Hey, Where's the Cream Filling

by Pacce

Now That's the Stuff

Pinkie Pie was busy restocking the display counter at Sugar Cube Corner when the shop's door bell jangled. "Hello custie-customer," Pinkie sang out as she put the last muffin in it's place. "What can I help you fill your tum-tum-tummy with today," she asked turning around. What she saw caused her to dive behind the counter, leaving the muffin pan twirling in her wake. "You," she cried out. "You're here to finish me off once and for all! SOMEPONY CALL THE POLICE!"

Gilda leapt across the shop and clamped a clawed hand over Pinkie's struggling mouth. "I came here to apologize, you little dweeb," Gilda hissed through her clenched beak. Seeing herself reflected in Pinkie's terrified eyes, Gilda looked embarrassed and took her hand away. "I'm sorry," she said almost sheepishly. "I tend to, uh, overreact sometimes."

"That's okay," Pinkie said, all smiles once again. "I've been told that I overreact all the time!"

Gilda arched an eyebrow at Pinkie in bewilderment. "Right. Anyway, like I said, I came here to apologize." Gilda walked around the shop looking anywhere, but at Pinkie. "I've had lots of time to think about how I acted and I know that I was being a kind of a jerk."

"Toooooootally a jerk!" Pinkie offered up, helpfully.

Gilda shot a glare at Pinkie that could have set her mane on fire. "Yeah, well, you were a little Miss Buttinski all morning, ya know," Gilda shouted as she stormed back behind the counter. "I tried to be polite about it then, just like I'm trying now and you still refuse to take any sort of hint."

Pinkie's head cocked to the side, "This isn't a very good apology. Usually, when someone apologizes, they talk about all the things they did wrong and how bad they feel and how much they want to make it up and,"

"Do you EVER shut up," Gilda roared into Pinkie's face.

Unfazed, Pinkie cocked her head to the other side, "Sometimes when I'm sleeping." Thinking it over, she then added, "Or if I'm having something really yummy!"

Shaking, Gilda put a clawed hand on Pinkie's shoulder and pushed her against the wall. "Well, eat this," she shouted and shoved her beak over Pinkie's mouth.

Pinkie's eyes went wide with surprise and her forehooves flailed in the air. After a few moments, Pinkie's eyes slid half closed and her hooves came to a rest on Gilda's back. After what felt like hours, Gila pulled away from Pinkie with a gasp. "So, uh, let that be a lesson to you," she said between breaths.

'Well, I don't know where that came from.' Gilda thought looking at the apparently paralyzed pony, 'But it seems to have quieted her down'.

Pinkie remained standing with her back to the wall, her eyes glazed, and slightly dribbling from her mouth. Gilda began stammering as her heart refused to stop racing, "So, yeah, now you're apologized to." Gilda then cleared her throat. "You know where I can find Dash? I got some things I need to say to her."

Pinkie blinked her eyes once. Then her eyes sprang fully open and she fell back on all fours and shook her head before shouting excitedly, "Oh Celestia!" Gilda backed up against the counter as Pinkie approached. "So THAT'S why you wanted to be alone with Rainbow Dash!"

"What?!"

"I mean really, I'm not dense, if you had just said you needed to be alone for that, I would have totally totally backed off!" Gilda found herself half way on the counter as Pinkie kept pressing forward. "Pinkie Pie's no hater, I know the score! All you had to was give me a little nudge nudge, wink wink and I would have been out of your hair/feather combination!" Pinkie had now clamped her hooves on the counter, trapping Gilda. "Although now I AM a little jealous. You were just going to town in here," Pinkie said pointing a hoof at her mouth and leaning in. "I've been told that I have a crazy tongue, but I'll bet you could empty out a cream filled pastry and leave the dough intact!"

"Excuse me," They both looked up to see Derpy Hooves standing in the doorway. "Do you have any fresh muffins," she asked with a smile.

Gilda grabbed the edges of the counter and pulled herself back, sliding out from underneath Pinkie. She then began shoving Derpy out the door, "Sorry, store's closed, come back again anytime!" Gilda then slammed the door, locked it, and turned the sign in the window to say "Closed, baking in progress."

She then turned back to Pinkie, glowering. "Now I'm REALLY going to have to shut you up!" Gilda stomped forward as Pinkie just smiled, her tail shaking excitedly.

* * * * * * * * * * *

In the skies above Ponyville, Rainbow Dash was flying in circles with a heart shaped box of candy tied to her tail while talking to herself. “So Pinkie, I bought this box of candy, but I guess I wasn’t thinking since I don’t actually like any of these. I was just going to throw it out when I noticed that these are your favorites, so I figure you might as well have them." Dash nodded to herself, “That’s perfect, I’ll go with that!”

