Chapter 3: Apple Acres, Sugar Cubes and Buck Norris
“Well, nice to meet ya Laughing Stock” Applejack said as she shook hoofs with him.
Laughing Stock nodded in agreement. He was too nervous to speak, mostly because he was too busy hoping Applejack had forgotten their meeting earlier.
“Oh Twilight, I just remembered that Applebloom needed some help with some fancy school project. I was going to bring her by the library later, but since you are here, could you give her a hand?” Applejack asked.
“Sure, that won’t be a problem,” Twilight insisted. “Will you show our new friend around while I am gone?”
“I would love to show our new friend around.” Applejack winked at Laughing Stock.
Yeah, there was no way she forgot about earlier.
As Twilight left the barn, Applejack pulled Laughing Stock aside and gave him some advice.
“First rule about living in a town like Ponyville: Everypony knows everypony.” She said with a serious tone. “If you tell one pony something, expect everypony to find out eventually.”
“Believe me, I learned my lesson.” Laughing Stock swore. “The only question I have is whether you are going to tell her what we discussed earlier?”
“I won’t tell her as long as you promise me one thing.” Applejack demanded.
“Name it.”
“I want you to tell her yourself.” Applejack stated as she made her way to the barn door to make sure Twilight was nowhere to be seen.
“You’re kidding, right?” Laughing Stock let out a snort. “I would rather give you my first born foal.”
“Sugar, I guarantee Twilight likes you. Act your age or I will tell her myself” Applejack said, her voice becoming increasingly agitated.
“How do you know she likes me?” Laughing Stock asked.
“Well for one, she is letting you, a complete stranger stay in her home. It’s not like you’re old friends, apparently you met her yesterday.”
“Maybe she was just being nice…” Laughing Stock suggested.
“Nice would have been walking you to the nearest motel. When a mare opens her home to a complete stranger, it means something else entirely.” Applejack said, still keeping a lookout for Twilight. “Plus, right before you came into the barn, she was talking about you. When she mentioned your name and began to tell me everything you guys discussed yesterday and how she opened her home to you, there was a little extra sparkle in her smile.”
“You mean a pony named Twilight Sparkle had a little sparkle when she smiled? That’s almost like a pony named Applejack working in an apple orchard, or a pony named Laughing Stock being a comedian!” A very sarcastic Laughing Stock exclaimed.
Mimicking her glare from earlier in the market, Applejack reminded him she was in no mood for his smart remarks.
“Why is this so important to you anyway?” Laughing Stock asked as he sat on a bale of hay inside the barn.
“Twilight has never been in love.” Applejack answered as she left her post at the barn door and sat next to him.
“Ok, so what does Twilight’s lack of a love life have to do with me?”
Applejack was almost at her wits end at this point in the conversation.
“Do I REALLY need to spell this out for you?”
“Apparently you do.” Laughing Stock said, trying his best to keep a straight face. He knew exactly what she was trying to say, but he wanted Applejack to work for it.
Applejack took a deep breath and put her foreleg on Laughing Stock’s shoulder.
“Look, I know that you are a funny pony and all, but this is serious. If there is any truth to what you told me in the market earlier today, you need to let her know how you feel. I don’t know why, but it’s just one of those things you have to do.
After a moment of thought, Laughing Stock told Applejack he would agree with her terms on one condition.
“Can I pick the right moment to tell her at least?”
“Normally I would say yes, but I know you sneaky show biz types. There will never be a right moment; you would go on the rest of your life without saying a word.” Applejack began to chuckle as she painfully tightened her grip on his shoulder.
At that point in time, Laughing Stock realized Applejack was a lot smarter than he thought.
“Here’s how I see it. There are six of us in our group: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Twilight and myself. You have six days to tell Twilight how you feel.” Applejack said as she stood up and moved directly into Laughing Stocks field of vision.
Laughing Stock found her threat very amusing and began to snicker. “And what are you going to do if I don’t?”
“I will tell her myself.”
Laughing Stock’s facial expression suddenly became very serious.
