Really?
Twilight Sparkle stood in front of Princess Celestia’s chambers, looking over the plans Celestia had drawn up for the next Grand Galloping Gala, her brow creased. She sighed, then knocked on the door. It opened, revealing Celestia wearing one of her eternally warm smiles.
“Hello, Twilight. Come in.” Twilight entered Celestia’s room, the door closing behind her. Celestia went to her bookshelf. “I would have started implementing them myself, but I’ve got quite a few books to sort, as you can see. Are the schematics to your liking?”
Twilight rubbed the nape of her neck. “That’s the thing, these aren’t so much plans for a Gala as they are a series of deathtraps.”
“Whatever do you mean?” Celestia asked as she examined the spine of a book before carefully placing it on the shelf.
“Well, what do you expect when you give me schematics that…” Twilight said as she looked over the schematics, her eyes widening. “What even is a ‘chainsaw slide’?”
Celestia placed another book on the shelf. “It’s a slide made of chainsaws.”
Twilight buried her face in her hoof. “Really, Princess? With the kind of carnage your version of the Gala would provide, you’d be better off inviting Queen Chrysalis and her changeling horde to the Gala.”
“...what was that last part?” Celestia asked, halfway through placing a book on her shelf.
“I said, you’d be better off inviting Queen Chrysalis and her changeling horde to the Gala.”
Celestia dropped the book onto the floor. “Twilight, do you realize what you just came up with?”
Twilight shrank back. “I-I’m sorry, Princes—”
“You’ve just come up with the best idea ever!” Celestia spun towards Twilight and looked her in the eye. “Now how do we get into contact with Queen Chrysalis?”
“W-what?” Twilight bit her lip.
“I asked you how do we go about inviting Queen Chrysalis to the Grand Galloping Gala.”
Twilight gasped. “You can’t be serious.”
“Serious as a heart attack, Twilight. Now how do we invite the changelings to the Gala?”
“Princess Celestia, one does not simply invite the Changeling horde to the Grand Galloping Gala.”
Celestia wandered around her room, tapping her chin. “You’re right. We’d have to lure them in somehow.”
“Wait.” Twilight shook her head. “You’re not actually—”
Celestia threw herself onto her bed and clopped her front hooves together. “A wedding! We’ll hold a wedding during the Grand Galloping Gala!” Celestia sat up and smiled at Twilight. “Moments like these are how I’m reminded that you’re my best student.”
Twilight tilted her head. “You do realize that this would cause untold chaos, right?”
“Indeed it would,” Celestia said with a giggle. “It’ll be better than what the Gala usually is, anyway.”
“Some of us would like to make that decision for ourselves.”
Celestia’s giggling slowly ceased as she lifted herself off of the bed and trotted towards Twilight. “Is there… something the matter?”
Twilight snorted. “Well,” Twilight said as she paced around, “it’s just that I’ve heard stories about how the Grand Galloping Gala was such a prestigious event to attend but some of us don’t know that because someone ruins it every time!” Twilight glared at Celestia, her chest heaving and her eyes squinted. “Some of us wanted to attend the social event of the year, not ‘Princess Celestia got bored so she decided to invite Changelings and include a chainsaw slide’!”
Celestia and Twilight exchanged glances, Twilight’s jaw clenched and Celestia merely gazing at Twilight. Twilight then put a hoof over her mouth and backed away.
“I-I’m sorry, Princess Celestia.”
“Hmm.” Celestia cocked her head to the side. “Are you saying that you don’t enjoy the machinations I set in place to spice up the Gala?”
Twilight pressed her ears to her head. “N-n-not at all, Princess Celestia, they’re perfectly fine—”
“That’s not what it sounded like you just said, Princess Twilight.” Celestia shook her head. “It sounded like you said you were displeased.” Celestia maintained eye contact with Twilight, who shook like a leaf. “Are you displeased?”
“N-no—”
Celestia smiled. “Honestly, Twilight. There’s no need to fear me.”
