• Published 19th May 2012
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The Rule of King Cocoon of the Changelings - Hooves Like Jagger



A human finds himself in Equestria as the monarch of a changeling swarm.

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9th: Spaghetti Western

The Rule of King Cocoon of the Changelings

The past month has not been productive, but allow me to elaborate if merely for continuity's sake.

Every morning PC and I woke up and headed down to the library to organize and clean. During our breaks and after work, we went around town in search of the human. It involved going around and talking to ponies, in order to get to know them a little. I listened and watched closely as I tried to pick out "human" traits. That tactic got us nowhere fast.

After a week or so, we decided to take a different approach. We took a step back and analyzed what we did know about the human we were searching for. Our first breakthrough was the response to my message he or she left. Chrysalis pointed out that the letters had been carved into the rock using magic, evident by the scorch marks. Now we knew we were looking for a unicorn. With our biggest lead though, we had to drop our number one suspect: Sweet Tea.

Out of all the ponies in Appleloosa, she struck me as the most human. The facts are all there: she's new around here, she doesn't have much knowledge of Equestria, and she's clumsy with her hooves. I thought I had her pinned, but I ran into a hitch when I found out she's perfectly literate. Add the whole unicorn bit on top of that, and you've got a pony who never was a human.

On the other hand, there are only a handful of unicorns in Appleloosa. Sheriff Silverstar and his deputy were happy to point out who all the unicorns in Appleloosa were when I told them I was wanting to chat with someone with magical talent. I should point out, by the way, that Silverstar and Quickdraw are two upstanding ponies. Silverstar is a gentlecolt right down to his core and passionate about his job. Quickdraw is the quiet type, but he's just as dutiful. I should have known they were good ponies; they always wear hats!

The first unicorn to investigate was Tomesworth of course. He is a bit secretive, but he'll actually talk about anything if you ask. I'm extremely sure he isn't the human, mostly because of the all the albums and memorabilia he has from his life. The other unicorns weren't any more human than Tomesworth. I either dismissed them after seeing pictures of their parents or pictures of them as a foal. It was dead-end after dead-end.

Other than the lack of progress, I only ran into one other problem when Braeburn caught on to the fact that I was looking for somepony. I'd been talking with him a little and I'd seem him around from time to time, but I hadn't realized he'd played a little detective and watched me a bit. He meant well, saying I seemed like a pony with a lot on my mind. After all that earnest concern, I couldn't lie to him outright.

I confessed I was looking for somepony. I told Braeburn I had another, older daughter who ran away. I didn't want to cause a stir, so I made him promise to keep it a secret. He promised, but the ordeal left me thinking that he hadn't believed me. For whatever reason he'd chosen, he didn't speak a word of it to anypony else. He still trusts me, which is how I know he's still keeping an eye on me when I'm out and about. It's not like I mind being fed.

Despite all my best efforts, my search has come up dry. I even asked around if anypony had left town recently, but that question left me just as empty handed. I'm starting to think my rock was vandalized by a drifter. He or she didn't live in Appleloosa, but he or she had happened to pass by and read my rock.

I can't believe I've wasted a whole month in Appleloosa.

"Cheer up! We can go back to the hive tomorrow morning," Chrysalis assures me. All I can do is groan and continue stroking my beard, which has nearly grown back in the time I've spent in Appleloosa. My hair is getting pretty long too. I look like an old man again, but I sort of feel like one.

"Can't we skip the dumb wedding? I'm sure Sweet Tea and Quickdraw will be very happy together."

"No! We have to stick to our alibis!" Chrysalis scolds me. "What's one more day? Who knows, a wedding might cheer you up."

"Uuuuugh..."

"Oh, come off it! Try and think about something else," she recommends.

"Like what? There is nothing but finding humans and getting home." I get up off the bed and shift into my disguise. "Look, I'm going to go get Bloodbuzz and Plundergrub so we can go back."

"Leaving before the sun comes up? That'll look suspicious... hey... hey! Are you listening to me?"

"Have... have you even seen those two since we separated?" The two of us wrack our brains for a handful of seconds.

"I don't remember what their disguises look like," Chrysalis admits. "Did they change disguises?" I shake my head.

"By now, I know all the faces in Appleloosa. I haven't seen two strangers, so unless they're posing as citizens I don't think they've been around." Two changelings would never defy my orders. I told them to stick around, so they had to be somewhere. If you're a creature that lives off love, it's ill advised to remove yourself from society for too long, so they have to be here. "I'm going to go look for them."

