• Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

twilightsparkle3562


I am a brony from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!

T

After Tank goes into hibernation, Rainbow Dash turns to an alcoholic cider for comfort and causes her friends to become concerned for her well being.

*Written at Everfree Northwest 2015 in Seattle, WA.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 37 )

Couldn't they just smell her breath or something? It shouldn't be that hard to tell when someone is drunk.

6029589 I know, here, let em smell mine. *Huff huff.* -Immediately the 5 ponies still awake stagger back from the alcohol scented breath.-
6030480 Same here.

Wonderbolts can't arrest......

How would Scootaloo feel about this? Rainbow Dash needs to understand what 'role model' is.

Not to mention she sold out the Apple Family's famous cider for those dumdums' knockoff cider.

It's hard but it's one of those things that makes us stronger.

Speaking of Gilda, now that she and RD are friends again......

Spending time with family and friends can help you recover from damaging situations.

It's kind of similar to where Spike had to let go of Pee Wee.

6033947 well.... not to make a bad point but flim and flam r only good for booze and i love me some booze so if rd wants some let her

they can still go to Manehattan Los Pegasus and Saddle Arabia to make and sell there stuff

Holy crap, a reference to My Little Pony Tales. Most fans of FiM seem to forget that that show exists.

This was a really good story. Despite my worries, it didn't feel overly preachy.

Interesting story. I'm enjoying it so far.

Hm. Okay, I was planning on leaving a comment per chapter, but after reading through the whole thing, I think I can sum it up here. This felt very rushed. A one-time bender does not an alcoholic make. Addiction is slow and insidious and can look very innocent at the start; many loved ones don't even realize the addict has a problem for a long time, sometimes years. Many addicts are 'functional' in that they can successfully hide the side effects for a long time. The swift punishment would be understandable if Rainbow was, say, nine years old, but she's clearly an adult, and the wording of the first few chapters implies that this is literally the first time she's gotten drunk; while it is reasonable for her friends to be concerned at her doing something stupid like flying while drunk, having a full-blown intervention after one mistake is unrealistic (and possibly abusive, depending on context).

Also, the legality issues. Had the Wonderbolts a very strict zero tolerance policy that Rainbow knew about (and was made clear in the story), Spitfire's actions would be more reasonable. But, seeing as they're a combination Air Force/show team, one drunken incident (that apparently not many ponies witnessed) wouldn't garner such a punishment; my grandfather and great-grandfather were in the Army, and both drank up a storm without much repercussion. The FFB's arrest was a bit over the top, too. If alcohol is legal in Equestria, they would be at most fined for not putting a warning label on their product, and they could get away with it via loopholes, as Coca-Cola did in the early 20th century. If it's illegal, how did Rainbow acquire it without realizing the danger? If they invented alcohol, like any new drug on the market, it would spend time being tested on control groups before laws could be made. Banning a product that, when used in moderation, actually has health benefits is not a good idea---just look what happened during Prohibition!

That's not to say this was a bad story. The tone was consistent, and the scene with the psychiatrist was probably the strongest chapter. If you had begun the story with hints that Rainbow had been drinking with increasing danger over a period of months or years, the later chapters would have been more solid. Most importantly, do keep writing, because you obviously have important things to say. Cheers!

6161564 You are not the only to critique me about my pacing. It's a never ending learning process and something that I have been trying to work on. I've been meaning to get this story edited and I will have whoever's editing read what you said.

6162708

I'm glad. I noticed from your profile that you are a person with autism; while I personally do not suffer from that particular ailment, I am a person with numerous cerebral disabilities. I believe this means that people like you and I have an opportunity to write stories that are outside of the usual norm. You have a very unique way of viewing the world, and if you can manage to incorporate that into traditional storytelling techniques, you'll find yourself writing amazing, groundbreaking things. So keep at it.

"Flim Flam Cider," she said to the bottle. "You are my one true friend and I will let nopony take you away from me."

one true shipping lol
JK

The story definitely felt rushed, but I think that the emotional scenes, each taken by themselves, were enough to get the point across.

6429433 That has always been my intention. My stories may be rushed at times, but getting the point across is always the key.

6429921 That is true.
This isn't the first story that I've favorited despite finding it a bit rushed, simply because the emotional bits were that strong.

So...is alcohol illegal in Equestria? Or is everyone just being really bossy? Because if the alcohol policy in Equestria is similar to earth's then the Mane 5 should at least know that Dash is grown ass mare and can do whatever she wants with herelf.

Wow I have never had ideas of rainbowdash of her being a drunk it was awesome read and to have autism myself I know how hard it can be sometimes that's why I am asking if I could read it for my YouTube channel it would be a honour:twilightsmile:

6857227 Go ahead. Just be sure to give me credit.

I give credit to all the people I ask a win win way to go I have only just started to read fan fics :pinkiehappy: you can find my channel 20%rainbow20%dash I have just got my first subscriber on this channel but I have 8 on my gaming/voice acting one:rainbowdetermined2:

I have a feeling that bottle has more than just cider in it.

Rainbow Dash has accepted the fact that Tank is hibernating, but she can't deal with it.

6739844 True. However, they see RD is their friend, and in Equestria, friendship proceeds all else. They see Rainbow Dash hurting herself, they are going to interfere to get her to stop. I wouldn't me surprised if their next step was to put her in rehab, a padded cell, anything to get her to stop.

I have a feeling that Rainbow has deeper loneliness issues. Issues that not even she is aware of.

"Spike?" asked Twilight, getting the baby dragon's attention. "Send a message to all of Equestria."

How is Spike supposed to do this? I thought he could only send messages to Celestia?

The amounts of alcohol that Rainbow Dash had consumed had taken their toll on her and had made her very weak and tired.

Damn. Is the stuff like 180 proof or something like that? In any case, withdrawal is going to be a bitch.

"Spread these throughout Equestria," she ordered the royal guards. "I want those brothers brought to me."

They are back at Twilight's castle. Where the hell did the guards come from?

The brothers didn't respond and instead motioned their heads sideways, meaning that they didn't know why they were in Twilight's kingdom.

After Twilight showed how pissed she was;

"We are here, missy, because of our product that we've been selling," said Flim, taking his hat off. "It has been making ponies sick and…"

"…having an effect on them that makes them not themselves even though we said it had no effect," finished Flam, chuckling nervously while also taking his own hat off and stroking his moustache.

I guess they were just acting like they didn't know.
This changes things. They advertised their 'cider' would calm a pony's nerve with no ill effects, they need to be given harsh sentences. If they didn't, then there was no case.

You claimed to say that your product would calm down a pony's mind. Rainbow Dash had something to turn to and it wasn't your product, it was us and you made her see otherwise. In other words, you took advantage of somepony as they grieved for a personal matter.

Which, in itself, is not illegal. Immoral, yes, but not illegal.

So now, comes the rehab.

Comment posted by Frankie2 deleted May 20th, 2016

I don't have a problem with the pacing. Afterall, this all occurred in a span of three days to a week except the final three chapters.

Equestria now has partial prohibition.

7227338

>tfw Rainbow is so awesome she dyes her mane with liquid LSD and has pure alcohol for blood

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