Blazing Night has made plenty of mistakes before but this one is both good and bad she has a daughter Glimmering Sunset but when her father leaves before she was born life became hard for Blaze.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 11th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen Mar 3rd, 2018
Hazuki Shimizu
Game Dev, Reviewer, Artist, Singer...what can't I do? (Also dis be Clemmie and Glace)
Hazuki Shimizu
Joined 11th Jan, 2016 ·
Offline
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I like this.
6033049 be honest please
6033111 I am being honest.
6033218 I want to know what wrong so I can fix it
6033227 there isn't anything wrong, from what I could tell.
6033233 ok
Too much dialogue. Explain the characters more. I'm lost. Who's who? How on earth is AJ related to any of them?
Sometimes, it is really essential to describe the scene, pony and everything else. Readers like us might not know what is going on. Yes, dialogue is essential but the story falls flat if it becomes an only-dialogue thing.
Readers need to be engaged to the story. This looks more like a brief summary with just dialogues.
This sentence is kind of weird. Just saying.
But yes, this story has potential. I am indeed interested to see what will happen next.
6035553 AJ isn't supposed to come in until the next chapter
6035624 Kk then. But yeah, I guess I can understand the story. Sorry
It's just ...it's probably best to describe things a little more. Sounds a little bit like a script.
And I wrote that in a pretty tired mood. Sorry if that was bit harsh.
6038644 It didn't seem harsh.