• Published 31st May 2015
  • 1,414 Views, 23 Comments

Consequences - CoastBrumby



Applejack invites Applebloom to the Gala, so Rarity must invite Sweetiebelle. Applejack needs to find and convice Rainbow Dash to invite Scootaloo as her plus one.

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Consequences

Rarity the Unicorn hummed as she used her magic to do a little dusting around her dress shop, The Carousel Boutique. She had been working hard lately, and a little light cleaning around the shop really helped her unwind. “Oh, my ticket came in the mail today. Who, oh who shall I bring as my date to the Grand Galloping Gala? So many handsome stallions to choose from, and I Rarity have the means to only take one. How shall I decide?” Rarity thought. She blushed. “Such racy thoughts are inappropriate during business hours.” Rarity said to herself.
The doorbell rang. “Welcome to Carousel boutique where every dress is chic, unique, and magnifique.” Rarity said on reflex. She turned to face her customers and saw an orange Earth Pony she called friend, and the orange ones younger sister.

“Applejack, and little Applebloom, this is a lovely surprise. What can I help you with today?” Rarity said.

“Howdy Rarity, Applebloom and I have come here to talk about dresses.” Applejack said.

“You’ve come to the right place. Am I safe in assuming you want a dress for the grand galloping gala?” Rarity said.

“Sure have. Me and Applebloom both decided we better get our orders in lickety spit and beat the rush. I know how busy you get as the Gala nears.” Applejack said.

“You’re going to the Gala, Applebloom? Don’t tell me some young Canterlot Aristocrat colt has been your secret pen pal for years, and only now are the two of you reviling your relationship. Oh this is so romantic. It will be the talk of the town. I feel a little jealous now that I think about it. Young love springing forth in the fields of youth. Applebloom, truly you are living up to your name.” Rarity said.

Applebloom blushed. “That’s a real nice story and all, but the truth is Applejack here asked me to go with her as her plus one. She said deciding on one of all the other ponies she knows sounds like hard work she doesn’t have time for. I am glad she did. I can’t wait to see all them fancy ponies at the gala. I can’t wait to dance to all that fancy music. Maybe, I’ll find a prince to dance with and earn my cutiemark in ballroom dancing.” Applebloom said.

“Your big sister invited you to the gala. Your big apple bucking sister invited you to the gala. I wonder if she thought about what this would mean. I wonder if she thought about how this would make the other little fillies feel. I wonder if she realized a certain white unicorn would have no choice but to invite her own little sister to the gala so she would not have to deal with issues surrounding jealousy and disappointment.” Rarity said.

Applebloom made a face and turned her head. “Huh?” She said.

Applejack put her hoof on Applebloom’s shoulder. “I think what Rarity is trying to say is that since I am inviting you she has decided to invite her on little sister Sweetiebelle. I think Rarity and I are going to have to have a little chat later.”

“We certainly will. Applebloom, will you go get Sweetiebelle? She’s in her room doing her homework.” Rarity said.

“I’m on it.” Applebloom said. She gave a salute and galloped off.
Applejack looked at Rarity. “You do realize this means we need to get Rainbow Dash to invite Scootaloo now. I ain’t sorry about inviting

Applebloom by the way, and I think it’s real sweet of you thinking about her dreams instead of your goal of snaring yourself a snappily dressed stallion.” Applejack said.

Rarity nodded. “Uh huh, we can talk about this later, but right now we need to get in touch with Rainbow Dash before she invites anyone to the gala. Rainbow Dash moves fast, so the sooner the better.” She said.

“Well, I got an idea. I think I’ll go find her and tell her what’s happening. You can stay here and talk to the fillies about dresses and the gala.” Applejack said.

“What makes you so certain she will do what you ask?” Rarity asked.

“She owes me a favour or two.” Applejack said.

“This is a big ask? Rainbow Dash may have a special somepony in mind.” Rarity said.

“Rainbow Dash is my best friend, so believe me when I tell you she keeps the secrets of her heart locked up tighter than the bits in the Manehattan bank at night. She may have somepony in mind, but it won’t be her special somepony.” Applejack said.

“I have a few friends like that.” Rarity said.

“They’ll find their way. I have faith. Plants grow with soil, water, and light. Love is the same. There are the elements to make love grow in abundance. There is much kindness, loyalty, generosity, and honesty here in Ponyville.” Applejack said.