"Don't you mean 'we'?"

"No, you stay here," I clarify. "If Tomesworth asks where I am, just tell him I can't sleep and went for a walk."

"Trot?"

"I'll go whatever speed I like. I'll try to come back before too long." Chrysalis warns me to be careful before I slip out of the house and into the dark of the coming dawn. We don't start our day until shortly after the sun comes up, so I have yet to experience Appleloosa at this hour. For once, the streets are completely empty. The city that is industrious by day and full of activity by night is actually sleeping at this early hour.

I wander the town and listen to the crickets. If Bloodbuzz and Plundergrub see me wandering around on my own at this early hour, they'll come running. In fact, they should just sense I'm meandering around town. I can't get rid of the nagging feeling that something is wrong as I approach the town's gate.

I freeze before jumping into cover behind a barrel. There is a silhouette of a large stallion standing at the gate. I don't think he saw me. Now that I think about it, I don't know why I panicked there. Everypony in Appleloosa is friendly, so I'm sure this guy will be able to help me out. Before I come out of hiding though, I'm surprised to see two familiar pegasi touch down in front of the gate.

"Bloodbuzz? Plundergrub?" I ask under my breath, still intent on hiding from view. Why are these two coming here at such an odd hour, and why is this mystery stallion waiting for them? Now I don't just feel something is wrong, I know something is wrong.

"Ah told you two to stay outta town." I know that voice, even if I've only heard it a handful of times; it's deputy Quickdraw. I peek out just a little from the barrel, verifying his identity when I spot the clay pigeon on his flank. "Y'all just don't quit, do you? Y'all ain't welcome 'round here, so git." The two fake stallions exchanged a quick glance with one another. The one that was Bloodbuzz turned back to the deputy.

"We'll be returning to Dodge Junction," he says just loud enough for me to hear.

"Ah don't really care, as long as ya ain't here." Quickdraw tipped his white stetson and began to walk off. I ducked further into my hiding place. Quickdraw trotted silently back to his home and I heard my subjects take wing and leave.

... What am I still doing in hiding?

"Quickdraw!" I jump out from behind the barrels and start after him. He turns, with a look of surprise on his face.

"Mr. Pinhead? Y're up awful early."

"What was that all about?" I ask, doing my best to sound concerned, not agitated.

"No worries Mr. Pinhead, just a couple of no-gooders ah've told time an' time again to keep out."

"Well... what did they do?" I ask, trying to keep my knees from knocking together. Quickdraw is a big pony. In this light and under these circumstances, he's scary. In my normal form I'd probably tower over the earth pony, but as an average unicorn I had to gaze up at him. I'm not too accustomed to looking up at anyone.

"They're no-gooders. They ain't good for nopony." I don't pursue the subject any further with Quickdraw. He pulls his hat down before trotting away from me, no doubt to get in a few winks before his big day. I really should tell Chrysalis what I'm going to be up to, but I need to get a move on to Dodge Junction.


Before you say anything, yes, I did know where Dodge Junction was. In the rolling prairies and rugged mesas that dotted the landscape, the slightly more developed pioneer town was clearly visible in the north when the sun was out. I only had moonlight to navigate by, but I shifted into my regular form in order to run at maximum speed. The first rays of the sun brought with it the requirement I use my disguise, but Dodge Junction is a mere mile from me at this moment.

I had expected the town to be a bit more... populated. As I stare into the silent and deserted main street, the obligatory tumbleweed blows past. I wait for the director to cue the cheesy music and pan up at a hawk circling overhead.

...

That hawk is wearing the armor of a royal guard!

...

Wait, it's just a royal guard. I almost lost it there for moment.

"Halt, citizen!" I cast my gaze back down towards the ground. Two grey unicorns in dazzling, golden regalia are approaching me from the end of the road. There is a third, smaller pony accompanying them. He, or she because I honestly can't tell, is draped in an emerald robe with golden vines embroidered all around the edges. The hood of the cloak is drawn tight with a golden cord, hiding the wearer's face from view. I look for a hint of hooves or horn under the cloth, but the pony before me is completely covered. Saying that it's a pony at all is really just conjecture.

"What's going on?" It's an innocent question, but it's met with harsh stares from the unicorn guards.