“It’s just—” Twilight ran a hoof through her mane “—I wanted to go to the Gala of which I’ve dreamed since I was small.” She bowed her head. “I understand that you may have been to countless Galas and may have become disillusioned to the grandeur and majesty of it, but…”
“But what, Twilight?” Celestia smiled.
Twilight took a deep breath. “Some of us haven’t been gifted with the extended life that you possess. Some of us have never been to a real Grand Galloping Gala before.” Twilight looked at Celestia. “Some of us want to make a decision on whether or not we enjoy the pageantry of the Gala before the choice is robbed from us, despite your good intentions.”
“I see.” Celestia pressed her lips together and paced around. “I… suppose we could arrange for the Gala to go as planned.”
“I understand if you don’t want to—what?”
Celestia faced Twilight and smiled. “It appears that I have been putting my own amusement ahead of the will of my subjects. You speaking up today helped me put that back into perspective. So, as per your request, the Gala will go as normally planned.”
Twilight stared at Celestia, then raised an eyebrow. “Everything? No chainsaw slides or Changeling invasions?”
Celestia nodded. “It will be the Gala that you’ve dreamed of since you were small, Princess Twilight.”
Twilight blinked, then lifted her chin and puffed out her chest. “I’m glad we could come to an agreement, Princess Celestia.”
“Likewise,” Celestia said with a grin as she watched Twilight exit her room.
Celestia shook her head, rested herself on her bed, and chuckled softly. “I was wondering what I’d have to do to get her to finally stand up to me.”
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...You work fast.
6013646 I have been accused of such, yes.
I see what you did there.
Anyway, fun story as usual. Celestia sure does think of the craziest ideas to make the Grand Galloping Gala more interesting.
Wow, that ending was rather unexpected... But it makes sense. Good work!
6013667 Thank you.
The last line sold it. Yes.
That was good, and I still think the Chainsaw slide was underappreciated.
6013762 No one appreciates the chainsaw slide.
...Celestia is going to get in contact with Chrysalis anyways, because that's genius!
Who would notice if the more troublesome nobles were replaced by changelings? They might sway the Parliament votes in Celestia's favor, out of a desire to remain undetected!
Eventual destruction is granted, but a little (massive) breach of national security is well worth the legislative reforms!
6013762
6013769
I misread your comments:
Please please please let this be a thing!!!
Will it be aerial gladiator combat with chainsaw wings?
Will it be a Nitronic Rush-esque deathtrap flythrough?
Chainsaw discus competition?
The possibilities are endless!
Luna was nowhere to be found at the GGG. Again.
6013789 Well, I personally think all of those ideas are absolutely ***FSKN INSANELY HORRID***. When do we start.
You know, I can almost see Celestia doing this.
6013792
I think Luna really hates those things.
Ah, Celestia. The unreadable troll since day one.
Goddamnit, Syeekoh.
6014540 Goddamn me, yes.
One does not simply make an old Lord of the Rings reference and not be called out on it.
Twilight was so hoping that this day was going to be perfect. Or that every pony would gather around and say she looks lovely in her gown. But her Gala dreams may not ring true for her at all. Celestia, however, could not care less about Twi's dress, she would rather partake in all the cake. Now, I would be lying if I say changelings and chainsaw slides would not be better than a dull Gala unremembered. The truth is I do not care for the Gala at all.
What? I thought it was funny.
~KBO.
6014630 Alas, I've been called out!
That's a fun bit of writing you got there, btw.
MY SMILE! FUCK THIS SHIT!
CHRYSALIS!!!!!
cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/11386470.jpg
Chainsaw slides!
You know, in the vein of "Celestia actually does crazy things to get Twilight to man up" (or mare-up, whatever pronoun is appropriate)
I wonder if releasing Discord to be reformed was another attempt, except it backfired into Fluttershy actually reforming him. That'd actually be brilliantly hilarious.
Good story!
6014630
Also it was funny, and I'm glad someone wrote it out. Now my brain can rest in peace.
6014827 "Parting Words."
