Ascent-Express
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This have so much potential
please continue
I want to see what would happen to someone driving. The only thing is, I don't think the cars stayed with us when everyone left.
I like this.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7g5g8Qyt81rtr7zy.gif
>>Moon_Fire
I've actually started on my next chapter and it should be finished soon.
>>SPleedude
Ironically enough, that is one of the things on my list so you can look forward to that.
>>gamerj14
Thanks for saying so, and I shall continue.
Interesting sadly he isn't probably the only person so impacted, not to mention the danger of planes falling out of the air
logically if planes and subways stayed then other former of transport stayed. the one I ponder is what if anything happened to normal equines
6060984 Someone changes into a pony when tightrope walking...
I REALLY hope the explanation offered in that dream sequence turns out to be wrong, because otherwise this whole setting just went from new, fresh and exciting...
To a freaking Conversion Bureau rip-off with a few 'technical' glitches in the 'turn everybody to ponies' plan. And that would not be a good thing.
That, and why does this dude get so much of the terminology right? Equestria. Cutie marks. Hell, it's not that inconceivable that somebody might not even know what the proper name for a pegasus is.
Other than that, it was a good intro sequence, even if the escape felt just a bit to easy and smooth. Guess that's due to the post-scrip recording framing device, but still felt like it should have taken more effort then this.
I'd like to see a diver, just to throw out an odd one.
Oh, and not a sea or mere-pony, otherwise there won't be much tension, now will there?
6062076 You're absolutely right. I added that dream for the sole purpose of getting the story approved and only that reason. You won't see anything like that in later chapters.
6062081 Hmmm, I might be able to do something like that, but if I don't do it right it'll end up being the shortest chapter so far. But I'll look into this idea.
Worst case scenario
Chapter 3: "Then he drowned." The End
3rd person it OK. But, I'd use 1st person. You could have a group of survivors sitting around a camp fire 1, 10 or 20 years later telling these stories. You could add a new chapter before the others to bring it into that setting and maybe edit in a small prelude and epilogue with everyone laughing about the story and how far they've come. Sort of bragging about how their survival was the most "hard-core".
Idk, just an idea. It'd give these some context.
6062917 Hmm, perhaps some context would help, I'll see what I can come up with.
I'm sorry. I had to.
I am definitely including these two ponies in my story. (Gonna eventually roam all of the US.)
6063691 That's completely fine. I'd love to see how that turns out. Feel free to use any of my characters and any of the settings I put them in, it would be a shame to see them not be used at all after this story is done.
Our of curiosity, is this the same Max as in The First Unicorn on Earth?
6063739 Okay. I'll include them when I get to Florida.
6063879 Good question, but no. My character came first I believe.
Hmm.... So this is just a story of people in bad places when the change happens
Damn, you're just giving me all the ponies I could find. These two will be written in for a later chapter.
6066236 Sweet, I can't wait to see what you come up with.
I have a suggestion for another one! I remember you asked for some.
A radio dj wakes up at noon in his own home, with a hangover, on holiday. First he's shocked he's transformed, then he discovers he's alone in the city.
He travels to his place of work the next day, records a message for survivors, and begins to broadcast it.
So far you haven't explored the personal loss of the characters. Friends, family, the lives they no longer have. I hope you explore some of these things, it can be really emotional.
Oooh, interesting chapter. I think this is the first side story to have a character transformed into a different sex. Not impossible; glad to see someone going for something new. I do wonder about the internal logic of this convict writing their experiences like this, but... I guess it doesn't always matter.
1. Really diggin' the new style on this chapter. I feel like I may've set a bad president with the journal format and I'm always glad to see stories that don't feel bound to it. On a meta level, the whole story is breaking from the mold; having these short episodes is very interesting. Are you going to keep going with vignettes like this until you run out of ideas, or revisit old characters in future chapters?
2. She learned how to use magic really quickly. A few hours or days, that's pretty nuts. Must have a rare gift, that one. Since there weren't any mystical circles on the cruise ship to cheat having to learn, I mean.
