Professor of Antiquities at Pallomare University and a consulting editor at Polo House, Inc. Publishing. (Semi-retired). Occasionally goes by the pen name 'Dragontrapper'
Armed with the message of Friendship, Gilda and Gretta are ready to rebuild Griffonstone back to its former glory.
If only Rainbow Dash had actually suggested a Plan.
With little other idea, the two griffons have set off for Equestria to seek help. But on the cruise over, Gilda finds herself receiving advice from somebody she wasn't expecting.
(Honorable Mention, Everfree Northwest Iron Writer 2015)
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I like it. I spotted no errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
Looks like the past is looking out for them.
6045850
You didn't look hard enough.
He shook his platter softly,
pray tell,” he asked
-- there are a number of others like this, were a full stop should be used, or capitalization is missing.
"The whole bit about 'how to save Griffonstone.'"
-- wrong name, missing the closing single quote. And actually Griffonstone is misspelled as Griffinstone throughout the story.
"Oh, come on!”
As to the story itself, BookeCypher, I thought it a nicely done idea. I appreciate how it's not smooth sailing (heh) with the revitalization of Griffonstone and that Gilda is in need of a bit of help. And maybe it was just how you wrote it, but Grover's dialogue just seemed to scream Discord to me. You captured his voice (when he's in one of his sly moods) pretty much perfectly and I was reading it with John De Lancie's voice in my head the whole time.
Congrats on the Honourable Mention, and have a Like.
Nicely done. Interesting idea, good execution.
6046662 I will admit that I wasn't looking that hard.
Well that was a fun read, i didn't get a chance to see your rough draft though. How much editing did you do in between this and the iron author version? Those were some intense two hours.
As far as critique goes i like how you can still get a good jist of what is going on even if you haven't seen the episode yet, like me. I would have liked to see more of what the boat was like, but hey, two hours am i right? The pacing was pretty good two, i think you spent just the right amount of time in the ballroom to add to the creepy atmosphere.
6046662
'Griffinstone' is how it's written in the episode, so thats what I used. hunting down the rest you mentioned. Thanks.
6053562
If they spelled it that way in the closed captions or something, that's literally the only place it's spelled like that.
Citation 1 | Citation 2 | Citation 3 | Citation 4
For whatever reason, Lauren favoured the spelling as griffon as opposed to griffin, or gryphon.
6053618 ...how by the moon did I miss that? fixed.