• Member Since 10th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Flint-Lock


My precious workhorse is impatient for your buttocks! (Buy me a coffee, will 'ya? https://ko-fi.com/flint_lock)

T

Carrot Top is worried about Roseluck. After a cart accident nearly claimed her life, the mare she once knew has changed for the worse.

As it turns out, there's a reason for that. A very good reason.

Special thanks to Scootareader and Discord Kantus for proofreading and editing!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 19 )

She doesn't really have free will, does she? Her string is just pulling her in a different direction.

This left me wanting more.

How interesting. You have a very nice story here. Do you mind if I mention your story in a blog? I feel as though more people should read this.

6045973

By all means, go ahead!

*sniff sniff* I smell inspiration...

6047056
Actually, this fic was inspired by Kurt Vonnegut's novel Breakfast of Champions.

Don't really know what to comment. I'm addmitably not an intellectual. I liked the story, but I don't like the theme of strings. make feel unsettled, but I guess that was the point of the fic in the first palce, no?

6049067

but I guess that was the point of the fic in the first place, no?

exactly

You want feedback, yes? Well, there were some grammatical errors. Nothing particularly serious, but there were quite a few missing spaces and your paragraph breaks were off at times-mostly in the second half, though, which makes me think your prereader slacked off at the end. If you care to copy/paste to Google Docs, I might be able to help you with them, though. Additionally, while I liked the story and the writing, there was occasionally something that sounded like a bad joke. For instance,

This probably wasn’t the best time to laugh-- it probably ranked about a five on the inappropriate meter, along with cheering during a funeral and snoring during a wedding, but she couldn’t help it.

is worded as though it were in a crappy comedy fic, not an existential horror story.

6049566 I would be careful when openly releasing a link with permission to edit attached. There are people who will take this opportunity to fuck with you.

and now I have an existential crisis.

i hate/love you.

Starting off as a trauma story, into the divine destinies of controlled life, and into the depths of wtf? Yep. That ending threw me off. Can you clarify the ending with Bonbon? Was her string causing her to forget something and telling her else-wise, or did the shattering vase convince her of Roseluck's prediction and she decided she no longer needed therapy but instead a good friend to help figure things out?
Also, I love the String-Theory for the ponies (Cutie marks, what else could it be?).

*blink* *blink*
:rainbowhuh:

But what if her string's only meant to make her think-
But how-
What if the same happens to any pony who suffers a near-death, out-of-body experience and nopony can see their own strings?
Hmm.
:trixieshiftleft:

An interesting train of thought. Thanks.

Wonderful! The shift from drama to horror is done quite well.

Very wonderful story :twilightsmile:

6242789
In that moment, I think she wanted to yell at Roseluck. Get upset because she cut her hooves on her friend's mess and it would have been fair.

But shes not the sort to do that, is she?

at least, according to her string-role of "best friend"

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