You need an editor. There are a lot grammar errors.

But otherwise it looks interesting. I will keep an eye on it.

6034883 Yes I know. Sorry I was so excited about posting my first story I uploaded it without going over it again. Also though I speak in a way that most thinks sounds well educated when it comes to the written word I am a bit lacking. I did fix the bigger mistakes that I saw and I'm open to constructive criticism and advice so thank you.

6034971 Ok, I will not point out every mistake since my english is not the best itself. But one thing stand out (at least for me) and that is in the ending half: you write there "anti" but I think you mean "aunty" or "auntie". No idea why this causes me so much trouble...

But as I said before, the general story is really good.

6034995 Fixed.

6034971 I honestly think that this story has alot of potential, but this chapter feels really rushed. You might want to think about rewriting this chapter, iron out the grammar mistakes, and flesh out the story a bit.

6035266 Guess I did use more time skips then I intended. I have no intention of redoing the whole chapter as I am pretty happy with how it turned out story wise but I will fill in some of those voids before starting the next chapter. Thanks for pointing that out.

Ok I added to the gaps I think needed it.

No I didn't want to avoid the con because of the roomers about missing people or even the few that came back claiming to have been sent to Equestria with all the powers of what they were dressed as.

Really, now?

6035473 ...fixed. I'm sorry I don't know where that one came from. It wasn't even punny. And sorry for that to.

lol

I like this. (Throws tablet appon the ground.) Another!!

Hope to see more soon.

Dungeon Keeper in equestria, and what you come up with is 'I'll make him a magical fox because that makes fucking sense!'

Fucking really?

How about, instead of making some contrived reason for having a dungeon keeper not be a beating heart miles underground, how about you have the story be about that? Slowly taking over equestria, one piece at a time, capturing and converting the elements to his cause?

6037608 There is no set image for a dungeon keeper so why not? The merchant terns people into their costume even if its just a mask. And its a displaced story. Just because the character has an evil power doesn't make them evil unless its directly corrupting them. Which I didn't do because I think its over used already and I like dark heroes. Also there are already stories with a dark wizard gathering minions and taking over. And it would get hard to make new chapters if the main character spent all of their time underground completely dependent on there minions. Especially since one of the big things in displaced stories is the main character summoning the main character in other stories and vice versa.

6036843 ... What a waist of a perfectly good tablet. I shall not let its death be in vain!

6037733
It was a Trio Stealth, trust me smashing it was a mercy killing.

I did fix the bigger mistakes that I saw and I'm open to constructive criticism and advice so thank you.

Ok.

Five minuets and I've been separated from Tony

minutes

Some people were taking those rumors to seriously.

too

"I know me to.

"I know, me too.

Of cores this means if your killed you wont reform at your heart like normal keepers

course you're won't

Though I wouldn't suggests trying it if you can avoid it

suggest

I gave a courtesy smile at what I thing was a joke as I place my new trinket on.

think

With each beat of the heart the pain in my head grew till I lost conciseness in the vortex.

until
consciousness

Chosen by Faust to come to equestria to live in a perfect world in a new body!"

Equestria <- Nations are always capitalized.

When she stopped crying she suddenly gripped me tighter in her for hooves and her horn sparked to life for a moment before fizzling out.

fore

My faithful student Twilight one of the new Element bearers was able to solve his riddle.

My faithful student Twilight, one of the new Element bearers, was able to solve his riddle. <- commas

Celestia knew I liked puzzles and riddles and smiled proudly as she told of her faithful student.

Celestia knew I liked puzzles and riddles and smiled proudly as she told me of her faithful student.

Twists and terns are my master plan is a misdirection and has nothing to do with where he hid them only what he plans to do in the future.

Twists and turns is a misdirection and has nothing to do with where he hid them, only what he plans to do in the future.

Then find the Elements back where you began. You don't finish a maze in the same place you started that would be pointless.

Then there is 'find the Elements back where you began'. You don't finish a maze in the same place you started, that would be pointless.

"Ponyvill!" She exclaims as she hoped out of bed.

Ponyville hopped

"There already in ponyvill.

They're Ponyville

And Discord has cursed them into being the opposite of there true selves to break there friendship. And it looks like its working.

Discord has cursed them into being the opposite of their true selves to break their friendship and it looks like it's working.

With nothing ells to do as I wait

else

"Well I'm board."

bored

Celestia Had just finished her speech and everypony was about to go outside but not yet.

Celestia had just finished her speech and everypony was about to go outside.