“You have a beautiful heart, Applejack.” Rarity said.

Applebloom and Sweetiebelle rushed into the room. “Is it true I’m going as your date to the gala?” Sweetiebelle asked.

“Yes, dear little sister. You are going to the gala. That is if you want to go as my plus one.” Rarity said.

“Are you joking? Princess Celestia will be there, and I’ve heard she grants wishes on the night of the gala. We could wish for our cutiemarks.” Sweetiebelle said.

“Princess Celestia does not grant wishes. She limits how she uses her power. We’ve spoken of this.” Rarity said.

“There’s still the dancing. Will Scootaloo be going?” Sweetiebelle said.

Applejack spoke up. “She sure will. I am just about to go find Rainbow Dash and tell her to invite Scootaloo. Applebloom, you stay here with Rarity and Sweetiebelle and practice your ballroom dancing or something. I shouldn’t be gone long.”

Sweetiebelle and Applebloom began dancing with one another.

“Let’s go to the back room and I will put on some music. Good luck, my old friend.” Rarity said.

“See Ya.” Applejack said. She left the boutique and raced out the door. She looked around in the sky. “Rainbow Dash could be anywhere at this time of day, but I’m willing to bet she’s working in the sky. I know just the place to get the best view.” Applejack said. She began galloping through the street.

Applejack entered the palace without bothering to knock. One does not need permission to enter a palace that holds a throne of one’s own.

Applejack was always careful not to enter the residential area of Twilight and Spike without an invitation on the other hoof. Applejack raced up the stairs to the observation room. She began looking out of every window, but she couldn’t find a hint of the cyan mare she was seeking. “Dang nabbit. I’ll have to search out all her favourite haunts now, and I don’t want to be all day about this.” Applejack said to herself.

“All day about what?” asked a familiar voice.

“Oh, hi Twilight, I’m looking for Rainbow Dash. I need to talk to her right away. You wouldn’t know where she is would you?” Applejack asked.

“No, I haven’t seen Rainbow Dash today, but I know where she will be in a few minutes.” Twilight Sparkle said.

“Where’ll she be?” Applejack asked.

“She will be in the throne room. I will summon her.” Twilight said. “Follow me. I will show you my power.”

Applejack the Earth Pony and Element of Honest, and Princess Twilight Sparkle, Alicorn of Friendship and Element of Magic sat on their thrones in the throne room of the Palace of Friendship.

“So why am I sitting on my throne again?” Applejack asked. She scratched her head with her hoof.

“I still haven’t figured out why, but this spell only works if another pony is with me. It’s like the castle doesn’t want me to have the power to summon you alone. I’ll show you the spell, and then you will see what I mean.” Twilight Sparkle said. Her horn glowed. I beam of purple light shot out of it. The magic light struck the thrown of the Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash.

Applejack’s throne glowed slightly. “This is weird. I got this funny feeling I have a choice. I can agree to call Rainbow Dash or not. I agree. I want her to be here. I need to see her. We need to talk.” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash’s lightning bolt cutiemark appeared on Rainbow Dash’s throne. It glowed and pulsed.

“She has felt the call. She is coming.” Twilight Sparkle said.

One minute passed. Applejack and Twilight Sparkle sat in silence. Twilight stared intensely at the throne of Rainbow Dash.

A cyan bolt zipped through the room along with a gust of wind. Applejack grabbed at her hat. Rainbow Dash was sitting on her throne with a look of relief on her face. Applejack immediately noticed the flecks of white on her good friend’s muzzle.

“What’s the big idea summoning me like this out of nowhere? I had to get here. I felt an irresistible urge. I flew faster than I have ever flown before without the aid of gravity that is. I’m not happy Twilight Sparkle. I better have been called for a good reason. I was enjoying a sweat pleasure. I was about to reach the intense release of passion, and bam I had to up and go before I enjoyed the best bit.” Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Oh my goodness. I’m terribly sorry. You were with another pony. I hope this doesn’t cause any problems. Be sure to tell the other pony it was all my fault if there is.” She said.

Applejack began laughing. She fell off her throne she laughed so hard.

“What are you talking about? There shouldn’t be any problems. I mean I already paid.” Rainbow Dash said.

Princess Twilight Sparkle began tracing the letter ‘O’ with her hoof on the side of her throne. “Well, all the same. Perhaps I should reimburse you then. Sorry, if asking the price sounds like an invasion of your privacy. I’m not judging by the way.” Twilight said.

