Shipping đź’–11,661 stories ·9,735 members
Rainbow Dash7,251 stories ·4,138 members
Unloved Couples400 stories ·344 members
Rainbow Dash is Best Pony3,005 stories ·1,064 members
Shining Dash 25 stories ·71 members
Unusual Rainbow Dash Ships19 stories ·30 members
ShiningDash1 stories ·6 members
Random Brony Group493 stories ·147 members
Shining Armor is heart broken when Princess Cadence leaves him for another stalion. He spends months in his room, until his sister, Twilight Sparkle, coax him out to take him to the Gala. There, he runs into Rainbow Dash. Neither him nor her could have predicted what happened next.
Rated teen due to language.
Page generated in 0.082 seconds
Total duration
1,023 users online
1,555,423 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like your story idea, please continue
6025366 Bro chill, this was an idea that i came up with with a friend. It's short because I needed to get my idea into words.
And if you would take the time to read the story you would find the reason in it. I was just about to update the discription.
Read before you comment, for the love of Celestia.
6025127 Thank you. I'll continue when I can.
Oh Dasie. I want to talk to you. Don' t be sad!
This. Was. AMAZING!!! I really like the shipping! OTP!
6034579 Thank you. It's still not done though! Well, maybe, I can't decide yet.
I'm glad you like it.
Your welcome! Can you add me into your next story? I am a tomboy ALICORN. But I am trapped in a comet. Plz?
Wow, this is kinda good...
Oh come on! I thought there was another chapter! So good!!!
6050940 There are more chapters to come, don't worry.
6050951 Yes!!!
6025366 I agree with JerkASS on one thing Fleshing out the story would do wonders.
WHY cadence left Doesn't Matter, Because random commenter wants to criticizes author while being a schmuck in the process
6054371 Fleshing is still a work in progress because I like to add things as the ideas come to me. But once I figure out the basic story line I'm going to go back and update/add on to parts to make it more believable in a sense. Thank you for your feedback.
And haters don't faze me, but thanks for having my back.
6054542
6054371
You know, I can't tell if you guys are annoyed with Jarkes because you aren't able to appreciate input and criticism, or because he's actually right. Either way, please try to be reasonable. The comment function is available on sites like this for a number of reasons, one of which is so that readers can give their input.
I'm sorry to break it to you, but your grammar is all over the place, and the pacing is extremely jarring. Almost every single character is acting entirely out of character, and I wouldn't even know who's speaking if you didn't explicitly tell us with dialogue tags.
The format is technically correct, if you're reading a book, but most readers on this site tend to prefer doubly-spaced paragraph separations.
Also, you said you still need to "figure out the basic story line". Why, exactly, did you publish a work of fiction online if you hadn't even figured out the basic story line? Planning is essential.
What I suggest is that you get an editor. There are plenty of people on this site alone who will be more than willing to take a look at your work.
6061645
I have no idea what you mean by my grammar being all over the place. Are there words spelled wrong? Are there things worded wrong?
I know the pace is fast. That's how i write.
I published this because I like immediate feed back and suggestions on what i could do to make my stories better.
I personally hate double spaced paragraphs, but I understand why it would be easier to read for other people.
The ponies are out of character because this is a fictional story. It's obviously not canon and this story does take place in alternate universe. I feel like ponies shouldn't be in character for every single story on this site.
I am sorry for coming across as a jerk, but the way Jarkes worded his feed back was in a jerky tone, but that might just be how i read it.
6063887
I'm going to send you a PM shortly, which will contain my grammatical survey of Chapter 1 so that you can have a better idea of what I'm talking about, specifically.
I can see that that's how you write, but one of the reasons people read stories like this is so that they can have time to invest themselves in the characters they know, just in new and different ways. One of the strengths of writing, as a medium, is the fact that the audience has enough time to make that investment. Let me give you an example:
You could say:
Or, you could say:
The difference between the two of these, other than the wording and arrangement, is the fact that we're given a chance to breathe after each idea. Instead of hitting us with all these different thoughts and ideas like a freight train, you give each little thing its own chance to shine and have an impact on us—that is, the reader. I'm not saying you need to write a novel—I actually didn't even add that many words to the original—but that you should make every action, gesture, thought, piece of dialogue, and narration mean something on its own.
This is chalking up to be a pretty long-winded comment. Sorry about that.
Now, when you say you want immediate feedback, I can definitely relate to that kind of impatience. However, don't you also want your stories to do well, ratings-wise? Maybe even make the featured box? Here's the thing: the better your story does right when it's published, the more views it will get. The more views it gets, the more comments it gets (usually). The more comments you get, the more feedback you get.
Obviously it's not going to be perfect on release, but you really should do several quality checks. Like I said before, I would highly suggest finding yourself an editor who can go through your rough drafts with you. An extra pair of eyes always helps.
Well, there's not much I can do to help you there. I guess it all boils down to how much exposure you want your story to get, and most people on this site don't like reading a wall of text.
Okay, this is probably the thing you said that bugged me the most. Let me clarify something: the Alternate Universe tag does not imply that Rainbow Dash should act syrupy and romantic. That's not Rainbow Dash. Don't call the character Rainbow Dash if you don't want her to do the things that Rainbow Dash does. There is almost no plausible scenario that I can think of in which Rainbow Dash would give Shining Armor a peck on the cheek after a single night of spending time with him.
The Alternate Universe tag is generally used for stories in which a certain major event or situation turned out differently than it did in the canon universe. Therefore, the universe would have been "altered". For example: there's a story in which Rainbow Dash became Princess Celestia's protegé instead of Twilight Sparkle. That kind of alteration is what I'm talking about. If you have a particular reason some of the characters act the way they do, then you should let us know what that reason is.
Whatever you decide, it all comes down to how believable you want to make this particular ship seem to the audience, and whaddya know? I see in an earlier comment that you do, in fact, wish to make it more believable.
Look, I know I have a lot of criticism, but I wouldn't have spent the last 25 minutes writing up this comment if I didn't want you to do better. That's all I want for the authors on this site, really. I just want people to succeed at their hobby or trade. I don't think you came across as a jerk at all, but you shouldn't call someone who gives a blunt piece of advice a "hater". Here's an example of a hater:
Obviously, neither Jarkes nor myself made a comment like that. We're both only pointing out things we think you can do better.
I'll be sending you that PM shortly to show what you're doing wrong grammatically. Have a good day.
The last part was so adorable!
Found these don't you just love spell check
Shining rolled over on his bed, letting out a single grown [ groan ]
Another stalion had come into play. [ stallion ]
He hadn't felt it sense the first time he saw Princess Cadence [ since ]
where he waited patently for his sister [ patiently ]
she still couldn't get the stalion out of her head [ stallion ] spell check strikes again
I've been doing a lot of thinking ever sense the Gala. [ since ]
She glanced at the stalion every so often to see if she [ stallion ]
6112181
Ah, thank you.
Can't wait for a sequel...!
He is 'Soarin' not Sorin.