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There's dragon trouble in the Unicorn Range. Thankfully, Crescent is here to sort it out.
Each chapter has a new drawing. There's a bit of variance in the art, as it was all done over a long span of time.
(#MakeDragonsaCategoryUnderMainCharacters,Knighty)
(#BreeziesAreAndDragonsAren't? #WhatIsThisWorld)
UPDATE: Added some more detail and description in some of the chapters.
Art done by me.
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A bit short, but I suppose it is a decent introduction to the character.
6057034 I agree, it's much shorter than most fics.
I'd say the total word count when it's finished may border around something as little as 4-5k, that being a rough estimate.
6057463 Why thank you! I feel honoured.
I have a strong understanding of how it will play out, so it will be continuing. It's just the matter of finishing those drawings.
I keep hoping your chapters will get a bit bigger.
I absolutely adore this! The way you set this up is just too adorable. It reminds me of a child's storybook and I can't get enough! The art is beautiful and I'm interested by your storyline. I'll be keeping a close eye on this!
The only thing I would recommend is maybe giving Crescent more flaws? It would make her a lot more interesting as a protagonist.
6145789 Thanks! I appreciate it. The child's storybook- approach is definitely what I'm trying to go for. While I started this a bit before, recently I've been reading some C.S Lewis, and am trying to go for the sort of 'feel', without using the style (his Omnidirectional points of view seem to be advised against around here, if I'm certain, though I'm partial to his very casual style of storytelling, and would recommend the first three in his Narnia trilogy).
As for flaws, while I won't outright spoil it, there is certainly something to do with 'flaws' in some of the last chapters, to create the climax for the piece.
The story-plan itself is rather short and linear, and I could expand on Crescent and her position in the world with longer works in the future.
It reminds me of a story from long ago...
Whilst this story was certainly unique in how it felt more like a children's story than this site's usual fare, I feel it didn't quite manage what it was aiming for, which leads me to reject it from Goodfic Bin submissions.
Details are here.
This chapter.
I notice you're using the term "jumper" as opposed to "sweater." Are you perchance Australian?
No... I'd wager British.
Those caves look like something out of The Neverending Story: The Animated Series. In that particular episode, Bastian and Gluckuk must venture into a series of caves inside the Cheesieweezie Mountains to find Pyornkrachzark's missing son, Junior, before he can come to any harm.
Well that was over remarkably fast.
And honestly, I don't remember most of it. I feel this could have easily been a one-shot story and been far better off. As it was, I barely had any time to take in what I'd read before I was clicking "next chapter." A story like this encourages skimming, and that's the last thing you want to be doing.
Sure you might have intended for it to be this way from the beginning, to capture a sense of childlike wonder or nostalgia for forgotten days, but while the intent was there, it would be a better story if I was reading this to a class of six-year-olds who actually don't have the attention span of an adult. I'm sure any child would love this, but I believe your intended audience and your actual audience are vastly different. Remember, this site's major population is adults, most of whom I'm safe in assuming have developed a far more advanced reading level.
For what it's worth, for what you were trying to do, it wasn't bad. But I've already forgotten most of what happened in this fic even now because of how quickly I was encouraged to blast through each chapter.
Just one more thing: Maybe it'd be better to have all of your art at the end of each chapter instead of the beginning, and shrunk down to about 1/3 its current size. As it is, the pics take up half of every chapter by themselves, and they also undermine the picture you're trying to show with your writing. Instead of getting one's own imagery, which helps with immersion, you're basically telling your readers what to see. Why have words at all?
If you want to see a really good example of how pictures in fics and "storybook" fics can work well, check out Goldie Delicious and the Three Heads, In the Place the Wild Horses Sleep, and Fractured Sunlight (it too has pics in every chapter, but they're small, off to the side, and don't try to show readers what they should be seeing).
I'll admit, this story and its idea is so simple that it's a fun little read.
Dear enti0,
Your story has been reviewed in The Pleasant Commentator and Review Group! and you have been given a Recommended rating.