【Sharing the Night】 Epilogue (April Fools 2015)
Sharing the Night: Epilogue
✶ ✶ ✶
The massive main doors of the Ponyville Palace were a sight to behold. Being over three hooves thick of clear crystal, they resembled most the floors of the palace. While the floors had white moonstone underneath the crystal, however, the doors were significantly more artistic, each possessing a two-tone, black-on-white or white-on-black profile of an alicorn. It was all very dignified, perhaps even more so than Celestia’s hall of stained glass, which is why it came as quite a shock when both massive doors slammed open with a crash that was likely to wake half of Ponyville, and in strode two much more realistically-sized alicorns exhibiting varying levels of inebriation between them.
Twilight squinted into the darkness before her. Were she a normal pony, she would be trying to mask out sources of undue brightness so that her eyes would dilate and she would be capable of seeing deeper into the shadows. In actuality, however, what she was actually doing was blocking out her visually-distracting ocular vision so that she could examine the situation with the starlight that was filtering in through the large open doorway.
So, you know, basically the same thing, but fancier, because ‘alicorn.’
“Luna, is it just me, or does the palace appear to be closed?” Twilight asked, taking confident, yet curious strides into the shadowed entryway. It actually wasn’t that dark, as the white moonstone was all but luminescent on its own, catching every stray photon and reflecting it in an ethereal shine.
Luna, whose moon was providing most of the reflected light, did not even have to squint. “On a point of technicality, I must observe that the door is most assuredly open, but as to the meaning of your statement, that does seem to be the case, yes,” she said, pondering that very fact as she scratched her chin.
“Now, correct me if I’m wrong,” Twilight said, partially pensive and, perhaps, particularly perturbed. “But I thought that the whole point of being an alicorn of the night was that our house would not be closed for business in the middle of it.”
“Well,” Luna said, considering this. “No, I don’t believe that is the whole point. Considering the general business volume and the fact that we do, as you say, work from home, I am personally far more concerned that the kitchens stay open into the night than for the office to do so, though, as far as points go, I must admit that you do have one.”
“Quite,” Twilight said as the sound of their hooves echoed through the cavernous hallway, interrupting the silence with a soft clacking. “Though, the kitchens? Really? You cannot possibly still be hungry. We just ate, and you, at least, have consumed a bottle and a half of wine. There is no need to be a glutton.”
Luna scoffed. “Twilight, you are a bright, spirited and wonderful mare, and so I refuse to believe that you are not aware that the kitchens at Canterlot castle fire the ovens all through the night just to sate my sister’s appetite for cake. The calories she consumes in scones alone are enough to feed a Zebrican village, and yet she remains the perfect picture of equestrian beauty. I say, if the greatest glutton of them all can live as such, then who are we to argue? We shall be as gods, and if that means that we shall eat cake, then by the moon, let us eat cake!”
“Fine, fine,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “I get it. Immortality comes with a great gym membership, but I still say the office staff is more important. I can much easier do without hot chocolate and a plate of cream puffs before bed than I’d appreciate the sight of a pile of paperwork when I get up. Now come on, help me figure out why the itty-bitty living space that comes with our phenomenal cosmic power has apparently been vacated.”
As they ventured further, they found neither hide nor hair of any of the ponies who were supposed to be busy at work. Twilight was just considering who, specifically, to address a sternly-worded letter to, when she realized that there was one detail which she had missed when she had passed through here earlier in the day on the way to court. Behind the main reception desk and about ten hooves up was, atop a dais with stairs around the back and space for viewing, a large display case.
“Oh stars, they totally did it,” Twilight said, slapping her hoof over her face. “They made a display case for the crown and scepter.”
Luna cocked her head. “Well, of course they did,” she said, as if the reasoning were obvious. “You did tell them to do so.”
Well, okay, in hindsight, the reasoning was obvious.
Twilight hrmed, considering the matter. “Okay, ascertaining the safety and/or slacking off of government employees is important, but right this moment I think I need to see this crown and scepter they made me. I mean, it’s right there. It won’t take more than a minute, will it?”
“Well, that’s entirely up to you, really,” Luna said without much care or conviction. “Though, I suspect you ought to take your time and do a proper job of it. I do believe that your so-called employees have been cutting corners. Why, just look at this, Twilight. The case is clearly used—broken, in fact! And the body; is that not one of your heralds, sleeping on the job?”
Twilight let out a gasp and rushed up the dais to get a closer look. She made the trip in just a few flaps of her wings and came to land over the sleeping figure. “Oh calumnious misfortune, Luna! I do believe that my crown has been stolen, and this mare—!”
