Mirror’s Image
By Evilpresident
-
Prologue
Night Light paced down the hallway. The doctors had forced him out of the room, leaving him to pace endlessly in front of the door. He was pretty sure that his horseshoes were filed down to pretty much nothing by now.
A cry of pain from within the room brought him back to his senses as he nervously eyed the door handle.
‘Come on…’ Night Light thought to himself. ‘I can only count the tiles here so many times!’
Three hundred and twenty nine by the way, one was missing for some reason that Night Light couldn’t quite understand.
“Dad!” Night Light’s ears perked up. He turned just in time to get pushed to the ground by Shining Armor. “Is she here yet?” The excitable little colt asked. “I can’t wait to meet her! What are little sisters like anyway?”
“Calm down Shiny.” Night Light looked up to see his mother-in-law walk in. “And get off your father, this is a hospital after all.”
“Yes grandma.” Shining Armor grinned and got off his father, allowing the blue stallion to regain his footing.
“Hey Twinkle.” Night Light said.
“Hello dear. How is it?” The older mare asked, concern clear on her face.
“Not good.” Night Light admitted. “The doctors kicked me out of the room. And that was hours ago.”
“I see…” The grey mare frowned.
“Hey dad!” Shining Armor piped up. “Look what I made!” He held up a stuffed pony. Night Light took a look at it.
It was crudely, yet firmly stitched together, the eyes were mismatched and the hair was a disaster. “Do you think she’ll like it? I made it for her!” Shining said enthusiastically.
“Of course she will.” Night Light said. “Are you sure grandma didn’t help you with this?”
“Of course not dear.” Twilight Twinkle said. “The colt’s got a good eye to horn coordination. I think it might just be his special talent.” She teased.
“What?” Shining Armor uttered. “No way! I wanna be a royal guard when I grow up!” The little colt proclaimed, saluting his grandmother and father just like his heroes.
“That’s nice dear.” Twinkle said. “Why don’t you practice right here? Celestia’s finest can stand still for days on end you know.”
“Really?” Shining Armor asked with a frown on his face. “That sounds stupid.”
“It’s a way of meditation.” Twinkle explained. “They enter a trance in which they save their energy, yet see all that goes on around them. Nothing gets by them.”
“Wow, really? I’ll go try that right away!” Shining Armor ran to the edge of the hallway and ground to a halt, assumed a standing position and stopped moving.
“That’ll keep him busy for a bit.” Twinkle said. “What did the doctors say?”
“Haven’t heard from them in hours.” Night Light said. “They kicked me out, remember?”
“Before that dear, before that.” Twinkle said.
“They were yelling.” Night Light admitted. “I only picked up a few things before that behemoth of a nurse tossed me out on my face. Things about that she wasn’t positioned right and her umbilical cord.” He sighed. “I don’t know what to make of that.”
“My dear, I think that all we can do right now is wait.” Twinkle said as she sat down on the bench. “You get some rest.” She added. “You look like you’re about to fall over.”
Night Light hated to admit it but she was right. He sat down next to her. “Wake me if something happens, okay? I’m gonna get some shuteye.”
“Of course dear.” Twinkle said.
-
“I’ll admit, he’s a persistent one.” A somewhat familiar voice to Night Light’s left said.
The blue stallion opened his eyes, blinking a few times as the hallway came back into focus.
“How long has he been standing there like that?” Night Light now recognized that voice as one of the nurses. Not one inside the room with his wife, unfortunately.
“Two hours.” Twinkle said. “He’s going to be a royal guard when he grows up, just like his grandpa.”
“What’s wrong with being an astronomer?” Night Light asked.
“You’re awake dear?” Twinkle asked. “Nothing, of course.” She proceeded to answer his question. “It’s just not so…”
“Exciting.” The nurse helped out.
“Maybe not.” Night Light admitted with a small smile. “But at least it’s safe. Unless a meteor comes crashing in again.”
The nurse stifled a laugh. “What? I’m being serious.” Night Light said. “Well, it eventually turned out to be Princess Celestia’s pet phoenix, but still that was one exciting evening.” He chuckled weakly.
Twinkle gave him a dismissing wave of her hoof and turned back to the nurse she was chatting with. “Anyway, Shiny’s got his mind set on-"
Twinkle fell silent as the door opened up. Night Light scrambled off of the uncomfortable chair and made his way there, nearly tackling the doctor to the ground in his hurry.
“How is she? Is she hurt? What about the foal? Is she okay?” He bombarded the doctor with questions.
The doctor didn’t say anything at first but his facial expression told Night Light enough. Tears were blinking in the corners of his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” He said, cursing himself for having to bring this kind of news. He hated this part of his job so very much.
