6043115 Thank You. Being my first story on this sight I wasn't sure if I was doing good or not.

This is good. ME WANT MORE!!!

Bwahahahah.... the spell checker strikes again!

And this is little Celly and Lulu when we caught them trying to sneak a peak at they're Hearthswarming presents.

their

they're = they are
their => Possessive. Their belongings.

"Aunty its dinner time. And I'm sure Twilight and her friends will need to get back to they're homes."

"Aunty it's dinner time, and I'm sure Twilight and her friends will need to get back to their homes."

Only creatures that would except it as pay are diamond dogs and dragons.

accept

And dragons are to proud to be worth trying to recruit any at the moment.

too

And conjured gold is even less valuable as its accentually counterfeiting that any unicorn can tell is fake.

And conjured gold is worthless as it's actually fake and easy to spot by any unicorn.

Of cores. I should get back to my studies.

course

I'll more then likely haft to sugar coat or lie about

have

standards that looked more like it cold beat anypony in nothing

could

Aberrantly everything.

Apparently

I've never known them to have such a verity before

variety

"Well, The under cities You established were abandoned some time after your petrification. No idea why, the inhabitance just seamed to vanish one day."

you inhabitants

We also had your dark artafacts moved to our castle for safe keeping. But we missed some and somehow they wound up in old runes and were recovered by an archeologists, and are currently residing in the Canterlot museum."

We also had your dark artifactsmoved to our castle for safe keeping, but we missed some and they wound up in old ruins and were recovered by an archeologist and are currently residing in the Canterlot museum." <- I assume you meant one archeologist. If you did mean archeologists then it should be "recovered by archeologists"

There must be some not in a coven in Canterlot They're always trying to give off an aura of nobility. The very embodiment of class and grace.

Canterlot. They're

I'll run my business, You two will keep this Kingdome safe and functional, and we'll still stay a happy family.

you kingdom " functional and" <- no comma needed

"False alarm everypony. you may return to your posts."

You

"I cant believe

can't

6045613 Thank you! XD

Now you made me want to make a game were you send friend requests with flying bananas...

The worst one was a cursed quill that made whoever used it have everything they did narrated by the disembodied voice of Morgan Freeman for a few days.

I would love to have that quill.

"Twas assault!" Luna corrected herself. "Thou were struck down by a rogue flying banana!"

My favorite Luna quote.

>>"Yeperoony I have lots and lots to do like bake cakes cupcakes brownies muffins cookies pies domph!"

the arrows are there it is near the top

6085166 I don't understand. Are you saying that there's a button for fast talk already? or are you pointing out what I wrote at the top to explain why its there to someone?

With a sharp salute Swift Retreat made a swift retreat from the office.

I see what you did there.

Oh, and you should look for an editor. This is really the only thing that is BUGging me. Too bad this is chapter two. The pun fits better with the bugeyed minions in the first chapter. But let's get back on track. This group could help you.

The thing that bugged me the most was that you put 'sward' instead of 'sword'.

Ok, at first I was going to be a tad upset about adding in the stereotype that the internet thinks every brony is... but this... I'm just laughing a bit too much to be upset

I like Rin a lot so far and the pudgy human makes me want to learn more about what happened to him

Strong Heart? More like Guild master Bob. Ugh *shivers*
media.animevice.com/uploads/1/18983/296010-w2_screen_large.jpg

In memory of Strong Heart. Our founder, a brave warrior and protector of the innocent. He will always be our princess.

Oh my Celestia, that one almost killed me.

UGH...It's spell bored, not board...those two have completely different meaning.
Also...grammatical errors....lots of them.

Is this what Rin looks like?
Kitsune

There are a lot of sentence fragments in this chapter. A LOT of them.

"Very well, I want a full report on this creature ASAP Discord can wait we need to destroy the immediate threat. Dismissed!" With a sharp salute Swift Retreat made a swift retreat from the office. Leaving his superior to his thoughts. Looking out of his window at the subterranean stronghold he was currently in charge of. Hunter's eyes fell on the memorial statue in the middle of the courtyard. A strange creature by anypony's standards that looked more like it could beat anypony in nothing but an eating contest. From its back grew a pair of wings and from its head grew a unicorn's horn, The plaque at its base read.

Not a single one of those colored bits is an actual sentence.

Those (and all the others) should probably be fixed, along with the run-ons that are pretty pandemic, as well.

Still, I'm enjoying the story itself, despite the desperate need for an editor.

In this fic I think of Rin looking like the Four-Tailed Beast form of Naruto.

(For those who don't know what it looks like)
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20150504160343/naruto/images/1/10/Four_Tailed_Transformation.png

6782619 this is my reaction to that. (click the link, sorry i had to do that.)
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgaleri.uludagsozluk.com%2Fg%2Fmalzeme%2F&psig=AFQjCNFX6uXUYjX8-gL2R0wWhaLllZs36w&ust=1462231596279392

6393892 Oh god no! Not him! Anyone but him! Also, nice name.

As I walk out of the bathroom looking like a white Fluffle puff

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rMFWc_FMhqs

Ah, yes class and grace, right.

"Very well, I want a full report on this creature ASAP Discord can wait we need to destroy the immediate threat. Dismissed!" With a sharp salute Swift Retreat made a swift retreat from the office.
I see what you did there

Dear god not Donkey Kong

9514408
Its Donkey Dong.