Not All Is Set In Stone

by Tails_155

Home Sweet Home

The group returns to Lucky Buck's house. They all stand around the princesses, and nine brightly colored beams converge on the spot where all the princesses and Shining Armor rest, motionless. The four of them awaken from their crystalline slumber. Spike scrambles for fragments of gem as they crumble to the floor.

"Spike, I'm going to send you home if you don't stop it! Now's not the time."

Spike sighs.

Celestia walks over to the Crusaders. "Congratulations, Crusaders! You did it! I knew I could trust you!"

"We're not done yet, the Elements of Harmony and these things didn't even seem to affect the monster at all!"

"Yeah, they just bounced right off!"

"Let's go."

The group, now thirteen strong, charges to where the battle between Beryline and several of the other creatures still still rages. Dozens of cracked and shattered beings limping or felled litter the streets.

Beryline screeches a furious sound and tosses the creatures all over town, many of them crumbling and cracking. The creatures scatter and hide.

"Ah, Celestia, so I see you've been freed to witness the end of pony society, too!" Beryline hisses, his voice deep and shrill at once.

"You will pay for what you've done! Why did you do this to all these innocent ponies? This is not your land!"

"No! This land was mine! You ponies took it from my people! My people were here for eons before you made your way to our home."

"Enough!"

The group proceeds to fire beams. Shining Armor and Cadence together, the Crusaders together, Twilight and her friends together, Celestia and Luna.

The various spells all strike the enormous alicorn at once. It bellows in a rage and bursts into thousands of pieces.

Silence falls over everypony, a sense of cautious dread, competing with hope. "I-is it over?" Scootaloo asks as dust clears.

"I-I think so." Twilight responds. Celestia examines the surroundings. Fragments of crystal litter the streets.

The aching, brittle creatures littering the street all back in fear of the alicorns. Celestia turns to them, staring cautiously.

Apple Bloom turns to Celestia. "Um... Princess... um... Your Highness? I-is it true that these creatures were here first?"

Celestia's scowl toward the other terrified creatures breaks. "I-I well, yes. Yes, they were here first. But we lived in a few secluded towns, far from where they truly lived. I can only imagine it was the father of the one we just defeated who led a full scale attack against us. He told me in Canterlot that he was out for revenge for his father. We had to put them underground. It was for the safety of us all. The stronger among them kept imprisoning ponies when they'd seek materials for houses. Eventually there was a war. And, well... the remaining crystal creatures were locked away in their own underground land."

"But... but these creatures... th-they seemed scared by that creature... I don't think it was their fault... Can't we give them another chance?"

"Y-yeah, most of them left us alone." Scootaloo nods.

"Yeah, I mean a few attacked us, but who knows why they attacked us."

Celestia turns to the other creatures.

"Do you creatures promise that you will leave us be, if we will do the same for you?"

The various crystalline monsters chitter and growl toward each other, then nod.

"Very well, you three. Your sympathy and concern for these creatures will spare them, unless they attack us again." Celestia turns back to the creatures with a newly formed scowl. The creatures reel back slightly. The scowl lifts into a grin as she returns to the fillies.

"So, what exactly are these, anyway? Are they like... Elements of Harmony?" Scootaloo smiles at the idea of being more like her idol and adoptive mother.

"They're an older, slightly weaker type of magic. The Essence of Courage, Hope, and Sympathy are... a sort of prototype, you could say." Twilight explains. "I have a book somewhere about older artifacts and enchantments."

"Of course you do, Twilight." Sweetie Belle chuckles. "If you find it, I'd be happy to read it. This was really fascinating... scary, but fascinating."

"We were... kinda heroes!" Scootaloo cheers.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, together forever! Yay!" The three cheer.

"S-say, did we earn our cutie marks?!"

The three all look at their flanks to see if they got their marks. Still blank.

"If that didn't get us our marks, what will?" Sweetie Belle frowns.

"Saving the world would be a spectacular special talent, but quite a burden, don't you think?" Twilight comforts the frustrated fillies.