Applejack snickered.

“Of course you’re not judging. You’ve been there plenty of times.” Rainbow Dash said.

“No, I do not even know where that type of house is, and I am not interested in knowing. Everypony has different needs. You know.” Twilight said.

“Oh, you know. Everypony doesn’t need ‘em, but everypony wants ‘em.” Rainbow Dash said.

Twilight blushed.

Applejack stood up. “This has gone on far enough. Sorry we took you from your passion fruit surprise at Sugar Cube Corner. You have some white frosting on your muzzle, hon.” Applejack said.

“It’s okay. The two of you can treat me tomorrow. What do you need me for? I bet Twilight has a mission that will require my awesome flying skills and unmatched bravery.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Actually, Applejack needs to talk to you. I’m not sure about what.” Twilight said.

“Yeah, it is sort of a personal thing.” Applejack said.

“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Twilight Sparkle said. She got off her throne and trotted out of the room. She closed the door behind her as she left. “Frosting. Of course it was frosting.” She could be heard muttering.

“Soooo, what do you want, AJ?” Rainbow Dash said

“First, I want you to remember I am just as brave as you are. Second, I want you to invite Scootaloo to the Grand Galloping Gala as your date. I am taking Applebloom, and Rarity is taking Sweetiebelle. All three crusaders should go or there will be trouble in their little club. You want to see your younger sister happy don’t ya?” Applejack said.

“Scootaloo is not my sister. She admires me, and I respect her for that, but I think it would be inappropriate if I asked her out on a date.

She’s just a filly. What would her parents say?” Rainbow Dash said.

“They would approve when they heard it was about her having a good night out dressing up and dancing with her two best friends who are fillies her own age. They already approved of that camping trip the four of us went on together. The two of you shared a tent.” Applejack said.

“You see. That just makes things sound weird. If I take her out on date, ponies will talk.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Fooey on them. This event will be in public and out in the open. Everypony will see it as the wholesome thing it is. Why are you making a big thing about this? I know your special somepony is already going to the gala.” Applejack said.

Rainbow dash looked side to side in a panicky way. “Hush now, Applejack. Somepony might be listening.” She said.

“Ain’t nopony here but the two of us, but I’ll keep ma trap shut if it’ll make ya feel at ease. Now, spill the beans. What are your plans?” Applejack asked.

“Nothing special really. I thought I’d invite bulk biceps to the dance, and Fluttershy could invite Derpy. I think it would be a way for the winners of the silver medal of the Equestria Games relay to remind everypony how Ponyville is awesome.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Hate to burst your bubble, but Fluttershy has already invited another pony to the gala. She’s invited an Earth Pony named Tree Hugger. I know this because Tree Hugger’s Granny is a good friend of my Granny, and the two of them correspond frequently.” Applejack said.

“Correspond?” Rainbow Dash said.

“They write letters.” Applejack said.

“Oh, small world isn’t it?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Ah yep.” Applejack said.

“So, is this Tree Hugger a stallion or a mare?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Tree Hugger is a mare, and before you ask, no, I don’t know if Fluttershy has any romantic feelings towards her.” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash looked at Applejack. Rainbow Dash had shock written all over her face.

“Now, no need to panic. We’ll all be traveling together as one big happy group. That’s how we’ve handled things up till now and that’s how we will continue to do it. If it does turn out Fluttershy has feelings for this mare, we will cross that bridge if we come to it. I have a plan for that.” Applejack said.

“Does it involve a lot of cider?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Sugar cube, all my back up plans involve a lot of cider.” Applejack said. “For now, I want you to ask Scootaloo to the dance, so the Crusaders can be one big happy group.”

“Sure, but this will count as me repaying you for that favour you did me.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I’d say you are half way there, Hon.” Applejack said. “Let’s get back to the Carousel Boutique. Rarity, Applebloom, and Sweetiebelle are waiting for us.”

“Oh, race you to the Carousel. One, two, Three Go!” Rainbow Dash said. She threw the door to the throne room open and bolted out.

Applejack galloped after her and sped past Twilight Sparkle.

“No running in the halls.” Twilight called after them.

“Sorry, Princess.” Applejack called out, but she did not slow down.

Rainbow Dash beat Applejack to the boutique by a nose. “I win.” Rainbow Dash cried out.

