the first thing you do is stalk him all day and don't give him the chance to eat."
"I'm calling the royal guard." Scootaloo tried to get up and leave, only to get pinned under one of Nopony's wings.
"Hush, now it's important he doesn't know you have a hoof in this." Nopony nodded, as if he was conversing with somepony else. "Try to make sure he gets a little rest as possible too."
"I'm getting kind of scared here."
"Then, near the end of the day, you strike up a conversation with him, saying you noticed how tired and hungry he looks, and you happen to have a picnic basket on you."
"Why would I just happen to have a picnic basket on me?" Scootaloo snarked.
"Doesn't matter, he's tired and hungry, you could be Discord himself and he'd throw himself at your hooves." Nopony rolled his eyes.
"Oh, I know where you're going with this!"
"Now, make sure the food has a light amount of aphrodisiac in it."
"What."
"Then he'll be tired, slightly hungry, and aroused. After that, just start kissing him and he'll be too into it and braindead to care. How's that for scoring a makeout session in under one day?"
Scootaloo stared at Nopony.
"You are a monster." She said calmly.
"That's not a no."
"You pretty much made a plan to drug somepony."
"That's still not a no."
"Where can I find a picnic basket?"
Good girl Scoots, got her priorities straight. Blessed be Celestia.
Yes.
I didn't know Princess Molestia was making a cameo in this fic!
ew.
Helping your daughter score the prize she wants... in as legal a way as possible'ish?
Best dad/mom ever. And with Scoot's epic pickup lines, who is she to fail when coupled with a picnic basket with plenty of pie?
I’m not sure if that’d be legal, but since Celestia likely has the legal authority to do literally whatever she wants…
… eehhh, it’ll be fine.
Yup, this are Scootaloo and Nopony (totally not Celestia).
Small note:
Maybe you should add a comment at the beginning when you make time jumps.
7286256
They usually do. Guess they forgot this time.
Pff, I really shouldn't be laughing.
But I am.
... I wonder how many time has Celestia used such, ehm, unconventional tactic before I mean, it doesn't sounds like something she put together at the moment...
7286256
All chapters take place between when they met and when Scootaloo got a home, except where otherwise stated.
Meanwhile, somewhere in the Crystal Empire, Princess Cadance shakily pours herself a glass of hard liquor...
So the story is marked as complete, yet you still keep adding chapters. Wut?
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It's called DLC, or, if you prefer, add-ons. You know, that one thing that most videogames have nowadays? Yeah, it's like that.
Disturbing, yet hilarious. Always the best combination.
Well this is horribly hilarious and I am laughing mu ass off.
Good work once again sir
One a side note this totally rinds me of Cards Agsint Humanity and some of the messed up cards and scenarios crested in that game.
7286390 do remember we are talking about the wonderful relationship of a piss smelling princess discussed as the hobo she is in her heart and a sightly less smelly Pegasus orphan... That began when said princess decided to sleep in the orphan's alley and then asked her how she would kill the princess. And liked the answer, because it was better than most did come up with when she asked.
What I'm saying is, they're so messed up this thing here should surprise no one
I should be horrified but I still laughed
Dammit, where's that Scootaloo "MURDER" pic when you need it? Only, you know, without text so I can change it for "RAPE".
Wow, that did NOT come out right
7286390 I get the feeling that This!Cadance is either a hardcore alcoholic...
Or got Shiny into BDSM on the third date. Then switching on the fifth.
"I notice you're still not saying no, Scoots."
Kids these days.
I need an adult...
I am an adult!
7286560 DLC tends to need to be bought and add-ons are usually free
I think
Aaaaaand that punchline!
And she just happens to have a picnic basket nearby.
Scootaloo tested, Celestia approved!
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Ah. Well then. Apparently these extra chapters are add-ons, then. It makes more sense.
damn it... this needs another +1 from me just for this chapter alone AND I CAN'T GIVE ANOTHER +1!?
7287728 No. We were all given the season pass.
I'm curious about the identity of this
poorlucky colt7287728 7287225
DLC, or "downloadable content", is simply what the title states: content that can be downloaded. Nowhere in that phrase is "free" or "paid" part of the equation. There has been free DLC before. Lots of it. It doesn't get called something different because it's free. There isn't any distinction between "DLC" and "add-on". All DLC are add-ons, as they all "add" new content to the game.
These semantic complications are unnecessary.
7289581 I haven't scrolled enough, but I think it's Rumble or Archer the blue Scootaloo. Yes, blue Scootaloo copy is a colt.
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I know I'm unnecessary, but what are you?
I wish I could upvote chapters, several dozens of times, because this was golden
brilliant idea
Goddamn it Molestia!
... I need the ability to upvote more that once now...
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Ikr?!
"And you made a plan to kill somepony, and drive another pony to suicide, and it involved you killing your best friend. What's your point?"
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that they both need a shrink and scoots needs to be kept away from bats