"But we want our Cutie Marks now!!!" The trio whines.

The rest of them laugh.

The group wanders the streets, recovering the various ponies as they pass. Apple Bloom rushes back to the cellar, and knocks.

Dinky pops out, and Apple Bloom nods.

"Hey guys, it's safe! We can leave again!"

Dinky runs down the streets to where Derpy and Doctor have both just been freed. She hops between them cheerily, and they both hug her in a tight embrace.

Celestia turns to the rest and says "I will take care of those afar, once you have freed everyone, come to the castle. We can lock these up for safety's sake once more. You never know when we may need them again."

Twilight nods, and Celestia and Luna take to the skies, Shining Armor and Cadence head for Canterlot.

The foals scatter. Featherweight embraces Scootaloo, and Pipsqueak Sweetie Belle.

"We have to find my dad." Featherweight urges.

"And mine." Scootaloo responds.

"I got it, Squirt, you go help Featherweight!"

"O-okay, Mom." Scootaloo nods.

Twilight and her friends split up, using the powers of their Elements to free their friends and neighbors. The Crusaders, as a group, seek out family of friends, and free them one by one. Featherweight hugs his father. Pipsqueak heads home with his parents, kissing Sweetie Belle on the cheek before setting off. Snips and Snails head off with their parents, and Lily, upon meeting her mother once more, tells her of the adventure she had, and how she cared for the Cakes foals, whom she had just brought back to Sugarcube Corner. The two share a hug, and she turns to Featherweight and Rumble.

"And thank you two. You really helped keep us all together. I hope you'll write, and I will try to visit you all at school when I get a chance. Who knows, maybe we'll all be together someday."

Featherweight nods. Rumble gives a smile and affirms. "Of course we'll write. We're friends, now."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" Lily digs into the saddlebags she was still wearing, pulling out a couple of sheets of paper with her address in Equinapolis. She hands one to both of the colts. "And I should probably give these back."

"We'll take them to school. They'll find their way back home."

"School. Miss Cheerilee!" The Crusaders dart off toward the school, where they stand in a triangle around their imprisoned teacher.

"You'll be back with us soon!" Sweetie Belle smiles. The beams fire once more, cracking away the gemstone shell.

"What happened? Is everypony okay?" Miss Cheerilee glances around. "I came outside to see what a noise was and... Scootaloo? Sweetie Belle? Apple Bloom?"

"It's kind of a long story." Scootaloo explains.

"But we can share at show and tell!" Sweetie Belle nods, Scootaloo nudges her. "What? We can."

"Fine. I guess."

"Aw, c'mon Scootaloo, it'll be fun!"

"You two have a weird definition of fun." The three laugh as Miss Cheerilee stares in a haze of curious confusion.

"Well, I will have to hear tomorrow, then."

"Tomorrow's Saturday, Miss Cheerilee!" Scootaloo chuckles.

"Oh, my. Well... I-uh, I guess I'll have to hear about it on Monday, then!" She sings.

"Sure thing!" Sweetie Belle smiles.

"Let's go, we have the whole weekend to figure out our Cutie Marks! Imagine what a show and tell that will be!" Scootaloo hops, filled with eager energy. The three run down the road to Sweet Apple Acres, freeing Apple Bloom's grandmother and brother,soon after, meet Twilight Sparkle, who takes their enchanted accessories and promises to bring them back to Canterlot.

"I think that's everypony. I'll take these back when I bring the Elements of Harmony to Celestia. You girls go enjoy your weekend. I think you might have done enough traveling for the time being."

"You don't know the half of it." Scootaloo chuckles. "I could use a rest right about now."

"Me, too." Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom insist, in chorus back. The three laugh and head for the clubhouse.

Author's Note:

Hopefully this is at least a bit more polished than the first round. Let me know your thoughts!

Comments

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Die Young - Black Sabbath

The premise reminds me of the original Spyro The Dragon

[Thimblefull]

I opened this story because I liked the synopsis. It's good stuff, your synopsis: establishes a conflict, gives an idea of what to expect, leaves us intrigued.

