Zero Regrets...Mostly
If you were to ask me how the event went, I would probably just say 'It all happened so fast.'
In retrospect, that seems like an odd way to signify the event. Most things happen ‘fast’ on a geological time scale. When it comes to speed, it wasn’t really that fast either. Pinkie Pie can assemble an entire surprise party from nothing in less time, so categorizing the event by relative speeds seems utterly pointless now.
Maybe I should look at it like a new rock. Well, a rock that’s new to me. Rocks are old compared to most things. Truth versus perception is confusing.
What I mean is that I should probably categorize the event in a way similar to rocks. It was...metamorphic. That means it started as one type of event and became another due to outside forces. Which is probably why it is hard to categorize.
It started pretty normal. Pinkie had on a pretty dress. Mine was comfortable. The punch was nice. The bakery that my sister works for handled some of the catering, so the food was good too. There was dancing, which is also normal, but then there was comedy. Pinkie Pie tells me that is normal too. I’m not sure this kind of comedy is normal, but I trust my sister to know better than I do when it comes to that stuff.
Discord used a brick backdrop. I prefer natural rocks, but brick is traditional for stand-up routines. Pinkie Pie told me that too. She also told me that “You’re the most basic of jokes” was a sick burn and it made her smile. I like it when I can make Pinkie Pie laugh. Personally, I thought it was stone cold. But hey, I’m just a geologist, not an expert at jokes.
I don't regret saying it. Discord was being a pebble-headed dink to everypony, especially Pinkie's friend Fluttershy. She's a very nice pony and I like her. There is a lesson he still needs to learn about friends hanging out with different sets of friends that have different ideas about fun. It's okay though. Even I know that one.
The event I am failing at properly categorizing is this year’s Grand Galloping Gala. My sister was invited and took me along as her plus one. Or maybe as her date. I can never tell with Pinkie. I was a bit put off by the gesture, as I was in the middle of some studies. But leave it to Pinkie to remind me that the Gala would give me the opportunity to take a closer look at the marble Princess Celestia favored for the castle. If nothing else, it would help me settle a bet.
I barely got any time at all to look at the marble on the dance floor, but that’s okay. Even if I don’t win the bet, I’ll be able to say I visited the castle. It’s not like it’s a lot of bits anyway. And I got more laughs than Discord. That’s almost as interesting as the marble.
And I get to spend time with Pinkie and her interesting friends. I like that.
Categorizing the Gala like a rock doesn’t really fit. Maybe it’s more like a fossil? No, that doesn’t really fit either. So, perhaps a better qualifier would be the pleasantly mud-like quality the smooze had?
Pardon me, Smooze. Capital ‘S’ because it...he...I think, is a sentient creature and not merely an environment condition slash hazard. Though I suppose the Smooze is that too. Pronouns are confusing.
The Smooze exploded all over the place. It got in my mane. It was like taking a warm mud bath. I like mud baths. Pinkie Pie has never been a big fan of them though. She finds it kind of difficult to get the mud out of her mane. I think she looks good covered in mud, but thankfully, she was showing me her new table dance routine when it happened, so she didn’t get much on her.
But the Smooze was everywhere and if Pinkie’s friends needed her for any of their interesting hero work, she would need to get closer to them. Always the forward thinking one, Pinkie brought an oar with her to steer through the Smooze. I like that she’s always thinking. I like how she plans things out. I might be the geologist in the family, but Pinkie Pie is the one that is never caught unprepared for flooding inside a castle high up on a mountainside.
She even thought ahead about using my pumice-like ability to float in thick, viscous semi-liquids.
I have never been a row boat before. I...didn’t hate it. It was weird. But a fun sort of weird. The Smooze got inside my dress, but that’s ok. It...he...it came out later when that other pony made noises at it. Him. Whichever. I wonder if real rowboats care about getting wet?
If I am ever used as a row boat again, I expect it will be at a party with my sister. I wonder if it’ll be in cake batter next time? Or maybe frosting? That seems like a safe bet. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been covered in frosting. Plus I am a fan of big fancy parties, like Pinkie Pie’s.
Sometimes, other ponies wonder how I can put up with Pinkie Pie and the things that happen around her. I just tell them I love my sister. She can be a hoof-full, but that doesn’t bother me. My sister is sweet and I like her and her interesting friends. If there is anything I regret, it’s not spending more time with my family and friends.
And maybe not finding Boulder a dress good enough to show off at the Gala.
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Heh! Didn't think of that.
Maud is best deadpan snarker, and needs to do it more often. Also, this story needs a comedy tag.
(Scottish accent)Dammit Jim! I'm a Geologist, NOT a comedian.(/Scottish accent)
That was quite the heartwarming story. A bit random (which is to be expected from the Pie family), but kinda touching in its own way.
.
Save me!
6030307 That's McCoy's line, not Scotty's
Damnit Fuzzy, that was
goodgreat.6030852
meh. Close enough
I'm a Star Wars fan, not a Trekkie
Short, sweet and to the point! I really enjoyed your story a lot. Nice, unique approach to tell the story from a surprisingly witty and funny Maud's perspective. You have done an excellent job creating a Maude where her stoicism is perfectly preserved - as with the original character from the series - yet, you did a truly great job showing us all that she has a dry yet very sharp sense of wit and humor and is, in reality a very funny pony!
Keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more of your creations.
A lovely short story
6030852
Dammit, Jim! It's our dilithium crystals. They're deteriorating rapidly.
I really, really enjoyed this story.
Top notch.
I'm so confused on what happened
Stoic with a hidden biting wit is the best kind of Maud.
6032036
6032376
I swear I thought you were the same person based on the profile pics.
6037919
Well, I'm usually some iteration of Beauty Brass... that may narrow it down a bit...
This is beautiful. I love POV stories written in this style.
i'v doen a drematic read on yoru fic
6076665
Dude...DUDE...Thank you! That is flattering as heck that you'd do a dramatic reading of a fic I wrote.
You have my eternal gratitude!
6077019 that's ok I love doing dramatic reads
its fun and reading fic's like this is fun
The title of this really bothers me. <.< What the heck is it a reference to?
Why does it make me think of poop?6440036
It's a ref to this:
creator.keepcalmandcarryon.com/cj/NQOxtJXW
the old brit WWII propaganda that took off a year or two back as a meme. C'mon PP, use that big beautiful brain!
Maud IS Keep Calm and Carry On, personality-wise. She drops bombs on Discord and then floats on Smooze...
urtheinspiration.files.wordpress.com/2013/04/the_more_you_know2.jpg?w=690
6440398
I saw the connection, but not the purpose.
I'm just gonna assume she pooped in the Smooze. :V
6440706
Ew...lol, but ew...
6440398 Wasn't it "Keep Calm and Keep a Stiff Upper Lip"?
7873330
From my little bit of research (sources here and here), "Keep Calm and Carry On" is the original phrasing from the '39 British propaganda poster.
It does hearken to the stoic-ness phrase "keep a still upper lip", so it's no surprise the two might have been combined at some point when this was a bigger meme online.
Interesting portrayal of Mauds POV of the episode
11581512
Hey! Awesome! Thank you so much. I was just checking in today and this was such a pleasant surprise!
11582595
Thank the pony and wolf! 😁