Night Light dropped to his knees. The doctor’s words simply shattered his world.
“No, no, no…” He muttered. “Don’t tell me, please…”
“The foal didn’t make it.” The doctor said despite Night Light’s plea. He was obviously hurt by having to share such awful news. “You can see your wife now.”
“What’s going on?” Shining Armor asked. The commotion had snapped him out of his self-imposed trance. “Is she here?”
“Shiny.” Night Light uttered. How could he tell this to his son? Shining Armor had been so excited about getting a little sister.
“Shiny.” He repeated himself as he tried to find the right words. “Your sister, she… she didn’t make it.”
“Huh?” The colt was confused. “Is she late? We can wait, right? She’s bound to show up eventually.”
“What your father means,” Twinkle sat down next to her grandson. “is that your little sister has gone on to see your grandfather in the Elysian fields. He’s taking care of her now.”
“What?” Shining Armor uttered. “No! No! No!” He wailed. Tears streaked down his face as he realized just what his grandmother meant.
His vision was blurred with tears as he turned and ran. He needed to get away from there as quickly as possible.
“Shiny!” Night Light called after his son and made to chase after him. Twinkle however laid her hoof on his shoulder, stopping him. “I’ll go after him.” She said, tears in her eyes. “You’re needed in there.” She pointed to the door where her daughter laid.
Night Light nodded. “Thank you.” He said.
He turned to the door. He had paced in front of it for hours. And now he was afraid to go through. Afraid of what he’d find there.
The smell of blood assaulted his nose the moment he entered. A few nurses were still in the room, all of them giving him an apologetic look.
Twilight Velvet was laying in her bed. Tears streamed down her face as she clutched a wrapped bundle of blankets. “Night.” She croaked as she saw the blue stallion enter the room. Night Light strode over to her. “She, she’s…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence. Velvet broke down, sobbing over her loss.
Night Light didn’t know what to say at this point.
What do you say to a mare that just lost her foal?
-
The nurses had ushered them into a clean room. They shouldn’t stay there, they said.
The room they were in was white. And bald.
One of the nurses had gone ahead and quickly cleared out the festive balloons and decorations that had been put up.
The last thing Velvet needed right now was a party balloon proclaiming ‘IT’S A FILLY!’ in brightly colored letters.
“Miss Twilight.” The nurse said. “You need to get some rest.” Velvet nodded. The nurse offered to take the bundle from her.
“No!” Velvet nearly screamed. “Please, just let me hold her, please!”
The nurse backed away a bit and shot her a tiny apologetic smile. “Of course.” She said.
“Get some rest dear.” Night Light’s voice was scrappy. His throat ached and his eyes burned. Most of all he wanted to just curl up next to Velvet and whisper to her, that everything would be alright by morning.
Instead, he stood up. “I’m going to find Shiny.” He said. “He was pretty upset.”
“Yes, of course.” Velvet sniffed. “Poor Shining Armor.” She said with a small voice. “He was so looking forward to-"
Tears began to flow freely again, making her unable to finish her sentence. “I know.” Night Light said, laying a comforting hoof on her shoulder.
He didn’t feel comfortable leaving her alone like this. But she needed her rest.
And he needed to find his son.
Ever so gently he closed the door behind him. He then walked over to the nearest wall and sat against it, slumping down as he began to wonder how they could go on with their lives after this.
After a few moments of soul-searching he stood up. Now was not the time for such thoughts.
Right now his son needed him. There would be time to consider his own feelings later.
Right now, he figured, his wellbeing didn’t matter. Shining Armor came first.
As he trotted through the hallway, he spotted something on tile one hundred and twelve. Shining Armor’s self-made toy…
He sighed as he picked it up. Shining would never forgive him if he just left it there.
Besides, he could see the effort Shining Armor had put into it. He truly wanted a little sister.
Tears filled his eyes as the realization sunk in. He placed the doll on his back and walked over to the nurse’s station, hoping that one of them knew where his son and mother-in-law had gone.
-
Despair was such a nice emotion to feed off. More tangy than envy but more enjoyable than regret.
As the sound of hooves clopping on tiles steadily dimmed she made her move. Slinking out of the shadows she pushed her ear to the door. The sobs of the mourning mare had quieted down.
Her horn glowed and the handle was pushed down. Slowly and without a sound the door opened. She hurried inside and quickly closed the door once more, before the room’s occupant could be roused by the light.
She skulked over to the bed, watching as the mare clung onto the bundle for dear life. Tears were pooling on the pillow, soaking it thoroughly.
Her horn flared and the bundle was wrenched away from the mare.
