• Member Since 16th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Scootareader


I finally figured out how to put this thing on my profile. This is the best thing to happen to me since Princess Celestia teleported me to Equestria so that I could romance her student and sister.

T

In a jealous rage, Princess Luna rebelled against her sister, embracing the darkness in herself readily. The newly transformed Nightmare Moon and Princess Celestia fought above the Castle of the Everfree; after an arduous battle, Celestia lay bested by the sister she'd fought so hard to keep under control. With no other choice available, Princess Celestia wielded the Elements of Harmony.

Now, Nightmare Moon rules over a dark Equestria. She finally has the power of which she'd dreamed for so long.

She only wishes she didn't feel so wrong inside.


Story image is vectored out of this one and this one.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 39 )

Sequel sequel sequel sequel sequel!
And woo hoo first like!

"What a interesting perspective of Nightmare Moon taking over Equestria. In most of the stories I'd read she loved it when it is eternal darkness over her new found land, but here you made it that she misses the sunlight and Celestia at the same time. This is quite the amazing thing you made. It's prefect like me."
-Johnny Bravo

While you ponder your thoughts in silence, ask yourself which pony was little better than an animal here: The one who acted out of self-preservation, or the one who was about to, as you stated, ‘beat their dog.’”

How about the one who attacked her own sister and usurped the kingdom out of jealous anger..?

My, my, you have quite the way with words, sir. This tale reminded me of older English and American writers, such as "George Orwell," and "Henry David Thoreau." I thoroughly enjoyed this immensely, especially how the characters had deep roles to play for the main point of this story. Speaking of the characters, you did a great job to show the grey spectrum of law and order pertaining to the characters actions, showing that the easy answer is not always the right.

I do hope that this story gets more attention, because it most certainty deserves it. Its grammar is top-notch, and its story telling is some of the best I've seen on this site. Unfortunately most readers on here more than likely don't appreciate this type of writing. Shame for them, it's a fantastic style of writing.:raritywink:

6449299 The irony of the hypocrisy

Equestria has no place for such dogma as yours; it is a nation founded upon unification, not subjugation.

Was the court scene inspired by To Kill A Mockingbird by any chance? I just got that kind of vibe from reading the accents and arguments.

Anyway, loved it. Amazing style, impeccable grammar, and a very unique take on 'What if Nightmare Moon won?'

Wonderful story very well done. I see no reason for a sequel. If anything it would most likely continue as canon with Celestia being returned a millennia later rather then Luna.

6448968
I am not much of one for sequels. :twilightsheepish:

6448973
I can only hope it is as perfect as you. :raritywink:

6449299
6449737
Glad you two are liking the themes I was going for here. :twistnerd:

6449646
I usually take lots of risks with my storywriting (when I do get around to writing), so I consistently manage to avoid the limelight. I much prefer it that way, honestly. :twilightsmile:


6449783
I actually managed to dodge reading To Kill a Mockingbird because I switched schools before the first school had gotten to it and after the second school had finished it. Much as I would like to take credit for being inspired by a great work of literature, I am unable to claim such inspiration. All that exists here is whatever I was thinking about. :derpytongue2:

6449968
If a sequel were merited, I guess so. The story as it is written doesn't really merit a sequel; even if it did, I doubt I would be inspired enough to write it. My muse is fickle enough as it is. :derpytongue2:

6450033 It's a good book, you should read it if you get the chance. And I bet it's even better without a teacher pausing every two seconds to explain the deep philosophical meaning behind whatever line it is you just read.


6449299
That's not part of the conversation, though!

........ really dude?

6450142
I'm not sure I understand what you're getting at here. :duck:

Comment posted by PsychopathicBrony deleted Sep 22nd, 2015

I was going to wonder why she couldn't raise the sun.
Because elements say so.

6450033 Ah, I see. Well, risks are a good thing, they show that your willing to step outside your comfort zone, and become a more rounded author. I find it funny how stories like this tend to go unnoticed, while clop is featured constantly. Good to see that people have their priorities straight.:derpytongue2:

6450453 The brony community has no measuring means of quality past length.

That's why shortskirtsandexplosions is the best author in the fandom and one shots are the devil.