"Haven't you read the paper?" Have I read the paper? Of course I haven't read the paper! I can't read and Tomesworth always commandeers it for the crossword. In light of the fact I can't tell them all that, I opt for a shake of my head. "We've asked everypony to stay indoors in the town today so we can search for changelings."

"Changelings?" I don't need to pretend to be surprised because I have no idea why they would be looking for changelings. I know Plundergrub and Bloodbuzz are here, but surely they didn't raise a hullabaloo, right?

"Go back to your home, sir." The guards advance on me, ready to carry me off themselves if I didn't move fast.

"Uh, I live in Appleloosa. I was coming by to visit somepony!" I lie. I can't leave now, not with Bloodbuzz and Plundergrub at risk of getting exposed.

"And this 'somepony' didn't tell you what was going on?" the hooded figure speaks. It had to have been the hooded figure because the voice that I just heard doesn't belong to an imperial guard.

"Lou...?"

"Pardon?"

"Nuuuu! No, that is a no! He did not tell me about this... thing that is going on here." What in blue blazes is Lou doing here? No, I take that question back. What in blue blazes is Lou doing here looking for changelings with the royal guard?

"You're going to have to return later," one of the guards informs me. "We'll have a guard escort you in order to assure your safety." The first guard nods to his companion, who marches off back down the road. I don't have much time before I'll be forced to leave.

"This whole thing seems rather high-handed. What part of the royal army is lead by a hooded mare to hunt down changelings?" The guard steps aside and the hooded Lou steps up to the plate. I hadn't counted on seeing her so soon, let alone ever again.

"I'm Special Agent Louise, head of the newly formed Unit for Changeling Response, UCR for short. Our group is a collaborative effort between the Fifteenth Unicorn Brigade and the Forty Third Pegasi Troop to respond to possible changeling threats in Equestria." Great, not only is Lou part of this little party, but the knuckleheads from the Forty Third are here too. I don't know if the Fifteenth Unicorn Brigade has a beef with me, but something tells me these three components of UCR were not just pulled out of a hat.

"What makes you qualified to lead this sort of operation?" I'm going to be honest: Lou is the last person that should be running this show.

"I'm the leading expert on their current monarch, King Cocoon the Liar."

"King Cocoon the Liar?" I thought The Terrible was a bad title, but The Liar? I can't say it isn't true, but it's uncalled for. "You know a lot about this Cocoon fella?"

"I've gone horn to horn with him on several occasions." She should tack on "and got my plot handed to me on a silver platter each time" for accuracy. "Princess Celestia thought the fact made me more than eligible for the position."

That was the clincher for the whole situation for me. Princess Celestia not only condoned this organization, but she'd elected its leader. I guess Summitplunge didn't deliver my message.

"So, why are you here in Dodge Junction?"

"We received a tip from local law enforcement, Appleloosa's actually, that two changelings were seen flying off in this direction. Where there are two changelings, there are probably more." If there was no changeling encampment in Appleloosa, I doubt we'd have one in Dodge Junction. It's more populated than Appleloosa, but that just makes it the big fish in the small pond.

"Sheriff Silverstar saw that happen?" Lou shook her head, at least I think she did. Her robes moved as if she had.

"The Sheriff sent the report, but it was your town's deputy who saw them."

"Quickdraw?"

"I don't remember his name; it's not my business. My business, mister..."

"Pinhead."

"... Mr. Pinhead, is to get rid of changelings. Now, if you'd kindly let the Lance Corporal escort you back to your hometown."

Lance Corporal? Oh no... don't tell me...

"Lance Corporal Summitplunge reporting for duty, ma'am." Summitplunge swoops down and lands next to me. He salutes Lou with his good hoof. The one I broke is wrapped up tight in a hard cast. I guess they didn't turn him into glue.

"What happened to you?" I ogle his cast with feigned interest. He snorts, making it obvious that it's a sore point for him.

"A word of warning to you citizen: nopony tangles with the current Changeling King without getting a scratch or two," Lou answers my question, much to my surprise.

"Is that why you've got the robes?" The question was obviously not one I was allowed to ask. All three guards backed off the moment it left my lips, but Lou stomped right up and put her hooded visage into mine.

"Citizen," her tone is cool, despite the tension in the air.

"Special Agent..."

"You wouldn't mind submitting to a test, would you?" Her tone is even as ever, which makes me worry about the designs forming in her mind.