“You’re bluffing!”
“No I ain’t” Applejack laughed. “And in order to give you the…proper motivation, I will be telling another pony in our group your secret everyday you don’t tell her.”
“Can you elaborate on that last part a little more?” Again, Laughing Stock knew exactly what she was saying, but he noticed Applejack was getting frustrated, which caused her face to turn into the loveliest shade of vermilion.
“Ok, let me explain this very slowly” a vermilion colored Applejack grabbed both of Laughing Stock’s shoulders and moved her face as close as she possibly could to his. “If you don’t tell Twilight you love her today, I will tell somepony else in our group tomorrow. If you don’t tell her you love her tomorrow, I will tell somepony else the next day and so on until day six arrives. Then I will tell her personally.”
“Oh, I get it now, it is a lot simpler the last way you explained it. You should probably start with that next time.” Laughing Stock was just toying with Applejack. He was hoping to get her so mad, her hat burst into flames.
“So do we have a deal?" Applejack was gritting her teeth. Her hoof was hanging in front of the stallion, waiting for him to shake it.
.
“That’s fair, I suppose.” Laughing Stock said. He actually hated the idea, but Applejack had a lot of land and she could probably find a place to hide a body if he made her any angrier, he figured accepting this proposal was his best bet.
As the two ponies shook on it, Twilight Sparkle made her way into the barn.
“I helped Applebloom with her project, Applejack. Apparently she just needed help spelling Manehattan.”
“Ah, well I always get that one confused. Not sure it has two t's or just the one.”
“Its fine, Applejack, No harm was done.” Twilight said.
She asked Laughing Stock and Applejack if they were getting along.
“Like two peas in a pod.” Applejack responded smiling.
“Yeah, she’s great” Laughing Stock said rather unenthusiastically, until he noticed the fierce look he was receiving from Applejack.
“I mean, she is so nice, taking time out her harvest to show me around.”
“You guys were right here when I left; did she show you anything else other than the barn?” Twilight asked.
“It’s a really big barn, Twilight.” Applejack declared.
After the three ponies had agreed that the barn was very large, Twilight decided it was the perfect time to announce their next stop.
“I was planning on taking Laughing Stock to Sugar Cube Corner to see Pinkie Pie; would you like to come with Applejack?”
“Oh shoot,” Applejack said. “As much as I’d love to come, I need to finish the harvest.”
She turned to Laughing Stock with a sly grin.
“Because there are only five days left.”
Laughing Stock shot Applejack a fierce look as Twilight started to leave the barn. He then turned to follow Twilight back into town.
“So Twilight, I told you about my cutie mark yesterday.” Laughing Stock said as he caught up her. “Now it’s your turn.”
“Are you sure? My story isn’t as exciting as your story” After hearing his story yesterday, Twilight wasn't sure her story could compete with his.
“Sure I’m sure,” Laughing Stock said while smiling at Twilight. “I really am interested in you…”
Laughing Stock froze in his tracks while Twilight stopped and looked back at him.
Did I really just say that out loud? He mentally facehoofed himself.
“What are you interested in?” Twilight asked, looking rather perplexed.
“Your cutie mark story!” A befuddled Laughing Stock managed to blurt out. “I am really interested in your cutie mark story!”
“Oh, well in that case, when I was very little and saw Princess Celestia perform the Summer Sun Celebration...”
Twilight then began to tell Laughing Stock the story about the origin of her cutie mark. She told him all about getting the opportunity to attended Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and the entrance exam she had to take in order to get accepted. She also explained how she caught Princess Celestia’s attention and received the opportunity to become her own personal pupil.
“So basically, you became Princess Celestia’s protégé because you transformed Spike from a small baby dragon into a massive baby dragon and destroyed school property?” Laughing Stock could not believe what he just heard.
“Yeah, that is the condensed version. I told you it wasn’t very exciting” Twilight answered.
“What are you talking about? That may be the best cutie mark story I have ever heard!” Laughing Stock exclaimed. “Now I understand why the princess selected you to do this research for her, she can see that you are a very special unicorn.”