“Yeah, well you had a head start.” Applejack said.

Sweetiebelle and Applebloom burst out of the front door of the boutique. “You’re here!” They cried out. “And ya brought Rainbow Dash.” Applebloom added.

“Sure did. Is Rarity busy? I want to talk to her while you three go find Scootaloo and ask her out on a date.” Applejack said.

“Rarity is always busy, but I think she can talk to you now.” Sweetiebelle said.

“Wait a second, AJ. Do I look alright?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yes, you like fine as spring morning.” Applejack said. “Why do ya ask?”

“I know this isn’t a date date, but I still don’t want to insult the kid by asking her out while looking a mess.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I understand, but the day’s a waistin’. Go on. Get a move on.” Applejack said.

Rainbow Dash and the two fillies cantered to the family home of, the Pegasus Cutie Mark Crusader, Scootaloo. Applebloom knock on the door enthusiastically. “Hey Scoots, ya in there?” Sweetiebelle yelled.

A lovely Pegasus mare opened up the door. She was the very much alive and warm hearted mother of Scootaloo. “Scootaloo is napping, but

I’ll go wake her up. Please, come in and make yourselves comfortable.” The mare said.

The three ponies entered the clean and tastefully decorated home. They sat on the couch in the living room. Scootaloo’s mother left them to wake her daughter.

“We Pegasi require more sleep than Earth Ponies or Unicorns.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I did not know that.” Sweetiebelle said.

Scootaloo trotted into the room rubbing her eyes. “Hey guys, what’s up? Rainbow Dash! Hold on a moment.” Scootaloo said. She galloped out of the room.

Scootaloo’s mother entered the room. “I think she’s gone to wash her face. She wants to look good for her idol after all. Cane I get anypony something to drink?” She asked.

“I could use a glass of water.” Applebloom said.

“Same here.” Sweetiebelle said.

“I’m good.” Rainbow Dash said.

Scootaloo’s mother nodded and left. Scootaloo entered the room. She looked much better groomed and cleaner than she had before.

“Hi, everypony.” Scootaloo said.

“Hi, Scootaloo.” The three ponies responded in unison.
The four of them laughed.

“What’s up?” Scootaloo asked.

“It’s simple really. Applebloom and Sweetiebelle are going to the Grand Galloping Gala as the dates of their sisters. Now, I know I’m not your real sister, but if you’d like to you can come as my date.” Rainbow Dash said.

Scootaloo’s mother trotted in carrying a tray in her mouth. There were glasses of water on the tray. She put the tray down on the coffee table in the living room. She looked long and hard at Rainbow Dash.

“Tell me about your intentions towards my daughter, Ms Dash.” Scootaloo’s mother said.
Rainbow Dash looked her directly in the eyes. “I intend to take her to the Grand Galloping Gala as my plus one, so the three Crusaders can all go as group. Applejack and Rarity have invited their sisters. So, may Scootaloo go to the ball?” Rainbow Dash said.

“Of course, she may, and may I say how happy I am you are taking my little filly under your wing as your protégé. Her father and I are so proud. The ability to fly well comes late in our family, and this worries poor Scootaloo so, but your belief in her has really boosted her confidence.” Scootaloo’s mother said.

Rainbow Dash blushed. “Ah shucks, Scoots is like the little sister I never had. We Pegasi need to stick together after all.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Just like us blank flank fillies need to stick together.” Applebloom said.

“Unity is strength.” Sweetiebelle said.

“Workers of the world unite.” Scootaloo’s Mom said.

“If they don’t meet our demands, I say we strike.” Rainbow Dash declared.

“I say we’ve gotten off, and you’re one to talk Rainbow Dash. You’ve got a cushy government job while I work like a slave on my family farm and get paid a pittance.” Applebloom said.

“You’ve been talking to Applejack, but you’re right. We have gotten off topic. Everything seems to be wrapped up here. Scootaloo is coming along with the rest of us. Tell me if you can’t come for any reason, so I can pick up another plus one, and talk about the dress with Rarity. I’m going back to the Carousel, and I think Sweetiebelle and Applebloom should come with me.” Rainbow Dash said.

“I’ll come too. We can talk about what sort of dances we are going to do. All six of us should do a big number.” Scootaloo said.

“That sound like a great idea.” Sweetiebelle said.

