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A day at the pool

Short little fun story for a friend of mine Splish Splash teaches the cutie mark crusaders how to swin.

You can read more about the OC Splish Splash in her own comic, Splish Splash Summer Spectacular at http://www.furaffinity.net/view/6294856/

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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ambion

ambion #1 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

The story is nice enough, but your grammar and wording leave something to be desired.

Feefers

Feefers #2 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

612330 yeah I still have pretty severe learning difficulties, so i'm going to keep trying but if there's not instant progress please don't be too harsh.

ambion

ambion #3 · May 18th, 2012 · · ·

612341
cruelty ain't my cup of tea. A cup of tea is my cup of tea (green). I'm always about constructive criticism, because anyone and everyone can improve their writing.

If the phonetics give you trouble, sometimes it pays to read it aloud, slow enough that you can hear each word calmly. If it doesn't sound natural, or the sentences seem to skip about rather than flow, its often a good sign that some editing is required here and there. Certainly works for me.

Checked out your link there, I quite like the design of Splish Splash