“Oh, come on, you’re just saying that.” A muttering Twilight started to blush.
“Twilight, I am being serious! You are very special,” Laughing Stock insisted. “Answer this question; Out of all the unicorns in all of Equestria, how many actually get into Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns?”
“I am not quite sure,” She never really spent time with any other students, so an accurate headcount was impossible. “But it can’t be more than a few hundred.”
“Out of those few hundred unicorns, how many get the opportunity to learn directly from the princess?”
“Well, she visits all the classes and talks to all the students once a year.” Twilight replied.
“Twilight, you know as well as I do, it is not the same thing. There is a distinct difference between visiting students once a year versus learning everything they know from the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Twilight said as a small grin started to from across her face. “Only one lucky unicorn has the opportunity to study under the princess.”
“And who is this lucky unicorn?” Laughing Stock asked.
“Me” Twilight answered with a big smile. “Can I ask you something now, Laughing Stock?”
“Sure go ahead.”
“Why are you doing all this?” Twilight asked, still blushing from earlier.
“What do you mean?” Laughing Stock asked, starting to feel his face grow hotter.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” Twilight was now leaning close to Laughing Stock.
This is it. Laughing Stock thought to himself as he leaned closer to Twilight as well.
“Now that you mention it, there is one thing I wanted to tell you.” He said as he stopped inches away from Twilight’s face. “I really l-“
“LOOK OUT BELOW!”
The two ponies were interrupted by screaming coming from above them. They had just enough time to move out of the way before colliding with whatever it was falling towards them. After the dust had cleared, Laughing Stock could see that it wasn’t an object, but a cyan pegasus with a rainbow colored mane.
“Laughing Stock” A rather irritated Twilight said as the pegasus stood up and brushed herself off. “This is my friend, Rainbow Dash.”
“It’s very nice to meet you Rainbow Dash.” Laughing Stock was trying to be on his best behavior with Rainbow Dash, especially since his interaction with Applejack did not go was well as he hoped.
Rainbow Dash nodded her head, “Same here. Any friend of Twilight’s is a friend of mine. So what brings you to Ponyville?”
“Vacation I suppose” Laughing Stock said, wanting to avoid more drama. “I needed to get away from the hustle and bustle of Canterlot.”
“Canterlot is a busy place” Rainbow Dash concurred. “But I didn’t know they had farms in the city.”
Both Laughing Stock and Twilight turned away from the pegasus and glanced at each other, hoping that the other knew what Rainbow Dash meant. It was apparent each pony was just as confused as the other. Laughing Stock thought it would be best to clear up the confusion.
“I’m sorry, I am afraid I don’t understand what farms have to do with me.”
The rainbow haired mare simply pointed at his flank.
Twilight, being a lot smarter than Laughing Stock, was able to figure out what Rainbow Dash was talking about.
“He isn’t a farmer; he’s a comedian Rainbow Dash. It’s a rubber chicken.”
“Oh, now I see it. Sorry for the confusion there.” Rainbow Dash said grinning. “But a comedian huh, what’s that like?”
“It has its ups and downs like any other job” Laughing Stock said with a smile. “But I don’t think I would trade it for anything.”
“That sounds awesome!” Rainbow Dash began to rub the back of her mane with her hoof, like she had a something to say, but didn’t know how.
“You ok, Dash?” Laughing Stock was trying his best to be friendly.
“Look, I know you must get this all the time, and if you don’t want to, it’s totally ok” Rainbow Dash was still rubbing the back of her mane. “But I’m having a pretty rough day; think you could say something funny?”
“Sure, that won’t be a problem Dash.” Laughing Stock was relieved that is was something he could actually do. “Have anything in particular that you want to hear?”
“I would love to hear your best Buck Norris joke!” Rainbow Dash couldn’t wait to hear what this new stallion had to offer.
Laughing Stock let out a groan. Buck Norris jokes were the worst thing to happen to comedy since…well ever.
