Home is for the Weak

by Pickleless

Beat Children who are Smaller than you.

"So I turned twelve years old today." Scootaloo smiled.

"Happy birthday kid." The Stallion congratulated.

"Thanks mister... whoever you are!"

"Nopony special."

"Thanks Nopony Special!"

The two quietly chuckled together as they watched ponies pass by the alleyway.

"So did you get what you wanted?" Nopony asked.

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash let me ride her back as she flew today, it was awesome!"

"Nice..." Special yawned. "So, you know what this means right?"

"What?" Scootaloo blinked.

"You are now powerful enough to beat up three 4 year olds."

"What?"

"Or four 3 year olds, or two 6 year olds."

"Or one 12 year old." Scootaloo finished.

"Now you getting it." Nopony smiled.

"So... does that mean when I'm thirteen I can only beat up another 13 year old?"

"You could also beat up two 6 year olds and two midgets."

"Does that mean, that right now, I have the power to beat up 24 midgets?" Scootaloo stared at the stallion in awe.

"Yes." Nopony gave her the most serious look he could muster.

"Or I could beat up twelve one year olds- WAIT, wait wait wait wait wait!.." Scootaloo stood up in the box.

"Does that mean... I can beat up an INFINITE amount of new born babies?!?"

The dirt covered stallion stood up as well in the unusually large box and held Scootaloo's cheek in his hoof. Staring into her eyes, he said in a mystical, powerful voice:

"Scootaloo, you could beat up EVERY NEWBORN BABY in existence if you so desired..."

Scootaloo got a faraway look in her eyes, dreaming a dream no pony dared to dream before. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. Seeing a flash, she recognized this feeling of inner acceptance. There was only one explanation for it! Looking at her flank she saw!..

...Nothing.

Featherweight's camera went off again, making another flash as he took pictures of a nearby building.

"Awwww..." Scootaloo pouted as she sat back down.

"Were you seriously hoping for a infant beating cutie mark?" Nopony laid back down as well.

"It might have been cool..." Scootaloo averted her eyes... and then saw a delicious cake sitting on a silver platter.

"Woah," Scootaloo cried out, "where did that come from?!?"

"Who knows..." Nopony smiled.

---

"WHICH ONE OF YOU FOALS HAS ROBBED US OF OUR ROYAL DESSERT?!?" Luna roared.

Comments

[Seether00]

My WTF-meter is going off the charts!

[BaconedCake]

This is going to be fun read. . . *evil grin*

[Tuong Lu Kim]

I'll beat every baby in this town in ten seconds flat!

[josue]

i stole luna's ROYAL DESSERT time to haul ass

[Frozen Feathers]

Scootaloo, you could beat up EVERY NEWBORN BABY in existence if you so desired...

AHAHAHAHA No matter how many times I read that line... I can't. I just can't...memesvault.com/wp-content/uploads/Laughing-Meme-02.jpg

[Robot Sparky]

6557218 this statement could not have been truer, I agree with lightning on this one

[Troublesome Beast]

So I'm only here on chapter two, and my spouse is asking if I'm OK, due to sheer giggloing.

Well p!ayed.

[keaton-furman-prower]

"Thanks mister... whoever you are!"

"Nopony special."

"Thanks Nopony Special!"

Nopony Special is best homeless stallion

"Scootaloo, you could beat up EVERY NEWBORN BABY in existence if you so desired..."

You would probably get arrested, but you definitely could

[Jake Witt]

I'm not sure if I should be angry, laughing, shouting out "NEEEEERD", or choking out "Egghead."

[ZackAttack]

Time to like- WHAT!? Already liked!?

[SaraWalker107]

...................................................... wait, what?

[Jonny Bench]

This has been absolutely histarical for me! Can't wait to read more!

[Ebony Gryphon]

7350387
hysterical

[Overmind]

Scootaloo got a faraway look in her eyes, dreaming a dream no pony dared to dream before. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. /quote]
My god in context this is perhaps just perhaps the most butiefull line I have ever read.

[Dustchu]

Hehehehe, woooow... this is quite interesting, quite interesting... and hilarious
Good work

[LucarioFan2066]

"Were you seriously hoping for an infant beating cutie mark?" Nopony laid back down as well.

Okay, WHAT? That would be, if I can borrow Rarity's shtick for a moment, "the WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!".
How would a foal-assault mark be beneficial in any way? Unless you are a psychopathic child murderer (and if you are a psychopathic child murderer, I'd recommend a visit to either the Tower of London or Arkham Asylum), such a mark should not exist.

[AMuffinlover]

"WHICH ONE OF YOU FOALS HAS ROBBED US OF OUR ROYAL DESSERT?!?" Luna roared.

Trollestia for the win

[Seratina]

6560746
which rainbow factory?

[Sir Budginton]

"So... does that mean when I'm thirteen I can only beat up another 13 year old?"

Or 13 one year olds.

#primenumbersarebestnumbers

[Violet Sky]

I love this.

[porcelainpony]

I have had a terrible day. But this is what I needed. Something kind of silly, kind of light, and funny, but with a decent plot

[Vaguely Demented]

Kind of wish she had gotten that mark. Would have made for one hell of a road trip.

[Noobly60]

Luna will never know.

[ScooterCat]

8359328
Bruh...this is comedy. ✨golden comedy✨
It’s a flipping joke. Get over it.

[Shenzy]

"Does that mean, that right now, I have the power to beat up 24 midgets?" Scootaloo stared at the stallion in awe.

[6-D Pegasus]

8359328
Me on my way to be reincarnated into Equestria as a newborn pegasus and speedrun life to getting an infant-beating cutie mark just to spite you: