The Unicorn Lost in the Woods

by Spleedude

05/31/2015, 02:05 Transcript 1

The following is a transcript of the conversation held between National Guard member PFC Dettmer and an unknown civilian caller. For reference the letter C will be used to refer to the civilian while the letter D will be used to refer to PFC Dettmer.

C: H-Hello? Is this thing on? Hello?

D: Yes! Mam this is privet Dettmer can you hear me? Over.

C: Hello? Mr. Guardsman sir? Can you hear me?

D: Yes! Yes I can! What’s wrong with this thing?! Let’s see, that light is on meaning I’m transmitting, I can hear her but she can’t hear me meaning she’s transmitting but not receiving. That means one of two things, either her speaker is broken, which it can’t be because she heard my earlier massage, or-

C: Hello?

D: No. NO God dammit! MAM! YOU NEED TO RELEASE YOUR PUSH TO TALK BUTTON IN ORDER TO HEAR ME!

C: MR. Guardsman?

D: [There is a bang and clatter of things falling off the table] MAM! Release your push to talk button!

C: Anyone…

D: There’s nothing I can do from this end. Mam!

C/D: please…/PLEASE!

From this point on the only sounds from the unknown caller are chocked sobs and the occasional plead for anyone to answer. The only sounds from PFC Dettmer are swearing interposed with request for the unknown caller to release the push to talk button followed by quiet sobbing when the unknown caller’s radio is turned off. Call ends at approximately 03:17 hours.

Author's Note:

IT! LIVES!

So... um... been a while huh? And such a short chapter to. I'm really sorry about that I've been lazy in epic proportions, but I decided to not give up just yet! Now I know I've asked a lot of anyone still reading this but I have just two more things to ask you.

1. I am looking for a pre-reader/ editor to maybe get on skype/ discord/ google hangouts once a week or so to look over what I've made and to talk about the story to keep my motivation high.

2. I am trying to decide whether or not I should go back and try to rewrite the previous chapters, maybe even change the... pov? Format? Make it not in journal form. What do you guys think?

Thanks for the patience,
-Spleedude

Comments

[Celefin]

...and myth became legend...

IT! LIVES!

I'll have to reread your story first, but I'd be willing to look your stuff over. Depends on how much editing you want. Send me a PM?

[Starscribe]

My recommendation when it comes to writing is always finish before revision. if you want to radically change the format, do it from here on out, and leave a note in the beginning for future readers that the first few chapters will be in a different style/whatever than what you're writing with later sections. That way you can be honest with new readers but at the same time make forward progress and not trip over yourself endlessly revising things.

If you get to the end and still feel like revising the first few chapters, that would be the time I would go back and tidy them up.

But that's just how I'd do it.

[bluemoon1996]

Been rereading this and Id forgotten how Witty it can be.

[ferret]

Oh this made me laugh. You really should emphasize her desperate plea and slow breakdown as Mitchell is reduced to incoherent completely unsympathetic grumbling, and then when her sobs finally cut out with a terrible finality, he shouts "You have to release the push-to-talk button!"