• Member Since 1st Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 20th, 2018

Baryski


T
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We all have those desires we bury deep down and try to hide from the world. For Twilight Sparkle, she may have just found the answer to make one of those a reality. But, sometimes wishes have unexpected consequences.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 42 )

Oh lordy, did I just write a grimdark shipfic? Yes, yes, I did. Am I a bad pony?

Also, should I have broken this into multiple chapters instead of keeping it as a one shot?

Dude. this is great. An amazing... you did something that I really like.
Great job.
~Sorren's alt

Real Sorren here. Giving you another like. Becasue this is awesome and deserves two.

Aw FUCK. It was all happy and. . . You get One thumb from me.

Holy crap, what did I just read?:derpyderp1: I don't even know what to say........ :derpyderp2::derpyderp1::derpyderp1::derpyderp2:
... It was good, well written.... but.... holy crap :pinkiegasp:

And THAT is a prime example of why we do not trust mysterious wish-granting objects, like strange cards or monkey paws.

637467
Okay, what is grimark? I have heard it here and there, but cant find what it means. Also, great story

I am officially scared of cards now

It was really well written, but I do have only two problems with it: There was no answer or even a suggestion to who LtW was and the ending was a bit rushed, but other than that, this was the only grim-dark that hasn't caused me to vomit, so good job! The story was great and felt smooth most of the way through and really captivated me. Easily a like and favorite from me.

639225 "Grimdark" generally refers to something that has gore or extreme violence in it. At least, that's my understanding of it.

Alright time for my actual review; this fic was very well written and was a refreshing (if grimdark can be considered refreshing) change of pace from pinkamina diane pie fics, it was nice, as far as the word goes in grimdark, to see Rainbow as the antagonistic psychopath driven to kill by too much love nice touch. that being said you have frightened me into moving so my back was not against the hoof-sized hole in my wall that I had not realized was hoof sized untill this moment and am now afraid of seeing a cyan hoof some how holding a knife and being agonizingly killed by the best pony in existance, is it wrong to be scared of your favorite pony?

639225
Grimdark is usually a fic that covers something gorey and/or scary. Basically it's an all purpose word we use for horror. Essentially fimfics dark tag I guess.

639291
I was shooting for a less disturbing grimdark so I'm glad you weren't badly affected by it. As for LtW, well I meant for there to be only questions left there. A little mystery can be a good thing. Besides, I might be revealing more in my next fic.

Other than that, I just want to thank all of you for the positive feedback. Glad you like it so far.

639308 Thanks for the FYI

There may be something wrong with me, but Bloody Dash doesn't scare me. She just seems more bad ass. :twilightoops:
It's probably because i'm writing a comedy right now.

:rainbowhuh: what did i just read

639358 It sort of came to my attention that the image really doesn't fit with the fic. That said, finding an appropriate image for this story is near impossible. I'll keep looking though.

639758 Comments like these make my day. I'm not you and can't be sure, but, if you are commenting here, you likely just read a grimdark fic titled "Wish Upon a Card". If you did not read that then you have played an excellent joke on me.

Well, I liked it, But that last part made my brain go into full "Nope.avi" mode.
I really can't stand reading about Twilight getting hurt... Still, very enjoyable read up until that point but, hey, we all react differently to certain scenarios.

What.

I mean, not that it's not good or anything! The writing is excellent.

But still, what. :fluttercry:

That was some dark shit right there. I mean like wow, I just knew that something horrible like killings were going to happen but didn't expect Twilight to get killed. Still don't know what happened to Spike. But was a really good story. Had me smiling the entire time. :pinkiecrazy:

That was....Appetizing :pinkiecrazy:
No,But with all seriousness, It was really good :)

Also “I’ve been trying to get the hospital to put in a little shop for years,” A small excerpt of the familiar brown pegasus’ ranting dropped into Twilight’s ear shot, “You know, not a big shop. Just a small shop so ponies can, you know, shop.”
Oh god, the references!

639225Grimdark is anything that involves death.