Sil. Is she an honorspren? (if you don't know what that is then she isn't I'm sure)
So many rich new characters being added to the world it's awesome.
So, word of advice on switching between POVs: if you want to write that sort of switch, you're going to want the text itself to be so smooth as to tell the reader who's new perspective we're in without having to put the "Character's POV:" message at the beginning of a section. Just have a divider (I use three asterisks), and write from somebody else's perspective.
Similarly, it's usually for the best NOT to switch between first and third person. Published stories are always consistent. Generally, first person perspective stories remain in the perspective of one character for the whole book. Third person stories are allowed to switch if they're the limited perspective (it's a pretty meaningless switch if they're omniscient perspective.
I enjoyed this chapter for what it was, but that's something I would keep in mind for next time. Write in such a way that we don't need those messages and never include them. Just divide the scene and let us figure them out. Similarly, I would use as few switches as possible (one, maybe two switches per chapter) so that the audience doesn't get confused.
Either that, or use an omniscient perspective, so you can switch between whoever you want at will. Just my two sense on some writing stuff. The kinds of things I wish people had told me about ten years ago.
Keep up the good work, though!
(and on a totally unrelated note, in the Ponies After People story, vehicles piloted by humans vanished with their drivers when everybody dissapeared, so there wouldn't be cars exploding everywhere. The only exception would be if someone left behind was on them, in which case the vehicle would remain behind, so the pony doesn't get dropped out of the sky from atop it. Obviously you can do what you want, I just thought I'd mention what happened there.)
NO not the way to find yourself alone and pondering if anyone is hurt or going to pop out of those locked rooms
Where's this guy located? Might be a good idea to have a gryphon around.
6083853 Jackson, Mississippi.
6061317 The last chapter of the story that spawned this...
And your comment gets a whole lot of new genius.
I call this one! He is mine now.
Psst! Actually, buddy, you don't have a backwards knee; that's your ankle.
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2c/Lion_and_eland.jpg
Check out the lion skeleton on the right. The left leg, the one closer to the camera, is bent slightly at the knee. Then there's the ankle bending back the other way, and the toes bending further. Cats actually stand on their toes!
And this has been your science fact for the day. ;)
Nice job preparing for the zombie apocalypse! Too bad there's no actual zombies. ;)
Now that's sweet, a couple transformed together! And genderswapped together, too.
so what you're making scenarios for people to make stories from?
Fuckin' commies indeed.
As long as he doesn't turn out to be a General Jack D. Ripper type...
Shit, somepony in North Korea got triggerhappy first...
6090359 Kind of. I want to show people that they can start their story in completely original ways and inspire them to branch out from the original story. If they ask I some times let people use my characters in their stories as I don't need them as much.
6090394 Hopefully he knocks them out of the sky before they get to the US. Do you think he succeeded?
6090402 Probably, since we haven't seen any evidence of fallout!
Still, nukes hitting nukes... hope he got them over the ocean!
6090487 Well, they don't hit directly, they get close then explode. The other nukes would not even go off.
6090139 No one else has called him yet, so you can use him if you would like.
6084730
Psh. I live 20 minutes from there.
...Did you stick a zebra girl in Oklahoma just for me? Awwww. thank you!
DIBS DIBS DIBBING THIS DIBS.
EDIT: To be fair, I'm only Dibbing that she'll eventually appear in my story. If anybody else wants to write her in the interim, that's fine.
6093122 Send me a PM in you're truly interested in using her.
Damn, they don't make 14 year olds like they used to. That's just... Damn.
6093193 You do what you have to do.
6093189
The long and short of it is that I have a Breezie in Oklahoma that will eventually need some contact. Eventually. Right now I want him to spend a week or two alone going slowly insane.
6093272 Alright then, I'd love to see how you use her.
That... that poor girl... I think she had the worst situation of anypony, hooves down. I mean, being under the knife when the event happened...
6093357
I, horribly enough, can.
And that's all I'll say on the matter.