6450258 the elem ents of harmony for some reason turning on celestia when luna had been possessed.

6450652 Well, Celestia did break what the elements stand for by betraying her sister. It's not as out there as you may believe. The Elements of Harmony are punishing Celestia for attempting to turn them against one of the bearers. Sure it's a long shot, but so is everything else in this story, even in canon.

6450990 its not just a longshot, its utterly implausible. the elements would know what they were being used for. and even if they decided to punish celestia, they would still take nightmare moon down too.

Crops would not grow with no sun. A eternal night is a death sentence to Equestria.

6450345
Not exactly. We don't know what it takes to raise either the Sun or the Moon; we know that the unicorns historically did, but the assumption of the masses is that Nightmare Moon is deliberately keeping the Sun down. It's possible that she will rescind her decree of "night forever" at a later time, when remorse overtakes her and she realizes that there is a way out, but that's all speculation; this story doesn't go that far into the future. :twistnerd:

As far as why she herself does not raise the Sun, we've no idea the logistics of doing such a thing, even for a pony experienced with raising the Moon. This is, of course, assuming you need to be told "it's friggin' magic" and not just figure that I was trying to create a message to consider, in line with most stories. :twistnerd:

Also bear in mind the Alternate Universe tag. That means things can work astronomically different than in canon. I'm not forced into the rigid rules of established canon, though I do try to follow them where possible. I picked AU because it would enable me to tell the story better without restricting myself purely to canon knowledge. As far as I'm aware, I never broke canon in this story apart from the one event of Nightmare Moon staying and Celestia going, but I certainly stretched our knowledge of some of canon into the realm of headcanon. Pretty much, AU is a catch-all for the issues you are volunteering. :raritywink:

6450453
I only write what interests me and, thus, what I think will interest others. My biggest problem is that I don't have any kind of consistent writing schedule. :twilightblush:

6450652
6450990
I didn't really think of it as any kind of breaking what the Elements stand for. My consideration of the Elements is a take on "the grass is always greener on the other side." Luna/Nightmare Moon is quite enthusiastic about leading Equestria, to the point that she would fight her own sister. When the Elements of Harmony were wielded, they decided that instead of punishing Nightmare Moon for her insolence, they would let her reap what she sows. She wanted her sister out of the picture and to rule Equestria all by herself.

This is the burden of rule that I was emphasizing as a core element of the story. :derpytongue2: Luna got exactly the thing she had always wanted exactly the way she had wanted it, and she realized how much she missed the way that things were. The Elements aren't a bludgeoning tool, but they do have a moral capacity, as seen by show events (only certain ponies can wield them and they perform variable functions instead of just "annihilate"); my idea was that they wanted to teach Luna her greatest lesson by forcing her to learn her lesson herself, instead of sending her away.

As far as Celestia's fate, I felt like the Elements were almost taking sympathy on her by sending her away. She wouldn't have to watch her sister struggle to rule Equestria; she would be trapped on her beloved Sun and probably be released in 1000 years, at which time her sister would presumably welcome her back with open arms. And she'd have a very long time to think about how to make Luna happy. :pinkiesmile:

6451198 thaat makes it all even more forced.

6450652 from one perspective the matter was celestias fault to begin with, the nightmare can't simply walk up and take a pony, it needs some way to worm it's way in and celestia was the one responsible for creating the opening in lunas mind. say what you want about luna being jealous and her actions as a result, celestias blindness was the catalyst in the problem.

the elements then identified celestia as the cause in this universe and dulled out punishment as they saw fit.

6451222 so why would it leave the demonicalyl possessed alicorn alone in this scenario? true celestia was part of it, but so was every single pony in equestria who rejected luna. why just seal away celestia and not the rest of equestria?

6451250 because they are magical artifacts of confiserable power but not deity's? seasling a country would be more of a god act. or in smbras case a curse of massive dark magic but we have no idea how dark magic equates, eitehrway luna didn't want there suffering just there recognition.