"What kind of test?" The Lou that stands before me is a slight variation on the one I met in Manehattan. She is out for vengeance, and she isn't afraid to sublimate her anger onto an innocent pony.

"I will perform the changeling reversion spell on you, just for protocol's sake." This isn't good. "It will burn momentarily, provided you are not actually a changeling." Under her hood, I can see the energy starting to charge in her horn. I barely managed against the Forty Third when I had a small force on my side, so there is no way I can take them and a bunch of unicorns all by myself. Bloodbuzz and Plundergrub would join in if I was in trouble, but I don't know how much of a difference two changelings could make.

Even though the spell hasn't launched yet, I can feel my disguise starting to fail. I consider changing right there and then in order to keep the element of surprise on my side, but I hold out. I take a deep breath to relax myself, bracing myself for a fight against a group of ponies I did not particularly care for. I'll make my stand here, show them I still mean business. Today might be the day I impose upon the sanctity of another's life.

The inside of Lou's robe is getting brighter and brighter. When the spell is ready on the tip of her hoof, I get a fleeting and haunting glance at her face.

*thwam*

Lou's horn dies down as everypony turns to get a look at what's going on behind me. It sounded a lot like something heavy had slammed into the ground, but there isn't any sign of that.

"What's going on?" Summitplunge shouts, as if he could see some sort of invisible commotion. Two helmet adorned heads pop out from an alley a little ways behind our position. Two unicorns emerge, dragging behind them a familiar looking pony.

"Sir! We caught this stallion snooping around!" The unicorns throw the yellow body in question down at my hooves.

"Braeburn?" There is a lot going through my head right now, but Lou shoves me aside and examines my fallen friend. He stirs, dizzy from whatever the guards had done to apprehend him. He looks up at Lou first, but his eyes shift over to me.

He winks.

"Well, is he a changeling or not?" Lou asks. The two guards steal a glance at one another before shaking their heads. "How do you know?"

"He's a pony, ma'am!" Lou is not satisfied with the answer. She charges her spell and blasts Braeburn with it in a brilliant, silver flash. He grunts in pain, the spell searing him instead of freeing him from a false body.

"Get these two out of here. We have official business to attend to," is all Lou says before turning and walking away. I don't know where all her anger from before went, but this seems like an anti-climactic ending to my time in Dodge Junction. Doesn't matter, though, seeing as I can bet that this isn't the last I'll see of the UCR.

The two unicorns salute to their superior and escort Braeburn and me to a strangely rustic looking wagon. When we're both inside and the guards are hitched up, Braeburn lets out the breath he'd been holding in.

"Welp, that was excitin'! Do you fellas do this kinda thing often?"

"... I don't follow."

"Your majesty," one the guards speaks as he turns and looks up at me. "Will we be returning to Appleloosa?"

"Bloodbuzz?"

"Plundergrub too!" the other guard announces as he turns and smiles. I must have the weirdest look on my face right now.

"Uh yeah... Appleloosa... but... but... Braeburn?!" I look at the pony, emphasis on pony, who is sitting in the wagon with me. As we lurch forward, Braeburn removes his hat and casts his eyes downward.

"Ah reckon I owe you an apology yer highness..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa... are you a changeling?" I ask. Braeburn quickly shakes his head, making this situation one million times more confusing. "Okay... if you're not a changeling you don't have to call me 'your highness' or 'your majesty' or anything like that." Braeburn's eyes shoot towards my subjects momentarily. "You need to explain this to me, all of it."

"Well, it goes like this: Quickdraw came to me one mornin' an' told me to be on the lookout fer any strangers comin' into town. He says, 'send 'em homeward, we can't trust nopony right now'. I didn't know what had him so riled up, but I wasn't about to argue with 'im. When you an' yer daughter... well, I guess she isn't your daughter..."

"Oh, you've got that right..."

"When the two of y'all showed up, I reckoned ya didn't mean no harm. Just a kid an' her father, out fer a good time. Quickdraw wanted me to turn y'all back all the same, but I plead your case. He allowed you to stay, on the condition that I monitor you as close as I could.

"I didn't wanna do it, but I was just so dern curious to see what Quickdraw was so antsy about. Y'all turned out to be a nice pony from what I saw. Goin' 'round town an' talkin' to ponies 'bout their families and askin' how long they'd been in good 'ol Appleloosa. Add that to yer healin' Sweet Tea like that and bein' honest about lookin' 'round for somepony, Ah figured you as trustworthy. I knew there was somethin' up 'bout yer story though, seein' as yer 'daughter' told me she was an only child an' y'all were split from her mother."