Flying to the shop, Dash saw the temporally closed sign in the window and circled to the back door. She swallowed hard, clenched her teeth, and pushed open the door. “PINKIE, I GOT YOU SOME CANDY, BUT I DON’T LIKE YOU,” Dash shouted with her eyes closed. Hearing no response, she cautiously opened one eye. Both eyes immediately flew open, but no matter how hard she stared, her mind couldn’t piece it all together.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Gilda said, pushing Pinkie’s tail away from her face.

“Well, that depends,” Pinkie said scratching her chin. “If it looks like me and Gilda-” Pinkie was cut off by Gilda clamping a hand over Pinkie’s mouth which Pinkie immediately began to nibble, causing Gilda to squirm.

‘Well,’ Rainbow’s shattered mind thought. ‘This isn’t how I expected my old friends to treat my new friends either.’

“Dash,” Gilda said with shame in her eyes. “I never meant for any of this.”

Rainbow’s face was without emotion as the slipped the box of candy off her tail and sat it on the counter. She then took in a deep breath, “You know, the Cake’s are going to run us out of town when they see what we’ve done to their kitchen.”

“We?” Gilda and Pinkie said together.

“We,” Rainbow Dash said with a devious smile.

Comments

[Pacce]

Fun Fact: This was my first ever story with kissing when it was made back in the space year of 2011.

[P0nies]

WAT. that was interesting to say the least...

[jokerpony]

dat end

[ambion]

Sir/Madam. You should be dragged out back and shot. But I'd be too busy shaking your hand first.

Some of those lines hit the spot, espicially Dashie's. Actually, every one of her lines is golden.

Getting such a short story to feel complete unto itself without skimping is quite the feat.

'first story to feature kissing.' Dat ain't no kissin of the regula' sorts, you cunning linguist, you.

[Distrance]

Well, you are a douche. Stories good though.

[Pacce]

612503
Glad you liked the story. I just don't like giant grainy images in the comments. Use words or the visually pleasing pony emoticons.

[Your Antagonist]

The moment I saw your title, I just had to go for it. I''ve yet to see a story with the Hostess snack cake 90's catch phrase as its headliner, and you know what? Boss. That is all.

[Black-eyes]

“PINKIE, I GOT YOU SOME CANDY, BUT I DON’T LIKE YOU,”

every crush story in a nutshell. Dash totally didn't nail any hints there

[drama3644]

Aaaaa!
a threesome!

[SilentPonyville]

its... DA MAGIKS!!! OF a threesome!

[Lucefudu]

Yeah... I didn't like it.
I mean- Gilda is back to apologize. OK, I can roll with that. But then the story shows Gilda having no will towards apologizing to Pinkie properly. So why did she come to Ponyville, on her own volition, to apologize when she doesn't want to? It seems to me that it is just something to place Gilda on the spot.
And what's with the kiss? Seems like another thing just to force the characters to interact.
(If there's some deep, unconscious reason for the kiss to have happened, this fanfic would need to be expanded in order to, at least hint such thing to the reader)

Now for the positive: I liked the text style; the indents with a dose of "double enter key". And your paragraphs are easy to follow, since they aren't blocks/chunks of text, but rather an average-sized paragraph. There was just one point in the text that left me confused as to who was speaking what, so I give your writing style a thumbs up. But: details. This story, although 'okay' on the physical descriptions (Pinks pouting, etc.), it doesn't do so well on the environmental descriptions. Yeah, they are on Sugarcube Corner, but you have to give us the imagery so we can paint this portrait (nothing too grand; we aren't in a pittoresque setting, after all).

Thing is: You know how to write; if you take your time into writing something serious, I think it would go smoothly. This is above the average you find on this site. But still, the plot is deeply flawed. I recommend you taking your time and thinking a lot about it before beginning to write. Seriously, when I read this story, the only thing I could think of was "The only tag this needs is Random... OK, maybe Alternate Universe for good measure."

[Alesiopdv]

Oh Rainbow Dash you´re so lezbo Loved this story!

[EquestrianAnarchist]

The one mention of gilda that hasn't made me want to use incredibly complicated forms of torture. Well done indeed. You've earned 5 derps

[datdamnface]

613005 So basically what you're saying is megusta.

[Lucefudu]

613127
Writing: Megusta.
Plot: Sortofgusta.
Execution of Plot: Nomegusta.

[Pacce]

613005
What's this. A comment? A longer comment that details their feeling on both the story as a work of fiction AND as a technical piece of writing?! It's more than I could ever hope for.

Now the first thing you should know is, I agree with nearly every single thing you said. This piece is both old and was rushed and made entirely without editors of either the technical or the story variety. It is just a piece of fluff for fun that was done in an afternoon over a year ago.