“Sorry Dash, I don’t know any Buck Norris jokes.”
“What do you mean? Buck Norris jokes are great!” Rainbow Dash couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I don’t like Buck Norris jokes, so I don’t bother to learn them. Besides, I am more of an observational comedian. I make my living by talking about things I see and experiences in my life, not telling jokes about an actor.” Laughing Stock hoped Rainbow Dash understood.
After seeing the expression on her face, Laughing Stock learned that she didn’t understand.
“Everypony loves Buck Norris jokes!” A slightly insulted Rainbow Dash insisted.
Laughing Stock just stood there, shrugging his shoulders. He didn’t want to make this situation any worse, so he figured he would keep his mouth shut.
“I will prove to you that Buck Norris jokes are awesome!” Rainbow Dash cried as she flew a few feet above Twilight and Laughing Stock.
“Sure Rainbow Dash, let’s hear it.” Laughing Stock said with faux enthusiasm.
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat and prepared to beat this “comedian” at his own game. She closed her eyes and revealed her ace in the hole.
“Unicorns don’t use magic, they use Buck Norris!” Rainbow Dash said excitedly. She closed her eyes and expected to hear laughter.
There was a cricket nearby. Somepony coughed.
“Did you guys hear what I said?” Rainbow Dash didn’t hear laughing, so there was some confusion.
“Yeah, we heard you” Twilight said. “I thought it was really…good Rainbow Dash.”
“So, anymore jokes you want to get off your wings?” Laughing Stock was doing his best to not be rude, but Rainbow Dash and her horrible jokes were making it really hard.
“Yeah, here we go! Buck Norris doesn’t need wings to fly, he just kicks the sky!” Rainbow Dash yelled in triumph, hoping to make her friends laugh this time!
Laughing Stock was checking the time on an imaginary watch; Twilight was really interested in her mane for some reason.
“So how did I do?” Rainbow Dash asked Laughing Stock. “Did I change your mind on Buck Norris jokes?”
Considering Twilight and I are as quiet as Buck Norris at the end of “Way of the Dragon”, no not even close. Laughing Stock was doing everything in his power to keep his mouth shut. He took a deep breath and swallowed his pride and did the most painful thing a comedian could ever do.
“You…sure did…Rainbow Dash” Laughing Stock finally admitted. “You have shown me the error of my ways.”
“I knew it!” Rainbow Dash raised her hoof in victory. “I could probably go on tour and become even more famous than you!”
“I wouldn’t count on it” a bitter Laughing Stock muttered under his breath.
“Well, thanks for the laughs guys’ but I need to get going” Rainbow Dash said as she began to fly away. “I can't wait to seeing you again Laughing Stock!”
At least one of us is looking forward to it, Laughing Stock started to stare angrily at Rainbow Dash as she flew away.
“Sorry about Rainbow Dash” Twilight started to apologize for her friends’ behavior. “She takes challenges very seriously.”
“Its fine Twilight” A reassuring Laughing Stock comforted his friend as the two ponies continued their walk into town. “I give her credit; she really sticks to her beliefs.”
“That is how she is with everything” She said with a small smile. “Once Rainbow Dash finds something she enjoys, that pony will support it until the end of time.”
“How did you meet Applejack and Rainbow Dash anyway” a curious Laughing Stock wanted to know. “You are all so different; I just can’t see how you are friends with them.”
“It’s a long story” Twilight started to say before she noticed the grimace she was receiving from Laughing Stock. Once
Twilight saw the face, she changed her mind.
“It all started two years ago, the day before the Summer Sun Celebration. Princess Celestia sent me here to check on preparations for the event…”
After Twilights story had ended, Laughing Stock did not know what to say.
“So you and your friends are the ones that defeated Nightmare Moon? That is amazing, I remember reading something about it a while back! What happened next?”
“As much I would love to tell you, it has to wait until later.” Twilight said as she finally stopped walking.
“Why do we have to stop?” Laughing Stock asked as he turned around to see why she stopped. While turning his head back to its forward position, he didn’t notice the giant wooden sign directly in front of him.
