Save me from the nothing I've become!
Seventeen year old Nightfall is living the dream: two best friends and one colt-friend. Her family spoils her rotten, but she still remains lovely in every way. She is sweet and kind, but one day, her friends turn out to be her enemies, and her colt falls in love with another, all plotting to kill her. Or is the story just from a scared, disturbed filly?
Edited by: VinylScratchQ1
Page generated in 0.106 seconds
Total duration
1,052 users online
1,992,601 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Meh... I just can't get into this story. I don't really like Nightfall. She has a dark color scheme with a black mane. She's smart. Her friends ditch her right in the beginning of the story.
You also ended the chapter on a really odd note. You talk about how they did homework together, she writes something down, and then it ends. With this type of story, you should probably have a cliffhanger or at least some foreshadowing so that the reader wants to find out what happens, because without reading the description, I'd have no idea of what type of story this is going to be.
Sleepy Panda>> I'm sorry. I'm updating it now. Thanks for the feedback! I want to make this story good, you know?
This story is interesting I like how it was set up.. I can't wait to see what Nightfall does next.
Thank you! I'm working on Chapter 2.
6057352 I'm glad you liked it! Here is another one: The Tape- Notillia
Not a bad chapter. Just being, honest, but I'd say this worked best as a rough draft. It was fast and felt a bit rushed. Take time to explain in detail things that happened. You have potential, just keep practicing. If you are also interested in an editor/adviser for ideas or how to explain them, just message me and we can share contact details.
Definitely more well written than the first chapter. The cliffhanger definitely got to me and made me want to read the next chapter, so that's good progress. I would still suggest more detail where needed, and longer chapters, (just because I'm starting to enjoy it). All in all, I rate this chapter a 7.5/10.
6078157 Thank you for enjoying. I'm not in the need for an editor at the moment, but I'll PM if I happen to need one.
6078192
Cool! Just let me know!