‘Poor thing.’ She thought to herself. ‘Life snuffed out before it could even begin.’
Gently she lowered the bundle onto her back and pulled another one out of her saddlebag.
She laid it in the mare’s hooves.
The mare, distraught by the sudden disappearance of her foal, began to stir. She calmed down though as the bundle returned to her hooves.
She turned and exited the room the same way she entered it, without a sound and without anypony noticing.
-
Night Light returned hours later, having brought Shining Armor home. The poor colt had hid himself in the cafeteria. One of Night Light’s old schoolbuddies worked there and had looked after the little pony until Night Light came to get him.
He had found Twinkle as well, crying in the bathroom. He had never seen her like that. The elderly mare was always so stoic and reserved. But despite what he’d claim to anyone that asked, she wasn’t made of stone either.
Celestia’s sun was beginning to peek over the horizon by the time he made his way to Velvet’s room.
He stood there, waiting.
For what, he had no idea.
After what felt like hours he pushed the door open.
Velvet was sleeping. The bundle was still held in her hooves.
He hadn’t even seen his child yet, he realised.
Gingerly he lifted the bundle out of Velvet’s hooves, careful not to disturb the somewhat peacefully sleeping Unicorn.
With a shaking hoof he unwrapped the blanket she was wrapped in.
…
…
She was beautiful. Tears sprung to his eyes as he watched her. Four little hooves, one little horn and a mess of a mane to boot.
He suppressed a sob as he delicately stroked her mane. He was so afraid that he’d hurt her.
She looked so fragile.
His hoof strayed a bit as he held her left front hoof. So tiny in comparison to his.
And barely any strength in it, even as she attempted to grab it and pull it close to her.
Night Light blinked.
So did she.
Big purple eyes looked at him curiously.
He gasped.
He was dreaming.
He had to be.
There was no way…
“Velvet. Wake up.” He whispered urgently.
“Don’t want to…” The white mare said, not wanting to open her eyes.
“She’s alive.” He couldn’t believe that he was saying that.
Velvet’s eyes shot open.
“Don’t you say that!” She screamed. “She’s not! She’s-"
She was cut off by her foal, startled as she was by the sudden screams. The little filly proved that she was very much alive by crying loudly.
Velvet’s eyes widened. “She’s alive!” She cried out. “My baby’s alive!”
Once more tears were shed, though now they were tears of happiness.
-
“And that’s the story of my birth.” Twilight concluded. “Mom still has the newspaper clippings. The reporters called me the ‘miracle’ foal.”
“What a wonderful story.” Rarity sighed.
“Wait a minute.” Rainbow Dash said. “Let me get this straight: Your granny’s called Twilight Twinkle. Your mom’s called Twilight Velvet. Does that mean your name’s actually Sparkle?”
Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?” Pinkie asked.
“Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.” Twilight stared at her with a confused look on her face.
“You didn’t?” Pinkie blinked. “Oh well, never mind then.”
Applejack decided that it was best to just ignore Pinkie for the time being. “So that’s why yer brother’s so protective about you?”
Twilight nodded. “He always says that he already lost me once. He doesn’t want it happening again.” She let out a giggle. “He almost came to Ponyville with me when the princess sent me there. Jumped in the carriage as well.”
“He sounds nice.” Fluttershy said. “It’ll be nice to finally meet him.”
“The train will be arriving in Canterlot soon!” Twilight said, clopping her hooves together in glee. “And then I’m going to give my brother a stern talking-to! Just you wait Shining Armor! Getting married without me knowing!” She yelled out the window.
“Sure…” Rainbow Dash said. “Just relax Sparkle. There’ll be plenty of time to kick your brother’s rump when we actually get there.”
“Don’t call me that.” Twilight said, sitting back down. “Not even my mom calls me that.”
“Yeah yeah.” Rainbow Dash waved her off and picked up her book once more. The book had ‘Daring Do and the Mirror of Madness’ written on it in curly golden letters and an image of Daring Do fighting some sort of imposter.
Twilight just sighed and looked out the window again. The royal city came closer and closer.
And with it that strange dome surrounding it.
Something was going on in Canterlot, but what?
---
Was it any good? Let me know.
And please, point out any grammatical errors I may have made. English isn’t my main language, so I’ve probably messed up some bits.
woot! first to comment! Anyways, great story. i am really looking forward to what you can bring.
Well written, just one error I noticed, just forgot to space out some dialog. I really want to see where this goes.
"He was pretty sure that his horseshoes were filled down to pretty much nothing by now."
Replace "filled" with "filed"
There are a couple sections where speakers get cut off like "I said-
You need to end the quotation when that happens.
Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?” Pinkie asked. “Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.”
“You didn’t?” Pinkie blinked. “Oh well, never mind then.”
Break this up, every new speaker gets a new paragraph.
“Yes, off course.” Velvet sniffed. Replace "off" with "of."
Those are the mistakes I noticed. Don't feel bad, you actually have better English than most native writers. You might want to look into getting a prereader if you want someone to help you catch these sorts of things before you publish a new chapter.
And now, on to how I feel about the story:
deviantart.com/download/273713686/fluttershy_squee_by_yourfaithfulstudent-d4iymty.png
I love the whole idea behind this story. Your first chapter is very well done, and I am certainly going to be keeping an eye on this.
(That Fluttershy came out just a tad larger than I expected.)
Yes, yes it was. Now the hard part comes building off of what you started. You take all the time you need to make the next chapter as good as you can, we all will wait.
is she a halfbreed since she got her own unique cutie mark like other ponies do
Interesting. Please, continue.
618171
"'Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?' Pinkie asked. 'Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.'
'You didn’t?' Pinkie blinked. 'Oh well, never mind then.'
Break this up, every new speaker gets a new paragraph."
Also, the section where the mystery-mare swapped in Twilight for the stillborn was italicized, not cursive.
Anyway! Even though this story's far from perfect, it's a far cry better than a lot of the stuff on this site, and I look forward to reading more of it.
Ahh, I want to see what happens so bad.
intersting...and you did good on the writeing jsut a bit confusing when they were talking to each other but nothing major. MOAR lol
intersting...and you did good on the writeing jsut a bit confusing when they were talking to each other but nothing major. MOAR lol 618171 no your worng....you can never make a pic of flutershy to big
I like what I'm seeing and look forward to where it could go. An interesting, and scarily mythologically accurate, take on a changeling. Was that what somewhat lead to the plot of this story or is it a happy coincidence?
Love this stories idea, can't wait to see more.
Oh interesting idea love it can't wait to see more.
Really looking forward to how this develops, shame about the foal though.
Oh it can't be true! I hate changelings!
I must be dreaming... Or reading a PURELY fictional story...
That's totally gotta be it! Right Pinkie?
Yuppers!
Oh good. I guess in that case, i'll just read on and enjoy what promises to be rather intriguing!
Just a story... Just a story...
Looks interesting so far. Tracking this to see where it'll lead next -- I have this feeling Shining Armor's wedding may jump off the canon track pretty quickly here.
On man so many possibilities.
Will she be able to enter the dome?
How will everyone react?
You still have some minor dialog snafus... You've got some speaker changes not marked as a new paragraph.
...More please?
Thanks everyone for reviewing!
618159 Thanks for pointing that out. I'll change it when I put the next chapter up
618171 Huge Fluttershy is best Fluttershy! Thanks for pointing out the errors!
618180 I hope I can deliver
618187 patience, the next chapters will reveal all... probably
618290 Yeah, my bad. In Dutch, Italics pretty much translates to 'Cursief,' which I thought translated in English to 'cursive'
618583 that's what lead to this story. With Changelings stealing children and replacing them with their own. I thought it might make for an intersting story.
619840 don't worry, it's just a story Pinkie says so and she's always right
622276
Easy mistake. For future reference, cursive is a particular form of writing where the letters in a word are stylized and linked together by continuing to write without lifting the pen, shown here:
schoolfonts.com/printnew/_ZWriting.gif
On a side note, you write very well for using a second language.
622436 Learning something new every day
Though I'm wondering whether I should leave it as cursive or if I should change it and make a pony version of Italy or something. Itally Ho perhaps?
And thanks for the compliment.
626639
>Itally Ho perhaps?
...That was really bad.
626706 What? It works! Sort of...
This is well written with only a few minor errors. The concept is unique and relevant to my interests. Please continue.
Woah.
Just... woah.
You are a diabolical genius. Utterly '
i479.photobucket.com/albums/rr157/antpogo/pony/11724020-20artist3Arlyoff20brilliant20letter20spike.jpg
Please please please make more? I have got to read more of this one.
Just finished chapter one
good! Unique, interesting. I look forward to more.
only mistake I saw:
He almost came to Ponyville with me when the princess send me there
*sent
They need a changeling Twilight emotion-face-thingie!
Oh dear, she's a changeling isn't she.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Before I read... I swear if this is another 'Twilight is Alicorn and emoes about it' I'm gonna punch the nearest person in the face
I guess I'm the only one to say this but, that was hard to read. Despite getting Twilight to raise, they still lost their actual foal, even if they don't konw. That kind of loss is something I can't even fathom
... Well, you got me to just about cry at the first part, so... XD I look forward to the seeing how this turns out!