“Yeah, sounds like a lot of work…I mean fun.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Don’t stay out too late. I want you home in time for dinner.” Scootaloo’s mother said.

“Right.” Scootaloo replied.

Rainbow Dash and The Cutiemark Crusaders trotted to the Carousel boutique in the afternoon sun. A cloud passed over them from high above.

“Is that cloud supposed to be there?” Scootaloo asked.

“I don’t know. That’s a philosophical question really. We Pegasi can’t reach clouds at that altitude. The air gets too cold and thin.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Oh. Am I supposed to go with you to the Grand Galloping Gala? I wouldn’t want to keep you from a pony you hold special. I’m not really your sister. It wouldn’t be right.” Scootaloo said.

Sweetiebelle and Applebloom remained quiet and listened for Rainbow Dash’s response.

“Scootaloo, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t think you were supposed to go to the Gala. As for the ponies I hold special, they’re all around me. You couldn’t keep me from them if you tried because you’re one of them.” Rainbow Dash said.

Scootaloo teared up. “Rainbow Dash, you’re the best.”

“I know, kid.” Rainbow Dash replied, and then she smiled with a big toothy grin.

Author's Note:

Finally fixed that typo. :derpytongue2:

Comments ( 20 )

black flank. I think you mean blank flank. The story didn't feel complete to me but it wasn't bad, a bit short.

6039306 I have other published works on other sites. Jukepop.com is one site I write for often. Fanfic is just for fun. :eeyup: Eeyup.

6039664 Have to fix that. :facehoof:

Okay, first off, this other yoyo in the comments telling you that fanfiction is not the place to start writing as an aspiring author should not be listened to. Writing is writing, and no matter what it is, practice makes perfect. Anyone who looks at one of my older stories and then looks at my newer ones will see a dramatic difference.

I'm gonna point out a few things you should work on, and then give you my three golden rules.

Rarity the Unicorn hummed as she used her magic to do a little dusting around her dress shop, The Carousel Boutique.

Everyone knows Rarity is a unicorn, pointing it out is not necessary, nor should unicorn be capitalized. Also, you say she's dusting around her dress shop, you don't need to then tell us it is Carousel Boutique.

“Oh, my ticket came in the mail today. Who, oh who shall I bring as my date to the Grand Galloping Gala? So many handsome stallions to choose from, and I Rarity have the means to only take one. How shall I decide?” Rarity thought.

There are many ways to convey thoughts, but the easiest would be to simply place them in italics, like so.

Oh, my ticket came in the mail today. Who, oh who shall I bring as my date to the Grand Galloping Gala? So many handsome stallions to choose from, and I Rarity have the means to only take one. How shall I decide?

That way we can drop the dialogue tag as well since it's no longer necessary. Also, Rarity needs a comma after her name too as it is an interrupter inserted into the sentence. To see if you need commas around an interrupter, try taking the interrupter out of the sentence completely. If the sentence is still clear without the interrupter, then you probably need the commas.

So many handsome stallions to choose from and I, Rarity, have the means to only take one.

shall I decide?” Rarity thought. She blushed. “Such racy thoughts are inappropriate during business hours.” Rarity said to herself.

The doorbell rang. “Welcome to Carousel boutique where every dress is chic, unique, and magnifique.” Rarity said on reflex. She turned to face her customers and saw an orange Earth Pony she called friend, and the orange ones younger sister.

You should break up the paragraph as shown above. It looks like you might have tried to do so, but the formatting messed it up. Oh and Earth Pony is not capitalized as it is not a proper noun.

“Howdy Rarity, Applebloom and I have come here to talk about dresses.” Applejack said.

Okay, now for the confusing bit. If a sentence ends in a dialogue tag such as "he said" or "she yelled", then you need to put a comma instead of a period, like so:

“Howdy Rarity, Applebloom and I have come here to talk about dresses,” Applejack said.

The exception to this rule are question marks and exclamation marks. Also, if the dialogue tag does NOT involve speaking, the period stays.

“Howdy Rarity, Applebloom and I have come here to talk about dresses.” Applejack flipped her hat off of her head.

Sweetiebelle

Sweetie Belle is actually two words.

Applejack looked at Rarity. “You do realize this means we need to get Rainbow Dash to invite Scootaloo now. I ain’t sorry about inviting

Learn to use italics to emphasize certain words. Watch this.

