Twilight Sparkle has always triumphed over any menace she has faced in the past with the help of her friends, but will she be able overcome one which targets them specifically? As Twilight clamors to stop a powerful force who desires to see her friends fall one by one, will friendship triumph, or will hatred dawn in Twilight's heart and consume her whole?
Page generated in 0.066 seconds
Total duration
1,010 users online
1,385,609 hits today, 1,822,946 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: The dawn of Hatred
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 7
Pros (list three pros)
- There's some nice foreshadowing with Rainbow and the dream about Pinkie.
- I like Radiant Dawn. I know he's evil and a dick but he's really cool in a way. Devious but not stupid. He was smart enough to take out the strongest and most combative of the mane 6 first, which is clever. If i were him, i'd take out Applejack next. She's the supportive one and if he wants Twilight emotionally destroyed, she would need to go next.
- I like the dialogue between the mane six before breaking into Twilight's castle. It's a nice way of fleshing them out for anyone unfamiliar with them.
Cons (list three cons)
- You make some mistakes in wording and spacing at times. (Will put in notes)
- Celestia's plan seems weird to me. Why bring twilight away from her friends? I realize she can't beat RD but this plan seems doomed to fail. I get she's super tired but how would this work?
- You use the word arms when referring to ponies.
Notes Section
- You use double spaces a lot in this fic. I only noticed it twice but you use it after almost every period.
-
This should be changed to hooves. Or forelegs. As a pony, she has no arms.
Personally, i don't like gore but I do find this story to be interesting. Depressing and possibly heart wrenching but interesting. I kind of want to see how this goes.
Enjoy your review!
6058120
Thank you Jolli! I have made the changes that you suggested. I really appreciate you taking the time to read it, even though gore is not something that you necessarily enjoy. It means a lot!
Don't see this ending well for Twilight considering the tragedy tag. In a tragedy it is often preordained that things won't end well for its hero after all.