Listen to Tower of Babel by Elton Bon
Author's Note: I highly encourage you to view this chapter on a computer or tablet as opposed to a mobile phone. Trust me, it's worth it. Also there's a hidden easter egg hidden somewhere with G5 spoilers. See if you can find it!
(Fun fact: all the BonPun pics are on Twibooru since the artist wanted them off of Derpibooru for some reason)
It's a really good deep cut by Elton John. It's similar to "God Only Knows" by The Beach Boys in that the bassline has tons of non-root notes. Kind of proggy, and about the decadence and decay in the music industry. Kind of Elton John's "Hotel California" if you will.
Anyway, one day, Bon Bon was pregnant. Equestria has magic, so AFAB lesbians can conceive together. I can't go into the details of the spell though because it has to do with no no parts, and this is a rated everyone story. Though like, even though it's "Rated E", I wouldn't want my child to read this. Hypothetical child that is. Pony Jesus knows I ain't anywhere near ready for kids. Anyway, I wouldn't want my hypothetical child to read this, not because it's inappropriate for children, but because it's awful dreck so awesome that anything else they ever read would be a faded tattered rag by comparison. Nothin' personal, kid. Just looking out for ya.
Anyway, Bon Bon was pregnant, with Lyra her very happy wife. And I got an invitation to the baby shower which is pretty cool because despite dating the Main Six, Starlight Glimmer, Sunset Shimmer, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, Luna, Celestia, Daybreaker, Nightmare Moon, not Trixie because she's strictly a lesbian, not Spike because he's a minor and I'm a libertarian but not that kind of libertarian, Not Pear Butter because she's dead, Zecora, Sunburst though we're more just friends with cuddle benefits, Discord sometimes, Big Mac, Braeburn, Caramel, Sassaflash, Coco Pommel (Miss Pommel as she now goes by), and dozens of other ponies I'm too humble to list (Humility is one of my many talents), they all use birth control or can't get pregnant or in Cadance's case bore a child before we started dating, so I've never actually been to a baby shower before.
So I went. My gift was a free bassinet I got using the amazing Freebie Alerts/Free Stuff app I also used to get a bomb-arse sound system and a ton of cat food for my Roommate's cat Kafei. Oh yeah I don't live with my mom anymore. Should probably write a chapter about that or something. Anyway, Congrats to Bon Bon and Lyra! (Just please don't do a frickin' gender reveal party please I am begging you.)
Pictured: Some of my many girlfriends: 
Also, I had a really greasy but really delicious cheese and tofu quesadilla from the local mom and pop Neighxican restaurant about a thousand feet from my place. I saved one slice for later. Moderate portion control is another one of my many talents. Too bad my lovely girlfriend Twilight Sparkle who as you know I am dating doesn't like quesadillas, or else I would offer her the left overs. I'd offer the last slice to my cool roommate, but she's currently in New Neighxico for an archery tournament!
Isn't
formatting
chicanery
fun???
All
you
gotta
do
is
take
a
cup
of
flower
add
it
to
the mix then a lit
tle
somethin
g
sweet
not
s
o
u
r
a
bit of
SALT