6451250

the demonicalyl possessed alicorn

I said in the story that that's not what Nightmare Moon is. She is the same pony as Princess Luna in every aspect, which is why she is answering for the actions she took as a sister to a sister. She's not demonically possessed, she is Princess Luna. It's an Alternate Universe where Nightmare Moon is a cosmetic transformation, nothing more.

I looked up the exact paragraph I'm talking about here.

Of course, there was some concern over my stability as ruler. I did not look as the familiar Princess Luna did, but little had changed me mentally, if anything. The most I can determine is that the dark power which now courses through my body transformed me, as my previous vessel was simply not durable enough to contain such strength. My anger and frustration possessed me to strike down my sister, not an event outside of my control. All which has happened to me has been solely my choice from the beginning.

The Elements are punishing Luna by giving her exactly what she wanted. You know, irony. :derpytongue2:

6451462 by taking away the sunlight and forcing major alterations to the ecosystems in order for everything to survive and utterly destroying the balance of night and day.........

6451482
She didn't mean to seal the Sun away, though. :duck: Nightmare Moon said the night would last forever, but it's not as if she didn't want to raise the Sun upon request. It's literally not within her capabilities.

As far as why she can't raise the Sun, there's a couple ideas for that. One, she doesn't know how. Two, it's outside of her scope of power. Three, the power of the Elements sealed the Sun below the horizon for 1000 years.

I had a discussion with someone the other day about plants in Equestria. We don't know if they have a circadian rhythm, but we do know that plants flourish under earth pony magic. It's possible day and night don't matter to crops at all, only magic. After all, I don't take Nightmare Moon to be the genocidal type. :moustache:

6451198 I know the feeling, I do enjoy writing, but I'm also one who tends to not have any schedule. It's more of a spastic charge of energy from time to time.

Well that changes how I look at the intro of the show.

Reversing the roles emphasizes that the Elements are dishing out ironic punishments to both sisters.

6451185
Ah, I missed this comment. Sorry!

All we know about growing crops in Equestria, canonically, is that earth pony magic is needed to grow them. We don't know if Equestria crops need sunlight or not. I'm of the opinion that, if Nightmare Moon had succeeded and the night had lasted forever, she wouldn't end up starving Equestria to death because then there would be no ponies to rule. She doesn't want to kill everypony. :raritywink:

I don’t like you? Subject Lumo Ray, were I acting in my own interests, you would also be left to rot in a jail cell and never see the light of day again.

He won't see the light of day even if he wasn't in a cell.

6456346
... Huh. That was an oversight. :twilightblush:

I'm not sure if changing it is right to do, since it's a phrase of speech and "light of day" is meant in a figurative sense here instead of literal, but I actually totally missed that.

I think I'm changing it. Leaving it as it is seems really dumb. :derpytongue2: Thanks for that!

Great story but I don't think it should be a one shot. I wish to see more of this world story. Anyway great story.

6542875
I would, except keeping up motivation to continue writing for me has gotten progressively more difficult. It takes me weeks sometimes to write a one-shot. :twilightoops:

Awesome story. I would love to see how this change would have affected the general population makeup and general ecosystem of Equestria by cannon time.

Evolution would make it so species that are better equipped to dealing with the night would be predominant, Even among the ponies, they would have started to evolve so that their bodies as a species were better acclimatized to the constant night. Batponies would also likely be far more dominant than in cannon.

Most cold-blooded species in Equestria would have become extinct or would have evolved to become warm-blooded.

But the biggest kick with this story though is that if Luna can not work out how to raise the sun soon, both her and Celestia's punishments would end up lasting far longer than the thousand years. For the good of the planet, the only way Luna would be able to see a sunrise again would be to travel to a different side of the world, where the sun is, constantly just in the horizon.

Meanwhile, Celestia's cutie mark, the very essence of what makes her special, would be obsolete. She would end up negatively impacting those around her by changing the position of the sun.

And any story that can get me to overthink this far deserves a like.

Overall :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy: :pinkiehappy:/5

Interesting take on Nightmare Moon

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