Laughing Stock proceeded to walk into the sturdy barrier with a dull thud.
“We have arrived at the bakery.” Twilight informed Laughing Stock, who was picking himself off the ground.
“I assumed as much” the stallion replied, rubbing his nose which took most of the impact.
“What was your first clue?” Twilight joked. “Was it the iron pony out front holding a candy cane, or the giant cupcake on the roof?
“Neither actually. I got a pretty good look at the sign out front.”
As the two ponies laughed, a blue mare began to speak to Twilight.
“Hello Twilight my dear! What brings you here today?”
“Hello Mrs. Cake. Is Pinkie Pie around? I have someone I want her to meet.” Twilight asked as she stood in front of the counter.
“Yes, she’s in the back,” Mrs. Cake responded. “I need to help Mr. Cake with the foals, but you are more than welcome to speak with her.”
Twilight made her way through the swinging door in the back of the store while Laughing Stock looked at all the sweets that were on display.
“Go ahead dear, have a taste of whatever you like.” Mrs. Cake said with a smile as she made her way up the stairs.
As he helped himself to a cupcake, Laughing Stock started to feel a lot better about staying in Ponyville for a while.
Any town that has a bakery that hands out free samples is alright in my book.
He snapped back to reality after hearing an excited scream from the kitchen.
“NEW PONY!” he heard a voice yell as the swinging door from the kitchen revealed a pink pony lunging toward him. He closed his eyes and braced himself for impact, but it never happened. Slowly, Laughing Stock opened one eye, only to find a pair of massive light blue eyes staring back at him.
“Hi there, I’m Pinkie Pie, and I just love meeting new ponies” the pink pony squealed with copious amounts of enthusiasm.
“Hey, I’m Laughing Stock. It’s really great to meet another friend of Twilight’s” the stallion introduced himself.
“How long are you going to be in town?” the effervescent pink pony asked her new friend as he finished his cupcake.
“I have no idea.”
“I hope you stay for a long time! I don’t know why, but you look like a really fun pony!” Pinkie said as she started to bounce around Laughing Stock in a circle.
This pony is a few cupcakes short of a dozen, he thought as he reached for a cookie that had been calling his name since he walked into the building.
“It’s probably because Laughing Stock is a comedian” Twilight suggested as Pinkie kept on bouncing around the stallion.
“You know what Twilight?” Pinkie said as she stopped bouncing. “I think you’re right! He is pretty funny looking!”
Wait…did she mean that as a complement or an insult? Oh who cares, as long as she keeps making desserts like this, she can call me whatever she want. Laughing Stock shrugged Pinkie’s last words as he finished the cookie. Giving the store a quick scan, he noticed a pile of blue berry muffins that were begging to be sampled.
“I should probably throw you a party soon! I love throwing parties for my friends” Pinkie shouted as Laughing trotted over to the muffins and picked up the biggest one he could find.
As he took his first bite into the muffin, Pinkie gave him a slap on the back that scared him to death. As he reacted to the slap, he forgot about the massive bite of muffin in his mouth. It became lodged in throat and he couldn’t breathe.
“Hey, look Twilight!” Pinkie made her way over to Laughing Stock, who had his hoofs placed on his throat, gasping for air. “He likes making funny faces too!”
Pinkie began to make faces back at the suffering pony; Twilight noticed that this situation was very odd.
“Enough faces, you silly pony!” Pinkie cried with delight. “Tell me a joke!”
Laughing Stock tried to open his mouth, but noting but a gurgling noise came out.
“Uh, Pinkie,” Twilight said with a look of concern on her face. “I think Laughing Stock is choking.”
“I would say so,” Pinkie said as she stared at Laughing Stock. “But I don’t know why. If he is a comedian, he should be comfortable telling jokes in front of other ponies!”
“NO PINKIE! HE IS REALLY CHOKING!” Twilight screamed as she sprang into action. She started to slap Laughing Stock on the back until he coughed up the evil piece of blueberry deliciousness.
