• Member Since 1st Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

The Psychopath


My very first (self-published) book can be found on Amazon Kindle for 5 or 12 paperback! If you love dragons, give it a look! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CSM7QQ2M

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Chrysalis, after trying to bring immense pain to Celestia, her sister, and the mane six, found herself under the furious and soul crushing gaze of The Psychopath. No one touches Tia-Tia and Woona while he remains. Having no sense of time, Psycho thought and saw Celestia and Luna as the little fillies he once looked over as a foal-sitter.

To teach the changeling queen that attacking defenceless fillies is wrong, he decided to turn her into one herself and smack her far away with a baseball bat. Instead of staying as a filly, he decides that it would be better to just return her to her own infancy instead of that of a pony.

Now he's watching her, making sure she learns her lessons right, indirectly taking care of problems that might prove a bit much for a little changeling.

This a mini-story after "The true Psychopath" and before the eventual sequel.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 81 )

Something... First

Edit: Me Gusta

Awsooooome!

(btw not bothering proof reading anymore now when you are just staying on FF)

Wow. That was fast.

Would've loved for it to be longer but that's just my opinion.

615685 I know. I had planned on it to be atleast ten thousand words, but half my ideas pulled a trololol on me and jumped for it.:ajsleepy:

615694...nah. But I am going to make little mini-stories like this that will converge into the sequel of The true Psychopath. Maybe I'll show the time he spent with the princesses when they were fillies. I still have another story to finish first, though.

Axz

this looks interesting.. let's see if it is:pinkiesmile:

615725 Hopefully.:fluttershysad: YOU CANNOT RESIST THE FILLY CHRYSALIS!:flutterrage:

Wonderful madness.

I need some more madness soon.
The world is going round to much. It needs more bounce in it.

Good to know he's still kind of a nice guy, even if he's completely off his gourd.

615742 Yup. The evil one is The Sociopath. When I make the sequel, you'll see why.

Never piss off Ponies named Lumberjack or Ponies with boxing glove Cutie Marks unless you like the idea of spending the rest of the day picking up your teeth. 'nuff said.

I'll have to wait until I have a small bit of free time to read this. Though I can't wait till then!

Get a grammar + capitalization check on this from an editor or proofreader and this will be 20% MORE Awesome.

616088 Oh, that's good.

"I'm a bird. Oink Oink. Mooooo." he spewed as he started to float illogically upwards while tilting bizarrely from side to side.

That was the best sentence in the story ,all the other was too logic for me. :eeyup:

Oh,and there 's a update for the emots ,if you don't know.

Do not click

616279 I know. But I don't use Firefox.

616293

Ouch sorry ,I forgot that :facehoof:

616337 You will pay for this insubordination.:trixieshiftleft:

616345 Yes! A black hole cannot be seen due to the gravitational pull it exerts upon the light surrounding it. It does not stay invisible because of tires.:flutterrage:

616104 Thar ye go. Tis be clean now. Had them fools walk the plank.

Chryssie you smarty!

616398 ? Chryssie is a nickname I came up with. U mad bro? Though some might have thought of it already.

"...seemed to have hoes in its legs and mane..."

Also some things need to be capitalized. Good story, hope to see more!

616746 I tend to do that. I don't know how long I can stay awake, but my longest was three days (damn field trips). So I can see comments for awhile and look over some errors others find. What needs capitalizing?

616757 Names, mostly. I'll look over it once I'm back on my compy.

616757

"doctor Paraplex" (several instances)
Doctor should be capped when it is used as part of his name

"...backing away from berry and spewing nonsense..."
Cap Berry

"Well. If you say so."
(minor) consider turning that period into a comma

"Chrysalis squinted at this thing"
Forgot the period

"You too forklift."
Cap Forklift

"...at eye distance"
Missing period

"...believe that sunscreen wants..."
Cap Sunscreen

Those are the ones I caught.

Sonia anyone gonna actually beat up chrysalis? :twilightoops:

Nice concept but I gave up reading half way through. Consider this... constructive criticism

who dared their home. Uhm... yeah
through the place.//The place was Repeated, maybe 'the building'
expelled the smokes Plural
extremely big (sorry about this one but it just doesn’t flow, try 'large')
one upon which a stallion was sitting. (and upon one a stallion was sat)
not related to their location as well (‘like the rug’ rather than 'as well', too vague)
entered whatever room was on the other side ‘whatever room’ really…?
barely seeable… not a word. ('visible')
watching that black filly from up-close. (with a watchful eye? Closely?)
, let's see what we have here. Let's use my stethoscope for here." What?
magics or fly for some time. Plural + No one seems fazed by the fact that she’s an alicorn?
the pains. Plural?
The image of Psycho on a spoon shrunk little by little on the plate as he slowly disappeared. Where does the spoon come into this? You never mentioned any spoon, and you repeated his name, just say ‘his image’

620793 Some pre-reader I found.:ajbemused:

620793 Fixed the portions that needed fixing. As for Psycho, he's Illogical. He was IN the plate, not a reflecting outside image. And they knew that Chrysalis wasn't a normal pony. That, and her wings haven't moved for the entire time, so they think that it's just some cloth or something that she doesn't want to take off.

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