There are elements that I still like here, the idea of Gilda coming to apologize but not really meaning it only so that she can SAY she apologized to the only one who's opinion she DOES care about. That said, that didn't come across very well. I also liked the idea that Gilda's frustration might have been a kinda way of her dealing with liking someone she doesn't WANT to like, such as Pinkie. It's just supposed to be one of those things where two characters are arguing and then they kiss suddenly, but it needed more build up before. Like if I had the three of them hang out some more and then fight and then smooch, it would have worked a lot better.

About the only part I REALLY like, as it is, is the way I handled Rainbow having feelings for someone. She plans an "attack", she tries to downplay her feelings, tries to make it seem casual with implications so that THEY make the moves on her, and then she bungles it all when it comes to the actual play. If Rainbow Dash ever showed any romantic interests in the show, I'd bet that's how it'd go down. That said, even that need'd more set up.

So to sum up, I think the characters actions and behaviors are PLAUSIBLE within reason, just poorly executed. So for that reason, I disagree with your AU and Random tag suggestions.

Details! Let me tell you about details! Up until a few months ago I never used them. I wrote dialogue and simple actions, descriptions of locations, actions, and even facial expressions and body postures was just something I did not do. Upon realizing that made me such a weak writer, I've been striving to be better at this. Unfortunately, I can't point directly at where those efforts have been applied on this site, because none of those stories (except Duel, but even that has much room for improvement in that field) are on this site.

So, yes, this is NOT a good story. It is at most, a bit of fun for someone with taste for something silly with kissing. But it is a part of my writing history and some enjoy it and for those reasons did I repost it.

Thank you very much for your thoughts, opinions, and suggestions.

[Im_a_Turtle]

Write a story that has to do with sex, instantaneously receive about 30 likes on the first day. Write an adventure story, 5 likes in the first week. What has this world come to?

[Pinkamena777]

ik its no but is there a second chapter?

[Pacce]

613423
People like sex and innuendo. It's easy to write because people like it so long it appeals to their fetish/ship/kink/sense of humor. Adventure stuff is hard, you have to have a solid narrative, well done actions, a concept folks haven't seen a millions times. You gotta stay strong and never let yourself think there isn't room to improve and, most importantly, KEEP GOING. So many stories just stop because the author loses interest or drive.
613424
Nope. They presumably then did something messy in the kitchen.

[Pinkamena777]

613449 oh...ok

[nemryn]

I think Gilda works here. She knows she's supposed to apologize, but she's not very good at it, and she's trying to do it while maintaining her 'tough girl' reputation, and Pinkie's antics aren't making it any easier.

[Yokal]

610849
Fun Fun Fact: I still like it!

[time_to_brony]

wait...what?...what did i just read????

[Alexander-Crossover]

HA! Brilliant!

[Farnham]

I remember this. Good stuff.

[Iamsorry]

YES! >:D
too bad its a one shot
and not a clomp fic XD

[Pacce]

615125
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell there are two kinda variations:

The one shown in this story is the more "passionate" version where she takes her beaked mouth (the beak is NOT the entire mouth if you'll actually look at Gilda, the corners are not beaked) tilts her head a bit and opens wide and puts her whole mouth over the pony's muzzle. This allows for tongues to interact easily.

The more INTIMATE way is more of a back and forth. First she'd touch her beak to the front of, let's say, Rainbow Dash's lips and then she'd press and slide against her face until Dash was kissing the more sensitive part of her mouth while Gilda nibbles lightly with her beak. There CAN be tongues this way, but it's slightly awkward since it involves both parties sticking their tongue out to the side.

And now you know!

[Pacce]

616460
Sigh.
Like this:
http://okiedokielowkey.deviantart.com/art/Smooch-259854936

Or kinda like this.
http://idliketosmokeatree.deviantart.com/art/Can-you-share-that-gum-251075725

[Mayuhito]

Love the ending. hahaha

[WinterSpeed]

612666I burst out laughing at that line!

[Squeaker]

Wutwutwut.

[Dreamshadow]

heel face turn?

[Pacce]

834533

TV tropes. Plz go.

[Dreamshadow]

844218

I've been, I am referring to Rainbow Dash making one.

[Brother_Thorn]

I believe that I will say ellipsis to this.
...

[Pinkamena777]

i remember there was another story called Wheres the cream filling? I forgot where it was but it featured Twilight and spike

[Smirkythread]

I love happy endings.

[brealia9794]

Sequel even if its not clop a sequel nonetheless xD

[Bookish Delight]

...

(sputter-laughs)

Of course! How could I be so foolish? I clearly went about fixing "Griffon The Brush-Off" all wrong.

[MidnightFMare]

little nudge nudge, wink wink

say no more? say no more?

So uh... does she go? You know, Wink wink nudge nudge say no more? Say no more?

Goddess I love Monty python...