Applejack looked at Rarity. “You do realize this means we need to get Rainbow Dash to invite Scootaloo now. I ain’t sorry about inviting

By doing this, readers will naturally put an emphasis on the word do and make it stand out more. It adds a bit of immersion as they hear the character in their head.

These are just a few things I noticed, there are many more that need to be worked on. Now, the good news is that you seem to have the character's behavior and personality down extremely well. They talk like they should and don't sound in character most of the time, with the exception of a few weird lines here and there. Not a big deal.

The best thing you can do for yourself and for your writing at this point in time is to get an editor. A good one. Preferably one you can talk to on skype. I was lucky enough to know one, and by sheer repetition of seeing my mistakes pointed out over and over again, my writing has improved dramatically. It will for you too. Now,onto my three golden rules.

1. once you're done with a story, take a break for perhaps a week or two. The reason being, when a story is fresh on your mind, you will gloss over mistakes as if they weren't there.

2. Read your story out loud. By hearing the words in an actual voice, you have a much better chance of hearing something that sounds like nonsense, or even just catching repetition of words.

3. Before you post, put your story on the site, but DO NOT submit it yet. If you have a phone or alternate device, read the story on that device. Just by seeing it on the site or a different screen, you'll catch things you might not otherwise.

That's pretty much it. The last thing I'd like to tell you about is the "indent paragraphs" button. It's in the bar above your story. use that to automatically indent your paragraphs. Keep reading, and keep writing, and you'll surely improve. It's all down to how much you want to put into it.

6042430 Thank you for careful reading of my story. I hope you enjoyed it.

In my stories, Unicorns, Earth Ponies, and Pegasus Ponies are not just sub species names but ethnic groups, so they are proper nouns.

I might respond to the rest of your suggestions via PM.

why is this featured in a flutterdash group?

6057154 Rainbow Dash and Applejack talk about Rainbow Dash having feelings for Fluttershy, but they are subtle about it as Rainbow Dash is not comfortable being open with her feelings.
:heart::rainbowderp::flutterrage:

6058301 i don't think an implication in a single passing comment is a sufficent reason to submit a story to a shipping group.
shipping groups are meant to be for stories that feature pairings. there are going to be other people that will find this story through that group and be confused about why there's no flutterdash here.

6060847 It's there. It's just subtle. I wrote an entire story about Fluttershy turning into a stalion and impregnating Rainbow Dash. I have earned this one. :twilightangry2:

6041820 Then please, do enlighten me as to why you yourself are here, if this is indeed your feelings on the subject?

6063407 Be that as it may, my lateness doesn't alter the validity of my question in the slightest. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect yours no matter what it may be, it strikes me as hypocritical that someone who does the very thing they just discouraged would, well, discourage it.

6062053 wait, i think it would be better to just ask whoever run/moderates the group for their thoughts on the matter. it's their group, so their judgement would be more decisive.

6064181 As for his question as to if it belongs here, the answer would be both yes and no. It would indeed fit into the group, but he should probably transfer it to the FlutterDash as a secondary pairing folder, since the relationship is not the main focus of this particular fic.

6065862 You see I thought the secondary folder was for stories were one liked another one of the main six more than fluttershy or Rainbow Dash and only ended up Flutterdash after things didn't work out with the other one.

6067463 No, the secondary folder is for any fic that features FlutterDash without being the main focus, like say for instance you were doing a piece where the main focus would be say Rarijack, it'd go into the Rarijack groups main folder, but if FlutterDash was a side or secondary pairing it could be featured in this group as well, just not in the main category.

I really liked this story conceptually, especially the idea that Rainbow had a plan to bring the medalists from the games to the gala. You have a few misspelling problems, and I personally thought Scootaloo's characterization was not executed well enough. Not bad, but I can't say it was good either. I agree with Starlitomega that getting an editor or even a pre-reader would probably help your writing. Thanks for writing something worth reading.:twilightsmile:

6070162 I'd love an editor.

"I was enjoying a sweat pleasure. I was about to reach the intense release of passion, and bam I had to up and go before I enjoyed the best bit."
What was that all about?

Also black flanks?

6190716 Rainbow Dash was eating a passion fruit pastry, but I wanted it to sound like she was talking about making love. It was supposed to be funny. Applejack enjoyed the humour in it.

Black flanks is a typo I have yet to fix. It is supposed to read blank flanks.

Twilight has a dirty mind.

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