Gilda returns to Ponyville to try to apologize, but Pinkie just will not shut up long enough for Gilda to do so.
If only there was SOME WAY to keep that pink pone's tongue busy.
Chapters (1)
Pacce
Joined 14th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lady Gunner · 6.2k words · 37 2 · 1.7k views
- GreyCapstan · 7.4k words · 76 3 · 1.9k views
- arcanelexicon · 1k words · 10 1 · 514 views
- Cupcake Chaos · 15k words · 59 12 · 3.7k views
- Krizak · 35k words · 44 2 · 1.6k views
- Behold The Awesome · 3.3k words · 170 11 · 5.2k views
Featured In7
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.123 seconds
Total duration
739 users online
878,285 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Fun Fact: This was my first ever story with kissing when it was made back in the space year of 2011.
WAT. that was interesting to say the least...
dat end
Sir/Madam. You should be dragged out back and shot. But I'd be too busy shaking your hand first.
Some of those lines hit the spot, espicially Dashie's. Actually, every one of her lines is golden.
Getting such a short story to feel complete unto itself without skimping is quite the feat.
'first story to feature kissing.' Dat ain't no kissin of the regula' sorts, you cunning linguist, you.
Well, you are a douche. Stories good though.
612503
Glad you liked the story. I just don't like giant grainy images in the comments. Use words or the visually pleasing pony emoticons.
The moment I saw your title, I just had to go for it. I''ve yet to see a story with the Hostess snack cake 90's catch phrase as its headliner, and you know what? Boss. That is all.
“PINKIE, I GOT YOU SOME CANDY, BUT I DON’T LIKE YOU,”
every crush story in a nutshell. Dash totally didn't nail any hints there
Aaaaa!
a threesome!
its... DA MAGIKS!!! OF a threesome!
Yeah... I didn't like it.
I mean- Gilda is back to apologize. OK, I can roll with that. But then the story shows Gilda having no will towards apologizing to Pinkie properly. So why did she come to Ponyville, on her own volition, to apologize when she doesn't want to? It seems to me that it is just something to place Gilda on the spot.
And what's with the kiss? Seems like another thing just to force the characters to interact.
(If there's some deep, unconscious reason for the kiss to have happened, this fanfic would need to be expanded in order to, at least hint such thing to the reader)
Now for the positive: I liked the text style; the indents with a dose of "double enter key". And your paragraphs are easy to follow, since they aren't blocks/chunks of text, but rather an average-sized paragraph. There was just one point in the text that left me confused as to who was speaking what, so I give your writing style a thumbs up. But: details. This story, although 'okay' on the physical descriptions (Pinks pouting, etc.), it doesn't do so well on the environmental descriptions. Yeah, they are on Sugarcube Corner, but you have to give us the imagery so we can paint this portrait (nothing too grand; we aren't in a pittoresque setting, after all).
Thing is: You know how to write; if you take your time into writing something serious, I think it would go smoothly. This is above the average you find on this site. But still, the plot is deeply flawed. I recommend you taking your time and thinking a lot about it before beginning to write. Seriously, when I read this story, the only thing I could think of was "The only tag this needs is Random... OK, maybe Alternate Universe for good measure."
Oh Rainbow Dash you´re so lezbo
Loved this story! 
The one mention of gilda that hasn't made me want to use incredibly complicated forms of torture. Well done indeed. You've earned 5 derps
613005 So basically what you're saying is megusta.
613127
Writing: Megusta.
Plot: Sortofgusta.
Execution of Plot: Nomegusta.
613005
What's this. A comment? A longer comment that details their feeling on both the story as a work of fiction AND as a technical piece of writing?! It's more than I could ever hope for.
Now the first thing you should know is, I agree with nearly every single thing you said. This piece is both old and was rushed and made entirely without editors of either the technical or the story variety. It is just a piece of fluff for fun that was done in an afternoon over a year ago.