Your story, however, is not good stuff. An incomplete list of problems:

-You open with "Context." How many books do you read which start off by saying, "Okay, these characters are related in these ways and here's why you should care"? None. No one should do that, ever.

-Your spelling is bad. You misspell Sweetie Belle's name in your first real sentence, for heaven's sake. Your grammar is also bad—watch dialogue punctuation, especially.

-Your pacing is lightning-fast, and not in a good way. Your chapters don't even break a thousand words, for heaven's sake. Chapters should be around 2,000 words at a bare minimum. Less than that simply isn't enough meat to justify an entire chapter.

-Rainbow Dash is shipped with a random OC. I think Fluttershy is, too.

For these issues and more, I hit the dislike button. I hit it hard. But this is, I assume, your first story. Here's my advice: read books. (Not fanfics, actual published books.) Learn your grammar and spelling. Go get advice from readers and reviewers—ponychan's /fic/ board can be a godsend, though you should lurk a while first to get a feel for the rules.

And then after you've practiced your skills a bit, come back and write the story your synopsis was meant for. And if you do that, then you will have done something great.

[LunaUsesCaps]

[Violette]

I like it! It's creative story and I love the plot and overall storyline.

[Tails_155]

1045533 Thanks!

If you liked this, check out my other story, it's far better polished!

[Violette]

1048096 yeah I did, that's how I found this one. I still reckon they're both great.

[catluvr2]

I like it, it's kind of like the Elements of Harmony for the CMC.

[BrackMadar]

i came to this story from your scootaloo diary one, this story was... i will be honest, this needs a lot of work, i feel like i read a digest or a highlight more than a story, buuuuuut, a big huge gigantic but , it has potential, it really does, i´m kinda curious if you want to try and redo this story when you have the chance, some of the scenes, pace of the story, background story as well, its very well thought, it just seems like you had trouble getting the story in paper as it appeared on your head
for the moment have my thumbs up and a fav for this story, it was "bad" in a way but it was so good in another
now i can continue reading scoots diary

[Tails_155]

2349330 TBH, this was the first fanfic I ever wrote... for anything. I may, someday. It was supposed to be basically like an episode proposal. It is VERY fast, because I didn't really expect to write fics... then Scoot's Diary happened.

[BrackMadar]

2349337

It was supposed to be basically like an episode proposal.

that was what i wanted to say
but yeah this was good, i really enjoyed the reading, if you manage to write it someday as it was developing in my head as i read it (i blame my imagination and brain for filling some parts and seeing things as more than what you wrote), it would be a story of those that make noise in the fandom and stays for a while
the "script" really has potential

[Tails_155]

2414294 This is older and far less polished

[Tails_155]

2414294 That is, specifically, this is older and less updated. To fix canon flaws, I had to rearrange them in SPD, I haven't gone through with this one yet, especially with my lack of free time.

[Tails_155]

2974687 et al. = and the rest, this fic REALLY needs polishing, but I just haven't had time!

[Coco-loco]

This is really good! Has a good concept, but it needs a little work. Also, what are the CMC's elements called? Anyway, it was awesome and I might have to looka t your other stuff

[Tails_155]

2974854 They're not elements, but they function similarly, I suppose.

Courage - Scootaloo

Hope - Sweetie Belle

Compassion - Apple Bloom

[Coco-loco]

2977129
Yeah but everything has a name so what are you calling them?

[Tails_155]

2977191 I had a term at some point, but I forget what it was...

[Coco-loco]

2977437
We understand, but tell me if you remember?

[Tails_155]

3541289 Talk about being on-time! <<

>>

What?

I think they were called like... The Essences of Purity
Essence of Courage - Scootaloo
Essence of Empathy - Apple Bloom
Essence of Hope - Sweetie Belle

[StarLoverRainDestroyer]

6615879 you got sweets and scoots right but appleblooms is sympathy