That was quite good! Heh, for English not being your first language, you sure know how to use it better than some of us who speak solely English. You made it very emotional, I was really getting into the story. Very well done. The only thing I had a slight issue with was how sometimes when somepony replied to a comment, it was left on the same line as the comment they were replying to. That gives the impression that the pony who said the initial statement was continuing to talk, instead of another pony talking back. Just a word for the wise. Overall, spectacular! I've only read the prologue and already I know this is going to be well worth reading! You've earned yourself a like, a favorite, and a follow. Carry on.
I only noticed the english not being native by the comments. While I am not a huge fan of said stories, as I hated the changlings. Much like I know there are bad ponies there are good ponies but its the.. holes.. it just aint right. this coming from a biology major. Not liking holes. Anyways enough rambling you sir get a favorite and a like from me.
“Hey Twinkle.” Night Light said. “Hello dear. How is it?”
“Not good.” Night Light admitted. “The doctors kicked me out of the room. And that was hours ago.”
I'm confused. Who says what?
“Hey, what about that ominous cursive bit?” Pinkie asked. “Bit? What bit? I didn’t mention any bits.” Again, it's not clear who says the second part at first. You should put it in a different paragraph, since it seems like Pinkie is saying both parts.
Good? It was perfect!
>‘Daring Do and the Mirror of Madness’ read the cover
Umm…
"The smell of blood assaulted his nose the moment he entered. A few nurses were still in the room, all of them shooting him an apologetic look."
'Shooting' is a bit harsh of a word given the context, perhaps 'giving him an apologetic look' would convey a gentler look.
nice story.
Hopefully this won't be disheartening after you just went through and thought you fixed everything:
“Really?” Shining Armor asked with a frown on his face. “That sounds stupid.”
“It’s a way of meditation.” Twinkle explained. “They enter a trance in which they save their energy, yet see all that goes on around them. Nothing gets by them.”
There should be another line break between the paragraphs here.
Shining Armor ran to the edge of the hallway and ground to a halt, assuming a standing position and stopped moving.
"assuming" is the wrong tense here. It should be "assumed".
Well, it eventually turned out to be Princess Celestia’s pet Phoenix, but still that was one exciting evening.
"Phoenix" shouldn't be capitalized.
“I’ll go after him.” She said, tears in her eyes .
There's an extra space before the period.
After a few moments of soulsearching he stood up.
Reference sites seem to agree on the form "soul-searching", with a hyphen.
Gently she lowered the bundle on her back and pulled another one out of her saddlebag.
This should be "onto her back". "on her back" implies it's already there.
He had found Twinkle as well, crying in the bathroom. He had never seen her like that. The elderly mare was always so stoic and reserved. But despite what he’d claim to anyone that asked, she wasn’t made of stone either.
Celestia’s sun was beginning to peak over the horizon by the time he made his way to Velvet’s room.
There should be another line break between the paragraphs here. Also, "peak over the horizon" should be "peek over the horizon".
With a shaking hoof he unraveled the blanket she was wrapped in.
This should probably be "unwrapped". "unraveled" is more for untangling threads or undoing fabric, and he's not trying to destroy the blanket.
Twilight stared at her with a confused look on her face.
You have an extra space between "stared" and "at".
when i read the full italic part i screamed "CHRYSALIS I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!!!" (who else could it be..)
626727
Do you realize what the word "Ho" is slang for in English?
It means prostitute.
Mother loses her child and has her child replaced by one who possibly has origins of the sinister type? The Omen anypony?
Wasn't there another story where Twilight was a miracle child? Is it related to this?
Color me intrigued. Toying with the idea that Twilight was a changling all along is an interesting idea, for sure. It will open a whole new can of worms for future plot stuff.
Now personally, I don't like the changlings as they are depicted in the show. I believe that there wasn't enough time to flush them out, instead building up the doppelganger plot instead. If you can work around the poor details surrounding them, than I think you are all set.
Great story! Always have loved stories 'bout Changelings!
The Prologue alone is awesome! MUST CONTINUE!
Aha. So the changeling left... an old-school changeling! So obvious and yet so gooood.
The crushing bleakness is very well done, especially coming so soon after the adawwwable bits with young Shining Armour.
You, good sir, have my FULL atention!
Changlings are so vaugly introduced in the show that it's very open (and loads of fun!) for us brony's to make our own interpretations of their specifics.
Have a few mustaces for a job well done so far
Continue, NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice 4th wall Pinkie break. Obvious, with a hint of the subtle.
Interesting concept.