“Oh, he was really choking; I’m so sorry Laughing Stock” Pinkie Pie began apologizing profusely.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it Pinkie” Laughing Stock said reassuring her. “It could have happened to anyone.
As he made his way to a chair to take a seat and catch his breath, Twilight turned her attention from the stallion to Pinkie.
“We are going to see Rarity and Fluttershy, you want to come with us?”
“I would love to come,” Pinkie said immediately. “I just need to tell the Cakes I am leaving.”
At that moment, the Cakes made their way down the stairs.
“Mr. Cake,” Pinkie shouted. “I am going out with Twilight and Laughing Stock.”
“You can’t Pinkie, I need you to stay here and finish that large order for us. I told you yesterday, we were leaving this afternoon to take the foals to the doctor.” Mr. Cake replied.
“BUT MR. CAKE,” Pinkie cried. “I’M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE TODAY!”
“It’s ok Pinkie, you can always join us later.” Twilight suggested, trying to do her best to defuse the situation.
“Okie Doki Loki, hopefully I can see you guys later. Sorry about the choking thing earlier,” Pinkie said as made her way back to the kitchen.
As Laughing Stock and Twilight left the bakery, he began to think about his day so far. In only a matter of a few hours, he was forced into a horrible contract,told another pony he like Buck Norris jokes and had a near death experience. The rest of
Twilights’ friends were this nuts, he started to question whether Twilight was worth all this trouble. As he looked at the
beautiful lavender mare in front of him, he answered his own inquiry almost immediately.
“Definitely” he quietly said to himself as he trailed behind her, following her to their next destination.
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Funny and crazy
Conversation between Applejack and Laughing Stock seems rather strange to me.
I`d picture Laughing Stock being more forceful about not being lumped with showbiz type... Something like this.
“So do we have a deal?" Applejack was gritting her teeth. Her hoof was hanging in front of the stallion, waiting for him to shake it.
Laughing Stock paused, making a show of thinking things over, then abruptly answered - "No. Deal`s off." It wasn`t what Applejack expected to hear. "What? Why you..." - she was shushed by a waving hoof. "And now, I`ll tell you why it`s off." - he offered quietly, glaring at orange mare - "Because I will tell her on my own, in the RIGHT moment. And if I`m really the slimy showbiz type for whom right moment never comes, ask yourself this - would you want THAT kind of pony anywhere around Twilight?"
Applejack's contract, Rainbow Dash and her Buck Norris jokes, and a near muffin fatality at the hooves of Pinkie Pie...
I laughed so much during this chapter! Laughing Stock is an awesome character, I can see why Twilight likes him.
The grammar did get a little screwy in that last paragraph though, watch that. Anyways, carry on!
Silver out!
1076147
I can't wait for you to read chapter 7 if you laughed a lot during this one.
1028250 Yeah well he just figured it's not nice to make Applejack mad just for the fun of it.
Oh yes, it WILL be a problem, because ponies don't have HANDS
I like the story and all, but there are two things I need to point out. First, I feel that Applejack was slightly out of character. I don't think she would force somepony into a deal like that. The second is just instalove. Like I said this is still good.
There is a distinct difference between visiting students once a year versus learning everything they know from the most powerful unicorn in all of Equestria"
IS AN ALICORN
OC falls in love with Mane 6 character.
Normally, I would KILL somebody for breaking the RULES OF FANFICTION.
Consider yourself LUCKY I won't do that. I WON'T. And it's because your OC is a COMEDIAN.
1718662 actually, when this was first written, the term alicorn was not yet used by FIM itself yet. Up until season 3-5, they called them "Unicorns".
I can't believe nopony has posted this yet..........
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You're welcome.
2461228
That. Is. AWESOME!! 
2461228 Epic
forums.watchuseek.com/attachments/f2/727559d1338829597-new-dutch-watch-brand-kuyl-watches-chuck-norris-approves.jpg
"Pleased to meet you. You got here just in time."