There are elements that I still like here, the idea of Gilda coming to apologize but not really meaning it only so that she can SAY she apologized to the only one who's opinion she DOES care about. That said, that didn't come across very well. I also liked the idea that Gilda's frustration might have been a kinda way of her dealing with liking someone she doesn't WANT to like, such as Pinkie. It's just supposed to be one of those things where two characters are arguing and then they kiss suddenly, but it needed more build up before. Like if I had the three of them hang out some more and then fight and then smooch, it would have worked a lot better.
About the only part I REALLY like, as it is, is the way I handled Rainbow having feelings for someone. She plans an "attack", she tries to downplay her feelings, tries to make it seem casual with implications so that THEY make the moves on her, and then she bungles it all when it comes to the actual play. If Rainbow Dash ever showed any romantic interests in the show, I'd bet that's how it'd go down. That said, even that need'd more set up.
So to sum up, I think the characters actions and behaviors are PLAUSIBLE within reason, just poorly executed. So for that reason, I disagree with your AU and Random tag suggestions.
Details! Let me tell you about details! Up until a few months ago I never used them. I wrote dialogue and simple actions, descriptions of locations, actions, and even facial expressions and body postures was just something I did not do. Upon realizing that made me such a weak writer, I've been striving to be better at this. Unfortunately, I can't point directly at where those efforts have been applied on this site, because none of those stories (except Duel, but even that has much room for improvement in that field) are on this site.
So, yes, this is NOT a good story. It is at most, a bit of fun for someone with taste for something silly with kissing. But it is a part of my writing history and some enjoy it and for those reasons did I repost it.
Thank you very much for your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions.
Write a story that has to do with sex, instantaneously receive about 30 likes on the first day. Write an adventure story, 5 likes in the first week. What has this world come to?
ik its no but is there a second chapter?
613423
People like sex and innuendo. It's easy to write because people like it so long it appeals to their fetish/ship/kink/sense of humor. Adventure stuff is hard, you have to have a solid narrative, well done actions, a concept folks haven't seen a millions times. You gotta stay strong and never let yourself think there isn't room to improve and, most importantly, KEEP GOING. So many stories just stop because the author loses interest or drive.
613424
Nope. They presumably then did something messy in the kitchen.
613449 oh...ok
I think Gilda works here. She knows she's supposed to apologize, but she's not very good at it, and she's trying to do it while maintaining her 'tough girl' reputation, and Pinkie's antics aren't making it any easier.
610849
Fun Fun Fact: I still like it!
wait...what?
...what did i just read????
HA! Brilliant!
I remember this. Good stuff.
YES! >:D
too bad its a one shot
and not a clomp fic XD
615125
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell there are two kinda variations:
The one shown in this story is the more "passionate" version where she takes her beaked mouth (the beak is NOT the entire mouth if you'll actually look at Gilda, the corners are not beaked) tilts her head a bit and opens wide and puts her whole mouth over the pony's muzzle. This allows for tongues to interact easily.
The more INTIMATE way is more of a back and forth. First she'd touch her beak to the front of, let's say, Rainbow Dash's lips and then she'd press and slide against her face until Dash was kissing the more sensitive part of her mouth while Gilda nibbles lightly with her beak. There CAN be tongues this way, but it's slightly awkward since it involves both parties sticking their tongue out to the side.
616460
Sigh.
Like this:
http://okiedokielowkey.deviantart.com/art/Smooch-259854936
Or kinda like this.
http://idliketosmokeatree.deviantart.com/art/Can-you-share-that-gum-251075725
Love the ending. hahaha
612666I burst out laughing at that line!
Wutwutwut.
834533
TV tropes. Plz go.
844218
I've been, I am referring to Rainbow Dash making one.
I believe that I will say ellipsis to this.
...
i remember there was another story called Wheres the cream filling? I forgot where it was but it featured Twilight and spike
I love happy endings.
Sequel even if its not clop a sequel nonetheless xD
...
(sputter-laughs)
Of course! How could I be so foolish? I clearly went about fixing "Griffon The Brush-Off" all wrong.
say no more? say no more?
So uh... does she go? You know, Wink wink nudge nudge say no more? Say no more?
Goddess I love Monty python...