“What?” Luna asked, her ears perking up. She rushed to Twilight’s side to get a better look. “Is she an accomplice, or injured in a valiant stand against villainy, perhaps? Should I rush out and gather a medical dispatch?”
“No, I believe her to simply be asleep,” Twilight explained, rolling the mare over onto her other side. “But laying on the ground as she is, you can clearly see that her pantsuit has padded shoulders. Why, herald three? I trusted you, and you lied to me. You lied to me with provocative clothing!”
“Curious, I do not believe I have ever actually witnessed your heralds wearing clothing before now,” Luna stated, wondering at the incongruity, no doubt.
Twilight shook her head, still saddened over the misrepresentational garment. “Oh, no, it’s actually quite normal for them. They are only naked when they are attending me.”
“Indeed?” Luna asked, thoughtful as she looked the mare up and down. “Twilight, I am going to ask you a question, and I would appreciate it if you would just it serious consideration before answering. Will you do that for me?”
Twilight nodded. “Of course, Luna,” she said, absently examining the scene of the crime.
“Twilight,” Luna began, her voice deepening slightly with grave seriousness. “Are you absolutely certain that you have heralds, and not a harem?”
Twilight blinked and looked up at Luna in surprise. “Can’t I have both?” she asked, though she was nitpicking at best. “I mean, no, of course not. That very misconception is why I asked them to remove their clothes in my presence in the first place. Such scandalous behavior, I thought, and here I see now that I was right. This clothing cannot be trusted.”
“Is that the way of it, then?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow. “How very strange. As an alicorn princess, I do not pretend to understand such things as physical attraction or clothing, let alone how one combines the two, I shall take your word for it.”
“Wait, isn’t that how it works?” Twilight asked, somewhat uncertain. “I mean, I don’t get it either, but ponies are naked all the time and they don’t seem to be bothered about it.”
Luna considered this. “You don’t suppose…” she began, leaving her meaning for Twilight to intuit.
“That we rule a nation of perverts?” Twilight balked then shook her head. “Don’t be ridiculous, Luna. Celestia would never stand for such a thing.”
Luna was not so convinced, however. She grabbed Twilight by the shoulders and pulled her closer. “Would she know, though?” she asked, her voice tight with paranoia. “Is she not in the same situation that we are? Oh, moon, she could be presenting herself for their enjoyment at court every day and she wouldn’t even know it!”
Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Like we do, you mean?” she asked as a growing hysteria gripped her. “I don’t even have any regalia! I’m twice as naked!” Quickly, she bolted over to the display case and grabbed the velvet cloth that was draped around the case, wrapping it around herself like a purple toga.
“Wait, what about the regalia?” Luna asked then gasped. “It is clothing, yet it covers nothing! What if the design is some sort of fetish?” Without a thought, she tossed her peytral aside, where it tumbled down the stairs in a series of thumps, followed shortly after by her shoes and crown. No sooner was Luna free from what could possibly have been—but was likely not—interpreted as a full-on dominatrix outfit, when her mind registered that she was now just as naked as Twilight had been. With no other choice, she began yanking on Twilight’s velvet toga. “Quick, Twilight, give me half of that!” she cried.
Twilight blinked then pulled back in shock. “No!” she rebuked, puffing out her cheeks in obstinance. “Get your own!”
“Fine!” Luna shouted, turning back to the display case for materials. All that was left were two plush velvet pillows and a length of golden rope, which she then liberated and dashed behind the case to make herself presentable. It was only a moment before she re-emerged, wearing one of the pillows—its stuffing removed—like a shirt, and the other tied over her dock with golden rope.
Twilight could only gape at her.
“What?” Luna asked, getting rather defensive at the look the other alicorn was giving her. “Am I not fashionable?”
“Luna…!” Twilight said, pointing at the other alicorn’s midsection with her hoof. “What is that? It’s some kind of… golden rod.”
Luna blinked, lifting her leg to look at where Twilight was pointing. The movement dislodged the object, and it fell to the red carpet below with a heavy thud. Luna examined it for a moment. “Ah, I believe this must be the scepter that was mentioned.”
“Oh, wow, it is,” Twilight confirmed once she’d gotten a better look at it. “Wow, I hadn’t seen it before. Isn’t that kind of… phallic?”
Luna looked rather confused at this. “I believe that is your face, Twilight.”
Twilight’s eyes shot back up to Luna, her cheeks reddening in blush. “That is not what I meant!” she insisted hotly. Consciously averting her gaze in embarrassment, she went back to examining the scepter as a distraction. Frowning, she came to a realization. “We have to find the thief.”