6016475 I am... sorry?
6014630 Lord of the Rings reference? You mean the "one does not simply" thing...?
“I was wondering what I’d have to do to get her to finally stand up to me.”
Wow, great ending. Very unexpected!
6016491 sorry, forgot link.
Parting Words. Another take on what happens when Twilight finally calls the old woman out.
6016538 Link to what?
6016538
You're seriously promoting on another person's fic?
That was good. I enjoyed how it played out. Sort of rolls with the troll and mentor roles of Celestia.
Wait. Since when did Twilight actually want to go to the Grand Galloping Gala, as opposed to, you know, staying in her library and reading books?
6014630
*clop clop clop*
6016626
In Ticketmaster, Twilight dreamed of having some private time with Celestia during the GGG. Instead, Twilight did not get to do much more than smiling and waving practice until heck started breaking loose.
6015737 I am happy I could put your mind at ease.
6015993 It is funny how the brain works.
6016516 Yes. One does not simply walk into Mordor.
southernalpha.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/maxresdefault.jpg
6014681
6016709
Thank you, thank you. Please, throw money.
I award you ten points.
~Leonzilla
6013646 Are you Shuffling?
Celestia faced Twilight and smiled. “It appears that I have been putting my own amusement ahead of the will of my subjects. You speaking up today helped me put that back into perspective. So, as per your request, the Gala will go as normally planned. The VIP invitations list will be limited to only our friends.”
“I’m glad we could come to an agreement, Princess Celestia.”
“Likewise...”
I much prefer this ending. Celestia is puckish at times, but she's also damn clever. She should be more than willing to sacrifice her own dignity for the sake of Twilight's growth; goodness knows she has enough to spare. Great tweak, Syeekoh.
Concider this an extra like and fave!
The chainsaw-slide really got me...
"It will be the Gala that you’ve dreamed of since you were small, Princess Twilight.”
FOLLOW UP PLEASE!!!!!
I laughed at the new ending. Nice.
My opinion is that the chainsaw slide is too over-the-top for this particular punchline, but it's certainly a memorable image.
............ Celestia.
You are one. Magnificent. BASTARD!
But.... Chainsaw Slide + Stuffy Stuck-up Nobles = the Betterment of Equestria!
They just have to make it super exclusive for only the stuffiest of nobles!
6017885 I'll be honest with you: this story would not exist without the phrase "chainsaw slide". It makes me laugh every time I say it out loud, and I never laugh at my own stuff.
So... the Grand Galloping Gala is a Test of Character to make Twilight grow up and actually stand up to the Princess?
Celestia, you magnificent bastard! I READ YOUR FANFIC!!
Yknow, when you read a slice of life between Celestia and Twilight its usually the same basic thing, which is not entirely a bad thing, but similar nonetheless.
Never once have I heard the words 'Chainsaw slide' mentioned.
Not even once.
I applaud you good sir.
6017929
Oh, I totally agree; it's a great image! To overanalyze, I think it's just the juxtaposition of everything else being so pedestrian next to it. Invite Chrysalis? Pfft, weaksauce. Invite Tirek, Sombra, Galactus, and Yog-Sothoth, give them a quarter of the castle each, and the one who controls the most territory by the end gets to rule Equestria for a day. Meanwhile, put on a full stage production of "The Aristocrats" for the night's entertainment, and have the herald announcing everypony's arrival do so by working their name into Vogon poetry.
In other words, chainsaw slides is perfect for a Celly The Homicidal Maniac story, but it sort of sucks the oxygen away from your otherwise cool punchline here.
</overanalysis>
6018332 Nor will you ever hear it again.
6018379 That is an excellent analysis; chainsaw slides do tend to trump everything. I may have gone just a wee bit too far in trying to top the Gala where Discord ripped open a hole into another dimension and threatened to throw a pony in there over a fit of jealousy.
I have a bit of a warped mind.
That last line is so good! I've always hated that Twilight' s nose is so far up Celestia' s ass, I'm surprised she doesn't have a second horn poking out of her mouth.
6018713 Need this as a drawing...NOW!