"I should have paid attention to that alibi," I grumble. I should work a little closer with Chrysalis to solidify our alibis the next time we have to do something like this.

"Ah couldn't pin down what y'all were hiding, so ah kept watchin'. I saw y'all leave this mornin', an' Quickdraw was talkin' to those ponies, an' then you ran off an' turned into... yerself I reckon."

"And you followed me all the way to Dodge Junction?" If Braeburn woke up early just to track me down, I'm impressed by his resolve to find out my secret. Although, a true private eye would have spied into our room and seen our true forms beforehand.

"It weren't easy, once you changed into yerself Ah lost y'all. Ah didn't want to show up to Dodge Junction fer no reason, what with the changeling inspection goin' on-"

"You knew about that?" Braeburn nods before continuing his story. I guess it was common knowledge.

"Ah grabbed my cart so it looked like I had business of some sort, but when Ah got here y'all were talking to a bunch of guards. Ah was duckin' behind some barrels watchin' an' wonderin' what to do, but then these two unicorn guards come up behind me. Ah don't know what they were gonna do, seein' as your buddies here came 'round and took 'em out. They almost went for me too, but Ah explained to them Ah was on their side."

"How'd he do that?" I ask, turning to Bloodbuzz.

"He said he was 'with yer kingship'." Somehow, it feels like they were too easily convinced. Braeburn picks the story back up.

"They announced they were gonna jump in an' rescue you, but Ah came up with the whole 'capture me' plan. Ah don't know how you usually do things, but Ah prefer not to see ponies get hurt. That mare just needed somepony to let her frustrations out on, I reckoned." Braeburn is laughing at the conclusion of his tale, but I'm not amused.

"Why?"

"Pardon?"

"Why help me? Why help us? We're changelings. Changelings and ponies don't mix," I explain, even if I don't see the need to. It's an axiom everypony adheres to; it's just how status quo works. The stallion across from me puts his hat back on.

"Well... fer now Ah just wanna know what yer doin' in Appleloosa. To be honest, if'n you'd just trotted up in yer regular changeling form I woulda applebucked you back to wherever it is ya'll come from." Honesty is always refreshing. "In a month, though, ya'll haven't done anythin' Ah thought a King of the Changelings would do to a little town like Appleloosa. Nopony got their love drained or nothin'. So what Ah wanna know is, why? What're you actually lookin' fer Mr. Cocoon?"

I find myself at a fork in the road. I could lie to Braeburn, use his trust in me to make sure he keeps helping me. I could tell him Quickdraw is a renegade changeling or something like that. I could turn him against his own kind. He's opened the door that would allow me to do that. Maybe I don't even have to lie. If his mind is open to me, I could simply control him like a puppet. Either way, he could be a useful tool.

"I'm looking for a creature called a human." I don't want to lose his trust, and if I do lose it I want to lose it telling the truth.

"A... human? Never heard of it. Is it dangerous?"

"It could be, but that's not why I'm looking for it. It doesn't belong in Equestria, so I need to find it and take it home."

"Okay... so, what's it look like?"

"Doesn't matter what it looks like because here in Equestria it takes the form of a pony, just like you."

"It's like a changeling then?" I shake my head. It is a bit of a hard concept to grasp, seeing as it barely makes any sense at all. I'd chalk that on up to the Master of Things Not Making Sense.

"It can't change back into its original form. It lives life and goes around just like any other pony in the world."

"Then how do you find it?"

"... I've been wondering the same thing. I got lucky this time, though. By chance I dropped a message to any human near your town and got a response. I have a feeling I know who did it now; I just need to know a few things."

"What's that?"

"I've only ever seen him with a hat on... but is Quickdraw a unicorn?" Braeburn nodded, confirming my suspicions. "Bloodbuzz, why was Quickdraw suspicious of you?"

"He saw Plundergrub and me flying away from your rock, your majesty. From that point on, he hounded us whenever we got close to town."

"Why didn't you change forms?"

"We tried, but he would turn back any traveler he didn't recognize. We instead tried to sneak in at unruly hours for ponies, but he'd always catch us." With the final piece of information in place, I'm sure I know who the human in Appleloosa is.

"The wedding... has it started yet?"