Luna blinked, staring for a moment before understanding dawned on her. “Aha!” she shouted. “I knew we were forgetting something!”
Twilight nodded grimly before turning away from the display case. “Quick,” she prompted. “I think I have some idea where they went.” She took one, strong step forward onto the hem of her toga and fell flat on her face.
✶ ✶ ✶
After a series of incidents, occurrences and events which made Twilight envy Luna her dock-pillow, the pair of somewhat drunk alicorns finally managed to locate the vault which had been set aside for the numerous artifacts of power which arrived daily from the acquisition of the Canterlot Archives. Standing before the stately crystal door full of vim and purpose, Twilight yanked it open.
A pair of brooms toppled out onto her.
“Another broom closet,” Luna stated with a sigh.
Twilight knocked the assorted cleaning instruments off her with a hoof. “I know it’s a broom closet, Luna,” she snapped. “I knew what it was before I opened it!”
Luna rolled her eyes. “Then why, pray tell, did you open it with such vigor? Or at all, for that matter? Are we not supposed to be searching for this mirror that Tia wanted to get out of her closet?”
“We are!” Twilight shouted back over her shoulder as she dashed down the crystalline hallway. “It’s in one of these broom closets—I know it!” It wasn’t in the next one, though, or the one after that.
“Why on Equestria would someone put a doorway between worlds in a broom closet, though?” Luna asked, slightly out of breath after running all throughout the palace.
Twilight huffed and puffed, leaning on the next closet door as she rolled her eyes. “You’re the one who forgot to plan and build a proper vault!” she reminded Luna as she yanked yet another door open. This time, however, instead of receiving another faceful of brooms, a wave of magic blasted her back.
In a stunning feat of drunken acrobatics, Twilight caught herself on two hooves in time to see her assailant. “Stop, thief!” she cried out, pointing with one forehoof. It was, unfortunately, her forehooves upon which she was standing, and the action brought her crumpling down on her head.
The thief halted, looking back over her shoulder at the two alicorns chasing her. She was an amber-colored unicorn with a red and yellow mane. “Sorry it had to be this way… princess,” she said with a smirk and made to step through the mirror.
The silver glow of Luna’s magic stopped her.
“Oh, right,” the amber mare grumbled. “Two of them.”
Luna turned the thief around in her magic, looking at her curiously. “I do not understand,” she stated, sounding rather puzzled as she looked back to Twilight, who was still counting her hooves to make sure she had them all firmly on the ground. “How in the world did we actually catch up to her?”
The two alicorns looked back at the amber unicorn, who blushed. “I got lost, okay? Who in Equestria would put a doorway between worlds in a broom closet”
“See?” Luna said, giving Twilight a smug look of satisfaction.
Twilight gave a huff of indignation as she stepped forward, dusted herself off and gave their prisoner a look over. “So? Who are you?”
“My name is Sunset Shimmer,” the mare declared, proud and full of disdain. “And I was Princess Celestia’s student before you came in and stole my rightful place by her side!”
Twilight and Luna both looked at each other then Twilight looked back at Sunset. “You’re real?” she asked, somewhat bewildered.
“What do you mean?” Sunset Shimmer asked, adopting a wary posture as she floated there in Luna’s magic. “Of course I’m real.”
Luna was frowning. “I thought you told me that Sunset Shimmer did not exist—that those books were fiction?”
“She doesn’t!” Twilight insisted hotly. “They are!”
Luna considered this. “To be fair, you are in those books, and you are most certainly real.”
Twilight stopped and stared. She had no rebuttal for that. Her jaw, which had been hanging open, snapped shut, and she gave Sunset Shimmer another, closer inspection. She certainly fit the description. Twilight’s jaw clenched in anger. “I am disappointed in you, Sunset Shimmer,” she said. “I expected more from one of Celestia’s old students.”
Sunset Shimmer scoffed. “Not all of us can be handed our dreams on a silver platter, Twilight Sparkle. Some of us have to take it with our own two hooves!”
Twilight cocked her head. “That’s just the thing!” she insisted, incredulously. Levitating the scepter she’d been carrying, she shoved it into Sunset Shimmer’s hooves next to the crown. “You didn’t take it! You forgot the scepter! Did you even have a checklist? Crown—check! Scepter—not check! It’s not a difficult concept!”
“What?” Sunset was taken aback. She looked down at the scepter in her hooves with Twilight’s face on it. “I don’t want your stupid scepter!” she shouted, throwing it down onto the crystalline floor with a clatter. “What I came here for is your crown!” She held the crown aloft. “With the element of magic, I will finally have the power I deserve!”