Oooo... It makes me shutter! Perhaps I shouldn't have read this all alone and at midnight! :pinkiecrazy:

Very well written for what it is. Sergeant Sprinkles could take a few lessons from you! And I both love and hate that we never found out what LtW meant. And that is some serious Black Magic, issuing control spells like that to warp Rainbow Dash's will. It's no wonder it turned out so poorly. Rule of Three and all that. :twilightoops:

From the title image, I was excepting things to end badly and bloody.
From the moment of the card, the subtle terror slowly rises. From the moment RD shows up to Twilight's, it grows. The second we see somepony go down, as the read, there is no doubt who did what and why.
The terror is there, watching the last victim go between relief and that terror, capitulating in outright horror.

It was like watching and old tragedy. The anti-hero makes a deal with devil, things seem to be going better than ever, but it just spirals out of control to the inevitable downfall.
A well written short that kept me reading not to find out "what" would happen, that was easy to spot a mile away, but rather "how" and "when" it would happen. For that, you get a gold star.

#SPOILERS#
I will make a suggestion for the ending to add to the terror. Hopefully I can express it in a way as to not spoil it for people just reading.

It would have been far more terrifying for her suffering to not end. A release from her situation is still an escape. Let her stay in that horrifying reality, now completely dependent on the one who inflicted the injury since she can't get anywhere without her.
Slowly but surely everyone else she could depend on is torn away from and now she has the rest of her dark life ahead of her, living as more of a captive than anything else.
That would be what would terrify me. Perhaps consider it in a future story when you decide to do another grimdark.

wow............ this reminds me of sweetapple massacre :eeyup: and cupcakes :pinkiecrazy:, but it was a good story and i always had the feeling that rainbow dash would be the pony to end twilight:twilightoops:

639225 it is actually a grimdark grim- haunting and scary, dark- horrifying and "shady"

:facehoof::twilightoops::twilightangry2::rainbowlaugh:
that's pretty much the sequence of my reactions to this fic.:moustache:

Well, this'll teach me not to read the catagory tags before I read a fic. It was all lovely and happy and then WHAM, sad. Still, I thought it was a great, well written fic, and a nice change to all the fluff I normally read. You get a like from me. I actually like the cover pic, I don't think you should change it!

I knew it from the start that it would end like that, the whole Rarity thing near the start was the giveaway. It was good, not what I usually read but I read it anyway.
Still, I don't think I will be reading anything similar soon.

"It's About Time" was a terrible episode because it created holes in pretty much EVERY fanfic. When everything started to go south, Twilight could have gone back in time.:twilightangry2:
Still, I don't usually care for the darker stories, but this was well-written, and an interesting read overall.:yay:

1674431 I'm glad that you found the story interesting. Actually the reference to "It's About Time" kind of piqued my interest. It seemed kind of out of left field, but I didn't really see it like you did.

That episode involved the concept of the self-fulfilling prophecy. In other words, going back in time causes exactly what you hoped to avoid by going back in time. No easy way out shown there. Though, I'm not entirely sure if you might have meant something else.

1674687
Basically, I was just reflecting on the time travel spell she learned in that episode. The ideal of self-fullfiling prophecy didn't really register with me originally, as I didn't even pay much attention to the episode (watched at about 2:00 am:facehoof:). Previous statement withdrawn! :yay:

So, did the "LtW" have any significance?

i was wondering why does she have blood on her shes not rainbow factory rainbow dash. but the picture reminds me of rainbow factory which i hated with a passion. so if this story is like that story im out of here done not reading it. :rainbowhuh: because im a big rainbow dash fan

Obviously what the author was trying to convey here: You'll never sleep again. Also fuck you.








*This is the worst damn joke ever*

Did this story remind anyone else of this clip?:

4697079 I think the author was trying to say, don't use magic cards that will grant you wishes. If you do, you'll end up with a psycho!

This is a great story. I liked the plot twist but after a little bit (the first few murders and Rainbow being calm about it) I figured out it was Rainbow all along.

6245437
No, the author was trying to say this!
Magic always comes with a price.

6614281:facehoof: I was making a bad joke.

As always, this is always worth a reread.

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