Dear Captain Spitfire,
Today, I was working on my storm cloud research and was just about to make a breakthrough in a new way to extract the condensed electricity to change them back to normal clouds! But then one of your new recruits, the captain, of your newest recruit squad, I might add, took the liberty of bringing in three little fillies into my workshop, a HIGH DANGER ZONE! And then the sirens went off! I was stuck with them for hours and my workshop lies in shambles now! How am I supposed to continue my work like this!?
I have attached my medical bill, workshop repair bill, and a request for a raise with this workplace grievance form. (Please don’t fire me! I need this job... )
Signed,
Rivet
Cover art done by Noble Savage with some minor help from CrystalMelody_Kc
Not bad, not bad. Good story.
6041835
Thanks! I'm actually a bit surprised you read this one. I made this one to exist in another author's universe, so I was mostly appealing to his readers
I don't consider myself much of a comedy writer, so I wanted to write this one to just kinda dabble in it.
Very cute! I loved it.
6042016
Awww! You think so?
6042043
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it
Heh, nice job dude, it was a pretty good fic! Certaintly gave me a chuckle.
6042158
I'm glad. I wasn't honestly too sure about writing comedy.
Something tells me this story's gonna get featured.
6042234
You think so? I think the story is a bit too narrow of a focus group for that to happen
But I wouldn't complain if it happened
Poor Rivet.
10/10 mate.
6042270
This story seems to really stand out in its own way. I don't recall encountering this storyline before on Fimfiction, and believe me, I've searched way back.
6042287
Heh, thanks man!
Cute! I can kinda see this in the show, except 'rivvey' would be replaced by rarity, maybe.
6042303
Sounds promising I guess. I'm still not gonna expect much, but that'd be something. I just don't think I have the advertising to pull off a feature. Or the skill for that matter XD
6042316
H-hey! It's 'Rivet!' Not 'Rivvey!' :$
6042319
You never know until the masses decide. I could be wrong.
Let's wait and see!
6042322 aww... But it's cute! You can thank fleet foot for that one!
6042338
Rivet: I'm nearly twenty! I don't need to have a pet name! >:T
Hmm. A lot of people are accidentally clicking the dislike button. People's hands must be extra slippery today.
6042343 to fleet, me, and a lot of other people think you do!
Jokes aside, good story!
6042349
Haters gonna hate, I guess. Those dislikes are absolutely worthless and lack any meaning unless the ones who dislike can provide criticism or reasons to their dislike. Otherwise they're just jealous neighsayers.
6042361
But Rivet isn't a colt anymore! And he's not even anypony's coltfriend! He doesn't need a pet name >:T
that ending was hilarious
6042419
Glad you liked it
of course I couldn't give Rivet a break. He's just too easy to mess with
6042434 ah your poor OC lol
Haha! That was awesome! I think Scoots was the worst.
I really like how your stories could easily fit into the show, and just seamlessly fit in as an episode. Keep up the great work!
I love this story, it brings the crusaders to a place with lots of adventure, but why would anyone take children to a place where they can get hurt?
6043369
Well, they had adult supervision and not a lot of other options. This is the crusaders. If they were left totally on their own, who knows what could have happened?
6042877
His everything hurts...
6043338
Why thank you
6043460 you have a good point there
6042366 wow, that's pretty logic. and very true. Hmm.
Well I think Rivet got off a little light. I mean Apple Bloom actually fixed something (with help) but it was properly fixed.
6043633
Rivet: That was easy!? Mbut it hurts so bad...
6043658
Just so you know the insurance does not cover damage by the CMC it is rather similar to our policy regarding the Carmines.
6043675
That's okay. It's a workplace grievance and Spitfire's dealing with it.
6043742
You'll have to tell her that the medical and workshop repair comes out of the wonderbolt's own funds though.
6043748
That's what that nifty long description says
I had such a goofy smile on my face the whole time i was reading about Rivet dealing with the CMC
Gave me quite a few giggles all around, i liked it! 
I had lots of fun picturing a Wonderbolt landing in the bushes followed by lots of @#$%&@^%#$^&!!!!! coming out of it
Definitely my favorite line
6045805
I'm glad you enjoyed it
Poor you! That... I can see it... oi I can see it.Now Shine babysits!
Pound cake!
6050658
Haha! Well, you'll have to ask her about that one. I don't know how much I'm willing to write others' OCs. Don't want to misrepresent them.
6050662 I know the feeling, writing yourslef is easy, writing sombody else... not so much.
LOL Oi, I wonder what it would take to get Shine taking care of Pound??? Maybe Shine and Dash hanging out with the mane Six... and somehow get left- Who knows.
One think Kes I noticed, is the fact that the story is just a tad repetitive. I found two or three places where you repeated yourself, and I don't know if that was intentional or not, but as a dyslexic reader, I found it highly distracting. However, once you got it so it was just you with the fillies, the story shone! Especailly afer shine showed up.
Bad joke, bad joke!
You just need to work on your voice, that's all. I takes time, and effort. I am really enjoying your work.
Oh, BTW...I shouldn't go on vaccation, I miss things... like this!
If I had't been Calm's latest post, i would never have seen it!!! 
really loved it.
6050697
Repetitive? Do you think you could be a bit more detailed on that and the issues with voice? I'd just like to hear your opinion so I can have some ideas on how to improve.
6050729 It was only once or twice... Machine she broke, then same paragraph, next sentence you said "Machine she broke few moments before" I found that a tad distracting. The second one could have been easily removed, and not have taken anything from the story.
Voice. That is how a writer tells their story. You learn rules first 100K or so words... but one's 'voice' doesn't fully come in till you hit a million words. It's basicaly the way a writer puts things. Like an artist will use simular strokes, and shapes for simular things... So you can have anything from.
Mary and John strolled through the park.
Strolling through the park came Mary and John.
On a bright summers day in early August, John and his lover Mary strolled through the park.
Some voices use Thous, thees and other words.. It's like an accent. Some voices use long, difficult words, like Marvolus, and spectacular, others like short words, like nice and pretty, and simple. It depends on the writer. Most writer's voices use simular styles to authors they admire, for the simple reason that they read a lot of their work, and borrow heavily. Honest, I can see Calm's style... or voice, in your work. Which to me isn't surprising, You probably read more of it than we do.
My voice borrows from my sister, G.A. Henty, Frank L. Balm, Oz... Forgot who wrote that... C.S. Luis, and most definately my sister... Calm's voice has even crept into my work.... The more you write, and the more you try to do your best, the more complete the picture will get, and the more you your voice will become. A shallow voice, is a sign of a early writer. Under a million words.
6050729 ... Very simply, Your voice is still immature. With time, it should develop and grow into something more. It doesn't make the story less interesting, but after reading a fully developed writer, it just seems like bare bones, as if you are not fully seeing it yourself, and therefor, are struggling to precent it to your readers in a complete manner... And I hope I got the verb there, and not the noun form of the word.
This is awesome! The pacing, dialogue, details, and the wording are very excellent!
The setting and the scenario in this story is very simple, but straightforward to the point. in fact, this story is so good, that it can almost be its own episode.
I like how you write Rivet, (Is he on of your OC?) I really understand the emotion what he's going through when he had to look over the cutie-mark-crusaders.
In conclusion, this is one of the best stories I ever read. My character is Rivet because I can relate to him when it comes to taking care of young fillies.
6180886
I'm happy you liked it so much
and yes, Rivet is my personal OC, he shares quite a few interests with me as he is based offof me to a degree.
I don't know about " the best story you ever read," but that's awful flattering.
6181359
What I mean in that sentence is that, I haven't read a good short story like that for a long time.