She set the crown on her head. Nothing happened. A moment passed, and suddenly it dawned on her. “I needed to be in the human world for that to work,” she stated aloud to no one in particular.
Twilight looked up at the crown on Sunset Shimmer’s head and rose one eyebrow. “That’s not the element of magic,” she said.
“It’s not?” Sunset Shimmer asked, deflating a bit. Suddenly, she looked rather pitiable.
Shoot, now Twilight felt rather like a heel for dashing the poor girl’s hopes. “It does look good on you, though?” she offered.
Sunset Shimmer pulled the crown off her head to look at it, and hugged it to her chest. “Thanks,” she said with a whisper and a blush.
Twilight hmmed. “You know, the elements of harmony are in the custody of the Canterlot Archives, which I own now. If you’d like, we could all go together and get them for you.”
Sunset Shimmer, who was already on the brink of tears, gave a sniffle as they finally overflowed. “Really?” she asked. “You’d do that for me?”
✶ ✶ ✶
Sunset Shimmer looked up at the flashing neon sign with confusion. “Why are we stopping at a bar?”
“Remanifesting here in Canterlot has cleared the alcohol from my system, and in this brief moment of clarity—very brief, if I have my way—I have come to the realization that I can’t deal with this sober,” Twilight informed her in a prim and proper manner before she strode forward and kicked in the door.
Scampering in after Twilight, Sunset Shimmer lowered her voice. “Um, Princess Sparkle? I’m not sure if you know this, but time doesn’t work the same way in the human world. I’m not actually legal, here.”
“It’s fine,” Twilight grunted heavily. “It’s that kind of night.”
✶ ✶ ✶
“Well, this is different,” Twilight stated, saying what all three of them were likely thinking.
After reacquiring the frame of mind it took to make this whole thing sound like a good idea—which is to say, several drinks and an introduction for both Twilight and Sunset to hard liquor—they’d found the vault where the elements of harmony had been kept open and empty. Undaunted, Twilight had expected to find them instead packed away for the morning shipment to Ponyville.
The warm magic suffusing the palace, however, had led them somewhere else entirely—an alicorn made of gold and jewels sleeping in Celestia’s bedroom. In Celestia’s bed. With Celestia. It was kind of hot, actually.
Twilight shrugged. “I mean, it makes sense, when you think about it,” she reasoned.
“It does?” Luna and Sunset Shimmer asked in tandem.
Well, there was no getting around explaining it, Twilight supposed. “Okay, so it’s like this. Alicorns are… alicornsexual. We like alicorns. Sexually. There’s also only four of us. One, two, three,” she counted, pointing at herself, Luna and Celestia in turn. “And four,” she finished, pointing at the elements of harmony.
“Wait, the elements of harmony are an alicorn?” Sunset Shimmer asked, shuffling her hooves. “When did that happen? Just how long have I been gone?”
“Oh right,” Twilight said, realizing that she’d skipped over that part. “You know, it doesn’t really matter. Yeah, the elements of harmony are an alicorn, but only part of one. It’s why Celestia’s so much bigger than us—she’s, oh, eighty-five percent of their shared essence.
Luna grimaced. “That does not sound healthy. It’s no different than when I fused with the stars to become Nightmare Moon and grew to her size, is it?”
“Eh, I’m sure she’s fine,” Twilight said, shrugging. “I mean, it’s been, what? Two thousand years since you two were born? She’s not going to suddenly break down now.”
Sunset Shimmer let out a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s it, then. The elements of harmony are already taken.”
“What, this?” Twilight asked, gesturing at the filigree pony. “‘Harmony’ here had her chance. C’mere, Sunset.”
Cautious, yet curious, Sunset Shimmer stepped forward.
With any pomp or circumstance, Twilight shoved her hoof into Sunset Shimmer’s chest and pulled out her star. “Here, hold this,” she said and tossed it over to Luna, who fumbled to catch it. Before Sunset Shimmer could so much as stumble out of Twilight’s reach, however, she grabbed the pony-shaped elements of harmony out of Celestia’s bed and jammed them into the metaphysical gap left by the star.
For a moment, Sunset Shimmer looked to all the world as if Twilight had physically impaled her on a tangle of metal and rock, and for that moment, Twilight was a little worried. She was pretty sure this would work, though, and even if it didn’t she expected more out of it than plain old physical trauma—that would just be boring, and Celestia would probably be upset if she woke up to find Sunset Shimmer’s blood on her bedsheets.
Well, in most circumstances, anyway.
