• Member Since 18th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Tails_155


I like Ponies, especially pegasus ponies.

E

This story is a sequel to The Autobiography of Scootaloo - A Diary Collection


^ Somewhat. It's a different perspective retelling of a story from within, and actually the source of a lot of the original bits and pieces of the above story.

Scootaloo image via Celliron
Apple Bloom image via PixelHeartArt
Sweetie Belle image via Thealjavis

After being entombed in the earth for centuries, a crystalline monster has risen from the depths of the Equestrian soil. It and its minions want revenge. It attacks Equestria, turning all older ponies to crystal where they stand. The creature, however, refuses to attack the younger ponies, as the last time he saw the sun was when he, too, was young. With Twilight and her friends turned to crystal, what is Equestria to do?

Chapters (15)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 22 )

Die Young - Black Sabbath

The premise reminds me of the original Spyro The Dragon

I opened this story because I liked the synopsis. It's good stuff, your synopsis: establishes a conflict, gives an idea of what to expect, leaves us intrigued.

Your story, however, is not good stuff. An incomplete list of problems:

-You open with "Context." How many books do you read which start off by saying, "Okay, these characters are related in these ways and here's why you should care"? None. No one should do that, ever.

-Your spelling is bad. You misspell Sweetie Belle's name in your first real sentence, for heaven's sake. Your grammar is also bad—watch dialogue punctuation, especially.

-Your pacing is lightning-fast, and not in a good way. Your chapters don't even break a thousand words, for heaven's sake. Chapters should be around 2,000 words at a bare minimum. Less than that simply isn't enough meat to justify an entire chapter.

-Rainbow Dash is shipped with a random OC. I think Fluttershy is, too.

For these issues and more, I hit the dislike button. I hit it hard. But this is, I assume, your first story. Here's my advice: read books. (Not fanfics, actual published books.) Learn your grammar and spelling. Go get advice from readers and reviewers—ponychan's /fic/ board can be a godsend, though you should lurk a while first to get a feel for the rules.

And then after you've practiced your skills a bit, come back and write the story your synopsis was meant for. And if you do that, then you will have done something great.

I like it! It's creative story and I love the plot and overall storyline. :pinkiesmile:

1045533 Thanks! :twilightsheepish::heart:

If you liked this, check out my other story, it's far better polished! :pinkiehappy:

1048096 yeah I did, that's how I found this one. I still reckon they're both great.

I like it, it's kind of like the Elements of Harmony for the CMC. :heart::yay:

i came to this story from your scootaloo diary one, this story was... i will be honest, this needs a lot of work, i feel like i read a digest or a highlight more than a story, buuuuuut, a big huge gigantic but :pinkiehappy:, it has potential, it really does, i´m kinda curious if you want to try and redo this story when you have the chance, some of the scenes, pace of the story, background story as well, its very well thought, it just seems like you had trouble getting the story in paper as it appeared on your head
for the moment have my thumbs up and a fav for this story, it was "bad" in a way but it was so good in another :twilightblush:
now i can continue reading scoots diary :yay:

2349330 TBH, this was the first fanfic I ever wrote... for anything. :twilightsheepish: I may, someday. It was supposed to be basically like an episode proposal. It is VERY fast, because I didn't really expect to write fics... then Scoot's Diary happened. :pinkiegasp:

2349337

It was supposed to be basically like an episode proposal.

that was what i wanted to say :twilightblush:
but yeah this was good, i really enjoyed the reading, if you manage to write it someday as it was developing in my head as i read it (i blame my imagination and brain for filling some parts and seeing things as more than what you wrote), it would be a story of those that make noise in the fandom and stays for a while
the "script" really has potential :twilightsmile:

2414294 This is older and far less polished :twilightblush:

2414294 That is, specifically, this is older and less updated. To fix canon flaws, I had to rearrange them in SPD, I haven't gone through with this one yet, especially with my lack of free time. :applecry:

They run off with Celestia et al

huh?

2974687 et al. = and the rest, this fic REALLY needs polishing, but I just haven't had time! :applecry:

This is really good! Has a good concept, but it needs a little work. Also, what are the CMC's elements called? Anyway, it was awesome and I might have to looka t your other stuff:pinkiehappy::yay:

2974854 They're not elements, but they function similarly, I suppose.

Courage - Scootaloo

Hope - Sweetie Belle

Compassion - Apple Bloom

2977129
Yeah but everything has a name so what are you calling them?:scootangel:

2977191 I had a term at some point, but I forget what it was... :applecry:

2977437
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: We understand, but tell me if you remember?

Well if you wanted feedback you got it. This is an interesting idea. That and I'm reminded of the first spyro the dragon game here. Which is very good in that respect. Can't beat a classic there. Good times for me. Keep up the good work.

3541289 Talk about being on-time! <<

>>

What?

I think they were called like... The Essences of Purity
Essence of Courage - Scootaloo
Essence of Empathy - Apple Bloom
Essence of Hope - Sweetie Belle

6615879 you got sweets and scoots right but appleblooms is sympathy

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!