Ohhh. Just noticed this as well.

wont -> won't
Yeah. There are allot of those.
wont. a habit. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/wont
won't. will not. I won't be your lover. I will not be your lover. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/won%27t

6039582
6039591 (Climbs out of bed and stretches back, legs and tails.) "Hmmm I've got a few hours before work might as well do some work on the 2nd chapter." (Logs on and sees comments.) "I've seen posts like this before. I can only give one response... QUE APROPREAT MUSICAL MONTOGE!"

(Pant pant) DONE! well I guess it could have been worse. Thanks for pointing those out without calling me stupid in any way. XD

6040109
I'm not that bad. Just noticed some incorrect words.

Gave a second look at it. Noticed some stuff I missed the first time.

"In fact you three have demonstrated discord so well your each going to write me an essay on it." If I cold move my eyes and they weren't already bulging from the surprise the Elements gave me all those years ago they would be popping out of my head.

you're could

In my state of mind I cold only give one response.

could

As I broke free of my stone prison I bolted strait for the palace as fast as I can.

straight

"They're already in ponyville.

Ponyville - Cities and towns are always capitalized.

6040343 I know, I kid. Thanks again.

wow, 200 views, 30 likes in only 2 days (3? still running on sunday time. sleep later, MLP now!) not bad
specially loved the ending for the chapter. accidently shouted along with it an had everyone come running to see what was wrong
can't wait for the next update!
keep up the good work

Oh the cruelest of fates, others seeing your baby pictues

With a wave of his right hand he said "This is not the merchant that your looking for." Everyone's eyes shimmered for a moment then they all went back to they're own business as if nothing happened.

So that how it works!!!

Wait was rin a boy at the beginning or a girl?

I'm just starting to read this story. I think you and your editor should come back and fix this chapter.

6197169 He doesn't have one... .. well, now he does. *puts on mining cap*

"privet" is a toilet. You wanted "private".

Also, you probably want to put a marker between Luna's glomp and them suddenly being at the victory party.

6117226 Of course! How do you think he would've gotten away with creating so many displaced!?

I shouted it what can't be a natural volume.

at might sound better.

"They're already in Ponyville. Discord has cursed them into being the opposite of their true selves to break their friendship. And it looks like it's working."

missing end quote

Of cores having it destroyed is far worse and sends you flying a on a little trip through the void to pop out a good distance away.

get rid of a.

That changed as I realized that she was in motion midair as she glumped me. "Ouch."

glump ‎(third-person singular simple present glumps, present participle glumping, simple past and past participle glumped)
(colloquial) To be sullen; to sulk.
Glomp:v, to glomp
NOT sexual, it is the action of one person lovingly (and dramatically) attacking another with a hug.
A glomp is often predatory and lies somewhere in the grey area between a caring embrace, and a flying leap to tackle someone.
So Glomped would be better.

But not yet.
Aunty Rin please we beg of thee spare us!

caps

I open my book to the first page to show it to the crowd.

I like this so far. It's fun and funny and interesting.

Still needs a proofreader, though.

Throughout all of Canterlot everypony heard Princess Luna's Royal Canterlot "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*Dies*
WASTED
(dies from laughter, so this is the best chapter ever. AND IT WAS THE FIRST ONE IN THE ENTIRE STORY. That is the best kind of story i read.)

7177671 I'm glad you're enjoying it.

Praisin' ain't easy...

7385749 https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0ahUKEwjYqOCByfDTAhVV3mMKHQDuAjEQjRwIBw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fimgur.com%2Fgallery%2FF8mp5&psig=AFQjCNFfod6kBPXd-NlaJlEE8qtwNf17-w&ust=1494892053179599

I love that song! Diggy diggy hole is one of my favorite songs

8333234
It's an actual song?

8477674
A bit late, but just now rereading the story again.

♪ Diggy Diggy Hole

"Just call me Rin." He gives a nod as I stand on all fours. I figure if we could have asphyxiated in here we already would have but still, I don't want to stay cramped up in this place more then I need to. So using some of my new knowledge I close my eyes concentrating on my territory which allows me to see down on the room we're in threw my minds eye as well as the earth around us to an extent. After planning out a path I can see my Imps get to work and can hear the telltale sound of picks on stone. That's right my minions! Diggy diggy hole!

I tend to listen to Diggy Diggy Hole when playing Deep Rock Galactic. Rock&Stone!!

Holy crap, that breakneck pace! Please, slow down a little. You don't need to establish a million things in only 4k words.

Dont really care much about other displaced, so hopefully there wont be that many in this.
How big is Rin compared to a pony?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

You bet your sweet patootie I gotta do it!

I think I'll like this