In any case, Twilight was vindicated as the physical representation of the elements of harmony quickly dissolved, suffusing Sunset Shimmer with a warm golden light that lifted her up off the ground and began to transform her. The whole thing was all really very grandiose, which led Twilight to glance over at the still-sleeping form of Celestia.
Twilight gave Luna a questioning look. “Does she always—”
“Sleep like a rock?” Luna finished for her. “Always. We all do, actually. The peace that comes with sleep maintains only a tenuous connection to the body, leaving it vacated on all but the most subconscious levels. Speaking of which.” Luna glanced at Sunset Shimmer’s ongoing transformation. “Since this seems to be taking some time, I have to ask… alicornsexual? Really?”
Twilight had to blush a little. “Uh, yeah,” she admitted. “It’s a thing.”
Luna’s breathing grew shallow as she looked deep into Twilight’s eyes for a certain truth. “Does than mean that you… feel that way about me?”
“I…” Twilight gulped, took a breath and ever so slightly nodded. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Oh, thank the moon,” Luna said, letting out a heavy breath, as if a weight had been lifted off of her withers. “I feel less bad about molesting you in your sleep, now.”
Twilight’s heart soared as she heard Luna respond positively to her admission. It was only a moment later when her brain managed to actually process the words. “I—wait, what?”
“Like a rock,” Luna reminded her, glancing over at Celestia.
Twilight’s eyes widened, her throat tightened and she made a whinging sound not unlike a mewling kitten. “I’m… not sure how I feel about that.” Her gaze was still locked on Celestia as she felt a weight on her back and… oh, a gentle nibble on her ear.
“Well,” Luna said, her voice heavy and husky as she whispered into Twilight’s ear. “Perhaps I should tell you all about it, and then you can decide, hmm?”
Twilight stood there, breathing in and out as her heart raced and her face began to heat up again. In and out. In and out. It wasn’t helping. “I… think that would be the best course of action, yes. Yes, I need more… information.”
As the two alicorns of the night turned to leave, the shining golden bubble of light popped, and out dropped Sunset Shimmer, the shiny new alicorn on top of Celestia’s bed. Emphasis on shiny and new. Her coat glistened like a shimmering flame, and… hrmm… there was apparently only enough alicorn in the elements of harmony to make a filly.
Oh well.
“Are you sure that Tia will like her?” Luna asked as she led Twilight out of the room. “She seems rather abrasive. Also… underaged.”
Twilight leaned into Luna, nuzzling her happily. “I don’t think she’s so bad, and besides…” She looked back over to the two of them, already curling up together in bed.
“I’m pretty sure she’s into that.”
THE END
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Oh man. I forgot about this one. I'm laughing entirely too hard to type this well!
6049748
There was no first time. This is the first time anyone else has seen it
6049757 no you posted it to the main story on the day
6049880
Sorry, I accidentally posted my response under the April Fools Epilogue, but the comment I was responding to was re: the cut ending to chapter 13, which I'm positive I did not post
6049941 ah ok yeah
6050433
I suppose that I should have noted that many things in this collection have not been proofread
I forgot how funny I found this chapter.
6049941 Hmmm. In regards to this (and my comments on said full version of chapter 13) I found myself being quite capable of skipping large parts of that supposedly 'unseen' chapter, which usually infers that it's something I've both read before and liked enough to remember rather thoroughly.
I have no idea when I would've read it if you're sure you haven't posted it, but I am certain that none of that was new to me. Now I definitely have to re-read chapter 13 just to refresh myself on what made it, just so I can resolve my own 'Wait, but I could swear I've read this.'
... 3 hours later ...
And now I'm fairly certain there was either a link to the gdocs draft, or the chapter was accidentally published early or something. Memories are saying that something like that happened, but not enough to say for sure what.
Anyway, glad to see this hasn't been consigned to a computational blackhole or something.
6050682
A large part of it just summarizes earlier events, so that could lead to you feeling that you've seen it.
6050846
The thing is, it's the framing device for it that's causing the dejavu. The entire report construct, including the section headings, is what I'm recalling having read before.
The content, while is it ringing bells of its own, is amusing reiteration and doesn't really indicate that I've read it before as much. (Especially as I've read the chapter that was essentially being summarized by it.)
6049757
Ah, well. I'm glad you ended up posting it, then, because it was definitely really fun to read.
You know, if you were to write it I would totally read a continuation of this chapter. That was even better the second time!
For some reason, this brought to mind that old Bob Seger song. Naturally, I followed that up with the more thematically appropriate Night Moves.
This was GLORIOUS!!!!! Gotta love Shimmer Shenanigans in April, especially since she's fictional here!